[AU, as far as a 'canon universe' can go in the Simpsons]

It was never supposed to be like this.

Well, Bart wasn't planning it to be like this anyway.

It was supposed to be a normal, routine life. One he could count on never changing. He was planning on a steady job, maybe a family of four, with a happy marriage and good kids (okay, he admits it. any kid, just not like he used to be back in the day). He was planning on it to be a happy life, near his family and friends.

It wasn't.

At the age of forty, he was still the same boy he used to be, just in a bigger body. He lived in his school goddammit. His wife had left him, his children thought of him as a guy they occasionally hung out with instead of a father (much like how he saw his dad, even now). He had no respectable job.

Bart Simpson was not proud of his life.

He was not proud of seeing his children once a month. He didn't like how Milhouse seemed to sneer at him whenever they met, as if saying 'I have a steady marriage, you don't!' (oh how he wanted to just spill the beans to the guy about Nelson. But he couldn't. he owed Lisa that much). He wasn't proud of how HOMER he'd become.

but what had happened? What had changed Bart Simpson, the cheerful class-clown, master Prankster, the funny guy, into this?

He had plans. He was going to be a lawyer, or a judge, or a sniper, or pretty much anything but the jobless free-loader that he'd become.

Oh, he had jobs. He had been a worker in Kwik-e Mart. He'd been a construction site worker. He'd even went to college. But nooooo, he had to just…he had to just be the selfless brother that time.

He used to think what would happen if he hadn't passed down that Yale Scholarship to Lisa. Much like how Homer had once wondered what could happen had his high school principal hadn't been such a dick. (he had done it so Lisa wouldn't ruin her life marrying Milhouse. Surprise! she did, and she had) but no use crying over spilt soda. He could think of something. he always did.

Which was when he saw the ad on the Holo-TV he'd bought just after divorce. Between two episodes of Itchy and Scratchy (theystill thought a psychotic mouse brutally executing an innocent cat was funny. And they still had good episode ideas. Well, a few of them were good anyway) he saw it.

A state wide call for the Law School Admission Test. The LSAT, as Lisa had called it when once, when they were trying to rescue Krusty from yet another lawsuit. (he remembered it, 'with all this time I'm reading law books for that clown, I'm pretty sure I'd ace the LSAT if I took it!')

Hmmm…. being a lawyer. He did have his dreams about it after all. Homer still didn't let him watch that blasted movie (and goddammit, he'd tried. No matter what, none of the theaters let him watch it without his dad. Even though he was a grown-ass man in his forties), not that that was a good reason for him to become a lawyer anyway.

Which was when he signed up for the test, and began studying.

[5 months later]

It was a week before the exam, and the first time he was actually studying for one (okay, not really the first. He had graduated High-school after all) when Jenda decided to send the kids over. The door-app buzzed, and he rolled his eyes before tapping it, throwing the phone to the ground for the door to open. he'd had to pull the plug on the flash-teleport device after that time Snake had decided to pay him a visit.

"Heyya, Bart!" said Kirk, his eight-year-old son, looking just like Simon Woosterfield at his age (well, except for the spiky hair, thankfully he hadn't gone full nerd yet), "what'cha doing?"

He rolled his eyes, ever since Jenda had divorced him, his children seemed to call him by first name. he thought oh god, does he HAVE to call me 'Bart'?

"reading a book. What's it looks like?" he said, not paying attention, too focused on the boring textbook.

"yeah, but what kind of book?" "something on deductive reasoning." Yeah. For some reason, he had to be Sherlock Holmes if he wanted to be a lawyer.

Well, obviously Lawyers didn't need that. Case in point, Hutz wasn't that good on reasoning. Then again he had blown almost all his cases. Scratch that, all the ones Bart or Lisa hadn't fixed for him.

Yes, he had to study this. and Kirk repeatedly saying "I'm bored!" from various locations in the room didn't help in his concentration. "Look, Kirk. do you mind? I'm reading something"

Kirk stopped whatever it was that he was doing, and said "yes, but why are you reading something on deductive reasoning?" Bart was really ready to say 'because of my exam!', but stopped himself in the last second.

Nobody knew about that yet, and until he'd gone to some sort of college, nobody would.

So he said "just…uh…curious! Yeah, just curious!" to which Kirk raised a skeptical eyebrow, but said nothing.

"Bart, I'm bored! There's nothing to do here! Let's go somewhere!" goddammit, was I this annoying as a child? Bart put the book on the desk, put on a bookmark, and said "okay, Kirk! I'm open to suggestions! Where should we go?"

But now, Kirk wasn't on that anymore, he looked at the few photos on the wall, "wait, what's that?"

Bart rolled his eyes, "it's a photo, Kirk. something we had back when I was a kid" "I know what a photo is, we learned that in history a week ago, Bart" said the boy in a condescending tone, "what I meant is, who's that guy? Y'know, that guy with a weird hair sitting next to the stupid clown"

And there goes my entire childhood in a nutshell. A guy with a weird hair, and a stupid clown. "oh, you mean Sideshow Bob"

Kirk looked at Bart with a curious look, "what's a sideshow bob?" "Krusty's old Sidekick, before Mel took over," at the boy's confused look, he explained "you know, that guy with a bone in his hair? he got famous for his book a few years ago. that's Mel." "oh" "right. so Bob was before him. until I …uh… made him get fired?"

"oh really? A story? Tell me, c'mon!"

Bart laughed, "you've never seen How I Met Your Mother, have you?" "what?" "oh nevermind. The story goes something like this. Krusty, 'the stupid clown' as you put it, was my idol as a child. I used to watch all his shows, and with the help of your aunt Lisa, we had a lot of stories with the guy. Our first story was when he was sent to prison for armed robbery"

Kirk gasped, "wait, he was a thief?" "oh, he was a horrible man, but thievery was one thing he never did. a guy named Bob Terwilliger, or as we called him 'sideshow bob', framed him. of course I never believed the official story. I learned about how the robber Krusty had big feet, while the actual Krusty didn't. when I found out Sideshow bob had big feet, and a reason to frame the clown, I told the court everything I knew. Bob went to jail, confused at how he'd got caught by a dumb kid, and Krusty went away scot free, promising never to forget me. Which he did, a few minutes later."

Kirk said "but…why do you have a photo like that together, and why do all of you look like you're saying bad words?"

Bart laughed, "your grandma made us say 'funny' before she took the picture, you can see how'd that go. Kirk saying "huh. Wait, are you playing with penguins there?"

Bart sighed, "yeah. Best month of my life, long story, Kid. Why don't you go to your Grandpa? There's bound to be something you'd do together?" "but mum said I had to stay with you." "I'll call your mum later; don't you worry"

The kid, relieved to get away from the boring classroom-turned-home, said "okay," before using his phone to knock on Homer's door.

A few minutes after he'd explained the situation to Homer and Mom, Bart was sitting on the coach, a bottle of Duff in hand.

Sideshow bob. Damn, he hadn't seen that guy for a long time. well, since the double manslaughter in Moe's tavern. Since he'd…departed.

He missed it. he missed fearing for his life. He missed fighting for the truth to come out.

He laughed bitterly, the alcohol finally starting to have its effect on him, he could say he hated order and law as much as he liked. He was on their side anyway.

With a renewed enthusiasm, he picked up the book. No matter what, Life would always go on, and he had a test to ace.

A.N

This is my new Simpsons story. A bunch of one-shots based on events and/or episodes from the Simpsons series.

I have a theory; every single future scene we've seen in the Simpsons till now is just a piece of the puzzle that is the Future of the Simpsons. As we have little to no contradicting future scenes in the show, I stand by my theory.

I mean the future of Bart is something like this in my head-canon:

At some point, he gets a Yale scholarship from Mr. Burns, but gives it to Lisa so she could get rid of Milhouse before her life got fucked up. Then became a construction worker as Lisa went to London and fell in love with some jerk.

At some point in his thirties he started a band, broke off the band, began living with Ralph, helped Lisa out at her crisis in the oval office, married Jenda (who he'd gone to prom with) and got two boys (Kirk and Picard). began working in a dinosaur amusement park, got divorced, began living in his old school, and looking for work, while studying for the LSAT (as we know he later became a judge, he had to study for those, I guess)

At some point in his forties, he finally got over Jenda, and became a lawyer (he was a supreme judge in his fifties, he had to have been a lawyer at some point before that)

At some point in his fifties, he became a judge, and got really successful.

Until he went to a nursing home with Milhouse, and after seeing his one true love, finally passed on. (the Simpsons doesn't say what that 'true love' is. Just that he saw it before he died. Cross-referencing that with another episode that actually shows Bart's Last moments, we know his last moments were passed looking at his family photos, I guess that either means someone in his family (maybe a grandchild, maybe the original Simpson family), or just penguins…)

And of course, somehow, in a thousand years, he's hailed as a prophet. of peace and understanding.

The same, of course, can be said about the future of the rest of the characters.

This story happens in his forties, let's say he hasn't taken the LSAT yet, but the events in 'Days of the Holidays Passed' has already happened.

Damn. That was one long rant.

Good day,

Davoid, Signing off.