Lauryn made her sit at a café table for nearly an hour before they finally started venturing back to their hostel. She chattered a bit about her semester, her various love interests (even if they had failed in the long run), and finally just settled for talking about her hopes for the school year. Cath did her best to not think about her own upcoming year. The tiniest detail of consideration sent her shivering again.

"So, are you ready?" Lauryn finally asked. "Can we get to the hostel? We have so much to do!"

Cath nodded. She did honestly wish she was in a fit enough state to have some coffee. However, Lauryn definitely had a point there. She'd likely only become more anxious if she put caffeine into her system.

"Yes," Cath said after a long deep breath. "Yes, I'm ready."

Just as they were standing up Lauryn's phone rang.

"And look who it is," Lauryn said with a smirk. "Sit your butt back down. You're about to have a talk with your boyfriend."

Cath smiled in spite of herself. She reached for the phone handed to her and pressed it to her ear.

"Hello."

"Hi sweetheart, you left me a message…um…everything okay?"

She took a deep breath. "I just…was with Lauryn and had a bad panic attack. I'm doing better now. She just thought it might be good for me to call you."

She could picture him straightening up, his words suddenly becoming a little better enunciated. "What happened?"

"Just travel stress I guess," she said. "And crowded subway and everything." She lowered her voice, hardly daring to look at Lauryn. "I just feel like I shouldn't be here."

"Cath, that's ridiculous," Levi said.

"No, I'm barely a few hours in and I'm already in a panic," Cath said. "I just…I'm not cut out for this, Levi. I'm too messed up. I can barely do this at home…but here…"

"Cath, what did your therapist say to you?" he said.

She closed her eyes. "That I'd be okay and we could discuss medication when I returned home if I'm still doing poorly. And that I can probably find someone over here if need be."

"Yes, see. You have a stamp of approval. You don't need to sit there fretting that you're not ready. At least in that sense. Hey, in a few days you'll be up in Oxfordshire and you'll be able to come visit me. And I'm going to give you the biggest hug possible."

She smiled and felt tears coming back again. "I'd like that… a lot."

"Course. I'll snuggle you up in my bed and just wrap you in my arms and let you cry for a bit. I know it's tough. And…even I've been having some trouble adjusting. But it gets better, okay? Don't you worry."

"I hope so," Cath whispered. "Or I'm not going to be able to take this."

"Chin up, sweetheart. It's your first day. You're jetlagged. Dealing with culture shock. Probably still feeling gross from the airplane. Just relax a little and enjoy okay?"

"I'll try. I can't wait until I get to see you again."

She could hear his smile. "Yeah. I know. Give Lauryn a hug from me and tell her to take good care of you, okay?"

"I will," Cath said.

She reluctantly pressed the end call button and turned back to Lauryn.

"Okay. Let's do this."

Lauryn smiled. "All right then."

"Levi said thank you," she said.

"Yeah, well I'll let him know later that it's no big deal. I can take care of his girl while he's not around. Somebody should."

Cath flushed, but she managed to not protest as Lauryn headed back away from the café and towards the tube.

The second time around was a little less of a disaster. Cath did find herself feeling slightly panicked, but she remembered her breathing exercises, and she stuck close to Lauryn.

After a few more minutes of walking, they finally arrived at the hostel.

"Look, see? Was that so bad?" Lauryn asked with a bright shining grin on her face.

Cath looked up over the building, noting peeling paint and a cracked window. Her gaze flashed back down the street. There was a man with a cardboard sign in his hands standing on the corner.

"Um…how'd you…find this place?" Cath asked.

"Well it was cheap," Lauryn admitted. "And a lot of other places were already booked up. So…"

She gestured to the building.

"I mean…I'm sure it can't be that bad," Lauryn said. "It's called the Happiness Hostel…how bad could it be?"

Cath shrugged, suddenly thrown back to memories of childhood visiting some kind of arcade for children called "Fluffy's Fun House" or something of the like. Images of screaming children, creepy workers, broken machines, and sticky floors somehow came to mind.

She tried not to conjure up depressing visions of what the hostel might look like. Instead she waited for Lauryn to find the phone number and call.

"Weird hours for the place or something," Lauryn whispered as she waited with the phone to her ear.

After a moment she brightened.

"Oh yes, hello…um we're staying at your hostel tonight and we've arrived outside the normal check in hours. Is there any chance you could let us in early?"

She nodded a few times and Cath finally managed to take a deep breath.

"Okay sounds good. Yes, we will talk to you soon!"

Lauryn hung up. "Um yup, she's on her way to let us in."

Cath nodded. "I hope she gets here soon. I don't like this area."

"Oh come on, it's not that bad," Lauryn protested.

"I saw a guy pooping in that bush back there. Yes it's bad."

Cath folded her arms and tried to avoid looking anywhere really. Every new thing she saw had her more convinced than ever that this was a mistake. She shouldn't have come.

"I'm sure as soon as we get in and have some time to relax—"

There was a noise that caused Lauryn to stop speaking. She turned in time to see a car jerkily pulling up to the curb, hitting a trash bin on the way. After a moment the driver's door opened.

A chubby woman stepped out. She turned her nose up at Cath and Lauryn almost immediately, beady eyes narrowing.

"You the girls staying the night?"

"Um…yes?" Cath whispered.

"Well don't stand there all day," the woman said. "Come on."

She waddled over to the door and unlocked it.

An image of a news story about two American girls killed in London flashed through Cath's mind. She did her best to banish the thought, but the woman's scowl was doing nothing to ease her worries.

As she walked, she worried her lip, a trickle of blood suddenly catching her tongue. With the taste of blood in her mouth, Cath tried to imagine, as she had done when she was younger, that she was Baz. Baz wouldn't be afraid of this woman. Then again, Baz had magic and vampire fangs on his side.

They were led into a darkened hallway, though even in the gloom Cath could make out stuffed animals lining every inch of furniture.

"All right, give me your passports please."

Cath reached for her backpack, pulling out the now slightly more familiar blue booklet and handing it over. She remembered how proud she'd been when she'd received it. Somehow it had been a confirmation of adulthood, of adventure. This little collection of paper that could open doors; her own magic key.

The woman took their paperwork and shuffled over to a desk with a mess of papers all over it, and another collection of glassy-eyed teddy bears.

"All right, Michels and Avery, yes?"

The woman didn't wait for them to respond before grabbing some papers and shoving them at the girls.

"Sign these. Basic agreement. No smoking in the rooms. You'll pay a deposit for the key and get it back when you return it. Whatever else you do is your business."

Cath scanned over the paper, surprised to find it did pretty much say just that as well as listing a check out time. She reached for a pen on the desk, avoiding the one that appeared to have something sticky on it.

"All right, key deposits and then I'll give you yours and you can head to your room."

Cath dug in her bag for the envelope of pounds her father had advised her to get from the bank before leaving. She handed over a crisp ten.

A small key with a large wooden keychain was plunked into her hand.

"Upstairs, down the corridor to your left."

Cath nodded and followed Lauryn towards the stairs the woman had pointed at.

"Wow, is it just me or is this place… creepy?" Lauryn asked.

"Nope, it's definitely not you," Cath agreed as she took the stairs two at a time. "Happiness Hostel indeed," she said, eyeing the large-eyed animal paintings that were now lining the hallway.

"Okay, yeah sorry you book hostels next time. My bad."

Cath was grateful when she opened the door to their room. That was until she looked around. Thankfully there weren't creepy animals everywhere. But there were boxers in the middle of the floor, and a foul odor that seemed to be coming from one of the suitcases lying next to the bed.

"It's just for a few nights," Lauryn said, though her normally cheerful voice lacked the real ring it usually did. "I mean…it'll be fine."

Cath nodded as she set her backpack down. "Um…top or bottom?"

"Hmm…I'd say top," Lauryn said with a giggle. "But that's mostly cause you seem like a bottom."

Cath flushed. "Yeah bottom's fine," she muttered as she went over to check the bedding. It appeared relatively clean, though that still didn't put her at ease as she eyed the four other empty beds. Who knew what kinds of people might be in the room with them? Especially noting that some of them were boys.

"Okay good," Lauryn said. "So… I know you're tired… you good waiting here for a bit while I go grab some of those pamphlets and things downstairs? Want to see if there are some good ideas for things to do today…maybe we can save Cornelius tours for tomorrow."

Cath yawned and nodded. "Yeah that's fine. Maybe I'll grab a shower. I feel kind of gross from the plane anyhow."

Lauryn smiled. "Sure. I'll see you in a few then."

She disappeared out the door leaving Cath to her thoughts. She sat down on the bed and tried to pull herself together. Today just felt altogether too crazy for her tastes. Maybe things would feel more balanced once she actually arrived at school. Or maybe not.

She sighed and moved to open her backpack, pulling out the spare pair of clothes she'd included: a loose t-shirt and cardigan, and a pair of jeans. Well, if nothing else she'd be clean and in clean clothes for a bit. Maybe that way she'd start to feel more normal.

The door opened and Cath jumped.

A boy walked in, dressed in a hoody with the hood pulled over his head. He walked over and sat down on the bed across from Cath.

Cath frowned and reached for her clothes again. It felt weird being in a room with a boy that wasn't Levi. She remembered back to freshman year, her worries about how "rapey" it felt just to be with Levi. A stranger made it even worse.

She suddenly wondered if she should go find Lauryn. Maybe she shouldn't be in the room by herself.

Grabbing her clothes, she settled for heading to the bathroom instead. At least that way she wouldn't look awkward and could have a lock between her and this random stranger. She'd never allow herself to stay in a coed hostel again, that was for sure.

She flipped the lock and allowed herself a few minutes to take deep breaths before she undressed to shower.

Her nose crinkled as she noticed a hairball on the shower floor. She realized her flipflops weren't in her backpack, so she'd have to make do without. God, she was probably going to get some horrible foreign fungus and never recover her feet. She tried to picture going about life without her toes. Would that even be feasible?

She debated back and forth about just going back into the room, but a whiff under her arms let her know that wasn't a good idea. After a full day in a plane, she really did need a wash.

Avoiding the tarantula-sized hairball, she gingerly stepped into the shower. Once under the warm spray, she did her best to forget about the boy sitting on the bed in the room, or the gross shower germs on her feet, or the fact that she was halfway around the world. Maybe in the water she could wash all the negative thoughts away.

After a thoroughly long soak in the water, Cath pulled herself out, toweling off and slipping into her clean outfit. She flicked the lock on the door and allowed herself back into the small room space.

The first thing she noticed was that the boy was gone. The second thing she noticed was that her backpack wasn't where she left it.

She'd left it sitting on the floor. Now it was on the bed. And her things were spread around it.

Gasping, Cath went over and checked. It only took her a few seconds to realize what was missing.

After a second feeling like she was going to stop breathing, Cath sprang into action. She grabbed her room key and headed for the hall.

She found Lauryn within a minute. Her heart was pounding and there were already tears clouding her eyes.

"Lauryn…my…" she gasped, hardly able to get the words out.

"What's up?" Lauryn asked. Her smile disappeared. "Hey, Cath, is everything all right? Did you have another panic attack?"

"Maybe having one now," Cath admitted. "My…stuff… all stolen. I went to shower and came back. My wallet is gone."

Lauryn's eyes widened. "What?"

"There was a boy in the room. And when I came back my wallet was gone."

"Oh my god. Um… just…stay calm. Let's…" Lauryn put a hand over her mouth before anymore words could come out. Cath's hands clenched into fists.

She could feel panic rising inside her, hot and tight and overpowering. She closed her eyes and tried to clamp down on it, but it had gone too far already.

"What do I do?" she whispered.

"I don't know," Lauryn said. "Um…let's ask the lady at the front desk about it and then…um…go to the police. Can you find numbers for your bank? We need to get those cards canceled as soon as we can."

Cath nodded, swallowing and keeping her mouth clamped shut. It felt like something awful might come out if she opened it again.

She'd been asking for trouble coming to Europe. She should have realized this would happen.

She heard Lauryn down the hall, talking to the woman at the desk. The words were difficult to make out, but she could hear that the woman's tone was not particularly pleasant. A few biting responses. A sense of incredulity. Yes, they weren't going to get any help there.

After a few moments of standing frozen she managed to move. She headed back to the room.

It took most of an hour. Calling the card companies to let them know she needed to report her card stolen. They asked for her address so new ones could be sent. She had to wonder how soon they would arrive.

And then the police report. Cath wanted to pull her hair out by the end.

"Things are going to get better," Lauryn said as they walked out of the police station. "I know they will. This is a shitty start…but…"

She broke off.

Cath shook her head. "No. No Lauryn it's not. This was a mistake."

"At least in a bit you'll be settling into your new home…seeing Levi again," Lauryn tried. "You've got this."

Cath closed her eyes. "Maybe. I just want to go back to the hostel and sleep for today. Okay? Maybe…maybe tomorrow we can do tourist stuff."

Lauryn reached over and pulled her into a tight hug. "I know missy. It's okay. Let's rest up and if we feel up for it we'll go out tomorrow."

Cath let Lauryn's tight arms around her relax her. She had to hold onto this for now. Something positive. At the very least she wasn't alone. And that was certainly something to celebrate.

She snuggled up under her covers later that evening, laptop balanced on her thighs. Though the wifi was a bit shitty, Cath made the best of it as she read through the comments on her latest update.

"Good stuff?" Lauryn asked.

Cath frowned. "No. Still…still dealing with people who want to know why I'm writing a hetero ship instead of slash. And then a few Cornelius fans on old stuff…saying my works are maybe going to be enough to get them through hiatus and why can't I write more? I'm trying to figure out the nicest way to tell them I'm moving to another country."

Lauryn smiled. "Yeah, you deserve a break for sure. Don't let them make you feel bad, okay? You don't need to feel stressed. As for the non-hetero fans please remind them that bi, aro, ace, and pan people exist please…and that freedom to ship still exists."

Cath sighed as she typed out a few more notes. "I don't want to seem rude. I don't know…I didn't have to deal with this in the Simon Snow fandom. I was a Snowbaz shipper and that was that. Sure, I saw a little fandom drama from time to time, but nothing like this."

"Seriously, write Elba as bi or something and then if people criticize you, you can just point out they're being biphobic," Lauryn said. "It's simple really."

"Are you guys talking about Hunter's Sword?" a girl a few bunks over asked. "Oh my god I love that series."

"Me too," Cath said with a smile. "Yeah… um…just fandom drama."

"Oh that's so cool," she giggled. "Did you hear they're doing filming up north? For the next film I would die if I saw one of the actors."

Cath smiled. "Yeah, I did. It would be pretty cool indeed."

She sighed and looked at the last nasty comment in her inbox. She thought back to Thomas a few months earlier, so confused with his sexuality that he'd felt the need to leave awful comments on her works. These people were probably no different; lost and confused and in need of a friend. Or at least that was what she had to keep telling herself.

However, as the girl a few beds over continued to chatter about fandom, Cath had to smile. Even in the worst of times she always had this to come back to. That was the beauty of these things, she supposed. The real world was shitty. And an escape into another one could sometimes be just what she needed to lift her own spirits.

"I cannot do this anymore," Elba said with a sigh. "I'm so done. There's…no point in this. Why do I keep trying when everything keeps going wrong?"

"Because you're a good person," he said.

Elba turned from where she was standing along the edge of the path. When she looked back towards Will she could see how far along they'd come. It made her sigh.

"You really think so?"

"Of course," he said, smiling.

Elba tilted her head and considered. "But…everything keeps going wrong. What do I do?"

"Keep trying. Don't give up."

"Easier said than done."

His hand twisted into hers. "Well, sure. But you should know you always have me."

She looked at Will, catching the look in his eyes and wondering not for the last time if it was something more than what she'd initially anticipated. Friend? More? Perhaps. She couldn't deny there was something there. She certainly wasn't blind to that.

However, there were more important things to focus on at the moment. She couldn't allow herself to be distracted.

Still, there was something about Will she held onto. Perhaps even in the hard times she could realize that there was still could. Perhaps in those beautiful eyes and that precious smile she could lose herself for a bit. Forget the troubles and the worries and the rough road ahead. She could, in fact, still find a little bit of home even out in the big wide world. And she'd take that.

A/N: Sorry for the delay readers. I'm in England… things are…hard. I'll try to keep updating but I have to tell you right now it's hard to want to write. Friends, my boyfriend, and of course nice reader comments are kind of all that's keeping me going right now. Please be nice.

-From Adventure's Weight posted September 2013
By FanFixx .net author Magicath

A/N: Well Happiness Hostel isn't real…though it is a compilation of some different hostels I've stayed at plus my roommate's poor incident of having her wallet stolen out of her room (yes actually a real story there). When you travel always be safe and have fun and make the best of terrible situations. It makes for great stories later!

Thanks to all who reviewed, favorited, etc. I really appreciate you amazing readers! You keep me writing!

Thanks also to my amazing beta Hetty T. You're wonderful!