On the walk, once again Ia stuck to small side streets, sometimes veering her way through vegetation. Still, Yukari was too engrossed in her to complain, and besides, with Ia, it seemed perfectly normal to take these strange routes. Still, Yukari couldn't help but to wonder if Ia had some sort of goal in mind – she walked with steps so sure that it seemed strange that she wouldn't at least have an inkling of where to go.

"Are we going anywhere?" asked Yukari.

"No, not really. Just walking. Is there a destination you have in mind?"

"Er, no…I was just wondering. You walk like you know where you're going."

"I just walk wherever I feel like walking."

"Oh, um, okay." Another silence, and she couldn't help but to ask: "Why don't you ever take the main roads?"

"There's too many cars and too many people, and it's more interesting trying to figure out where I am if I take the side streets. Ah," Ia stopped abruptly and turned her face up at the sky. Yukari nearly bumped into her back, though she caught herself in time and followed Ia's gaze. The sky was darkening, the sun partially obscured by clouds. Yukari squinted in confusion, but then she felt it – a slight drop of water on her face.

"Oh," said Yukari, blinking, "is it raining?"

"I think so. Do you have an umbrella?"

"No..."

"Okay," said Ia, and she kept walking, though her steps are a little more hurried, and Yukari had to jog occasionally to keep up, glancing around. They were in one of the alleys between houses, though Yukari had absolutely no idea what part of the town they were in. Fences barred her on both sides, and it was also rather narrow – all she could see were occasional roofs, some overhanging branches, the dead leaves at her feet, and Ia's back. The rain was coming down harder now, and wincing Yukari held up her book bag in an attempt to shield herself from it.

"Do you want to try to find some shelter or something?" asked Yukari.

"We're close to my house, so we can stop by there," said Ia, seemingly unruffled by the rain. "I can lend you an umbrella."

Yukari's eyes widened. They were going to Ia's house? "A-are you sure that's okay?"

Ia didn't bother replying, only taking a sharp right turn. After a few more turns that all happened in such quick succession Yukari lost track, the two of them emerged near a large house that was walled off by a gate. Yukari looked around, but there were no other houses in the area, only occasional trees and electric towers standing in the distance.

"Wow…you live all the way out here?" For Ia's family to own such a large property in the middle of nowhere…somehow, it fit her lonely personality. Ia gave only a short nod in reply before heading towards the house, and Yukari followed Ia through the gate, walked down the rock-lined path to the door, and hesitantly entered. As they took off their shoes, she looked around. It really was a large house, she thought to herself, though the lights were all off and the window curtains were tightly drawn. While Yukari tried hard to listen, there was no sound, either. "Are your mom and dad home?"

"My parents are divorced, so I'm just here with my dad," said Ia. "He's not home very often because of his work, though."

"Whoah…so it's just you by yourself? Was it always like this?"

"Yes. We've had to move a lot, but my dad says he likes this town, and the schools are supposed to be good, so I think we'll be here for a while." Ia sat herself down on the first staircase step, her eyes focused on some middle distance to nowhere.

"That sounds pretty lonely…"

"It's not so bad. There's books, music, walks, the Internet."

Yukari hesitantly sat next to Ia, though she made sure to keep a respectable distance between them. Even though the window curtains were drawn shut, there was still a little of the sunset light peeping in through the ends, and Yukari looked at the entrance room. It was well-decorated, to be sure, but desolate at the same time. Through one of the doors, Yukari could see what she assumed to be the kitchen, which was clean and spartan in its decorations. It looked more like a model home than a real home, everything untouched and impersonal. What a bleak place to spend time in….no wonder Ia liked taking all those walks. Anything would be good to get out of this house, thought Yukari, resting her chin on her knees. "So you're not lonely at all?"

"No," said Ia, still looking away – it was as though she hadn't noticed that Yukari had sat next to her at all. She was so far away, yet so close, that all of a sudden Yukari felt an almost violent desire to touch her – to grab her by the shoulders, to tug on her hand and bring her back down to earth – but instead Yukari sighed and scratched her nose, the desire bouncing around her insides with nowhere else to go, manifesting as a steady irritation.

"Why did you ask me to take a walk with you?" Yukari asked at last.

"I felt like it," said Ia, unmoving, unmoved, unmovable, and that answer, which was so vague Yukari couldn't help but to think that it was deliberately so, only made her irritation grow. Why, she wondered – was it because Ia's responses were so distant, it could only mean that Yukari wasn't so special after all? But why would Yukari need to feel special? Why was it that she wanted Ia to acknowledge her so badly? Of course, all of these questions was just a smokescreen, because Yukari knew what her own motives were. She wanted to be friends with Ia, sure, but she wanted to be more than that too. She wanted to be special, and a part of her wanted to be the only one who would crack Ia's shell. It was selfish, and stupid, and Ia should be friends with whoever she felt like being friends with, but Yukari wanted so badly to be special to her. For a moment, the memory of Ia saying Yukari's name flashed in her head, and Yukari felt a fresh spring of despair, for Ia had not called her by name at all today. What if she went on these walks with everyone? What if that walk had been so unmemorable to Ia that she didn't know who Yukari was at all?

It was painful, too painful for Yukari to want to bear, and the house pressed in oppressively around her. "Oh…"

Something in Yukari's tone of voice must have caught Ia's attention, for she turned to face her, eyebrows slightly furrowed. "What is it?"

Yukari glanced up at Ia, looked at her quizzical gaze, her large, mysterious eyes. Did she exist in her, Yukari wondered, or was she still just another background character in Ia's life? Even now, Ia looked a little distant and bored, and Yukari felt a surge of hot irritation. She wanted to touch her, to shake her out of that apathy that seemed to engulf her so completely. She wanted to drag Ia down to her level, wanted to make her familiar and human as opposed to strange and distant. Yukari's hands had tightened into fists, and her blood was rushing loud in her ears. She didn't even realize when she had leaned forward, when she had grabbed Ia by her thin shoulders, when she had pressed her lips against Ia's.

Yukari had never thought that her first kiss would be like this. Years of reading about romance in books and watching romantic comedies had taught her that her first kiss was supposed to be something delicate and special, done in important moments, filled with love and all that came with it. Not like this – not fueled out of anger and petty desire, not done because she wanted to shock the other person out of apathy, not powered by this utterly selfish desire to be the one who would really touch Ia, to be the only one to break her out of her shell. No, not even that…to force her out of her shell more like. Yukari's kiss was desperate and sloppy and not at all gentle, and her hands tightened on Ia's shoulders, so tight that Yukari was sure that it hurt, but a part of her wanted to hurt Ia too, because then at least she would show some sign that Yukari could reach her, even if it was only through pain.

But it was over all too fast when Yukari's rational mind caught up with her actions, and upon realizing what she did, she immediately drew back, eyes wide, rubbing her lips as horror dawned in her mind, mingled with the disgust in her gut. What had she just done? Why did she do that? Yukari squeezed her eyes shut as her self-loathing grew. "I…I'm sorry," she stuttered, as though that would fix anything, as though she had done something that would be so easily forgiven. "I'm…I'm sorry, Ia."

Ia looked at Yukari, her blue eyes unreadable as she absentmindedly brought a hand up to massage her shoulder, where Yukari had undoubtedly gripped too hard. "Why did you kiss me?"

"I…I…." Yukari hung her head. "I was selfish. I…I'm sorry." She tried to blink back the tears that sprung to her face. "I'm really sorry, Ia. It's just, I really…" Yukari's shoulders slumped even more. How could she even begin to explain all the messy, ugly feelings within herself? "You were so distant, I…" Yukari trailed off. Once she was on the cusp of saying it, her reason seemed even more base and selfish than it was in her head, and Ia's gaze was still on her, unrelenting. It felt as though she could see right through her.

Yukari couldn't take it. She stood up. "I'm really sorry…I should...I should go."

"It's still raining," said Ia. "Do you want an umbre—"

"I don't care about the rain!" Yukari shouted before she realized she was shouting, and quickly tore her eyes away from Ia – she didn't want to look at her, didn't want to look at that same distant, background-character gaze. Her hands had tightened into fists again. "You don't need to…just…" Hot tears were running down Yukari's face now, but why was she the one who was crying? Ia was the one she hurt, right? Or was Ia so far away that even that desperate, ragged kiss meant nothing to her either? The futility of it all was enough to make Yukari want to fall to the floor. Yukari rubbed her face, and when she next spoke, she nearly cringed at how childish she sounded. "I'm gonna…I'm going to go back home."

Yukari could hear Ia get up. "I should walk you back," Ia said. "My house is far from the other houses in the neighborhood."

"I'm fine," Yukari muttered. "I have GPS on my phone." She shoved her feet into her sneakers.

There was a brief silence before Ia spoke again. "I'm sorry. I hurt you, didn't I?"

"No…no, you didn't…it's my fault. A-anyways, um," Yukari was already at the door, her eyes turned away. She didn't want to look at Ia at all, didn't want any reminders of what she had done. She wanted to be back at home, to forget everything, to forget how she had forced a kiss on Ia, to forget how she was acting so weird that Ia felt a need to apologize when it was all Yukari's fault, really, for wanting so much. "I…I'll go now. I'm…I'm really sorry."

Before Ia could reply, Yukari left, closing the door behind her. The rain was pouring now, each drop slapping her face. Yukari walked and walked, and it was only after Ia's house disappeared behind her in the rainy mist when she sank down to a crouch. She had been hiccupping a little as she was walking, but it was only now that Ia's house was a safe distance away when she gave herself fully to her tears, burying her face in her arms as her shoulders shook and trembled with the force of her sobs. She felt sick and dizzy; her heart felt like it was trying to claw up her throat, throbbing in pain, and though she tried not to think, her mind was still fixated on Ia, Ia's unreadable blue gaze after the kiss Yukari had forced on her, Ia's distant and bored expression. But just that mental image was enough to make Yukari's tears come faster, her breaths sputtering with how hard she was crying as the rain came down on her.

-o-o-o-

The next day, Yukari avoided Ia. During lunch, she did her best to throw herself into her everyday conversations with her friends. Of course, Ia didn't join, and Yukari didn't look at her either. After such an event, Yukari was convinced that the best thing she could do, the only thing she could do really to make up for things, was to leave Ia alone. Even if the kiss didn't matter to Ia, Yukari couldn't bring herself to look her in the eyes again.

SeeU, of course, noticed that Yukari was down. After school, she insisted that Yukari go with her to some new bakery that opened, and bought them both cookies and cake. And though she asked about Yukari and how she was doing, she recognized that Yukari clearly didn't want to talk about it, and so didn't press further – an action that Yukari appreciated. When they reached the intersection where they parted to go back home, Yukari gave SeeU a sudden, tight hug, thanking her profusely, and SeeU, stunned by Yukari's uncharacteristic sappiness, only patted Yukari on the back and awkwardly mumbled that it was no problem at all, and that she wanted to try the new bakery anyways.

Days passed with Yukari maintaining her distance from Ia, studiously avoiding her, making sure that she wouldn't be caught late after school. While she was sure that Ia probably wouldn't want to talk with her anymore anyways, Yukari wasn't sure of what she herself would do if she found herself alone with Ia again. The memory of that rainy night was still fresh, still flashing behind her eyes whenever Yukari tried to sleep. Still, as time passed, it scarred over, awkward and ugly.

Unfortunately, one day, Yukari found herself staying late after school, after she had stupidly forgotten to bring one of her notebooks home with her. It had been a bad day all around, though – first, she had forgotten to do one of the homework assignments, and later that day her teacher had called her in for a stern chat about her grades, which had been slipping ever since the incident with Ia. Even SeeU, who had respectfully maintained that she wouldn't ask if Yukari wasn't ready, was growing impatient with how Yukari had been acting for the past few weeks.

All of that accumulated to pretty much push packing properly out of Yukari's mind, and it was only when she was already halfway back home with SeeU when she remembered that she had forgotten her notebook. After bidding her a hasty goodbye, Yukari ran back to school and her classroom, brushing her way past puzzled students heading out.

The classroom was empty, and the sun was sinking in the horizon when Yukari got to her desk and shoved her notebook into her bag. After a quick examination to see if she had forgotten anything else, Yukari determined that she had not, and with a sigh slung her bag over her back. She flipped her phone out to check the time, was about to walk out the door when she heard it – Ia's voice, unmistakable. "Yukari?"

Yukari stopped dead in her tracks and dared to glance up from her phone. Ia was standing at the doorway, but Yukari stopped her eyes before they went up to Ia's face. "Oh…Ia," Yukari managed. "Um…" she ducked her head away, "I gotta go now..."

"Wait," said Ia. "Look at me."

With a sinking feeling in her gut, Yukari resigned herself to her fate and lifted her head so that she was looking at Ia. Her breath stuttered a little when she met Ia's eyes, because they were looking at her, really looking at her, like how she did at the diner months ago, but the expression in them was as mysterious and as unreadable as ever. Shame flooded Yukari again, her memories of that rainy night rushing back into her mind, but she took a breath and tried to steel herself for the reproachful words that she was sure Ia would throw at her.

"You've been avoiding me for the past few weeks," said Ia, her voice quiet, her eyes holding Yukari's as though connected to them through a line. "Why?"

"Why…? Isn't it obvious why?"

"Is it because you kissed me?" Ia's voice was frustratingly measured.

"Yeah…" Surely Ia knew. These questions, Yukari was sure, were asked only to prolong this gut-churning agony.

"I'm sorry," said Ia, breaking the link of their gaze. "I hurt you, didn't I?"

Those words were the exact same ones Ia said to her that night. Not this song and dance again. "I was the one who hurt you. You don't need to apologize."

"Why do you think you hurt me?"

"Because," Yukari said, too tired at this point to be anything other than honest, "I…when I kissed you, I wanted to…to reach you." Yukari looked down at her feet. "I didn't care how I did it, I didn't care if it's through surprise, or shock, or pain. I wanted to really reach you. And…and…" Yukari took a deep breath, "I wanted to be the only one to reach you too. So I kissed you. I didn't even ask for your permission or anything, I just stole it. And I wasn't even happy about it, I just hated it, I hated how you looked at me and I wanted you to look at me with something…something else, anything other than how you always look at people. I wanted," Yukari's voice trembled a little, because these words were digging at that wound again, but she owed Ia at least this much, "I wanted to be…to be special to you. But I went about it all wrong, and I'm…I'm really sorry."

There was a brief silence then, Yukari not daring to meet Ia's eyes, though she heard Ia exhale a soft sigh. "I see. I'm sorry too. I didn't realize that I was hurting you so much. I thought that you wanted to be friends. I didn't think that you would want anything more. So when you kissed me, I was really surprised. But then I thought about it for a while, and it makes sense to me. I'm surprised I didn't see it sooner."

Yukari couldn't help it then – she laughed, a short, derisive one. "Yeah?"

"But," said Ia, her voice becoming clinical and distant again, "you say that you hated how I looked at you. But I don't think that's the case. From the time I spent with you, I think you may be the kind of person who likes this sense of distance."

That did it. Yukari stared at Ia, her eyes wide. "What?"

"I don't mean to say that you don't want to be special," Ia continued, her expression still faraway. "Because you do. You just said that you did. But…it's not like you want to have my undying attention in return, either. Because then you'd get bored. Then all the challenge will be gone. You want that sense of an unbridgeable distance that you say you hate so much, because it's interesting to you, and if you really hated it, then why would you want to be special to me? But you only want it sometimes. Not all the time. Otherwise, you won't be special. You'll be just like everyone else."

Throughout the duration of Ia's speech, Yukari felt her face grow paler and paler as her words struck home. While Yukari had never put so much thought into her feelings for Ia, Ia's voice was so conceited in its certainty, as though she had Yukari completely down to a T. No wonder people were boring, if Ia could drill them down like this, to a collection of base, ugly parts that were only occasionally shuffled from person to person. Still, the more Ia spoke, the more resentment in Yukari grew. From all this, she was getting the distinct feeling that Ia was toying with her, that some sick part of Ia was standing there and enjoying how thoroughly her words were impacting Yukari.

"You're pretty messed up," said Yukari a while after Ia's words hung in the air, diffusing into a tense atmosphere.

Ia shrugged, her eyes meeting Yukari's, distant and bored. "Am I? I don't think you'd like me if I wasn't."

God. Yukari wanted so badly to reach inside Ia and draw out whatever was in there. But maybe Ia was right – maybe Yukari did prefer it this way. But why would Yukari ever prefer this deep sense of pain? This hopeless desire to really know Ia, to really be close with her, only to be met by indifferent resistance at every turn…it was unbearable and sick, it was enough to make Yukari's gut clench. What kind of twisted person would choose this? It had to be Ia's words, just her words fucking up everything inside Yukari's head.

But if Ia really thought Yukari was like that, should Yukari give in and act the part? Yukari looked at Ia for a moment, took in the indifferent cast of her porcelain face, the mussed tangle of hair so blonde it looked white, how the sinking sun cast her delicate features and thin frame in sharp relief.

Yukari had thought that Ia was beautiful the day she transferred in, but standing here now, after spending all that time with Ia, after learning of Ia's strange cruelty, Ia's beauty was at once monstrous and sublime. It was the kind of beauty that drove people mad, Yukari thought to herself. Maybe she was already going mad. Before she knew it, she was standing close to Ia, looking down at her, so close that she could count her eyelashes, could see the steady rise and fall of her chest as she breathed. How could she be so alive, and yet so much like a statue? There was that bubbling desire in Yukari again, that desire to break Ia out of that shell, that desire to be the only one who would even be capable of doing so.

"Maybe you're right," said Yukari, and before she knew it, she had her arm snaked around Ia's back, had pulled Ia inside the classroom and shut the door, had pressed her lips against Ia's again, her hand digging into Ia's back. The first time, she had been too caught up in her emotions to really know what was going on, but now, Yukari felt a dim intuition that Ia wanted her to be aggressive, a desire that Yukari was all too happy to accommodate as she swept her tongue across Ia's lower lip as she drew a hand up to Ia's hair, running her fingers through its tangles.

Ia's breath stuttered, and Yukari could barely suppress her triumphant smirk against Ia's lips. "Feeling something?"

Ia was smart enough to not to give Yukari a verbal reply, but her hands clutched tighter on to the front of Yukari's uniform. Yukari opened her eyes a fraction, and saw that Ia had them closed, eyebrows slightly furrowed as though concentrating. Yukari drew her lips away from Ia's, kissed along her jaw down to Ia's thin neck. For all of Ia's cold words and distance, in Yukari's arms Ia suddenly felt immensely fragile, and Yukari felt a swell of tenderness in her heart that prompted her to stop for a moment and glance up at Ia.

"Um," said Yukari, "how far do you want to go?"

"How far?"

"Like, do you want just kiss, or do you want to…"

"Which do you want?" Ia asked. Her gaze was a little disoriented, and Yukari sucked in a breath at the sight of how much this little bit of kissing had affected her. "I'm okay with whatever."

"I, um," Yukari ran her hands slowly up and down Ia's sides as she buried her head in Ia's neck, breathing in her scent as she felt that gnawing hunger inside her grow, "I really want you. Where?"

"Here?"

"H-here? This is school!"

"No one's around this late," Ia said, her words still calm despite the flush on her cheeks. "It's a thirty minute walk to my house. Unless yours is closer."

"Um, my parents are probably home," said Yukari, her heart thumping heavy in her chest at the knowledge of what they're about to do. Never in her wildest dreams had she imagined anything like this, and now that it was happening, her earlier boldness was replaced by something more akin to embarrassment and shyness. "A-are you sure? Right here? Wouldn't you prefer somewhere more secluded or something?"

"I don't care," said Ia coolly. "Here is fine."

Yukari's eyes widened at the familiar indifference of Ia's face and words, but that only served to further increase the coiling desire in her gut, as well as rub fresh the irritation in her heart, turning it into a pulsing anger under her skin. Was Ia doing this deliberately, Yukari thought, was this what Ia wanted? Yukari completely undone via nothing but words, drilled into her skull by Ia's irritating certainty? But what was Yukari even feeling right now? All of her emotions were a complete mess, and it was all because of Ia, fucking Ia with her conceited words, her sarcastic smiles, her cruel beauty, her damnable distance, her eternal apathy. Yukari wanted to choke some life out of her, to tear her open just to see if she was alive.

"Fine," said Yukari, because that was all she could say, and drew her lips up to devour Ia's, probing for any sort of reaction. Ia's breath hitched, but that was all, and it wasn't enough – Yukari could practically imagine Ia's thoughts, probably thinking something along the lines of, is that it? How boring, and so Yukari mastered any hesitation she had and slowly slipped a hand under Ia's button-down. Underneath, Ia's skin was smooth, soft, and slightly cool to the touch, and Yukari swallowed at the liberty it felt like she was taking. It felt like her skin was aflame, but how could it be that Ia was so cold underneath her?

It was irritating, really irritating – Yukari had never felt such a desire to hurt another person before. It was completely contradictory, really, because if that was the case, why was she kissing her so desperately it felt as though she couldn't breathe? Yukari dug her nails into Ia's back, hard enough to hurt, and frustrated with the lack of response, Yukari trailed her lips down to Ia's neck and bit, not hard enough to break the skin, but hard enough to bruise, and Ia gasped.

"Wait," Ia brought her hands up to Yukari's shoulders. "That's going to leave a mark."

"That's your problem," Yukari muttered. "Besides, I thought you didn't care what other people thought." She dragged one of her hands up Ia's arm until it reached Ia's hair. Violently she tugged it back, exposing Ia's pale neck, and fluttered her lips over Ia's pulse point. There it was, a heartbeat. Proof of existence. Feeling Ia's pulse against her lips made that old feeling of tenderness rise up in her again, but Yukari took a breath, remembered Ia's coldness and apathy, and did her best to push it back down. Instead, she diverted her lips slightly to the right and sucked in Ia's skin, tinged with salt, and trailed her teeth back up as one of her hands traveled down Ia's body, stroking down her sides. Once she reached the part where her button-down met her skirt, Yukari hesitated only a moment before slipping her hand underneath Ia's skirt.

While this was nothing Yukari had done before with another person, she had at least played around with herself before, so how different could Ia's anatomy be, really? Yukari pushed the fabric of Ia's underwear aside, and after only a little bit of fumbling, she hit what she thought was the right spot when Ia gave a tremendous shudder underneath her, sucking in a deep breath, and Yukari smirked in triumph as she kissed along Ia's jaw.

"Feel good?" asked Yukari.

Ia hesitated a moment before squeezing her eyes shut and nodding. "Y-yeah."

"Have you ever done anything like this before?"

"No…"

"Not even with yourself?"

Ia bit her lip and shook her head silently, her cheeks fading into a deep red. Yukari placed her lips next to Ia's, not quite touching it, and listened as Ia's stuttered gasps traveled through her ears, straight down to her lower body. At this final confirmation that she really was Ia's first in all respects, Yukari clutched her closer, wishing that her arm wasn't in the way of them being truly close. She wanted to feel Ia seek out her lips, wanted to feel the slick heat of Ia's tongue, wanted to feel Ia's naked skin against her's, but it was too late, or too early, or…or…

Yukari kissed Ia in an attempt to distract herself from her thoughts, felt Ia pant heavily into her mouth as her tongue insistently sought out Yukari's, and at the contact Yukari felt a white heat explode in her mind, obliterating all of her thoughts. Her hand wrapped the back of Ia's neck, pushed her closer to her as her other rubbed Ia under her skirt. Ia's hips moved against Yukari, and just knowing that Ia needed this was enough to overrule everything Ia had done and said to her – or at least, only in the moment, it is.

"I…I," Ia's lips moved blindly against Yukari's, "I think I'm…"

Yukari didn't say anything, couldn't say anything, could only squeeze her eyes shut as her breaths came fast and heavy, mingled with Ia's as Ia rocked against her hand, and when Ia did come it was with a shuddered exhalation along the angle of Yukari's jaw, a wordless, boneless groan that made Yukari's legs grow weak.

After it was done, Yukari wanted to hold Ia in her arms a little longer, wanted to kiss her gently on the cheek, wanted to express even a little of that tenderness that was growing inside of her, so large she couldn't breathe.

Instead, she stepped back, pushed down the heat in her lower body, looked away from Ia, rubbed her nose awkwardly with the hand that wasn't wet with her. She wished she had a napkin, or a cloth, or anything other than her clothes she could use to wipe it, but there was nothing, only the tell-tale cooling on Yukari's fingertips.

For a while, no one said anything, and Yukari chewed her lip for a few moments before looking at Ia. The girl was so much more disheveled than Yukari could remember seeing, her hair even more mussed than normal, her school uniform in disarray, the two marks Yukari left on her neck already purpling. She was looking at Yukari with large, unreadable blue eyes, and Yukari felt as though she had to say something, but her mind was completely empty.

"Well," said Yukari at last, "um…"

Silence. Did this impact Ia at all? Already the brief high Yukari had from the experience was fading, replaced by uncertainty and a faint, nagging fear. Ia wasn't saying anything. Why wasn't she saying anything? But Yukari wasn't brave enough at the moment to say it for her – not now, when they were still in the classroom, not when Yukari's fingers were still slick, not when the memory was too new and fragile in her mind.

"…it's getting late," Yukari mumbled, dropping her gaze, self-consciously wiping her hand on her skirt.

"Hm," said Ia, her eyes glancing out the window. "You're right. It is getting dark out." She said those words with a faint undertone of sarcasm, though it was so slight, Yukari wasn't sure if she was imagining it. "I can walk you back home."

"A-are you sure? You don't have to…"

"I want to," said Ia plainly, and with that Yukari could do nothing but let Ia walk her back. This time, they took the main roads, though Yukari was sure that part of it was a function of Ia not really knowing where she lived. It was dusk, the sky a dark blue as the sun proceeded to sink below the horizon, casting dark orange light on the undersides of clouds. Yukari breathed in the fall smell of decomposing leaves and earth, hands stuck in the pockets of her jacket as she walked.

She felt more than a little awkward. Ia was completely silent, her eyes trained on the ground, and every time Yukari looked at the purpling marks on Ia's neck, she wanted to sink into the ground. What does this make them, she wondered. She had taken Ia's first time, and those marks on Ia's neck were certainly a signifier of that…but why was it that at this moment, Ia felt farther away than ever? There was an odd hopeless feeling in Yukari's chest, a pit of dread that this had only further pushed Ia into some unreachable place.

Yukari forced her eyes down to look at her shoes. "U-um…so…what are we now?"

"What do you mean?"

"W-well, our relationship with each other. What are we?"

Ia was silent.

Frustrated, Yukari pressed. "How should I act around you at sch-"

"What do you feel about me, Yukari?" asked Ia suddenly, as though Yukari hadn't said anything at all, and caught off guard by the question, Yukari's words died on her lips.

"What do I…shouldn't you know?" Yukari rubbed the back of her head and looked away. They were walking by the river now, and though it was dark, the streetlamps still illuminated the rushing water.

"I want to hear it from you," said Ia, looking up at Yukari with her large, inscrutable eyes. "You don't seem satisfied right now."

Satisfied? That word hit Yukari in the core. She wanted to crumple to the ground with the force of it, but instead, her legs shook, and her heart felt large and lumpy and painful. Strange how that one sentence, undoubtedly spoken as a mere observation, was enough to hurt Yukari so much that it practically blew all of her feelings out of her body. A cool numbness spread over her, though there was a hot vein of anger pulsing under all the ice.

"Satisfied…?" Yukari was barely aware of when the word left her mouth. "Wait…you let me do all that to you just because you think I'll be satisfied? What the…" Yukari couldn't help the dead laughter that fell out of her lips. "What the fuck?"

Ia was still standing there, still looking at her with those eyes, and that violent anger rose up in Yukari again, but it was a hundred times worse now after what they had done. It was so bad she wanted to throw up, so bad that it felt like her heart was crumbling into dust. However, as quickly as it came, the anger drained away, leaving only sadness behind. It would be pointless to get angry at Ia here, Yukari thought, and she unclenched her fists and stared down at her feet, her mind empty.

"Well," said Yukari numbly, "I just…I really like you, that's all. I want to be the one you go to if…if you have any problems, or anything. I liked that we got to talk about stuff, and I always thought you were really interesting, a-and beautiful. So I wanted to be special to you and stuff. It's all…" Yukari ducked her head, "it's all shit that you already know. There's nothing new or interesting. It's just...boring."

"I see," Ia's eyes finally left Yukari's face, and she looked out at the river. "If that's the case…do you want to go out?"

"…what?"

"Go out," said Ia, still looking away. "Date. Be my girlfriend."

Yukari laughed again, dry and dead and as brittle as the leaves under her feet. "Are you serious…?"

Ia's blue eyes met Yukari's again, large and solemn. "You like me, don't you?"

Yukari chewed her lip and looked into Ia's eyes, practically oceans in and of themselves. What laid in them was a complete mystery to Yukari – what Ia was thinking, what Ia was feeling. Still, Yukari found that she could not resist that gaze. Something about Ia, something about her melancholy expressions, her sensitive mouth, her distant eyes, all of them combined to draw Yukari in. She wanted to sink into those eyes forever, and scarily, at that moment, the thought flashed through Yukari's mind that maybe it didn't matter that Ia was like this, that Ia was so cold and so distant, as long as it meant that Ia would be hers, even if it was only in name. Because then, at least Yukari would have a grasp on a part of Ia, as opposed to nothing at all.

"Yeah…" Yukari said numbly.

"Then, why not go out with me?"

Yukari could not imagine what going out with Ia would entail. The thought of taking Ia out to a normal date at the movies was unimaginable. There was a heavy weight in her chest now, almost strong enough to crush her heart. How could it be that something so brittle and fragile hasn't already been broken? Already Yukari felt as though she was at a tipping point. If she accepted Ia's proposal, she would not be happy. And yet, if she did not accept Ia's proposal, she would be miserable.

"Okay," said Yukari at last. "Um…let's go out, then." She forced a smile, though it felt strained and unnatural.

Ia nodded. Yukari thought she saw a ghost of a smile flicker through her face, but it may well be her imagination. Ia reached out, and Yukari looked at her in confusion for a few moments before she felt it – Ia's hand on her own, soft and gentle, but it felt as though it could easily be nothing more but a fleeting illusion.

This was good, Yukari told herself as she tentatively squeezed Ia's hand. She had always wanted to matter to Ia, and now that they were dating, surely she mattered to her, even if Ia didn't say it. Yes. This was good enough. And in time, maybe Ia would change, too – maybe Yukari could help her care more, could help her find more in life than boredom. Yes…she could do that. She would do her best.

The words I love you flickered through Yukari's mind, accompanied with a lump in her throat as she looked at their intertwined hands, but she couldn't say it, it was too much now, too sudden, and who the hell falls in love so quickly anyways? It was a cliché straight out of a romance novel, and Ia would undoubtedly find it boring. Besides, Yukari couldn't even speak because her throat felt all closed up and funny.

"Come on," said Ia softly. "I'll walk you home."

Yukari took a deep breath and looked up. It was full dark now, with only a few stars poked in the fabric of the night sky. There was some wetness on her cheeks, but she hoped that it was too dark to see. "Yeah. Let's go."

This is the last chapter! For some reason, I really wanted to get this story out, even though I think it's the kind of story that not a lot of people will like, especially with the sad sex scene, and the type of character that IA is here. Still, I hope at least some of you enjoyed it! Maybe? Hopefully? Haha. See you all in other stories!