A/N: Hey y'all! I originally posted this work over at AO3, but I decided to give it a shot over here! I'm slight Joshaya trash and I needed an outlet and thus, this was created. I decided to rate the story M, partly due to mature content, and partly to cover my ass. Anyway, the first couple of chapters are quite short! Apologies in advance, it does get meatier. Enjoy! And feel free to let me know what you think!

H x

Chapter 1: Broken Hearts | Functioning Bodies

The first time he showed up at her door was a rainy February evening.

She was vehemently tracing what she hoped would be her 'saving-grace' assignment of her first college year. The knock at the door startled her, her 4B pencil tumbling from her grip and falling to the floor.

"Jesus," she mumbled.

She didn't have a clue as to who would be hankering around her doorstep at 11 o'clock at night, so she approached the door with a hesitant slowness.

Her roommate and best friend Riley was spending the night with her boyfriend, so Maya was digging deep through her acquaintance list. She opened the door with a reluctant creak.

No, she definitely hadn't thought of this name.

"Josh," she said breathily, pulling the door open wider.

Alas, there stood Joshua Matthews, motorcycle helmet in hand and leather jacket clad back. His hair glistened with raindrops, but his eyes glistened with something else.

She saw the brunette open his mouth to speak, but she hastily cut him off.

"Riley's not here at the moment."

Josh shut his mouth, but opened it again quickly. "I'm not here to see Riley."

Maya's eyes widened as she avoided the gaze of his deep blue ones.

"Uh, um-okay," the blonde stumbled; stepping aside so Josh could enter the apartment. "What's up?" she queried as the man removed his wet jacket, hanging it on rack beside the door.

As he turned around to face her, something in his mannerisms took her aback. She wasn't sure what it was, but she felt her breath hitch slightly. 'Stop being ridiculous Maya, he hasn't even said anything.'

But God, that's what happened when you loved someone, right? Despite the numerous short-term relationships and countless hook-ups she'd experienced over the last few years, Joshua Matthews still had this alluring power over her.

A power that could reduce her to a bumbling mess whenever he even looked at her.

And he had looked at her a lot over the years. From the humble days of 'You grew up gorgeous' to her Senior prom of 'You are gorgeous' and eventually her high school graduation of 'Can I kiss you, gorgeous?' The two had shared some special moments over the years, however one-sided they were. They talked and joked like old friends but that's

all they were ever going to be.

The last time she had spoken to Josh was two weeks ago at NYU. They both attended and it was business as usual, consisting of 'How's college?' and 'What class do you have now?'

Sometimes he would visit for coffee. With Riley of course. And maybe their eyes met for a little too long. And maybe his hands lingered around her waist in that goodbye hug, but that was all wishful thinking, right?

But this, this was out of the blue. She could see in his deep eyes that he was looking for something tonight, and she subconsciously laid her hands on her stomach as if it would stop the nervous churning it was engaged in.

"Maya," he mumbled.

It was sweet but full of desire. The blonde didn't pick up on it until he had paced over to her, cupping her cheeks in his hands. His touch sent a jolt through her body. Her breath hitched once again, and she didn't have time catch it before his lips met her own. Maya's eyes stayed rigidly open in intense shock before they eventually fluttered closed. Before she even had time to apprehend the situation, Josh had pulled away, but his hands lingered on her cheeks.

"I need you," he whispered.

Maya's mouth lay slightly agape at the statement. Her lips tingled in the shadow of his touch but her heart ached. This wasn't a confession. No, this wasn't some declaration of years of pent-up feelings. This was the cry of a broken young man, wanting to be satisfied, and probably avoiding his real issues. This wasn't love, or even like, this was a deal. A contract. One that Maya, although in pain, would be willing to sign. She had long given up hope of being Joshua Matthews' number 1, so she had learned to take what she was given.

And take she did.

Still, no words escaped her mouth. So she allowed her head to nod slightly before she gingerly took one of his hands in her own and pulled him towards her bedroom. She stole shy glances at the boy she loved as she gently tugged him along. He never broke his solemn expression as he shut the door behind them, hoisting her close as soon as it clicked. He stared at her intently as his hands met her waist.

She wanted to scream. She wanted her usual fiery self to rage at him for thinking he had a right to her body. But she wanted one thing more than that. And that thing was Joshua Matthews. And if she couldn't have his heart, this was the second best option. There were zero strings attached, and zero walls to be broken down. Hope was for suckers.

She confirmed her thoughts the next morning when she woke up alone. The bed felt eerily cold in contrast to its occupation of two passionate bodies the previous evening. But as the blonde straggled out of bed, she told herself to forget everything. Forget his heavy breathing, forget the way he breathed her name, forget the way she felt alive at his touch.

Because nothing about it was special. All that was left was his scent in her bed and a small shred of paper on the kitchen bench with 'Thank You' scrawled in Josh's handwriting.