Maya felt her heart plummet as she met Lucas' level gaze. She narrowed her eyes slightly, searching his eyes for any sight of mirth, or even deception, anything really that could reassure her that he was not serious about what he had just said. She found no sign of it. Searching Lucas' face Maya saw nothing but complete honestly there, and she forced herself to purse his lips into something resembling annoyance in order to mask what she was truly feeling. If she had to define the chilling feeling running through her at this moment, she would label it as a monumental shift. It was almost like that one unfortunate time during her childhood when she had touched a live wire and had felt a paralysing fear that this was it for her. Just like then she knew that she needed to get away from the thing causing her to feel like this, and she knew that she needed to do it now, before her true reaction shone through.

It took her only a second to slam her long-since mastered poker face into place, before, without a next word, she turned away from Lucas, and without saying anything else, walked away from him, away from them. When none of them made any effort to call after her, she knew that her deception was successful, and, now free of them, Maya dug her finger nails painfully into her palms as she felt the blood start to pound in her ears. She all but stalked across the ski lodge, knowing that she needed to get out and get out now before she lost the fragile grip she had on her emotions. There was no way she was going to do that publicly.

Sarah and Darby were seated on an oversized armchair near the lodge's exit with a couple of magazines scattered across their laps. Sarah met her gaze curiously, and Maya stopped in front of them. "I'm going for a walk on the trail," she said, her voice terse to her own ears but it was the best she could manage. The only reason she was bothering to tell them anything in the first place was because keeping people informed of their whereabouts was one of the first instructions they had been given once they had got up here. Technically Riley was supposed to be her safety buddy, but there was no way she could hide anything from her right about now. Moreover, she didn't want to be questioned on why she was going on a second hike when they had just barely gotten back from their first.

"Are you okay?" Sarah asked her, even while Darby, beside her, eyed her with confusion, as if she couldn't quite understand why Maya was telling them this in the first place.

"I need to be alone," Maya said shortly. "Tell Matthews for me if he asks."

"We will," Sarah responded. "You're going alone?"

"Yes," she confirmed, and, not wanting to be pressed any further gave them a short, dismissive nod before heading outside.

The crispness of the air assaulted her immediately, and grateful, Maya took in several deep breaths that did absolutely nothing to calm her. She set off on one of the less popular trails, setting a hard pace for herself because she really needed to do something besides think, and trying to navigate sharp inclines and jagged rocks seemed the perfect way to do so. By the time the burn in her legs had grown too much to ignore, and her breathing was quite erratic Maya knew that she had put enough distance between herself and the lodge that she would be okay. She dropped down heavily atop of fallen leaves between a huge, gorgeous tree, and she leant her head back so she could look up at the bits of light that managed to pierce through the tree's thick canopy.

As her breathing calmed though her mind decided that she had had enough of a reprieve, and slowly but surely what had just happened between her and Lucas started to replay itself in her head. She couldn't believe what had just happened, but there was no denying that it was true. Lucas had truly meant what he had said to her. He didn't like their game, the game they had started from their very first week of knowing each other. It was the one true thing that connected them, and he did not like it. Did that mean he had actually been serious about his requests for her to stop those few times he had expressed objections to what she had been saying to him? She had always ignored him, after all, he would always inevitably laugh at whatever it was that she was doing or saying to him and she had always taken that as reassurance that things were okay. She was no longer certain though. Perhaps she had been wrong, so very wrong about everything. Maybe he truly had not liked it, and by extension her. Maybe Lucas hated her.

Maya's breath hitched, and she tried to convince herself that it was not a silent sob that escaped her even as she brought her legs up so that she could bury her face in her knees for the safety it would afford her. Her world was imploding more and more with each second that passed, and she had no idea how to stop it, or even if she should. Everything had already been so topsy-turvy over the past few weeks and this was just adding to that and now, once again, she wasn't too certain where that left her standing in the grand scheme of things. Riley had affirmed that she didn't like who she had become. She didn't like her more level self, didn't care for the way she now appreciated school (in small doses) and was actually starting to do well. She had tried to compensate for that as best as she could, and had even given into Riley's whim to sell most of her clothes in order to bring her back to a state of 'normalcy' but, as uncomfortable as she had been with Riley's summation, she had just gone along with it because she would always do anything for her best friend.

Riley was her safe space, the one true safe place Maya had always had from the first time she had crawled through that window into Riley's bedroom. And, to not mess with that, Maya had done her best to not take offence to anything Riley did, and for a bit tried to embrace the changes she wanted. And. Even though it quickly became clear that there was no way she could revert back as Riley wanted, she did her best to simply play the part. To please her best friend she could start back to dress in band tees, jackets and boots in a style Riley deemed stylishly edgy. She could be snarky, sassy and complain about things like she used to, even if truthfully she saw them now as being nothing but minor nuisances. Besides, it wouldn't change the fact that she could goad Lucas as always. Riley was okay with that; that had always been part and parcel for the two of them. Overall, it had not been the easiest of acts to maintain, but, given how happy Riley seemed to be about it, Maya made herself endure it. It was what Riley needed from her, and like always, Maya knew that what she needed most for herself was to protect Riley and keep her happy.

Besides, according to Riley, she had not truly started to turn into a blonde version of her for that long. And, while Riley was probably wrong about her feelings for Lucas only coming out of her desire to be more like her, Maya could have lived with that. Lucas' decision, one way or another would have resolved that dilemma for them. But now, she knew for a fact that that decision didn't need to be made, not anymore. Lucas' message had been received loud and clear. So where on earth did that leave her?

Maya straightened, and harshly wiped away the few tears that she had allowed to slip loose. No, she was not going to wallow in self-pity because of this. Yes she was in pain, perhaps in more pain than she had ever been in since her father had left, but she was not going to lose herself in that pain, not again. She sniffed, and wiped at her nose. What she needed was a solution, an honest to god solution decided upon her terms. Riley didn't like who she was now, and yet it seemed that Lucas despised who she was. Where did that leave her? What was she to do? Pretend to be her old self for Riley's sake, and in doing so, further alienate herself from Lucas, or put her money on the Lucas who liked her present self, even if that meant that Riley would not be happy. How was she supposed to make that choice, such an impossible choice?

The weight of the decision she knew she had to make was crushing her. She closed her eyes and once again tried to take in deep, shuddering breaths, hoping desperately for some sort of solution that could help her resolve the dilemma she was in. It took a while, but gradually she felt a sort of shift from within her once again, a shift that caused the pain to lessen as her mind started to speak to her. No, there were not just two choices that could be made. There were three and that third choice at the very least would ensure that at least Lucas and Riley would be okay. It was far from the easiest, and Maya knew that it would devastatingly painful, if not crippling for her. And she was okay with that. It wasn't as if she hadn't dealt with pain before. She was the most accustomed to it, and so, it made perfect sense that she alone should be made to deal with it.