A Star Trek Fiction

"The shattering of a heart when being broken is the loudest quiet ever."

Break but Shatter

if i shatter will you rebuild me?

Leonard cannot even put into words to explain the emotions raging through him that next day. He had left Jim utterly alone, swallowed up by his fears and anxieties. Bones has heard the stories; Jim has said them many times over on late nights filled with booze and sorrows. And even though the blond didn't elaborate it in specific detail, Leonard knows Jim was abused physically and mentally by his step father, no doubt about it. And now he has abandoned Jim at his most vulnerable with that man.

He can't believe it; his mind can't even comprehend what Jim is going through right now. The last time they saw each other was during Jim's panic attack, and after that Bones left him sleeping against the wall with nobody but Frank to look after him.

Wise decision Einstein.

The Doctor sighs hoarsely to himself and approaches First Officer Spock's quarters. The damn vulcan refuses to leave the ship even during shore leave.

The Starfleet Medical Officer straightens his worn jacket and gives a knock on the door, trying to hold a decent posture that isn't slouched over in defeat.

"Come in Doctor." Spock voice calls out firmly and Bones does as he told.

Leonard walks inside, not giving much thought to the particular layout of the room, but simply marches straight to the vulcan to where he sits, obviously meditating.

"Sorry for disturbing you." Bones grumbles and Spock raises an eyebrow at him, "Doctor, apologies are not necessary, especially when one does not mean it."

"Whatever Spock. It's about Jim." Leonard clarifies, getting straight to the point; it's most logical for the vulcan and most tolerable for the human.

"Is the Captain in trouble?" Spock asks, gathering to his feet.

Bones nods hurriedly, "Yes, I'm afraid so. He's gotten tangled up with his step father and it appears I need your help."

"Of course Doctor, how may I be of service?" Spock replies with a slick bow.

Leonard just despises the way the vulcan can act so calm while he's over here freaking out, "I need you to convince Frank to let Jim go. You got some quick wit."

"Doctor, is Mister Frank holding Jim against his will or is Jim simply not willing to leave?" Spock suddenly prompts, causing Leonard to freeze up and actually ponder the question.

"No Spock, I saw Jim myself. The bastard is hurting him-and don't call him 'Mister Frank' it makes him sound civil when he's actually an asshole." Bones snaps and begins to lead Spock out of the room.

"Of course, I am sorry Doctor."

"I thought you said don't apologize?" Bones snorts, giving the vulcan a look.

"Only if one does not mean it." Spock responds sternly.

Bones scoffs again, "Exactly my point."

Leonard then takes Spock away, the boiling rage in his mind and chest giving him an aching feeling in his heart. He can't believe he left Jim all alone. But now he's going to make it right, he has to, for Jim's sake.

It takes McCoy the rest of the day to drag Spock across the states to Iowa. Even with the gut twisting shuttle rides it takes them over sixteen hours. Goddamn it why couldn't they just have the beaming technology? But apparently according to Spock, beaming wherever they wanted would be abusing their power and the shuttle companies wouldn't earn much money.

Whatever Spock.

So they take the long way and Leonard can't help but mutter his complaints the whole way there, and Spock only made it worse by using logical facts to back his side up.

They're exiting the last shuttle when Bones gives a hoarse sigh, welcoming once again the Iowa sun beating down on his back. Spock leaves the shuttle as well, giving his thanks before the doors slam shut and the craft speeds away.

"Well, it looks like we're walking the rest of the way." Bones declares and begins the trek to Jim's childhood house.

Spock strolls up alongside him casually, "That is a logical assumption."

"You bet my ass." Leonard replies and regrets it, for the vulcan goes on a terribly long explanation on why he wouldn't 'bet his ass'.

Leonard couldn't believe how appreciative he was one they finally stepped onto the creaking porch and Spock fell silent as they approached the door. The Doctor really didn't know what to expect when he raised his fist and gave several obnoxiously loud knocks.

There's some shuffling inside before the door swings open to reveal Frank.

"What did I say McCoy?" Frank snarls, taking a firm stance and keeping the door only open just enough to see him.

"I've come here to get Jim." The brunette announces.

Frank shakes his head, "I'm gonna hafta ask you to leave now."

"Mister Frank, correct?" Spock interrupts, taking a step forward to block McCoy out, "Yes." Frank responds hesitantly.

"It appears that you are holding Captain James T. Kirk captive. Now the Federation does not take hostage situations such as these lightly and I would hate to get the Admiralty involved. If you do not release our Captain, we will be forced to bring this to the Federation Council's attention and you will be put onto a fair trial." Spock states and Frank blinks a few times, debating his options.

"Look, I'm not admitting to anything. If you want I can fetch him for you and you guys can all leave." Frank prompts, but his tone is still menacing and he acts like he's still in control of the upcoming events.

"I'd prefer, if I could go get him." Bones says suddenly, causing both pairs of eyes to fall onto him.

Frank glares at him, "Yes of course, come inside."

The door then moves further open, welcoming both Leonard and Spock inside. Bones enters carelessly while Spock gives a little thanks before entering.

"McCoy, he's down the hall and the second door to the right." Frank informs him and Bones gives a nod before heading down, moving towards the room cautiously.

His heart rate shoots up as he grasps the handle and turns. The door becomes ajar without any resistance. It gives a soft creak as he pushes it open and shuts it behind himself. Bones embraces the darkness that consumes him and he takes a look around. The room is dimmed, no windows, there's some lights but they're all broken. There's a fan in the corner that gives a strained hum and the bed opposite of it looks like something from a haunted hospital.

"Jim, you here?" He calls out weakly, his voice getting caught in the back of his throat.

A rustle in the left corner catches his attention. Leonard smiles and walks over to the sweaty bundle of fever and blankets.

"How are you feeling?" Bones asks, placing a cool hand on his burning forehead.

Jim's dull eyes peel open and he gives a weak whimper that barely escapes passed his lips.

"That's what I thought kid." Bones smiles, wiping the blond hair back before sitting beside Jim.

The blond gives a weak cough and Bones wraps his arm around his shoulder which Jim flinches away from. Leonard looks at him, quite startled by the reaction. But when he tries again, Jim lets it happen, even giving a comforted sigh.

"Jim, I'm taking you home now." Bones whispers softly to him and watches a shuddering breath escape him.

"Home where?" Jim asks anxiously, tears threatening to spill.

Leonard smiles and draws Jim's head to his shoulder, "Home to the Enterprise Jim. We're going home to the Enterprise."

"Bones." The silent choked sobs release and Bones gathers the sweaty bundle onto his lap as he cries helplessly.

"Shh, that's right Jim, I'm taking you home. Where you'll be safe."

Jim only cries harder, desperately grasping Bones' shirt and keeping his face pressed up against his friend's chest. A strong hand rubs his back while the other runs through his hair, collecting the dirt and grime in those blond tufts.

Leonard squeezes his eyes shut, trying not to cry as well as he begins to rock his best friend in his arms, only wishing he had come sooner. He can't even imagine the pain Jim is going through right now. All the raging emotions inside, the nags in his mind, and the stabs of pain in his chest. It's unfathomable. So Leonard doesn't judge Jim as he sobs into his shirt, his body shivering with each hiccup. He can only hold him tight and pray to god that he'll make it through this, that he isn't completely shattered, hopefully just cracked.

"McCoy, may I be of assistance?" Spock asks as he slips into the room quietly.

Jim only gives the vulcan a side glance before continuing to cry into Bones' chest.

"Yeah actually, come here and hold him for me, I need to grab a few things." Bones replies, ushering Spock forth.

Spock's eyes almost widen in shock, but he does as he's told and sits down beside the pair.

"Yeah that's it, okay, here." Leonard mutters, slowly heaving Jim from his lap and transporting him onto Spock's.

The vulcan's gaze instantly looks uncertain as Jim clings onto him and persists to sob onto his chest.

"Spock you're doing it all wrong." Bones criticizes and crouches down to help his unemotional friend, "Here, put one hand on his back, and one in his hair. He likes that."

Bones grasps each of Spock's hands and adjusts them accordingly until he's satisfied. It's an odd sight to see and Spock seems a bit awkward doing it, but eventually Spock becomes a natural, rubbing Jim's back soothingly while gently playing with his matted hair.

"Bones." Jim whimpers, looking from Spock to Bones, desperately wanting the Doctor to come back, not that he doesn't trust Spock, but he's more comfortable with Bones holding him as he cries like a baby.

"It's alright Jim, I'll be right back. Spock's going to take care of you while I'm gone." Bones informs him reassuringly, bringing a soft hand to Jim's cheek before standing up to leave.

Jim just nods his head and nestles back down onto Spock's chest, making the stoic vulcan raise a pointed eyebrow. But nonetheless, however uncomfortable Spock feels, he brings his hands back to Jim's upper back and hair. The blond sighs and releases a hiccup. Spock looks down at his Captain, a phantom smile playing on the vulcan's lips.

Leonard grins and walks out of the room, knowing that he's left Jim in good hands.

Brushing passed the door; he shuts it quietly and proceeds to the living area, where Frank awaits the groups return. When Bones enters, Frank instantly pulls to his feet and stares his way, his dark eyes burrowing into Leonard's skull. He swallows, almost anxiously, and steps further into the room, trying to meet Frank's stern gaze with one of his own.

"Does Jim have any belongings here?" Leonard asks, recalling that Jim had left on the shuttle with a bag.

Frank nods, "Yes. He hasn't unpacked it though, it's in the garage."

"The garage?"

"Yeah, it's his favorite spot in the house." Frank explains and begins to lead Leonard outside and to their garage.

Frank opens the garage door, only to be met by the emptiness of the room. Leonard's mind fills with disappointment; he expected something cool to be inside. But then again, Jim did crash the Chevy Corvette as kid and there wasn't much to salvage afterwards.

"Aww, here it is." Frank announces, brushing passed an overused motorcycle and snatching up the black duffle bag.

"Thanks." Bones barely manages to grumble out and takes the bag before letting Frank lead him back inside the house, but he can't help but admire the craftsmanship of the wooden porch.

"So, do you plan on bringing this to the Council's attention?" Frank questions slowly, shutting the front door after Leonard steps inside.

The Doctor casts Frank a side glance before slumping down onto the tearing couch, dropping the bag, "I dunno yet. Why do you ask?"

"Because I just wanted to let you know that Jim would never testify against me in court." Frank states confidently, making Bones' eyes narrow suspiciously.

"And why is that?"

"Because family has to stick together." Frank replies plainly and leaves the presence of the living room and enters the kitchen.

Leonard sighs and leans back. It wouldn't surprise him if Jim still stuck to such idiotic principles even after all of this. Jim is a creature of habit whether he likes to admit it or not. So if Frank is right and Jim would never go against his word, then their whole case falls apart. There's nothing without Jim's testimony.

Rubbing a hand over his face, Leonard gathers to his feet and heads back to Jim's room. He opens the creaky door to welcome a caretaking Spock and a sleeping Jim. He smiles and approaches the pair, placing a hand on Jim's burning forehead.

"Ready to go home?"

Spock nods his head and with the help of McCoy gets to his feet with Jim sleeping in his arms.

"You good?" Bones asks, adjusting the blond in the vulcan's arms.

"Yes Doctor." Spock replies, his voice hushed.

Bones nods and leads the two out of the room, making their way into the living room.

"Time to say goodbye?" Frank's voice reaches them as he walks over.

"I believe it is time for us to return home." Spock states firmly, his grip on Jim tightening as the man draws closer.

"Alright, you take care of him." Frank orders, arms crossing.

Bones scoffs and gathers Jim's bag before heading for the door.

"Thank you Mister Frank for you hospitality." Spock says before crossing the threshold of the house, Bones just snorts again.

Frank nods his head and shuts the door loudly, causing Jim to stir in Spock's arms. Bones sighs hoarsely and leads Spock down the porch and onto the gravel path.

"Bones…?" Jim whimpers barely making out the face before him in the darkness of night.

"Right here Jim." Bones replies calmly, stopping Spock in his tracks and grasping Jim's shoulder.

The blond's head turns his way and he offers a lopsided grin, "Can I walk?"

"If you want to."

Jim nods his head slowly.

"Alright, Spock put him down."

Spock gracefully places Jim upright and steadies him when he wobbles. But despite the weakness in his knees, the blond's smile widens at his accomplishment. Bones shakes his head and wraps an arm around his waist and begins to guide him down the path.

"Where are we going?" Jim voices rasps out.

He seems weaker than usual, the frailness of his body becoming eminent.

"We're going home, remember?" Bones prompts, casting his blond friend a worried glance.

Jim takes a moment to recollect his thoughts, his face contorting with slight confusion. But he soon clears it away as the memories come crashing back down.

"Enterprise." Jim breathes, but his tone doesn't sound excited like Bones was expecting it to be.

"Yeah." Bones sighs in agreement; weariness taking its toll on his body.

Spock however seems as well as ever. Actually the slick vulcan is now handling most of Jim's weight without the pair even noticing. Bones grins weakly and continues the trek down the path, Jim's duffle bag becoming heavy within his grasp.

"Doctor, I believe there are no shuttles to ride back to the Enterprise." Spock points out, examining Leonard's drawn expressions.

"Can we just comm Scotty? He should be back from shore leave by now. It is coming to an end Spock."

"Very well Doctor." Spock agrees and hands him the communicator as Jim stumbles on his feet.

"Damn it. Hold him Spock while I make the call." Leonard orders, releasing his grip on Jim and turning his back towards the pair.

"Doctor McCoy to Enterprise, come in Enterprise?" Bones says after the device gives the normal chirping sound as it flips open.

"This is Scotty, we're receiving ya. What can I do for ya Doctor McCoy?" Scotty replies instantly.

Thank god. Most people won't be back on the Enterprise for another day, only the crazy people come back early. Or if one's crazy enough, they never leave.

"Three to beam up."

"Alright, just give me a wee moment. Ahh there ya go." Scotty mutters and whisks them away, transporting them onto the Enterprise.

Bones immediately sucks in a mighty breath. Despite how much he says he hates space and flying, being away from the Enterprise drives him nuts, especially when he knows Jim needs her more than he does.

The Doctor gives Scotty a courteous nod and glances over at Spock, who is now once again holding the Captain within his arms. Scotty's eyes widen and he gives a hearty chuckle at them.

"Is he sleeping?" The head of Engineering exclaims with Keenser sitting himself up on the dashboard, "Get down!"

"It's been a long week." Bones replies dryly and Scotty picks up on the somber tone of the Doctor's voice.

The Scottish man nods his head and watches them pass through the room, heading directly for the Bridge.

Jim begins to stir the closer they get to the Bridge, as if he can feel the captain's chair calling out to him. Bones just huffs and enters the elevator, waiting impatiently for Spock to enter with the squirming blond in his arms. Once inside, Bones activates it and takes them to the Bridge.

The then door swooshes open to reveal the empty Bridge. Leonard's breath is taken away at the sight. The stillness of the room alone is astonishing, only the silent purr of the Enterprise's engines can be heard, but it's calming, not distracting. The ships monitors and any long-range scanners have been shut down. Even the lights have been turned off, so the only thing lighting the deck is the bright stars of space.

Leonard steps out, Spock following close behind, with the sudden peaceful Captain in his arms. He leads the pair to the captain's chair, ordering Spock to place Jim in it.

Spock only nods his head and bends over, placing Jim carefully onto his beloved chair, making sure in his slumped form he's comfortable.

"It's beautiful Spock." Leonard sighs, walking up to the edge of the room, gazing out into the vastness of the Milky Way.

"It is, very fascinating Doctor." Spock replies after leaving Jim to come beside Bones.

Bones lets the silence sink in, not minding at all the infuriating vulcan next to him. After all, Spock is a close friend, whether he likes to admit it or not,

The vulcan suddenly peers over at him suspiciously.

Damn it, did he read his mind?

"What?" Bones questions, crossing his arms, taking his gaze finally off of the magnificence of space and onto that pesky vulcan's face with the quirked up eyebrow game.

"I did not say anything Doctor." Spock responds rather firmly.

Leonard scolds, "You were thinking about something."

"I am always thinking about multiple things, to which do you refer?" The vulcan questions, making the human roll his eyes.

"Goddamn it Spock, are you always this sarcastic?"

Spock takes a glance at him, major eyebrow game, "Answering my question with a rhetorical question does not answer the original question."

"My question is not rhetorical whatsoever Spock; you just don't wanna answer it."

"Doctor, vulcans are incapable of expressing such feelings." Spock counters sharply.

"Sarcasm isn't a feeling Spock."

"No, but usually when one uses sarcasm it is to disguise another feeling. Usually one of anger or sorrow."

"You seem more sadistic than normal." Bones comments, glaring at Spock, but his gaze softens as Spock doesn't reply.

He's about to confront Spock when Jim's sudden raspy voice calls out through the darkened Bridge, catching both of the officers' attention.

"Bones…?"

"Right here Jim." Bones reassures, brushing by Spock and heading towards his Captain.

"Are we home?" Comes Jim's weak voice as he struggles to sit upright.

Bones nods his head, a shaky smile forming on his lips, "Yeah, you're home."

"Can I?" The blond asks innocently, planting his feet firmly onto the ground.

"Yeah, go ahead."

Jim smiles brightly and gets to his wobbly feet. Leonard just steadies him with a hand and lets him walk over to where Spock stands stoically.

The blond's smile only grows wider as he's balanced by both Spock and Bones. He glances between them while they both keep their gazes out into the blackness of space.

It's amazing; here he is, watching his two best friends.

Tears form in his starry blue eyes.

It's within this moment that Jim shatters.

Jim's not looking out into space, he's not counting each individual star, he's not pointing out the neighboring galaxies, he's not anticipating the Enterprise's next move, he's not longing to travel deeper into the unknown. No, the only thing that the blond is paying attention to is his two best friends that saved him from his step father, two best friends that would risk their lives to save him; two best friends that would go that extra light-year for him, two best friends that would literally do anything for him.

But it takes Bones a moment to realize this as all the previous memories come flooding in, as he analyzes each moment gone wrong trying to figure out why he's shattering. He didn't know why Jim was breaking and falling into pieces that he cannot reach. He didn't realize that Jim wasn't shattering from the mental and physical abuses of the past week; he's shattering because he wasn't meant to shatter alone. He's shattering because he isn't alone. He's shattering because he's finally loved; it just took all this time to put the puzzle pieces together.

And within that sudden moment, Bones finds peace within Jim's fragments; he now knows why Jim didn't just break but shatter beyond repair.