It had been weeks on the road since the destruction of Camelot, weeks of searching for the rest of the Knights of the Round table and no one was coming up. Now, according to Lily's ever so helpful Merlin book, she had a few of the names of some of them (except it was written by wizards who aside from thinking Arthur was a pretty hip king didn't really care that much about his knights).

Unfortunately, the names listed… Well…

The first time she'd finally sat down and read that chapter, and then reread it to make sure, they'd been sitting by the campfire, Lancelot glaring daggers at her as if that would make her return his sword (and now armor) back to him and allow him to go on his merry way while Arthur leaned back and stared at the stars.

"Arthur, we need to go for a walk and talk about… life and things. Lancelot, stay there and keep looking pretty."

Lancelot didn't even deign to respond as she dragged Arthur up, flung an arm around his shoulder, and walked away from the camp.

"Merlin, sir, where are we going?" Arthur asked, eyes wary, perhaps with good reason as strange things tended to happen whenever Lily told Arthur that they needed to have a talk.

"Well, Arthur, I have some good news and some bad news,"

"Oh, um, what is the good news?" Arthur asked, not looking at all reassured that this was indeed, good news.

"The good news is that I figured out who some of your knights are."

"Oh, that is indeed good news… What's the bad news?"

"Well the bad news is… How to explain this, well one mentioned is Gallahad."

Arthur seemed to be waiting for the punch and eventually asked, "What is wrong with Gallahad?"

"I'm pretty certain he doesn't exist yet. You see, he's Lancelot's bastard son, or, well, one of them. Apparently, Lancelot makes very good use of his very good looks." Lily said, at least she was pretty sure, even if Lancelot had started visiting tavern wenches at the age of thirteen then Gallahad still probably wouldn't be old enough to be a knight.

"Oh, um…"

"Right, another one is Lohengrin, but he really doesn't exist yet, being Percival's son. Then there's Percival himself, who I'm not even sure is a knight of the round table, it was unclear, but he does sound important but I'm not sure he's really knight age at the moment either…"

"Oh, well, can't we just find… other knights?" Arthur asked then, looking extremely uncertain without having any idea why he should.

"No, that would cause a paradox and could possibly kill us all." Lily said, which she'd normally leave it at that but Arthur did look alarmingly confused by that. Plus, she'd probably have to tell Arthur eventually, "Arthur, I'm actually a time traveler, I'm from the future."

"You're… what?"

"I'm from the future, from the year 1992, so pretty much a thousand years from now. It's much better than the current day and age. So, what this means is, when I say things like you have some guy named Gallahad in your round table, it means you have some guy named Gallahad in your round table."

Arthur seemed stunned by this, "Wait, so you are living backwards, backwards in time?"

That didn't sound right, sounded remarkably not right, but Lily found she didn't care to correct him, "Sure, why not."

Then, flipping through her now quite worn book to make sure she didn't miss anything important, her eyes caught on another note, this one about Merlin. Merlin being that asshole who had yet to appear, and who Lily had been impersonating for an alarmingly long time (if she didn't know any better she would say there wasn't a Merlin in the first place).

"I actually have more bad news, Arthur."

This time Arthur paled dramatically and a look of genuine fear crossed his features.

Lily ignored this and continued with a grimace, "It turns out, I feel the great need to teach you moral values by turning you into a squirrel."

"What?"

Lily shrugged, "I know, it's weird, I don't really get it either but… Well, who am I to argue with historical scholars nine hundred and ninety nine years in the future?"

"But, what do I need to learn?"

Lily considered him, he was already pretty squirrely, "I don't really know. But it must be something very important."

"Can't I just learn it as a person? Do I have to be…"

But Lily cut off whatever logical arguments Arthur might have and turned him into a small, wide eyed, and terrified looking squirrel. This being for the good of humanity and the time line of course, even if Lily wasn't all that sure why he had to be turned into a squirrel.

This brought them to the current day where she and Lancelot were crouched outside of a cave, Arthur the squirrel perched on her shoulder jerking his head this way and that, and the scent of death lingering in the air.

"This looks quite ominous," Lily stated as her eyes roamed over the wreckage to which she received a withering glare from Lancelot.

"There are bones of men and foul beasts littered outside," Lancelot said, which he seemed to feel meant something quite obvious.

"Well, they did say it was the layer of the great beast of Caerbannog. I would hope, given its great reputation from the ever so helpful Enchanter Tim, that it'd leave horrifying carnage in its wake." It was almost reassuring, after all, this meant it was something that ate things like a normal being. If it was Rabbit, well, that was a whole different ballgame.

"Remind me why we are here," Lancelot said instead.

"We need knights, knights other than you, and supposedly the terrifying beast inside of this cave does not eat all its victims, and in fact also guards a great clue to the whereabouts of the Holy Grail."

"And?"

"And, if we manage to defeat the beast, which we should since you are homicidally brave and I am practically a god, then we should be able to find whatever unfortunate souls are still alive inside of there and persuade them to join our cause." Lily said, and hopefully there would still be some left in there, Tim the Enchanter had seemed doubtful, but Lily liked to believe there was always hope.

"Our cause being service to a squirrel," Lancelot stated, eyes landing on squirrely Arthur with distaste (it turned out, there were things he liked serving less than a bastard twelve-year-old).

"Arthur has yet to learn his grand lesson."

"Which is?"

"I have no idea, but if he'd learned it already he wouldn't still be a squirrel." Lily said, before brushing this off and stating, "But we need to focus, this thing, whatever it is, is probably going to be huge. Who knows, it may even be a dragon."

"Then why wouldn't they simply call it a dragon. Surely the sorcerer…"

"I believe he was an enchanter."

"...Fine, witch, the enchanter, had seen it for himself. Why simply, the beast?"

"Maybe it changes shape, maybe it has no true mortal form, or maybe it's so hideous and foul that it defies description. I don't know, Lancelot, I'm not the one who named it."

The man sighed, then glared forth at the cave, and without a word to her made to move in, and stopped when, out of the darkness, hopped a white, and very familiar looking, rabbit.

"Oh, you have got to be shitting me." Lily said to herself, her eyes narrowing as the rabbit hopped towards a pile of bones to nibble upon it, "Rabbit, you son of a bitch."

"Surely, it's not the rabbit."

"Oh, Lancelot my poor fool of a friend, it very much is the rabbit."

The rabbit that was innocently nibbling on what looked like the rib of a great elephant (although how and why Rabbit had transported an elephant to England to eat it was beyond her… Or why he was nibbling in the first place, since he'd never actually eaten food like a normal thing in her presence).

Carefully, she passed Arthur the agitated squirrel off to Lancelot, "Hold Arthur for me, would you, I will be back shortly."

Then, before either could protest (well, Arthur had been protesting since he'd been turned into a squirrel in the first place) Lily stepped into the beast's layer. Rabbit immediately stopped nibbling, stared at her, his eyes straying to the bright burning blade of Excalibur which she held in her hands.

Lily said nothing for a moment, cocked her head, and then, using the question for any and every occasion, "So I guess the question is, Rabbit, do you feel lucky. Well, do you, punk?"

She then charged, swinging the blade down fiercely, even as Rabbit himself did not move or even blink, and then there was a great blinding light, the feeling of everything tilting, of reality itself screeching and falling out of place, and…

She stared up, a great endless blue expanse above her, the back of her head unbelievably sore, and Excalibur still held loosely in one hand. Above her the faces of Lancelot and Arthur swam into view and for a moment they looked at her and she looked at them and then…

"Arthur, you're not a squirrel anymore."

Arthur blinked, looked down at his very non-squirrel like form, then back at her, "No, I… um, after you attacked the rabbit I turned back into a person."

"Oh, did you learn anything?"

"I do not wish to be a squirrel," Arthur said, but with a little more backbone then he'd shown with her previously.

"Well, I think that's an important life lesson. Were there actually any knights in the cave?"

"No, although there was an inscription by Jospeh of Arimathea," Lancelot stated, looking rather bored by all of this, which to be fair he had missed out on most of the… rabbity action.

"Oh, what did that say?"

"It said that the Grail can be found in the, and I quote, 'Castle of Aaaaargh,"

Lily blinked, blinked again, wondered if she had missed some of her geography, and then decided that unless the Holy Grail was a time machine she really didn't care that much in the first place.

Lily sat up, looking for the rabbit, or, well, Rabbit, but he was nowhere in sight. Had probably teleported himself to some other location. Although what he was doing here, or what he had been doing in a lake for that matter was still beyond her.

"Right, so, where do you guys want to go recruiting next. London?"

"I've never been to London," Arthur said and Lancelot shrugged and said, "So long as we stay at an inn and you pay for room, board, and wenches."

"There's a wench's fee now?"

"Witch, for all that you have put me through there shall always be a wench's fee."

Author's Note: As you can tell, I got very distracted by other things. In my defense, this story is very derptastic and a ridiculously long side fic so it will take its time. Next time we will no doubt have Guinevere and probably Morgan, Lily funding Lancelot's nights on the town so that Gallahad can hurry up and come into existence, and more, because we really need to move this along.

Thanks for reading and reviewing.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, the copious Monty Python references, and of course Arthurian legend.