Chapter 15: I Must Bury Sorrow, Out of Sight

I was floating.

There was this one time when I was nine, I was climbing an old oak in Grandma Deveaux's backyard. It was a tall tree and most of the neighborhood kids only made it up the first five branches, but I was determined to be the bravest of them all.

"Seriously, Ror, get down," my friend, Derek, had called, watching me with nervous eyes.

I was about halfway up the tree, and instead of listening to him, I'd turned my head to face him and stuck my tongue out. It was that, that one millisecond of disrupted focus that caused me to slip. Losing my grip, I fell from the tree and landed hard on my backside.

And then, nothing.

It was all black and I couldn't feel my body or hear Derek beside me and then the volume knob on the world began to slowly turn itself up. It was Derek's voice that I heard first, calling my name. Then was the sound of myself crying. And when I finally opened my eyes to Grandma Deveaux's furious, botoxed face, I was aware that everything hurt.

And then, of course I'd been stabbed by the Ripper and bled until I was unconscious. I knew what being lost in myself felt like.

I was about ninety percent certain I wasn't actually floating and when I suddenly heard Stephen's soft voice coming from somewhere close by my head, I knew I was waking up from yet another trauma.

"Did her hand move," Boo asked, her voice startlingly loud in the quiet. "I think her hand moved."

"Rory, can you hear me?" This was Stephen, and he seemed to be right beside me.

I could feel the fatigue in my limbs, the ache in my muscles. My eyelids were heavy and very opposed to opening, but slowly, I managed to pry them up. And there he was, my Stephen. He was gazing at me with the most profound look of relief I'd ever seen.

"Please tell me we don't have to do that again," I asked, my words slurred. The part of me that was waking up was pleased that I actually remembered our adventure into Wonderland this time. Stephen laughed, the kind of laugh that was also part sob.

"No, you don't. Ever again."

Turning my head, I realized I was spread out on the bed, not lying on the floor where I'd been during the ritual. Barely any light streamed in through the open blinds at the window and when I turned my head, the clock on the nightstand said seven o'clock… at night!

"How long was I asleep," I asked.

"Nearly twelve hours," Callum explained. "For a bit, we didn't think you would wake up."

Carefully, Stephen helped me sit up, but the instant I was upright, the world began to swim and I slumped onto his shoulder. I felt so weak, I could barely move my legs and every muscle in my body hurt.

"Easy," Thorpe chastised, sitting by my other side. He reached over to grab a tissue and started dabbing it under my nose. It came away red. "How do you feel?"

"Kind of like I've been stabbed all over again. I think I just need to rest some more."

As Stephen laid me back down, I took my first long glimpse of the room. Boo and Callum stood at the end of the bed, looking anxious, but we were the only five people in the room. In fact, there was no evidence we had performed an archaic ritual at all. Was it possible it only happened in my head?

"Where's Sid? And Arthur and Richard?"

"They left," Thorpe explained, his carefully blank face not quite hiding how troubled he was underneath. "Once Arthur and Richard were up and moving, he took them to plan strategy. I think he means to instigate his plan soon."

"Killing Elias?"

Thorpe nodded.

"But… what about Kyle? Is he with Freddie? Did they leave too?" Part of me was a little angry that the three people I'd just risked my life to save hadn't stayed around to say thank you.

"In the next room being all cozy," Boo snorted, eyeing the door scornfully. "That brother…"

As she trailed off, I knew she had to feel as uncomfortable around Kyle as I had.

"I'm more concerned about you right now," Stephen cut in, his hand trembling where it held mine. Stephen didn't tremble.

"It was kind of like this last time. It took a while before I could stand up. I just need sleep," I assured him, but the worry on his face remained.

"You're nose wasn't bleeding last time. And you're so pale."

But as his fingers slid through my messy hair, my eyelids were already drifting closed.

~SoL~

It was clearly night when I woke again, with only a single lamp on in the room. Stephen was breathing softly to my left, his arms wrapped around me as he slept. For a moment, I merely watched him. Watched the slight flutter of his eyelids with his dark eyelashes, the way his lips tilted up in a small smile, the dark hair that slipped over his forehead and tickled the base of his neck. He was so peaceful, all the worry lines gone.

It wasn't until I brought my hand up to brush Stephen's cheek that I glimpsed him out of the corner of my eye.

Sid.

"I thought we were done with these, now that I remember," I exclaimed, annoyance creeping into my voice. Some instinct inside of me screamed – this is a dream.

"How else are we supposed to talk," he said, his voice calm and sugary sweet. "It's not like you're protectors would let me speak to you privately. So worried about your precious safety."

"I'm pretty worried about it myself. Now just tell me what you want and get out of my head!"

A sly smile spread across Sid's face and he moved to sit on the end of our bed, just beside Stephen's feet. "Always so blunt. Fine. I'm here because I need your help, little diamond."

"I did help you."

"Now, Rory. I did tell you I still needed you after the ritual."

His words came back to me then. I'd forgotten them before, mostly from the drama of being dragged to another world. Reaching my hand up, I carefully stroked Stephen's face, even though I didn't worry about waking him in the dream. Part of me had always known what a bad idea it was to make a deal with the devil.

"What are you asking me to do," I inquired, never taking my eyes from Stephen.

Sid stood then, moving about the room like a cunning cat preparing to pounce. "Elias is old and strong. Much stronger than me and also much stronger than Arthur and Richard. We'll need more than brute strength to bring him down. We'll need the element of surprise."

Now I did turn my gaze to him. Where was he going with this? My power terminated ghosts. I was pretty certain it would do nothing to Elias. How could I possibly help?

"He has begun to question just how loyal I am to him, and for this to work, he has to trust me completely. That is where you come in. I need to deliver you back to him."

"Oh no! Absolutely not! I am so not going back to the house of ultimate evil!"

I fixed him with the best death glare I could muster, wishing I could incinerate him where he stood.

"All we need is for him to be distracted."

"And what if it doesn't work?! And he kills all three of you?! Then what? If I go through that again, I die! Remember?"

Instantly, Sid stopped pacing. When he turned, his face wasn't frustrated, like I'd expected. It was… sad, deeply sad. Resuming his seat on the bed, he reached over and ran his fingers through the hair beside my face. I huge part of me wanted to knock those fingers away, but that look on his face... The dread was building in my stomach.

"You already are dying, Rory."

I tried for a carefree chuckle, but it came out shaky. "Yeah, you said. This power will kill me eventually. That doesn't mean I want to sign up to die early."

"No, I mean the process of your dying has already begun. You only have a matter of weeks."

At this, my eyes widened in shock, but somewhere buried deep in my head, I knew this was true. Stephen had been right, of course. I did feel worse than the last time I did the ritual. As the shock wore off, the fear took it's place and as my stomach quivered, I felt angry tears slid down my face.

"You! You said doing the ritual wouldn't kill me! You promised!"

"And it didn't," Sid explained. "You are alive, aren't you? If Stephen hadn't been with you, you never would have woken up. But using the power like that, it still drained you."

I'd never felt anger like this before. It was a hurricane whirling inside me that wouldn't be quenched until it destroyed something, anything, everything in its path. Without hesitation, I launched myself at Sid, tackling him to the floor. Of course, this was a dream, so I couldn't actually hurt him, but I punched and clawed his face anyway. And he let me, never once moving to defend himself.

"You should have told me! We never should have listened to you," I shouted, my words distorted by my sobs. "This is all your fault, you selfish, spoiled little–"

"Rory," Sid shouted finally, catching my flailing hands and pinning them to my side. I was straddling him where he laid on the floor and my body felt suddenly exhausted. "We had to do it, Rory! Do you understand that? This is the only chance of saving the people we love. Do you want Elias coming after Stephen or Callum or Boo? Do you? Do you want to watch as he kills them in front of you?"

I shook my head vigorously, the crying making it impossible for me to talk.

"And I don't want him killing Sadie. We are saving the people we love."

"It's still your fault," I managed to choke out. "You and your sister and Jane. If you had just stayed asleep…"

Sid, at least, didn't argue this, but he did sit up and pull me into his lap, lying my head on his shoulder.

"It's odd," he began finally. "I've never really cared about anyone, except my sister and myself. I was always convinced that we were so far above everyone that no one else mattered. But you… there is something about you that I can't help but admire. I can tell you truthfully that I don't want anything bad to happen to you. And I'm sorry, so sorry that I can't save you."

"I…" I swallowed my sobs, forcing myself into composure so I could speak the words that were tearing me up inside. "I don't want to die."

"No one does. Why do you think Sadie and I performed the ritual in the first place? It wasn't just the knowledge, it was the invulnerability. But let me ask you one thing. If someone had to die, would you rather it be you or your friends? If you would rather run, and put your friends at risk in the hope that you can actually find a way to put your power back in that stone and live, then I'll let you. Arthur, Richard, and I will take on Elias alone, with no distraction to keep him from suspecting me. But… if you would rather it be you and you alone in danger…"

"Yes," I answered, raising my head to look him in the eye. "I would rather it be me."

"Alright then." With that, he gently lifted me from his lap and sat me on the floor while he stood. "I've hidden this in the night stand, rolled up in napkin," Sid explained as he reached into a drawer and pulled out a small vial. "It's nothing dangerous, just something to make them sleep. You'll need to slip it into their food so that I can come and get you without a fight."

"You want me to drug my friends? No. How do I know you're not lying? That could be poison!"

"Ask Freddie. She is the one who retrieved it. She has her brother now; she has no reason to be loyal to me any longer. And believe it or not, she actually likes all of you. She wouldn't let you poison them. Ask her about it."

My face must have betrayed my hesitancy, because he continued. "If you don't, you know they'll fight to keep us from getting you, even if you told them the truth. This way, they'll just go to sleep."

Slowly, I stood, and my face turned to Stephen who was still sound asleep in the bed, his face so peaceful in sleep. "One day," I decided. "Give me one last day. You can come for me at nightfall."

"Done. So long as you don't give yourself away."

"I won't. When you come, they'll be asleep… and I'll leave with you."

One last tear made it's way down my cheek, but I refused to let any more follow. Sid was right. I was keeping them safe. And I am dying anyway.

"Jazza," I inquired. Sadly, I realized I'd nearly forgotten her in the presence of my own impending death.

"The moment you leave with me tomorrow night, I'll give Jack the word to release her."

Approaching me quietly, Sid placed a small kiss to my forehead, running his fingers through my hair one last time. "I'll see you soon, my little diamond."

And I woke up.

~SoL~

"Her pulse is certainly weaker than I would like," Dr. Marigold exclaimed from her perch on the bed beside me. It had been her face I'd woken up to this time, as she'd leaned over to examine me.

Stephen stood just by the bed, the dark circles under his eyes indicating that he'd barely slept at all. On the opposite bed, Boo and Callum sat huddled together, whispering, and Thorpe was looking gloomily out the window.

"Rory, I want you to keep your eyes focused on my finger now," she insisted as she moved her finger back and forth across my field of vision. "Good, good. Now, do you think you can sit up and eat something?"

I nodded at this and Stephen helped me sit, shoving pillows behind my back and placing a bagel in my hands. "Well," he demanded, eyeing Dr. Marigold.

"I need to run some tests, but… I'd say it is imperative that you find a way to separate her from this power."

"So, she's–," Boo began, but Thorpe shot her a look.

"I'm dying," I clarified instead, ignoring the flinch that ran through Stephen's entire body. "Faster than we expected."

Though I stated it bluntly, I didn't mention how I knew this and it didn't matter. Even though I'd slept well into the morning, I was still weak, my face still pale. I picked at my bagel, but I couldn't finish it beyond a couple bites. This made Stephen frown harder.

"We'll find a way," Callum spoke up then, his voice determined, as though he could will me well. "There has to be something in the books, or some information the Shadow Cabinet has."

"You think I haven't already looked," Stephen shouted, his voice startling in the formerly hushed room. "I've read every page and hunted down every last clue!"

"Well look again!"

"Callum, I–," Stephen yelled, but I placed a soft hand on his wrist, halting this feud before it got out of hand.

"We can look again," I promised, trying not to show that it didn't matter. Not now. "We have time. It's not like I'll drop dead tomorrow."

A tear rolled down Boo's cheek and I saw Thorpe drop his head, but I refused to lose it. I had one day before Sid came for me, and if we failed to take down Elias, it would be the last day I'd ever see any of them. I wouldn't waste it with tears.

"Then it's settled," Thorpe ordered, straightening out his dress shirt and moving away from the window. "The three of you can start in on the books again while Stephen makes a few phone calls to his contacts with the Shadow Cabinet. I have to check in on the investigation into Jazza's kidnapping. Maybe they've turned up something useful."

Thorpe started to make for the door, but just as he was reaching for the handle, he turned and made straight for the bed, laying a heavy hand on my head.

"And you," he ordered softly, "you rest up. We will find a way to save you. You have my word."

And with that, he was gone. That was possibly the last time I'd ever see him. A single tear escaped.

"Right then. We'll head back to the loft and retrieve the books, yeah," Boo decided, pulling Callum off the bed with her. "We'll be back with lunch."

Marigold left shortly after that, leaving Stephen and I alone. He had barely said a word the entire time, aside from his screaming match with Callum. Had hardly spoken since I'd woken up. I'd watched his face grow stormier and stormier and now that the room had emptied, I saw how close he was to breaking.

Extending my hand, I took his, pulling him down on the bed with me. He put his arm around my shoulders, holding me tightly. "Have I told you how much I love you today," I asked him. "Because it's a lot. Like a lot a lot. They don't have a system that can measure how much I love you. If they stretched my love around the earth it would just go on and on and on and–"

"Rory, are you babbling to make me feel better," he asked, his voice low and breathy. It was then that I realized he was crying, his tears running into my hair.

"I'm babbling because I'm scared. But I can get through it because I'm with you."

Tilting my head up, I captured his lips, weaving my fingers into his hair to pull him tighter against me. I didn't care that his tears were mixing with my own or that his glasses were digging into my cheek. I was kissing Stephen, and somehow, everything was okay. In this one moment, I was overwhelmed with how thankful I was. Thankful to have met Stephen, to have fallen in love with him and to have him love me back. To have met Boo and Callum, Jazza and Jerome. To have two parents who loved me enough to search out all of London for me. How many people lived their whole lives without a fraction of what I had?

I had one day to thank Stephen for all he'd given me. One day to tell him goodbye.

Working open the buttons of his shirt with clumsy fingers, I slowly pulled him on top of me, never breaking the kiss. I was still weak and tired and our exploration of each other didn't go far beyond kissing, but they were slow decadent kisses. Kisses that I could carry with me.

"You know what I've missed doing since I was nearly stabbed to death," I blurted out as Stephen began trailing kisses down my neck. "Dancing. I haven't danced once since your birthday. I miss dancing."

"Rory, I don't think you're up for dancing. You should be resting, and I should be on the phone. I still have a few trusted contacts in the Shadow Cabinet."

"I know, I know. But… I would really like to dance… with you. Just one song."

With a deep sigh, Stephen pulled back, his eyes searching my face. I was smiling goofily at him, striving to look untroubled, but his face darkened.

"Please tell me this isn't some way to act out your favorite things before you die. Because you will not die, Rory! I won't let you!"

I smiled wider, but I couldn't quite stop the tears from welling up in my eyes. "Of course not, stupid. This day has just kind of sucked and I'd really like to dance with you for five minutes. Just to cheer me up."

Rolling his eyes, Stephen pulled his phone from his pocket, fiddling with it until something slow and classical began pouring from the speakers. He smiled as he lifted me up with him, and my arms draped around his neck. One of his arms was at my back, holding me firmly against him while his other hand lay at the nape of my neck, his thumb stroking lazy circles in my cheek.

We danced very slowly, mostly swaying softly to the music and holding each other, but it was worth it. His lips widened into a smile and he suddenly lifted me off my feet, twirling me in a circle around the room, leading us expertly around the beds. Through all of it, he never once took his eyes from mine.

"Open the link," he begged, and I sought for that invisible cord that tied us together since I'd brought him back.

I opened the passage and was instantly hit with a love so fierce it lit my entire form on fire. With a sigh, I knew he was feeling every emotion I didn't know how to express with words. He lifted me again and this time, he crushed my lips to his, kissing me as we spun.

I didn't want this moment to end. Wanted to relive it over and over forever with my lips pressed to his and his arms firm around my waist. It was perfection.

But all too soon, I was back on my feet and the song was drifting to a close.

"Once we remove the power of that stone," Stephen began as he sat me on the bed, "I will let you teach me how to dance and you can drag me to which ever club you want."

My heart squeezed painfully at the thought that this would likely never happen and I was careful to make sure the link between us was closed.

"Stephen Dene, did you just offer to go dancing? You sure you're not the one who's under the weather?"

He opened his mouth to respond, but before he could speak, there was a timid knock at the door. With a long sigh, Stephen moved to open the door. Freddie was behind it.

"Hi, um… can I talk to Rory, please," she begged, her eyes focused on the floor.

For a moment, I didn't think Stephen would let her in, but finally, he stepped aside. I'd half worried she'd brought her unpleasant brother with her, but she was alone.

"I, uh, I need to talk to her alone. Please," she asked, and at this, Stephen shook his head.

"I don't trust you, Freddie," he stated simply, his glare harsh enough to cause her to wither on the spot. But Freddie didn't budge.

"I know you both must hate me. But please, Rory, I need to tell you this." Her eyes were imploring, her hands squeezed into fists at her side. I'd seen her flinch at the word "hate" and realized she must have really hated what she'd had to do to us.

"No. Absolutely not," Stephen protested.

"Stephen," I blurted out. "It's okay. I want to talk to her."

"I'm not leaving you alone–"

"I'll be fine. Please."

I wasn't sure if it was my pale face or the fact that my hands had begun to shake, but I got the feeling that Stephen would refuse me nothing at that moment.

"I'll be right outside the door," he stated, throwing one last glare Freddie's way before grabbing his phone and stepping outside.

"I know I'm probably the last person you want to talk to right now, but–"

"I talked to Sid," I said, cutting her off, and saw her resigned nod.

Hesitantly, she moved to sit on the bed beside me, her eyes cast down at the floor. "I didn't want to betray you," she explained. "At first, Elias just had me keeping an eye on Jane from a distance. I truly hated her, but he knew she'd be the one most likely to find you. And when she did… he said I had to get close to you, keep an eye on you and make sure you were the real thing. I really did enjoy being a member of the squad. That's all over now, of course."

She was silent for a moment, and her face squished up as though she were holding in tears.

"I didn't know it could kill you, using that power. I just thought you'd perform the ritual and then he could let you go. No harm done."

"That's really what you believed," I asked, unable to stop myself. "Because I met Elias and he didn't seem big on the sanity."

"I didn't think you'd get hurt, I swear," she argued, but then her face dropped. "But… honestly, I wasn't thinking of much besides my brother."

"Yeah, he's a real sweetheart." She must have heard the sarcasm in my voice, because her frown deepened.

"He didn't used to be like that. We're five years apart, and he always looked after me. Always. He was the kindest brother. Helped me with my homework when my parents were busy with work. Made me a snacks after school and ran off kids that made fun of me. And then he started getting sick. It was a brain tumor. I didn't know much about them at first. I didn't know how they could change someone. Make a kind, gentle person act out and become violent. You see, he and Father never got on. He'd always accused our dad of being too obsessed with work and ignoring his kids. It was true, I guess, but it had never bothered us… until then. Kyle just became so angry, all the time. He would be fine one moment and the next he would be screaming at Father for forgetting my clarinet recital or sleeping at the office the night before. And then… one day, he came at Father with a baseball bat."

For once, I was speechless and the room was deathly silent. No sound except for Freddie's nervous swallowing. "He broke one of Father's legs, cracked his skull. For a while, they didn't know if he would recover. That was when my mum decided to perform the ritual. Kyle didn't want to do it. He hated what he'd done, and… I don't think he wanted to live with it. But Mum forced him into it. He's bitter, I think. I told him Father came through it all right. It took a few months, of course, before he was his old self, but he's fine now. And the tumor's gone, so… things can go back to normal."

"Normal," I shrieked, watching my shaking hands. "If he came back like Sid and Sadie, you just gave an unstable boy superpowers."

"Well… I haven't told him that part yet. And he's not unstable anymore. It was all the tumor pressing on his brain. He's… he will be fine."

"You're welcome then." I couldn't completely hide the bitterness in my sarcasm.

"Rory, I am so sorry for what I had to do. But he was my brother, and I couldn't just leave him like that forever. I had to wake him up."

I was about to yell, to tell her why I still had every right to be mad at her and just where she and her brother could go… when I felt something wet drip on my bare leg. Part of my brain acknowledged that I was still in the white dress I'd preformed the ritual in, but the bigger part of my brain was screaming that what had dripped on my leg was blood. I reached up and felt it running from my nose, down my lips, staining the pure white fabric.

"Oh, Rory," Freddie started, jumping up to grab a tissue which I quickly shoved under my nose.

While she was up, Freddie opened the drawer of the nightstand, pulling out a napkin. And inside was the vial Sid had shown me in the dream.

"Sid told you about this," she asked, and I nodded. "It's perfectly safe. Just some crushed up sleeping pills; my mum's. It should take effect within thirty minutes."

I nodded, feeling suddenly too tired to continue this conversation.

"Rory," Freddie began, slipping the vial back into the drawer. "I just want you to know that I really do care about all of you… and I really am sorry. I just had to tell you that."

She left off the "before you die" part, but I knew it was there. And somehow, the anger I felt towards her faded, just slightly. I'd seen how broken Stephen was over losing his sister. Could I really fault her for all she'd done to save her brother? No, not completely.

Reaching out, I took her hand, squeezing it with the feeble strength I could muster. "I forgive you."