Disclaimer: I don't own EVA. And Anno, i hope you had plan for Godzilla in Evangelion Final.

Okay, so here we go...a fanfic that was inspired from one of the most acclaimed Evangelion's fanfic. Of course, since it was by me, everything would be much more insane, less polished, and definitely nonsensical at all.

Okay, enough rambling. Read it. Scroll down. Shoo! Shoo!

Ah, time to wake up...from yet another blank, dreamless sleep of mine...

Then again, i usually had a weird one whenever it was another case. What was it last time? Saints Row met Skyrim? I still remembered the dream. Damn Corn of the United's laughter keep spamming my ear every 5 seconds. Why the hell is my dreams always had me trying to broke something that used to be perfect?

Ah, nevermind. Time to wake up, as i said before. Perhaps something good would happen today.

As soon as i opened my eyes, i was immediately served one of those beautiful stuffs that i imagined, one of the more impossible thing to get in fact.

A naked, shapely, beautiful blue haired girl immediately appeared in front of me.

Mmm...Rei Ayanami..., I mumbled as i began to touching my private areas to pleasing myself...

Hey. I'm a normal boy after all. What else i could've done if a naked, beautiful woman appeared in front of me in my own bed?

As soon as i slipped my fingers inside my blossoming flower petals that i opened by my touches, i let out a hearty moan like how it should be. Oh, yeah. It felt so good when i rubbed my delicate fingers against my nub furiously and-

Hey. Wait a minute...that's not how a boy masturbating. And why do i feel like i'm floating? Come to think of it, this room smelled like blood. And why's everything seemed red?

As soon as i looked at my areas that would show my state of arousal, i realized several things.

First, as the carpet showed, i'm a natural blue haired human being. Yes, in spite of how the world seemed like in monochrome of red, i still could see the bluish color.

Second, i had the V instead of P. With firm breasts to boot. Allright, that explained my different daily ritual. But why i already knew about how to do it like it was a natural thing?

Okay, time to move on, because Third, the other girl began to giggles. And so does the other...all of them. Countless Rei Ayanami laughed in front of my face. Fuck. This place's really creepy.

So i did the only thing that make sense in this whole surreal situation.

I fainted.

Oh, thank god. Yet another weird dream. For once, i'm grateful for this fact. It's not like i changed from 5'9, 190 pounds fatty into one of the clone in Ayanami series and-

Wait. Let's...check the whole scene again.

Okay, the girls are still here. Thank god, they already stopped laughing.

Now, for the last important evidence, and...

Oh, shit. I'm blue. I'm really blue.

For the first time, i really don't want to be surrounded by girls.

Allright, let's freak out later and think about my situation. I'm no longer Fais (pseudo name, in case someone actually could read this somewhere. Better safe than sorry.), a fat, borderline obese 21 years old college student who would be a looker if i could lose some weight. I'm a 14 years-no, 10 or 11 years old girl who was stunningly beautiful, slim with potential to become a supermodel as my...ehm, shapes could tell, and happened to be a clone in many ways you could describe it.

...What? Of course i'm a 10 years old. Haven't you do the math? Yui didn't die in Second Impact, you know?

Ah, whatever. Why should i explain it to someone who's clearly not here?

The first thing i did, was to thought about my situation. Like, which universe i struck in? Was it the Anime, or the manga, or Rebuild, or even Campus Apocalypse? Of course, the first two universe were the more likely possibility, since it's pretty much clear that i was being placed in a large aquarium instead of freezer or some test tube like the latter two. I hoped it was the Manga universe. It's clearly the less fucked up one with happier ending. Also, Shinji and Rei clearly had more backbone in it, so my situation would be slightly easier if i had to depend my life on them. I know that Gendo was a total-maniacal-psycho jerk in Sadamoto's version, but it's not like he's that much bearable in the Anime.

So i decided;this's better be in the Manga.

Shortly after ended my first line of thought, i began to run the more urgent one:

"How do i get out of here?"

"Allright. You girls can stop giggling."

As if the whole universe couldn't be any crueler to me, soon after i began to contemplate my options (i declared that going Kamikaze by using my AT Field to destroy everything was clearly out of question, no matter how awesome it would be to absorb Gendo's arm using my AT Field) the damned clones began to fucking giggles. Their hollow laughters were like an off-tune music to my ear, like what happened if Hideaki Anno at his craziest played a piece of Industrial Music...with a pair of rusting metal door and giant knife.

If it was my punishment for written that Evangelion's crossover with Expendables and wrestling, then everyone in my world, please forgive me.

Then the laughter became even louder.

"Damnit! Stop laughing like a retard, you jerks!"

I stopped as soon as i heard my own voice. Why i sounded like Ranma Saotome?

Of course! Rei Ayanami was voiced by Megumi Hayashibara, a woman who had voiced countless kind of girls you could imagine! Haha! I have thousand of voice range to choose now! Shall i use the Ai Haibara one? Or Lina Inverse? Or Faye Valentine? Haha! I can't wait to see Shinji's reaction once he heard my slutty Rei's voice. Or even better! The whole NERV fainted on my berserk Unit-01's impression! Man, suddenly, everything here seemed to be not so dark for me after all. Considering it's EVA, i need every lighthearted moments i could get.

Suddenly, i heard the door opened, followed by a walking me and a bottle haired blonde.

"Okay, Ayanami. Began to strip now."

I stiffened as i realized what this scene meant to me. Either it would give me the information i needed to survive in this world by absorbing the information that Rei Ayanami stored in her brain...

Or the time when the existence of second living Rei Ayanami was exposed.

I tried my best to stay like what any clone supposed to do...well, at least MY kind of clones supposed to while the living clone copied it's brain pattern. Staying quiet while floating, smiling and occasionally giggling for no reason.

So far, they didn't suspect me at all.

Ah, here comes the bastard... i said in my own mind as the bearded NERV Commander made his entrance. Damn that pedophile Commander. Stop staring at your dead wife's underage body!

Suddenly, he stared at my direction. Crap! Did i say that out loud?

Oh, shit. That guy's really a scary motherfucker. I'll tell you, this guy would make Stalin and Hitler tumble in fear. Turn around, please. Turn around. Turn around...Fuck! Don't come here! Why do you have to get closer!

Ah, saved by the younger Akagi. Phew. It's a good thing that the LCL was a bit dark here so the Commander didn't saw my...discomfort. Shit. For a second i thought i would've gone!

As Ritsuko began to speak with him regarding the whole condition and progress regarding the dummy plug program, i began to reevaluating my conditions once more.

Okay, so far i knew that this must be one of those alternate world, fitting neither canon world that had been established. For one, while the tea accident happened as the memories from Rei told me, Shinji was being sent to retrieve Asuka like the Anime, unlike the Manga where Asuka managed to fight the sea Angel by herself. This meant that perhaps some things would've been completely unpredictable unlike those that happened from the Evangelion stuffs that i've read. I didn't know if it was a good thing or not. While it meant that i could definitely make some necessary changes, it also meant that perhaps my in-universe knowledge regarding the EVA wouldn't be as helpful as i'd like it to.

Also, i had to hold my giggle as the memories from Rei Ayanami showed that she wanted to spend her time with Shinji more, like when she made him some tea, when he held her there when he burnt her hands. And in spite of what she said later in the manga, she actually kind of enjoyed the time when he touched her...there. And she actually tried to touch herself once with that memory! No wonder i already knew all the good spots! Oh, Rei, my closet perverted sister!

Don't worry, Rei. As one of ShinjiRei shipper, i'm definitely would be glad and proud to give you two a necessary push or two toward... that direction. Especially since now i'm your sister.

...Wait. Why do i already considered her as a sister?

Ah, nevermind. Regardless of that...Yeah. I definitely going to have some fun in this place.

Once the horizon seemed to be clear, i decided to do what i can only do right now.

Get the fuck out of this place, ASAP.

I'm grateful that i didn't attract any suspicions from the three cold human beings in that room once more, especially considering that i'm a clumsy weirdo in my life back there. I could only hope that the whole thing would be played like that Teenage Dummy Plug fanfic, in that there would be no summoned gun squad that aiming at my torso for a quick kill, and the Commander found that i could be a useful resource. I don't wanna die right away.

Come to think of it, wouldn't an immediate death would be a better conclusion than having to endure the whole Angel and SEELE conspiracy crap while getting tanged in the end?

Shook my head from my negative thought, i began to reinforce my beliefs once more. No. If anything, perhaps this's my only chance to become a hero for once, to change the world for the better.

You see, for all my snark toward Mr. Anno's apparent flaws in this Evangelion's stuffs, and my weirdo, slightly selfish tendencies, i'm actually a guy who strive to become a nice guy toward every decent people i met. Hell, i was so nice that as a kid, i used to shake my hand toward every poor folks i met before my mother 'scolded' me because she feared that i would become too innocent towards the not-so-nice folks. Come to think of it, i was really lucky to have such a nice childhood. In spite of being a slowpoke who couldn't run for shit with pathetic stamina and easily getting ill, i never got bullied by anyone. At worst, there's always that one jerk who keep mocking my out of shape body that i never took seriously.

Then again, being one of the strongest guy in the school could give you some good protection, after all.

I made a rerun of my situation once again, and...damn. I'm really stuck in a situation that could only be described as the deepest kind of hell. I really stuck in a completely unfamiliar situation. I was just a nice, decent boy who was about to took his last college year, and now i'm gonna be one of the hero who would've save the world? Man, i wouldn't make it. I wouldn't...

No. I have to stay strong.

I had to forced a smile as i had to see the positive side of it. It would be a chance for me to really fixed the world, i would've had a better start than everyone because i already witnessed it all, and at least Rei's not completely emotionless in this world. After all, she already had her experience as a healthy girl with...

My smile became a genuine, wide one as i imagined a naked Rei Ayanami moaning with a bliss in her face, playing with her nipples...

Rei's hands...perky boobs...erect nipples...

Crap. I'm wet again.

Allright. In case that those jerks from NERV were unimaginative enough to create some cover stories unlike that Dummy Plug fanfiction, which somehow, i've stumbled into a similar situation (great fanfic, btw) like whoever created that story, i believe that i should create one.

Damn. This's one longass elevator ride.

...Okay. My name would be simple. Rae Ayanami, adopted as Rachel Douglas. Yeah, i know. Derived from one of the translation from another language for Rei's name, or...whatever. Have better things to worry about.

Background...okay. Separated from birth, became an orphanage girl that somehow went into school that was monitored by Marduk institute like Rei, just got selected as pilot recently, adopted father died a month ago, became reunited accidentally...cliches, and too suspiciously coincidental. But then again, EVA always had plenty of plot holes to begin with. And...wasn't that Kaji's sub-plots got dropped once everything going insane? Okay, so that wasn't a plot hole. More like...

Okay. I got distracted again. Get to the point. Get to the point.

Hobbies...well, pretty similar with Rei. Although i preferred electronic music more than orchestra. Also, can be chirpy with the guys i like, especially family, but could be distant with strangers...yeah. Kuudere reunited with her twin sister Dandere. Whoop-dee-doo.

And in possibly the sickest twist of fate...and worst of all, fitting with Evangelion's focus in fucked up, squick worthy Freudian psychology...

I'm gay.

Gay for my sister.

Suddenly, the ride seemed even longer than before...

A/N: Will i give my forbidden love for Rei Ayanami? Or will my nature as ShinjiRei shipper will dominate my hormonal nature? Or will Asuka steal the thunder? Or will Gendo killed me once i get out of the Elevator? Find out next, on Evangelion A.D.!