A Legend of Zelda Modern Magical Boy Story That You Asked For

… or…

The Obligatory, Idiotic, High School Transforming Hero Alternate Universe with Very Loose Adherence to Reality and a Stupidly Long Title: The Series

…

Chapter 1: Super Reluctant Hero

…

Morning broke upon the small Japanese town whose name anime never mentions because it is never important enough to remember. So, for the sake of clarity, when this story does mention it by name, that name will be Tokyo. This is completely arbitrary because it is the only Japanese place name I know (other than Japan and Kitachosen). As with any other day, this was a sign for the local population to wake up and begin their day. Some went to school, others went to work…

And then there were those who did not want to do anything, as was the case with the Moriyuki household.

Irleen Moriyuki had gotten up early that morning and, believing that her twin brother should share this morning with her, went into Link Moriyuki's room to wake him. She shook him as hard as she could. She punched his head as well. Link's response was to grab her arm and lead her out into the hallway under the premise of joining her for breakfast only to rush back into his room and lock the door. So she rushed into her parents' room to complain to their father. The next moment saw Alfonzo Moriyuki break down the bedroom door. Then he broke down the door to Link's bedroom and grabbed him by the ankles.

The situation then devolved into a tug-of-war with Alfonzo and Irleen each holding one of Link's ankles while Link clung to the footboard of his bed, which had been dragged to the doorway.

"No!" Link hollered. "I'm not going!"

"Boy, you gotta go to school!" Alfonzo shouted as he tugged.

"Oniiiiiichan!" Irleen cried out as she turned around and locked his foot under her arm.

"I'm not doing it!" Link hollered. "I'm not going to school today! I'm not doing this stupid fanfic!"

"You've got to," Alfonzo said. "Get out there, go to school, and become a superhero!"

"C'mon!" Irleen told him. "I want a magical big brother!"

"Are you two even listening to yourselves!?" Link shouted at them. "I'm not being a part of any transforming hero AU! Light sucks at this kind of AU!"

["Hey!"]

"I don't care!" Alfonzo said as he braced a foot on the doorframe. "We're in this facfiction, so you might as well do it!"

"And I wanna be your sidekick!" Irleen added.

"Weren't you guys part of the last one Light did?!" Link shouted. "It was clichéd, and Mei-chan beats the hell out of me! And you got turned into a fairy!"

"That doesn't mean Light will do it again!"

["You heard it from her, not me!"]

Leeta Moriyuki, bleary-eyed from waking up due to all of the noise, wandered down the hallway in her sky-blue nightgown until she stopped a few feet from the action. She watched as her husband, clad only in a pair of black boxers, and her daughter, still wearing her pink feather-print set of pajamas with her feathery green hair tossed about, both tugged on her son's green, turtle-print legs. Being only half asleep, she asked in a calm voice, "What's going on here?"

Irleen was the first to look up. Fright filled her eyes as she said, "Hi, Mom."

Alfonzo glanced over at her and had the same look in his eyes as he addressed her, "Hi, Mom."

Link, who could not even see his mother, said from inside his room, "Hi, Mom."

"I've asked all three of you not to make so much noise in the morning," Leeta told them in an even voice, rubbing a knuckle in one eye. "I work too late in the evening to be awake this early in the morning. Now, please, no more noise." She turned to go back to bed, and then she stopped and turned halfway around. "Oh, and Link, go to school."

"But Moooom!" Link whined. "I don't wanna be a superhero!"

"Nobody does, dear," she replied as she turned back toward her room. "It's the only way Light can maintain any sort of realism in this story."

["Hey!"]

Irleen turned back around and attempted to kick Link into submission. It was purely by accident that her foot nailed him in the crotch. Link's face twisted with pain, and Alfonzo grabbed him by the back of his pants and wrenched him free of the bed, causing it to slam against the floor. Alfonzo then grabbed the back of Link's pajama top. Link was too hurt to resist, so Alfonzo handled him like an over-packed suitcase all the way to the bathroom, where he chucked Link inside and slammed the door shut.

Link consigned himself to a quick shower and changed into a hunter-green pair of trousers and a white shirt. He left his tie draped on his shoulders while he gathered up his homework and stuffed it into his book bag. He had completely forgotten about it by the time he threw his blazer on, mostly because he had to search for the green pin that was supposed to be on his collar. He pondered the clichés that he might be dealing with today as he went downstairs, and then he remembered his tie and quickly tied it before one of the girls in his life did it for him. It was more of a self-defense mechanism; the last time Meilont had spotted his tie, she had gotten mad at him (for a completely different reason) and tried to strangle him with it. He felt that, as today was going to be a crazy day, he should probably minimize the chances of him getting hurt.

When he stepped into the kitchen, his father was pouring cereal into bowls. "C'mo—Dad," Link spoke up. "Cereal? Really?"

"Gotta get to school and become a superhero," Alfonzo replied.

"Do I get a say in the matter!?"

"Nope," Irleen replied as she ducked under Link's outstretched left arm. Link grabbed one of the feathers on her head to pull her to a stop. "Ow ow ow!"

"At least act like this is an issue," Link snapped at her.

"Let go!" Irleen snapped back. "You're gonna mess up my hair!"

"You're gonna turn into a fairy," Link warned.

"Dad!"

"Link, let go of your sister's head," Alfonzo said as he dug through the refrigerator. Link let go of her feather, and Irleen turned and stuck her tongue out at him. "Irleen, put the tongue back. Do either of you know what happened to the milk?"

Link shot Irleen an evil grin, causing her to realize that she— "Irleen had a height scare last week and drank all the milk."

["Let me finish the description, you jackass!"]

"Light!" Irleen whi—

["Wa—What're you shouting at me for!?"]

"Rage against the author!" Link hollered in glee.

"All three of you, shut up!" Alfonzo boomed, slamming the refrigerator shut. "Leeta's still trying to sleep."

"Sorry," Link said with a pout.

"Sorry," Irleen said, actually appearing apologetic.

["Sorry."]

"Can't trust any of you to let my wife sleep," Alfonzo growled as he popped the top off a glass bottle of prune juice. He poured it over both bowls of cereal. "Just like I can't trust you two to wake up like any normal twins and make your own breakfast in peace." He picked up the bowls of cereal and put them on the dining table. "Here. Eat."

Both Link and Irleen leaned forward as if looking into the bowls was like glancing over edge of a cliff. "Dad, you just poured prune juice over fruity flakes," Irleen complained.

"Would be milk if someone didn't have a height scare last week," Alfonzo replied as he reached into a drawer. He produced a pair of chopsticks and tossed them onto the table. "Eat, go to school, become a superhero…" He paused as he stared at Irleen. Then he pointed a finger at her. "… Don't get turned into a fairy."

"Thanks a lot!" Irleen hollered in irritation as he left the room. She stepped into the kitchen and retrieved a pair of spoons from a drawer. "Here," she said, offering one to Link once she was close enough to him.

Link looked at the spoon and then down at the bowl as if they both offended him. "Are you kidding? I'm not eating that."

"You might as well, Oniichan," she told him with a grin. "You'll need your strength if you become a superhero this morning."

"No, it'll happen after school," Link told her. "Also. I'm not touching cereal and prune juice. That's just plain disgusting."

"Oh, don't be such a wimp, Oniichan," Irleen said as she dropped the spoon into the bowl that sat closer to Link. Then she dunked her own spoon in the bowl next to her. "How bad could it be?" Link crossed his arms and watched as Irleen put the spoonful of cereal and prune juice into her mouth. She closed her lips around the spoon, and, almost immediately, a shiver surged throughout her body. She removed the spoon and, with her eyes screwed shut, began to chew. Link tried not to chuckle at the sight of his younger sister struggling not to spit the offensive food out. When she went to swallow, it looked like the cereal had caught in her throat. Once the cereal was down, Irleen opened her mouth and scraped her tongue across her front teeth. She caught the smug look on Link's face and sighed before saying, "Okay. Let's go to the convenience store."

"Best idea all morning," Link replied.

…

The convenience store sat almost halfway between the Moriyuki house and the school. It was run by a man named Talein Kimura, a large, muscular adult who looked like he would be more suitably employed as a dock worker or a lumberjack. He had only one daughter, Meilont, who was actually Link and Irleen's classmate. So after the Moriyuki twins had made their purchase of bread and milk, they left the store with Meilont joining in the walk.

Meilont had an inch above Link's height, although that may have mostly been her voluminous, red hair, brushed out and left draped from her shoulders and down her back. She carried a green-clad shinai over one shoulder. She wore the same uniform as Irleen: a white blouse with lime-green sleeves and sailor collar and a hunter-green skirt. But whereas Irleen liked to wear white socks with pink lace, Meilont wore black, knee-high socks.

Meilont was trailing Link and Irleen. So she spoke up as she tried to brush down a feather standing on the back of Irleen's head, "Irleen, wha' happened ta yer hair?"

"Oniichan grabbed it," Irleen pouted, giving Link a sidelong glare.

WAP!

"Ow!" Link whined, covering his head lest he received another blow. "Why!? Just why!?"

"Yeh don' mess with a girl's hair," Meilont told him as she shouldered the shinai again. "Look a' this. Yeh ben' her feather."

"Big deal," Link said. "Just pull it out; it'll grow back."

"No!" Irleen cried as she placed her arms on her head to defend her hair. "They won't grow back!"

"Yes they will!" Link argued. WAP! "Yeow!"

"She's no' pullin' it ou'," Meilont said.

"Go walk on Irleen's other side!" Link snapped, pointing across Irleen's face.

"Don' be so bossy," Meilont complained as she moved toward where Link was pointing. Irleen became annoyed with where his arm was and slapped it out of her way. Meilont huffed and asked, "Wha's wrong with yeh t'day?"

"He's just mad that he's gonna get turned into a superhero today," Irleen said.

"No I'm not," Link immediately told her.

"Yeh mean like tha' other AU?" Meilont asked, putting a smile on as she leaned forward to glance at Link. "Do I ge' ta know abou' it, too?"

"No one's gonna need to know anything because it's not gonna happen," Link declared, crossing his arms and closing his eyes like it was a final decision. "So you two better get over it."

"Yeah, looks like you're in on the secret, too," Irleen answered.

Link put on an annoyed face and snapped, "Didn't you two hear me!? It's not happening!"

"Righ'," Meilont said with an evil grin on her face. "And I suppose it's bes' fer Light's health tha' this chapter keeps goin', huh?"

"Probably not," Irleen said as she enjoyed the stunned look frozen on her brother's face.

["Meh. She's probably right about that."]

"Okay, okay, look," Link told the girls. "If we're talking about Light, we're talking about clichés. Light isn't that smart a writer."

["That's right, Link. Just lay all the insults on the writer. See if I care."]

"You don't scare me, Light," Link said to the air in front of him. He clenched his empty hand and raised it into the air. "Gimme your best shot!"

["CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!"]

"This is gonna get messy, isn't it?" Irleen asked Meilont.

"Yes, bu' no one can say it'll be borin'," Meilont responded with a soft grin.

…

They arrived at school and changed into their school shoes. Then an argument broke out when Link discovered that Meilont was in the same class, contradicting the previous fanfic. However, he calmed down once he took his seat, the desk in the middle. Having arrived early, Link kicked back in his seat and took a quick nap while Meilont and Irleen chatted somewhere at the back of the room.

Link's best friend Line Kazegawa entered just a few minutes before the bell, leaving he and Link to talk about Line's latest date. Which went horribly and helped explained the claw marks on his cheek. Link was more willing to shrug it off, not really interested in hearing how Line failed yet again when he had a job to prevent himself from becoming a superhero today.

The bell rang, and the class representative called out "Stand!" just as their homeroom teacher, Leynne Furutori, entered. He waited for the class to finish their greeting before taking attendance in his head.

"Right," Leynne said as he closed the class register. "A couple of things this mohning. Fihst, theh's been a minoh incident with the school's plumbing. Theh will be wohkmen on the campus attending to the situation, so the reah school yahd is off-limits. Physical education has been changed to an indooh couhse foh the time being. And those who do not wish to contract any debilitating illnesses ah advised to drink only packaged drinks from the vending machines and use none of the school's wateh fountains." A hand went up at the front of the room. "Yes, Yomibito?"

"What about the lavatories?" Cale Yomibito asked. "Ah they still in operation?"

"The school is keeping the wateh running foh that exact reason," Leynne said. "Howeveh, the showehs ah not to be used. And you would be wise to use soap when washing youh hands. I am told that the plumbing problem should be sohted out by the beginning of next week.

"Second, the principal asked us to infohm the students of a situation we ah having in the new annex. It seems that students ah being attacked and stripped of theih clothes in the vicinity of the music room. If any—"

Thunk! Link, as well as a few other students, looked to the right of the room near the windows. One row behind Link, Line was sitting straight up with a large smile on his face. At the same time, Line was sweating, and he even had a tear falling down one eye. Link thought he was sitting uncomfortably close to his desk.

"Kazegawa, you indeed have had a hahd time with pubehty lately," Leynne remarked in a flat voice, causing a few of the students to chuckle to themselves. "You might want to reign in youh hohmones befoh you put a hole through the bottom of youh desk."

"Trying, Sensei," Line tried to reply through a strained voice, wincing in pain.

"If anyone has seen the pehpetratoh oh knows anything, please infohm the staff so that we may end this situation. Othehwise, the school is looking at sexual harassment lawsuits." Link heard someone hissing and glanced at the back corner. Irleen was pointing at him, mouthing "superhero" as subtly as possible. "Moriyuki, Ihleen," Leynne then said, clicking his papers hard against the podium to emphasize her name. Irleen snapped into a straight posture. "You have just volunteehed to write up and solve the fihst problem from the homewohk on the blackboahd while the class representative collects them."

"Aaaw…" Irleen moaned as she stood up.

After Link handed his notebook forward and passed along the notebooks from the classmates sitting behind him, he took out another notebook and started writing in it.

—Well, that's two traps down, Light. All I have to do is avoid the annex and the worksite.

—Score; Link: 2, Light: DICK.

For emphasis, Link began drawing a phallus within the word. It earned him a swat on the head as Irleen walked by on her way back to her seat.

"Ihleen!"

"Aaaw…"

…

Math did not hold much interest for Link, causing him to tune Leynne out. History was equally as boring, allowing Link to fall asleep in class despite the fact that the author planned to get him. Science class was bookwork only due to Sello Shiniyoi being out with a broken arm after a lab accident two weeks ago. The only reason this annoyed Link was because he lost the betting pool for thinking he would have recovered that fast. His mood lightened after Line, who had been gloating over the fact that he was still in the running, took a book to the back of the head when Meilont became fed up with him.

Link decided to go to the cafeteria alone for lunch. This did not prevent Meilont and Irleen from following him at all. From the lunch line to the table at the far end of the cafeteria where he was sure chaos would not come flying through the outer wall, he could sense the two girls following him. So when he finally sat down and the two took seats across from him, he snapped.

"WHAT!?"

"There's a sign on your back," Irleen said, pointing past Link.

Link reached over his shoulder and found that someone had taped a sheet of paper to his back. He ripped it off and looked at it.

—Linkman.

Link recognized the handwriting and glared at Meilont as he balled the sign. "When'd you come up with that?" he asked, throwing it over his shoulder.

None of the trio noticed someone suddenly swoop by to steal the paper out of the air.

"Durin' history," Meilont answered.

"You need a new hero name," Irleen told him. "That last story used 'Captain Knight', and that was just too lame."

["I took, what, two seconds to come up with that! Gimme a break!"]

"Shut up, Light," Link told the ceiling. Then he pointed a set of unbroken chopsticks at Irleen. "You're not gonna get to decide that."

"Fine, I will," Meilont said with a smug grin on her face.

"No one is," Link corrected her. In his annoyance, his chopsticks snapped the wrong way, producing one that was half the length of the other. "Crap…"

"Ooh, I have one, I have one!" Irleen volunteered. "'The Green Buccaneer'."

"Stop it," Link told her.

"I don' know I like the color," Meilont said. "Maybeeeee… 'The Emerald Privateer'."

"Am I a captain, or a pirate?" Link asked in a flat tone.

"'The Emerald Seaman'?" Meilont suggested.

"No!" Link and Irleen snapped at the same time.

"That sounds like some gross medical condition!" Irleen told her.

Link gave her a confused look. "In what language?" he asked.

["Everyone's a critic…"]

"It has ta be somethin' green," Meilont said.

"Or emerald," Irleen said. "I like the way 'emerald' sounds."

"Seriously," Link spoke up. "Stop."

"'Cap'n Emerald'?" Meilont said.

Irleen shook her head, giving Link enough distraction to snatch the untouched pair of chopsticks on her tray. "No, it makes him sound like a pimp. How about… 'The Emerald Skipper'."

"Ooh, I like where tha's goin'," Meilont told her with an excited tone. "It still needs a bi' more, though."

"'Theeeeee'… c'mon, 'The Emerald'…" Irleen droned, trying to prompt Meilont with an inviting hand.

"'The Emeralllllld…'," Meilont tried. Then she asked, "Didn' Link have a title in the original story?" Link snapped his stolen chopsticks apart after hearing her question, still managing to break them incorrectly but with a length that he could use.

"Yeah," Irleen said. "The 'Hero of Journeys'."

"Soooooo…" Meilont said, "'The Emerald… Master of Journeys'?"

"Ooh, 'Master Emerald, the Journeying Swordsman'," Irleen suggested.

"Eeh, I like the 'Master Emerald' par', but I think it's a li'l… strange. How 'bout 'Master Emerald, Courageous Journeyman'?"

"You two are wasting your time," Link said before putting a helping of udon between his lips.

"Oh, yeah?" Irleen asked, giving him a playful grin. "We're gonna tell it to Zelda the minute she shows up."

Link had to slurp his noodles faster before responding, causing soup to spatter his lips. "You're gonna be disappointed," he told them. He paused to wipe his mouth. "First off, Light's already told me which places would be great for catching me on school grounds, and I'm gonna avoid them both. Second, just so I don't have to worry about getting caught after school, I'm gonna skip the kendo club and go straight home. I'll be mingling with other students, so Light can't catch me alone. Then, once I'm home, Light'll never be able to put together a convincing plot that won't have the readers calling it contrived, convoluted, and stupid. Nothing exciting ever happens at home!"

"Yeah, clearly, you and I remember this morning differently," Irleen said.

Link paused taking another bite and stabbed a finger on the table. "I've got Light here and now. You might as well face it: I'll be your simple, plain, ordinary, boring older brother for however much longer this stupid fanfiction has to last. Light has no plausible way to catch me."

"Ligh's gonna make yeh move, Link," Meilont warned him while Irleen started looking around her tray for her chopsticks. "Yeh ain' escapin' this."

"Light can give me powers now, and I guarantee you that every reader will change websites this very moment," Link bragged.

…

["And, suddenly, Link gained special powers and became the Emerald Marauder, Swashbuckler of Time. Because, apparently, I am that stupid. Go ahead, go to a different webpage. I'll wait before you decide to see where I am actually going with this. I've got nothing better to do.

["…

["…

["…

["… Welcome back. Oh, you never left? What a shocker. Let's get back to the reason why I'm the writer, and Link's the character."]

…

Link could barely remember what happened in his literature class, having propped up his book so that he could nap behind it. Art class passed with Link painting a banner over the pineapple that the teacher was using as the subject. The teacher questioned him about why there was a banner saying "Light sucks" before telling him to throw the canvas out. Link was not sad about it; the pineapple he had drawn looked more like a roll of toilet paper anyway. He could not get away from reading a passage in history class, and it annoyed him further that he could not find a way to turn it into another slight against the author. P.E. consisted of volleyball practice, during which Meilont spiked the ball into Line's face for "accidentally" grabbing her ass outside of the locker room. He later told Link that it had been an honest accident; he had been aiming for Irleen. This only resulted in Link pulling Line's shirt over his head and shoving him into his gym locker.

Once the final school bell rang, Link was at the shoe lockers pulling out his sneakers before anyone else had even arrived. Of course, once he realized that he was alone, he waited until the majority of the student body was leaving the school before he mingled in with the crowd. Meilont could not stop him from this; she would be too busy hustling to the Kendo Club's building. Irleen would be equally as distracted with the Library Club. And Line would be running late since Link had shoved him into his gym locker. So it all meant that Link would be walking home alone.

In the rain.

About halfway home, the overhead clouds gathered into a thick mass of gray and began raining on top of Link. Not that Link cared after a while. He was dancing along the sidewalk, attracting confusion from those who dared glance in his direction before running to escape the rain. He developed a strange skip, step, step, slide, and turn pattern which probably did more to advance him down the street than impress anyone. In fact, it actually managed to annoy someone.

"Ragh!"

Link only had a split second to respond to the girlish growl of anguish.

Whap! Then the book hit his head.

Link cried out just before falling on his face. His vision swam for a moment as he lay flat on the ground trying to recover from the blow to the head. Then he pushed up and rose to his knees. He spun to snap at his attacker over his shoulder, "What the hell is wrong with you!?"

"You're an insensitive jerk, and I hate you!" Irleen shouted back.

Link jumped to his feet so that he was at least eye-level with her. "Why you little b—"

Then he froze out of fear and realization. He was shouting at Irleen. She should not have even been there with him! "What are you doing here!?" Link cried out in panic.

"I wanted you to know how mad I was at you!" Irleen replied, throwing her sopping wet book bag at his feet.

Bam. The ground shook, although the sound seemed to have come from further down the road. Irleen became stupefied and peered around Link to locate the source.

Link, however, looked down at the ground and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Touché, Light," he groaned. "Tou-effing-ché." Then he deigned to turn around.

The rain around them, now much heavier, cut visibility beyond the next three blocks. Irleen stepped up next to Link, squinting along with her brother to find the source of the sound from before. The best they saw was a flash of white light somewhere in the cloud before them.

Ffff-WHOOOM! BAGGGGGH! Whatever it had been, it flew past the twins so fast that they took a second too long to react. If it had been aimed at either of them, they would have surely been bashed into the ground hard. They both flinched and spun around. Their eyes met a gash in the road a meter wide, slabs of asphalt shoved aside to expose a newly made furrow in the soft earth below. The demolition occurred off to Link's right, cluing Link in on how lucky he was to have not been standing there.

"What was that!?" Irleen cried out.

Link thought he had caught a glimpse of the object. He did not respond, instead deciding to slowly advance toward the gash. Irleen followed, glancing back toward where the sound had come from. Once they found the object, still smoking in the base of the crater, Link let out an exhausted sigh.

A girl with long, blo—

"We already know it's Zelda, Light," Link said as he placed a hand over his eyes.

["Is it, Link? Is it?"]

"No, it's definitely Zelda," Link said.

"Boy, you're taking the fun out of this…" Irleen groaned.

["Fine."]

An unconscious Zelda lay in the crater, her pink tunic torn and sullied with dirt and blood. From under her long, blond hair came a couple lines of crimson. If she had been wearing a hat at any time, it was gone. Link did not even see a weapon with her.

Irleen jumped into the crater while Link turned to look back down the street. "So were you trying to catch me with the Dulcinea Effect or what, Light?" Link asked.

"Oniichan, she's barely breathing," Irleen called up to Link.

"Yeah, but if we take her home, we'll just attract whatever beat the hell out of her," Link said as he dug into his pocket for his cell phone. He turned to look over the crater as he dialed. "I'll get an ambulance."

Bam. Bam bam.

Both Link and Irleen turned to look back down the street. Three pairs of glowing blue lights stared back out of the mist.

"Uh… Oniichan?" Irleen spoke up. "I-I don't think they left."

"Yeah," Link replied. "Yeah, I picked up on that." He placed the cell phone next to his ear. "Police it is."

::"We are sorry, but your cell phone is currently out of range. We are—"::

Link looked at his screen to see that the reception indicator in the top corner was empty. He tightened his grip on the phone. Then he threw it at the ground while hollering, "Screw you, Light!"

"Oniichan!" Irleen whined. "You're the only one who had a cell phone!"

Link glanced over his shoulder at her. "Yeah, maybe we should talk to Mom and Dad about that," he said in a defeated tone.

Footsteps sounded, and the twins watched as the lights emerged from the mist around them. Three Stalarmors, each easily towering over Link, looked over the area as if no one else was there. The one standing in the middle sported a large spike standing from the top of its head and layers of chain replacing most of its missing muscle mass. On the left stood a Stalarmor riddled with bullet holes to the point that its cuirass was shreds hanging from its ribs. That probably made it more dangerous; the sharp edges of the bullet holes protruded from the front of the armor, especially on the gauntlets. The final Stalarmor did not wear armor. Instead, thick slats of black iron had been hammered around and bolted to its steel-plated skeleton. This last one had a sword in its hands while the other two held battleaxes.

Link decided he needed the sword. "Irleen, is she wearing a bracelet?" he asked as he backed toward the crater.

Irleen picked up Zelda's left hand to find a thick, gold band with a large ruby. "Yeah?"

"Take it off and throw it to me," Link told her. He used a hand to hurry her. "C'mon."

"Are you serious?" Irleen asked as she tried to pull the bracelet apart.

"You wanna pick her up and run away?" Link asked. "We'd never make it. Now c'mon."

The bracelet snapped open. Irleen carefully removed it and lofted it up to Link. His catch was clumsy, nearly spilling him into the crater, but he recovered and slipped the bracelet onto his own wrist.

"What are you gonna do?" Irleen asked as Link closed the bracelet.

Link then lifted a slab of asphalt about the size of his head out of the crater. "Uh… not sure yet. Bear with me."

"Oh, boy…"

Link turned to see that the two Stalarmors with battleaxes were moving along the opposite side of the crater while the Stalarmor with the sword approached him, prepared to swing if necessary. He twisted to one side with his hand on the edge of the asphalt slab. Naturally, he hesitated because he did not have the same experience that he had gained fighting creatures in Sky Lines.

"Noooo," Link spoke up. "I'm hesitating because this is a really stupid idea." The Stalarmor approaching him paused and tilted its head in confusion, wondering if Link was talking to it.

Link decided to take advantage of this by throwing the slab of asphalt like a flying disk. The addition of the Sorian Bracelet not only allowed him to do this with ease, he was also able to impart enough force into the slab to spin it, skip it off the undisturbed surface of road, and sweep away the Stalarmor's left shin with a direct hit. The Stalarmor's eyes grew to fill its sockets before it face-planted the road.

Link then dashed up to the Stalarmor and grabbed its sword off the ground. Although the sword was heavier than a shinai, Link had no trouble lifting it up with both hands and then using a golf-like swing to send the Stalarmor's head flying. Its friends, one of them attempting to cross the gash in the road, paused to watch the head disappear into the mist and smash hard into what was surely someone's house. Link then had to back up as the Stalarmor reached out to grab him.

It turned out to be a good idea since the Stalarmor crossing to reach him brought its axe down where his foot would have been. Link raised the sword and delivered a vertical strike down on its head. Or at least, he tried. The spike in the middle of its head caused his sword to deflect and strike the chains on its shoulder. The Stalarmor twisted in an attempt to grab the blade, but Link already withdrew.

"Mask!" he declared out of habit. In the next instant, the Stalarmor felt the world wheel around itself after Link's horizontal blow caught its cheek bone, sending its whole head into a dizzying spin. It released its axe in order to grab its head, but by the time it stopped its panoramic view of the street, it was so disoriented that it simply fell aside.

Link turned his attention to the Stalarmor still standing on the other side of the gash. He was glad he did because, if he had not ducked in the next split-second, he would have had his skull split open by the battleaxe the Stalarmor had thrown. The Stalarmor then drew a stiletto from behind its back and advanced toward Link. Link waited until it set foot in the gash. Then he wheeled around to grab the battleaxe embedded in the residential wall behind him. He pulled it free with his right hand and quickly spun again. He heaved it over his head and threw. And missed. Because the battleaxe was much larger than the sword, Link's throw was awkward, and the axe sailed past the Stalarmor's left shoulder.

"Oniichan!" Irleen whined. "You missed!"

"I didn't throw axes in the other story!" Link hollered back.

The Stalarmor glanced between Link and Irleen for a moment. Then it turned toward Irleen.

"Uh oh," Link uttered as he watched the Stalarmor wind up to throw its dagger. He jumped into the gash and put a foot on the opposite edge to jump out again, sword held to the outside so that he could deliver a diagonal strike to the Stalarmor's head once he was in range.

He did not see the Stalarmor change its hold on the dagger.

Once Link was up out of the gash again, the Stalarmor twisted as fast as possible. Its hand was open, and its palm, covered in jagged metal, thrust hard into Link's chest. Link felt his breath leave his lungs, and he stumbled backward a step. The Stalarmor made a point of sliding its hand from Link's chest as noisily as possible. Link had just enough clarity of mind to realize that its hand should not have been making that noise. He could hear Irleen screaming something, but he lacked any sort of comprehension as he looked down at his chest.

His heart had been pierced by the stiletto. The Stalarmor had been holding it between its fingers when it delivered the slap to his chest.

Blood began to stain the front of his uniform jacket. The sword clattered loudly against the ground. Irleen's cries became hysterical. Link felt a slight jerk as the Stalarmor pulled the stiletto out. The whole scene around him blended to grey as he began falling backward.

…

In the next instant, everything was white. Link knew that he was lying on his back, but the surface underneath him was solid and uniform. If it was supposed to be the road, then someone had forgotten to put the skin-cutting gravel in the mixture.

A mass of gold appeared in his vision. He heard a girl's voice say, "Well. Here's another one. How do you feel, Link?"

Link found that his mouth could move, so he said, "Surprisingly good for being stabbed to death." He sighed and asked, "Heroic sacrifice then, Light."

["More like 'stupid sacrifice'."]

Link frowned. "How come?"

"Link," the girl's voice said, "a Stalarmor couldn't hit you with a thrown axe. What made you think it could hit Irleen with a thrown dagger?"

["And you dying just leaves the both of them vulnerable. Nice job."]

Link stared in shock for a moment. Then he said, "You couldn't write a good heroic sacrifice if your underwear was on fire, and nobody likes your stories, Light."

["Sticks and stones."]

The girl giggled. "Now, now. Link? Light? We still have a story to finish. This is only the first chapter. I believe it is this point where Link is offered the choice to finish dying or go back as a superhero."

"Kill me now," Link told her immediately.

["Not so fast."]

"What?" Link asked.

"Weeeeeeell…" the girl said, her tone a little playful.

Link's neck jerked as he shouted, "I thought I had a choice here!"

"Not really," she told him.

"Why not!?"

"The girl that you and Irleen are protecting is still unconscious and vulnerable. With those Stalarmors around, I cannot exactly allow you to simply pass from this life. I need you to save her."

"You know," Link said, "if you don't bring me back to life, we don't have to do this stupid fanfiction."

"I am well aware of this," she told him. "However, what would be the point in discontinuing this fanfiction and negate the hard work Light was trying to put into it?"

"It would teach Light not to write crap like this."

["Crap like this maintains your existence."]

"That's what the rest of the series is for," Link said.

"Yes, but there needs to be a bit of downtime, too," the girl's voice said.

Link sighed. "Light, you can stop referring to her without a name. I already know it's Zelda talking to me through her unconsciousness."

The girl's voice giggled. "Sorry, Link. Not this time."

Link's face turned blank. "'Not this time' what?"

"Link Moriyuki, known in another life as Captain Link of the Island Symphony, I hereby grant you the power hidden within your lineage and bestow upon you the Courageous Heart to be your partner in this life. Take it and serve justice."

"Wait a minute!" Link cried out as the white around him began to fade. "What do you mean 'not this time'!?"

…

Irleen Moriyuki was in total shock. She could not send strength to her legs. Her mind was a complete blank. She had just watched her brother die from a stiletto to the heart. Her face paled as the Stalarmor descended into the gash and slowly advanced toward her. She would not run, and the Stalarmor knew it. It wanted to savor the moment, feeding off her fear. It could feel the flood of her fright down to the life gem hidden by its faulds at the top of its left femur. It stopped just in front of Irleen, looming over her to ensure maximum terror.

"GET AWAY FROM MY SISTER!"

This only made it a little harder to move. But the Stalarmor still went flying through the air over Irleen's head as the force of impact from behind caused its skeleton to fall apart. Irleen took a moment to recognize Link. Only he was completely different.

Link wore a green tunic and brown trousers over a lime-green bodysuit. One hand held a broadsword which had a crossguard shaped like part of a cogwheel with the ends curved toward the blade. His opposite arm supported a heater shield bearing a gold triangle above an arc emitting silver rays directed toward the bottom half of the shield, all over a field of blue and edged with slats of bare steel. His boots were fresh leather with blue wing-shaped patches on the ankles. Irleen stared up in amazement at her resurrected brother.

His glare fell on her, and he told her, "Don't. Say. A word."

Irleen responded with a flat look and told him, "My hero…"

Link jumped over the girls' heads and landed on the undisturbed asphalt behind them. The Stalarmor was just reassembling itself when it turned to look back at him. So Link tapped the edge of his shield with the sword's blade. Tang tang! "Let's go, lead head!" he called to it.

The Stalarmor charged at Link. Link braced himself behind the shield, the sword held low behind him where the Stalarmor could not see. The Stalarmor prepared to throw a haymaker with its left, that gauntlet sporting more jagged armor between the pair. Just as the Stalarmor was ready to swing, Link quickly closed the distance between them and swung his sword diagonally upward. The blade bounced past what was left of the Stalarmor's breastplate and knocked one of its vertebrae out of place. The Stalarmor's punch missed Link's head by inches as its torso toppled over. This combined with the fact that the Stalarmor was still running caused the Stalarmor's legs to kick part of its upper half through the air. Link caught sight of a glow on the back of the Stalarmor's pelvis and leaned aside to check on the rest of the Stalarmor while carefully replacing his sword. The kick had sent the Stalarmor's head back into the gash, where the chain-wearing Stalarmor was slowly rising. Link had to act fast, so he stepped forward to the pair of legs still standing nearby and drew the pin hammer tucked into the front of one belt. He lifted the fauld out of the way and struck the gem with as best a blow as he could manage with the awkward angle. The life gem cracked, and the legs collapsed to the ground.

The chain Stalarmor picked up its axe and ran for the girls. Link replaced the hammer and dashed for the Stalarmor. He took a flying leap from the top of the mangled road. The Stalarmor looked up just in time for Link to position his legs forward. Then Link's entire body ripped the Stalarmor's head off. Link tried to land on his feet, but his momentum threw him forward. He tossed the Stalarmor's head further down the road so that he could use his arms to save himself as he fell face-first onto the road. He heard a crash and looked over his shoulder to see that the Stalarmor had fallen to the ground again.

Link then stood up. He looked at the head to see that the spike on top had been embedded in the softer layer under the road. The body clanked around as it tried to recover. So Link slid past the body and approached Irleen and Zelda.

"She changed back," Irleen told him as his eyes wandered Zelda. She had changed into a simple, white t-shirt and a plaid skirt. Around her right wrist was a thin, gold bracelet with a pink, triangular button. Link noticed that she did not have any shoes on, only socks. Irleen tried to gently slap her face. "C'mon, wake up."

"Don't worry about that now," Link said as he stepped to Zelda's side. He carefully slipped his arms under her shoulders and thighs so he could pick her up. She was light, but Link attributed that to the Sorian Bracelet he wore. "Let's get her to our house; we'll call an ambulance from there."

"Wait, what about the Stalarmors?" Irleen asked as she followed Link out of the crater.

"They can get their own ambulance." Link paused and glanced around for a moment. "Stupid fog."

"Home's the other way," Irleen pointed out.

"I know," Link told her. "We're going around the homicidal skeletons. Light, whenever you're ready, we can use a chapter break."

["Yeah, whatever."]