Maybe One Day

I force heavy eyelids open and I'm blinded by white light. I can hear someone crying, and various beeps echoing around my head. Everything hurts, but I think I'm still alive. My vision clears and I can see past the blinding light. I am in a hospital room with various machines hooked up to me, the beeping is too loud and it hurts my ears. The crying is soft, but it hurts my heart. I'm alone in the room save for two people.

Axel is sitting across from me and he has his arms around Roxas, who's crying into Axel's chest, clinging to him. Roxas's soft sobbing hurts worse than any bruise Vanitas ever put on my body. I don't care that Vanitas beat me, I don't care that he raped, I don't care that he tried to kill me. I care that by allowing the abuse to get as bad as it did, I hurt my baby brother. After everything we've been through, after how hard I worked to get him from Terra, it must have been a kick in his heart to have to watch me fall victim to the same fate he had.

But I made it worse, because I knew what was happening before hand and I still let it happen. I didn't try to fight it. And that's what hurt him. My ignorance, my suffering, it hurt him so much worse than it ever hurt me. I don't deserve his support, his kindness, his love. He doesn't deserve to feel the pain of what I let happen to me. Roxas, I'm sorry.

Axel's eyes move and meet mine. He gasps and nudges Roxas. Roxas looks up at him, then he turns to me. His face is pale, his eyes are dark and swollen red from the tears he's still crying. The tears run down his face, his hair is even more messy than he usual styled mess. His clothes are disheveled and he looks exhausted. I don't dare smile at him. Not now, not like this. I part my lips, I try to choke his name out my throat, but all that leaves my lips is a pained groan. Roxas shakes his head, standing, "Don't talk."

I close my mouth, frowning lightly. I look down and that's when I notice I can't see my skin. Every inch of me that I can see is wrapped in bandages. I can feel the bandages on my face as well. Roxas walks up to me and kneels by the bed, so we're eye level. He smiles softly and I want to cry. He shouldn't be smiling at me, he should be angry. He breathes out in relief, "I'm so glad you're okay."

No, no, don't be nice to me. Yell at me, tell me you told me so.

He puts his hand gently over mine, wiping tears from his eyes with his other hand. He keeps smiling at me, "I was so worried about you."

Stop it, please. Be mean to me, tell me I deserved it.

Axel comes up and puts a hand on Roxas's shoulder, "Gave us quite the scare there, kid."

I shake my head weakly, it barely moves at all. Don't be sympathetic, stop being nice!

Roxas uses the hand that's not holding mine to ruffle my hair gently. Tears spill down his face and he laughs, "I'm going to kill that fucker for trying to kill you."

I want to cry, I want to scream at him to be mad at me. I try to talk again, but I still can't force words out my throat. Roxas shakes his head again, "Don't talk, Ven. You need to heal. The doctors were barely able to keep you alive. You've been in a coma for almost four months now. We were starting to think you wouldn't wake up."

That long.. Where is Vanitas then? He probably left the state, considering how he left me in that house. Roxas continues to ruffle my hair, "You're going to be okay. You can stay with Axel and I for as long as you need to. I'm here for you, I'm not going anywhere."

I look down, I can't look him in the eye, knowing his pain is all my fault. He stands, sighing, "Visiting hour is over. We'll be back tomorrow. Try to get some sleep. It'll help."

As he gets to the door I force out a broken "Rox..as.."

He turns back and smiles back, "I love you, Ven."

I'm left alone in the room and I stare at the white wall. I don't deserve him. Maybe this is good for me. I can start over again. I can make something of my life, find someone who might actually love me and have something beautiful like Roxas has with Axel. Maybe I can be normal and not feel like I'm always doing everything wrong. Maybe one day, I can forget all this and move on. Maybe, just maybe, I can forgive myself for what I put Roxas through. I'll never be able to look at people the same way. I'll never be able to trust people on a whim, not anymore. Vanitas was nice once, he was caring. He became someone I didn't know at all. How can someone just completely change like the flip of a dime like that? I'll never be able to look at someone without wondering if they're like Vanitas, too.

Vanitas ruined me. He ruined my trust and how much I can allow myself to love. But I only have myself to blame. I knew the warning signs, and I ignored them all. I put my brother through hell for no reason, I let myself dig my grave so deep I couldn't get out by myself. I almost died, because I ignored the help I desperately needed. I won't be like I was, and maybe that's a good thing. I'm going to move on now, I won't forget this, I will use it to make sure I don't fall victim again. Maybe one day, when I have someone as special and kind to me as Axel is to Roxas, I can truly forget Vanitas and what he did to me. Until then, he's my reminder.