Heellloooo everyone, KRabbit here! Phew. I've finally stepped into the world of Okikagu... and thanks to Xliaf27 for inspiring me to join and write this first Okikagu fanfic... which is really different from my other more serious story. I did mention I was going to write an Okikagu fic after I finished my other story, but I just had to write this when I got a good idea... hehe.

I tried to be a little bit more carefree about how I narrated it and all... but it was my first attempt at a light-hearted, humorous mood, so... meh. /o/ Dunno how it turned out.

So. This story is, as I've said in the summary, a collection of Okikagu, whether they're one-shots or short stories (which shouldn't take more than at least three chapters... I think). If you want me to write something in particular or have suggestions, then feel free to review or PM me! But please be specific about your request...

Disclaimers: Gintama does not belong to me

Well then, enjoy this super long one-shot! And leave reviews and comments!^^

Chapter 1: China-Hime and the Sadist(s)'... Pea?

Once upon a time, there lived a very sadistic prince in a far, far away kingdom ruled by his beloved sister and her mayora husband. When the queen had decided that the prince was old enough to—

*Enter Okita, snatches away mic from author.*

Eh-?! An-Ano, that's-

"This is the story of how I, Okita Sougo, prince of the Kingdom of Edo and of the planet of sadists, sword prodigy, and the soon to be future Vice-Commander of the Shinsengumi, got Baka-China to be my everlasting slav-,"

*Enter Kagura, grabs Okita by the neck and walks off, muttering about how she's going to kill him.*

… Let's hope our heroine doesn't really kill off the main character in the first chapter.

*clears throat* And so, the story begins with Queen Mitsuba, who had just been visited by the palace's doctor…

The doctor slowly took of his stethoscope and nodded, affirming her suspicions.

Okita Mitsuba exhaled, and pushed the mint grin kimono sleeve back over her arm, a sad smile forming on her lovely face. It had been a while since she had felt this sick, so her husband had encouraged her to call on the royal doctor within the palace to check up on her condition.

"It can't be helped. Thank you, doctor." She said, and escorted the doctor to the door from her wheelchair with a gentle smile. Her head was spinning with this new information, and the first thing that came up on her mind was the thought of her family, and how they would take to it.

The older man bowed and said, "If your conditions or symptoms change at all, Your Majesty, then do not hesitate to call on me. It is for your own safety that-,"

"Mitsuba!" the doctor was interrupted in the middle of his warning when a black haired man came into the room through the door the latter was about to exit from; his black uniform disheveled and sweat running down his face from running all the way to the room.

"Toshiro-san, you're back early – I—," she started when her husband grabbed her shoulders and looked worriedly into her face. Behind them, the doctor lightly stepped outside and closed the door, giving them the room they would need.

"I heard the news and came. What is it? Is it… is it the-,"

She put a hand to his face and said, "I'm afraid that it's time, Toshiro-san."

He paled visibly and slumped forward, putting his forehead to hers with a sigh. "Sougo is not going to be happy with this, Mitsuba."

She gave out a small laugh this time at the mentioning of her younger brother, putting her hands on the sides of his face. "I know. But we both knew that this was going to happen, sooner or later. Now all that's left to do is tell him about it…"

Okita Sougo, the younger brother of Queen Mitsuba and the heir to the throne…

"Get lost. You're an eyesore." He said lazily, waving a hand and looking extremely uninterested as the rather pretty girl burst into tears and ran out of the room, shortly followed by her attendants who shot him dirty looks.

… and a hard-core sadist who was currently trying to find a proper masochis—ahem – princess who would become his wife. Of course, it wasn't that he wanted to do any of this purely of his own voluntary will. He didn't think that anyone would spend hours and hours rifling through and looking over the proper princess candidates who all looked, talked and acted in the same block definition of what royalty was supposed to be like.

The only fun he got out of it was making a good majority of them cry and send them packing. Well, it was either that, or they would end up becoming so tamed that they would end up on the ground and licking his feet, and he didn't think that it would be something he wanted his sister to hear about.

When he came back home to the castle after he had gone on a trip spanning of about three years to train, he was faced with a situation that he couldn't do anything about.

The very morning he came back, he had run to his older sister, who he hadn't seen for years and only heard news of every so often. He didn't care for seeing his brother in law, Hijikata, though, and instead given him the finger behind Mitsuba's back first thing, then played with the Tabasco sauce during their meal time together in the dining hall. He reveled in the situation when Hijikata jumped from his seat and ran to the bathroom, his face crimson red, water streaming from his mouth, nose and eyes and giving Okita a death glare. Mitsuba had been entertained by that, though she didn't know that her younger brother had done it.

He had been gone for three years, and it felt as if he was already replaced by the good for nothing who had first made his sister cry when he'd disappeared on his own for five years. So without a doubt, Okita had been rather surprised to hear that the two had gotten married while he was gone, which was a little after Hijikata had come back to the palace to serve as the Vice-commander of the Shinsengumi, the police force within the kingdom.

He had been very pleased to come back and see his sister, who welcomed him with open arms… and some rather… adverse news that came after three days of his arrival.

"Sou-chan, I have something to tell you…" she began, and Okita looked down at her with a smile. He had wanted some time alone with his sister (without Hijikata in the way), so the two had gone on a walk in the private garden beyond the castle walls, where outsiders were forbidden to go through. He remembered the place very fondly, since he played there with his sister quite often when he was little.

"Yes, Aneue?"

"I think that it's time that you come back to your post as prince. For good this time," her words stopped him in his tracks along the path. The shock must have been clear on his face, because she gave him an apologetic smile and wheeled up to him, taking his hand. "Sou-chan, I don't think I'll be able to continue reigning here as Queen much longer, and you need to be ready to take the throne in my place."

More than the news that he would have to take the royal seat, Okita was more shocked by her speaking as if… she didn't have much time remaining. He'd heard (and mostly ignored) Hijikata when he told Okita about Mitsuba's health while he was gone, and how it deteriorated quickly, her condition getting worse quite recently. But he hadn't believed that it was true. His sister was looking rather paler than he remembered, and her cheeks were a lot sharper from apparent weight loss, but she didn't look sick.

He had then gone to the doctor, who had told him that he had warned her to rest properly and forbid her from working herself, even if it was for the kingdom. So that meant that Okita had to step in and rule in her place as soon as possible.

It also meant…

"I'm sorry that I had to dump this on you, Sou-chan. I'm so sorry."

He returned her hold and forced a smile. "There's nothing for you to apologize for, Aneue. I understand."

The sandy brown haired woman breathed out a relieved sigh and smiled. "Thank you. And, Sou-chan, you do understand the other step you have to take-,"

… that he had to get married as soon as possible.

It was a part of the traditions in the royal family – that when the male or female who was going to take the throne, he or she would have to be married in order to resume the line properly. In Mitsuba's case, their parents had died early on, so the influential figures at the time had taken up matters until she turned sixteen, an age old enough to rule. But because there had been no one to decide her proper husband candidate as she assumed the throne, the debate on her marriage had been put off for a long time.

When she had gotten married to Hijikata, who was technically not of any aristocratic family or of royal blood, it meant that none of her own children would be able to lead on and rule, since only pure-blooded figures could rule within the kingdom. And that left the young prince Okita to be the heir in line.

Okita never cared for the rules or traditions, and didn't bother to uphold them, but it was in his sisters' best interests to follow through with what she thought was right.

And because he loved his sister, he was going through the tear-jerkingly boring process of meeting some random self-proclaimed princess from a far away land and looking to see which one was… suitable for him.

He hadn't been too keen on meeting any of them, but he didn't want to disappoint Mitsuba, so he'd taken up a condition when he agreed. Whoever he married, would have to be a real princess.

He didn't know how Mitsuba took his condition, but when he said 'real princess', he really meant, 'a-woman-who-had-some-royal-blood-in-her-veins-who-was-M-enough-to-match-his-sadistic-habits- (which went unknown to his sister)-but-strong-enough-to-endure-that-behavior-and-interesting-as-hell'. Which meant that, even after scrolling through three piles of documents that told him who was who and from where, and even after he met close to about two hundred 'lovely' ladies and spent time with them, he hadn't found the perfect one.

And it had been going on for approximately four weeks.

And he was slowly nearing the end of his patience to cover up his hostility with sugary fake smiles.

"Too short to be a real princess."

"She looks akin to an animal rolling around in a pig-pen to be a real princess."

"Your style sucks too much to be a real princess."

"What the hell are you, a punk-ass tomboy masquerading as someone like my sister? Get out."

"Oi, livestock, I'm over here. Where are you looking at? If you're not going to be serious about me, then leave already. The door's over there."

"That face of yours is too boring. So you can escort yourself out."

"Are you sure you're a human being? Go and take a look in the mirror."

"You're too thin to handle being my wife. Please leave."

"What are you, a commoner with blueblood clothes?"

Every time he came across a young lady, he either smacked her down with such words while having a beautiful smile on his face or he just straight out told her to leave. Albeit… politely enough.

He groaned, rubbing a hand over his face and glared at the three overseers next to him. Apparently their presence was mandatory when selecting the brides, and there was something more about it being a part of the tradition, but Okita hadn't been paying attention when they introduced themselves to him.

"Oi, Zaki, how many of these so called ladies are left in this place?" he asked, irritated to the man on his left. Yamazaki Sagaru, who was the Shinsengumi's (Hijikata's) informant and investigator (personal spy) was also present, checking to make sure the entire process was going smoothly.

"Er… well, according to this list, there are about ten more aristocrats waiting in the parlor on the fifth floor, and fifteen other princesses waiting in the hall outside, Your Highness-,"

Okita sighed, running his fingers through his sandy brown hair, his brown-red eyes narrowing to annoyed slits. If he could just murder someone right now or have his bazooka at hand, the world would feel a lot less like Hell right now. Better yet, if he could send a particular someone *cough-Hijikata-cough* to that Hell…

"Your Highness?" the attendant's voice drew him from his murderous daydreaming. "This is the next prin-,"

"Yamazaki, if we don't end this in an hour, I'm going to end up castrating you and feed your *bleep* to the dogs." He said as the next lady came into the room, and Yamazaki stiffened, sweat dropping from his face in rivulets. When it came to this young prince, anything could happen, and he had no doubt as to him being extremely serious about what he said.

"H-hai, sir!" after a moment, he also added, "Okita-taichou's still treating me like this despite me moving up the social ladder… go figure."

"I'm going to ignore that, Zaki, so get to it already." Sighing again as the other man paled in fear, Okita looked at the big window and beyond it, at the cloudy gray sky and muttered, "It looks like a big storm's coming this way."

"Sou-chan?" Mitsuba's gentle voice prodded him out of his thoughts. He stopped looking out into the howling, rainy scenery outside which matched his moods and turned to his sister, who was at the door to his room, and without her wheelchair. At around one in the morning.

As for him, he couldn't sleep, so he ended up looking outside the window, dressed in his usual daywear of a white button up shirt and black trousers. For about three hours already since everyone had gone to bed. But to see his sister walk around at this hour was a surprise.

"Aneue? Wait, are you alright to be up and walking around—what about-," he interjected, running to her and leading her to the nearest chair carefully. He turned on the lights immediately, so that his once dark room was lit up and the siblings could see each others' faces properly. She thanked him, which made a smile light up his face.

But the next thing he heard wiped that smile right off. "I heard that you still haven't selected a princess, so I was worried and thought to come and see whether you were doing alright. But as I thought, you were up late again. That habit of yours is still the same, Sou-cha-,"

"Did you hear that from Hijikata-san? What did he say about it? That I was a young boy who's incapable of doing even something that's asked of me?" he couldn't keep the bitterness in his tone from showing up, but Mitsuba took his hand, shaking her head.

"I heard from Yamazaki-san."

"That damn Zaki." He muttered, promising to himself to play with him as a darts board later.

"I know you're trying your best, Sou-chan, and I'm grateful for that, really. But I didn't think that it was going to be easy for you to just choose someone you didn't know for your bride and for political reasons. I want you to choose someone you really do love, and let that relationship make you grow and be happy, not chain you down. I realized that a little too late, perhaps, when I suggested this to you."

He wasn't being scolded, he realized. He watched Mitsuba take a breath, and continue, "I understand that you feel pressured, but it's alright, Sou-chan. You don't have to force yourself to do this in such a short amount of time. Finding someone right for you may take all that time, after all. So you can take all the time you need, while Toshiro-san and I will somehow-,"

She was cut off by the sound of a loud thunderclap that rang out suddenly, echoing throughout the castle. Wait, what? After stopping to hear closer, he found that the loud sound didn't come from the weather's abnormalities, but at a specific place.

Bang. Bang. Bang. It actually sounded more like someone was knocking on the door…

"I wonder who it is at this hour. Sou-chan, won't you go and check in my stead? I'll be right along with Toshiro-san."

Ignoring the throbbing irritation gnawing at his insides whenever his sister tried to include that damn Hijikata in everything, Okita grabbed his black jacket and his katana and replied, "Yes… Aneue."

When he opened the door, he didn't exactly expect to find what he found.

He had gone straight to the doors of the castle's opening and tugged open the solid wooden walls, and came face to face with a beautiful foreigner.

Correction: he came face to face with a beautiful foreigner who was dripping wet, her lower half practically looking like it was dipped in mud and shivering like a wretched little rabbit that took a wrong turn at the wrong time and came straight into a storm. She looked outright pitiful.

Shoulder-length vermillion hair was sticking to her face and neck, half of it falling from what must have been a very neat hairstyle of hair ornaments. Her pale, unblemished skin was glistening with water from the rain, and she came to about the height short of coming to his collarbones.

She was wearing a long red cheongsam that was coated with mud and grime under a beige colored cape that was clasped around her shoulders, and she held a purple umbrella in her arms, shivering like mad.

But that wasn't what had drawn his attention to a stop. It was those big cerulean blue eyes that had the gleam of someone who was willful and strong. They screamed innocence, and her expression was that of someone who was –

"Leaving the door open but not letting me in is rather sadistic of you, bastard." She chattered, glaring at him. Okita blinked, shaking his head. What the hell had happened to him? Had he really just gone off on a –

The girl interrupted his thoughts again, her voice a little louder and a tad haughtier. "I'm a… a princess, you know. Hurry up and let me in before I rip your head off, slave."

This was getting better and better. He held his ground, smirking down at her. "I don't think that's the right attitude to take to someone who was about to help you. And speaking of princesses, we're not taking in any more of them, so find someplace else to bury yourself in. I'm not interested in any more princesses."

Before he could close the door in the girl's face, she kicked out her umbrella and bullets started shooting out from the end. If he hadn't been swift enough to draw his katana, he might have had holes in his face by now. He whistled at the large bullets he'd cut fall to the ground. These kinds of weapons weren't easy to come at hand. Who exactly was this girl?

Looking down from the tip of his katana, Okita stared the girl down, finding her attitude to be rather interesting, despite the awful condition she was in. It meant that she had a pride that refused to break under pressure.

"Who the hell said I was interested in a brat like you?! I'm-,"

"I don't think I want to hear that from a brat, brat." He muttered, and she pointed her umbrella at him.

"I just want shelter from this storm. I was separated from my… from my troupe, and I need someplace to stay until this storm passes." She wheezed out, her annoyed expression shifting into that of pure misery. It was obvious that she didn't like the outside right now and actually did want to get in.

He looked at her for a moment longer, pondering what to do. Then she sneezed, and a long string of snot came from her nose, and her eyes crinkled together as if she was about to cry. And that was that.

Taking out a handkerchief from his jacket pocket, he threw it at her face and opened the door wider.

"Get in before that snot freezes on your nose, China-musume."

"C-China?!"

He enjoyed watching the expression she made when he called her that and looked down at her with an amused, sly grin. "Then what am I supposed to call you? Little piglet?"

"My name is Kagura, you do-S bastard!"

He snorted, but did take note of his new nickname. It must have been short for do-Sadist (extreme sadist). And that was fine. It matched his personality perfectly, anyway. "Fine, then. China it is."

"Sougo, what's going on?"

Okita tsked, turning to find Hijikata standing there, along with Mitsuba, Yamazaki and three other servants, who had apparently barely gotten up from their beds at the queen's order.

"I found this pigl—no, er… um… young lady outside-,"

"What the hell was that pause for?!" she furiously hissed, and he ignored her, continuing, "And she wanted some shelter from the storm."

"Well, you're very welcome to stay, Miss…?" Mitsuba was the first one to come forward, her hands reaching out in a friendly fashion when Okita stopped her with his serious, leader-enforced tone.

"But we also don't know who she is, Aneue. Hijikata-san, Yamazaki, check out if she has anything else on her besides that umbrella. There's a built in machine gun in there, by the way, so I suggest that you be-,"

"Don't touch me-aru!" with that, Yamazaki yelped, clutching his nose and stepping back. The girl waved her umbrella at him, with a fierce look in her eyes. But when she spoke up, her voice was calm, almost pleading for them to trust her. "I'm not anyone suspicious."

"—careful." Okita finished, sighing. "And it doesn't seem as if she needs bullets to hurt someone... Alrighty…" he fished out a pair of handcuffs from his pocket ("Oi, Sougo, are those mine-?!") and stepped closer to her when Mitsuba called out, "Wait, Sou-chan-,"

Clink. But it was already too late. He had cuffed her hands together with the specially made acupuncture cuffs that would tighten around her wrists if she tried to pull away too hard. Well, technically speaking, he had borrowed them from Hijikata, planning to use them to handcuff him to the bedpost first thing in the morning, but he might as well have used them now.

The girl shrieked, "Oi, oi, what the *bleep* are you doing-aru?! These—take these off, they hurt!"

"For a self-proclaimed princess, you use some pretty dirty words. Haven't your parents ever told you not to curse in such an unladylike manner?" after watching her wince as the handcuffs grew tighter around her wrists, Okita added, "Ah, and those cuffs don't come off so easily, so I suggest you don't struggle so much."

"Sou-chan, that's no way to treat a guest." Mitsuba scolded him, a frown marring her face.

He shrugged, giving the girl an evil, satisfied smirk, but turning to his sister with an apologetic angel's smile. "I'm sorry, Aneue, but this girl tried to shoot off my face when I opened the door. Who knows what she might do if she got loose in the castle."

"That was after you tried to slam it in my face, you sadist!"

"And that was after you rudely called me a slave and said you were a princess. As if-,"

"I am one, you do-S bastard, but you're just the one who said you'd had enough of princesses when I only wanted shelter! And why does that matter, anyway?! I'm cold and tired and-," a large growl followed her sentence, stilling everyone in the room. The girl's face went as red as her hair, and Okita stared at the culprit, finding that flushed face to be rather cute—wait, what?

"W-was that… was that a stomach growling?" Hijikata spoke up, and Mitsuba giggled.

"Sou-chan, I understand your concern, but she came to us for help. Please release her, then bring her to the baths while I go and alert the kitchens. A midnight snack doesn't sound too bad, does it?" the older woman turned to Kagura, giving her a small bow, which was returned awkwardly with a badly done curtsy. "Miss, you still haven't told us your name, but I'm Queen Okita Mitsuba, and this is my husband, Hijikata Toshiro, Vice-commander of the Shinsengumi. And this is my brother, Okita Sougo-,"

"Prince Okita Sougo, heir in line and also the captain of the first squad in the Shinsengumi. Not a slave like you said, China." That earned him a dirty look, but she looked too tired to pull any more physical stunts.

"I wouldn't have guessed. What kind of a prince opens the door in the middle of the night instead of a proper servant doing it? Are you guys short of hands or something?"

"I was only doing it because-,"

"Sougo, that's enough." Hijikata's larger hand went around and tugged on his shoulder, pulling him back. "And where did you put the key to the cuffs? She's obviously going to have to get them off-,"

"Oh, dear me," Okita drawled, and punched Yamazaki, earning an open-mouthed oomph from the subordinate, then popped a small key into his mouth. The darker haired man swallowed it unconsciously, then turned purple.

Looking up at Okita nervously, he asked, "A-ano… Okita-taichou… what did… what did you just do?"

"And so, I don't have the keys right now, Hijikata-san. If China wants those keys, then she's going to have to wait another day or so-," he stopped, and noticed that she was gone. And so was Mitsuba. But the chatter of laughter and conversation down the hall and mud tracks which told him where to go.

An awful idea formed in his head, and he grinned like a lunatic waiting on their next supper at the thought. Hijikata sighed and left him to his antics, shivering as he went in search of Mitsuba and the guest, and dragged along a Yamazaki who had fainted shortly after swallowing the key.

If this Kagura really was a princess like she claimed she was, he would have no qualms about making her his wife… but he would have to check if she was also masochistic enoug – ahem – suitable enough to be his wife…

Mitsuba smiled as she walked down the hall, leading the young lady with her into the baths. She couldn't stop smiling with this new guest, finding her to be the perfect fit.

When the two of them had gone off on their own and left the men behind in the front hall, she had become quickly acquainted with Kagura, who latched onto her like a young sister.

She was cute and funny, and it seemed as if she was also on par with her brother in terms of the quick-sliver tongue and in strength. And the fact that she'd said she was a princess was the finishing top pointer.

As his sister, there was pretty much nothing Mitsuba didn't know about her brother, so she'd caught on very swiftly when she saw him act differently with this girl. Maybe he was feeling like he wanted to take a break by teasing this girl after meeting hundreds of other young ladies, but she had seen that spark in her brother's eye whenever he interacted with Kagura.

She knew that she was the right one for him.

But based on his condition, if she wasn't a real princess, then he wouldn't try to even consider a proposal. She knew he was serious about that.

So it was up to his big sister to help him out with.

Kagura smiled and patted her full belly, thanking the older, pretty lady who she nicknamed Mitsu-chan who sat beside her in the dining hall, where servants had been going in and out hurriedly to fill the table, empty it and come back again in several rotations.

She had emptied about fifteen full pots of rice, devoured about ten different main dishes, twenty different appetizers and then downed twenty kinds of desserts afterwards… and only then, had she felt her hunger sate.

She had taken a nice, long bath (after they found a spare key for the handcuffs, which, thankfully, didn't come from Yamazaki's stomach) and had her hair done up with elegant combs and kanzashi, and wore something a thing they called, 'kimono'. It was made from red silk and patterned with yellow and golden peonies. It was tighter to wear and restricted her movements more than her usual cheongsam, but it was also fairly pretty and made her feel like a princess. Not that she wasn't, of course, but, she was feeling strange and self-conscious, mainly because of the sadist who—

"Uwah, I can't believe you're alive even after eating all that food. Aneue, this person isn't human, so please get away from her. You might catch something worse."

She wanted to groan at that drawling, laid-back tone. It was this quirky, sadistic guy who was making her feel strange. And when she felt down or moody or out of sorts, she ended up eating a lot more than she did.

When she first ended up in front of the castle's door, she hadn't expected to come face to face with a bishoune—ahem—sadistic prince of the planet of sadists. She didn't know that he was a sadistic bastard – if she did, then she wouldn't have stared at him for so long.

Being the princess – the only royal female in her family for years, she had grown accustomed to seeing males and meeting them and treating them like males. So if there was someone from the opposite sex walking around in front of her face and checking her out, she had no problems and didn't care. It never bothered her (except, maybe her overprotective father and brother, and her surrogate father and brother).

But this particular guy… no, this particular annoying-as-hell and also sadistically-cruel-as-hell-asshole…

He was different.

Sure, he had the same kind of sadistic glint in his eyes like her brother did…

And he was about the same height as her brother…

And he was also seemingly handy with a sword like her surrogate-second-father/bodyguard was…

But he was… different from all of them.

The first thing that had struck her when she saw him was his features. He had sandy brown hair cut neatly around his head and wasn't long, but looked as silky as her dog's hair (which was of the highest compliment, because her gargantuan large dog was one of the only creatures living that she cared for more than anything), flawless skin, high cheekbones and a chiseled nose, and very nice looking lips.

But it was the eyes, the brown-red eyes that flashed a gorgeous blood red when the lights hit them at a certain angle that had caught her attention.

Except… when he smirked down at her with an evil gleam, did that sparkly, strange feeling in her chest go away, replaced by a burning wave of annoyance and hatred. And she hated him even more when he tried to slam the door in her face, making her wave her umbrella. Making her use her energy for something pointless made her feel even more irritated with him.

But that interest in the beginning, and her being a little self-conscious around this so called prince… didn't disappear.

She must have caught something deadly from him.

"Sou-chan, you musn't say something of a lady who's growing. You were just as bad when you were a child with your eating habits." The lady scolded him, and Kagura smiled to herself when she saw him bow his head and apologize… well, mainly to the lady and not to her.

"I don't think even I ate like a giant hog when I was younger, Aneue." He muttered, and she saw the sneer he gave her when the lady looked away, and resisted the urge to throw her chopsticks at his face.

"Well, then, Kagura-san, do you mind telling us how you got lost in this terrible storm? And… you've said that you were also a princess, so would you mind telling us from where…?" the pretty lady asked her, and after picking her teeth with a toothpick, Kagura shifted in her seat to face her (and also flicked the toothpick at the sadists' face while she was at it).

"Are you going to throw me out if I say I'm not a princess?"

"I might, but Aneue wouldn't do that to a guest under the Okita family's care."

"I wasn't asking you, do-Sadist," she gave him a glare, and turned back to the woman. "I was actually on my way across the country with my troupe when I got separated from them. There was a quarrel down the road, and I fought my way across-,"

"Fought your way across?" the sadist asked, his eyebrows raised. It didn't sound so unbelievable, after she'd shown him what she could do with just her umbrella.

"Yep, and then it started raining. I tried to look for shelter and even tried to make some by bringing down some trees, but that didn't work so-,"

"Wait, you brought down trees?!"

She glared at him, snapping, "Stop interrupting, you! But yeah, that didn't work, and then I fell into a pond, which was how I got mud on my clothes, and then I came across your castle when I wandered around. The rain was making it really hard to see, you know, so I didn't know where I was going exactly. That's how I ended up at the castle instead of some other town, I suppose."

"My, my, what a horrible ordeal to go through for one so young…" Mitsu-chan said, putting a hand to her face and looking empathetic. "Then what about your companions? They must be busy looking for you by now."

"They'll be fine-aru. They can handle themselves. And I can just go and find them in the morning, so-,"

"Judging by the looks of that storm, it might be a while until it lifts around this area, Kagura-san. Perhaps you can just wait until then. The terrain makes it difficult for outsiders to navigate themselves properly, Kagura-san, and I would hate for you to be lost until it's actually safe around this area."

Kagura closed her mouth in shock. Stay in this place where the sadist lurked around, and possibly for more than a night? Who knew what would happen to her?

But then again, if she did go out like Mitsu-chan said and got lost… "I would never see Sadaharu and Gin-chan again…" she murmured, then piped up, "Okay, Mitsu-chan."

"Mitsu? Aneue, is that-,"

"She made a nickname for me, Sou-chan. Isn't it adorable?" Mitsu-chan laughed at her brother, and looked delighted. She came over and held Kagura's hands, smiling. "I welcome you with open arms, Kagura-san. And there's also one more thing…" She stooped down to whisper in Kagura's ear.

"What is it-aru?"

"Are you a real princess?"

"Eh? Yeah, I am, but what?"

"Are you engaged to anyone or interested in anyone?"

"Well, I love Gin-chan and Sadaharu and Shinpachi and eggs over rice and-,"

"I'm asking if you love anyone romantically."

Kagura went silent at that. She couldn't say what romance was, really. Her father had told her how he met her mother, and how their love started in bed (whatever that meant), but she hadn't had much (more like none) progress, practice or comprehension of what love was.

"Mmm… no, I guess."

"I see…"

"Aneue, what are you whispering about over there?" the sadists' voice floated over, and Mitsu-chan straightened up, waving her hand.

"Just girl talk, Sou-chan. Would you mind going ahead first and tell Toshiro-san to wait in our room? I'm going to go and help Kagura-san's bedding and be right up."

The sadist spoke up before she was able to continue talking with Mitsu-chan. "About that, Aneue. Why don't you leave escorting her up to me? You have to rest soon, don't you? Staying up this late just for one… er… young lady is not good for your health. I'll bring her up, so you can go ahead and get it ready."

Kagura stilled, shocked. Mitsu-chan seemed to pause as well, but recovered with a big smile on her face. "Oh, Sou-chan, you're so thoughtful. But I can't just leave Kagura-san without-,"

"Just leave it to me, Aneue. You're just as important. And do you think that I'll leave a guest without all the hospitalities due to our family name? Just trust me." The sadist came closer to the two, and started leading away his sister and told the servants to accompany her back upstairs.

"W-wait, Mitsu-chan-," Kagura called out, standing up at the last minute to go after her when the sadist caught her arm while tripping her at the same time. "What are you doing, bastard?!"

"Aneue is very sick. She doesn't have the time or energy to go around playing hostess for someone like you, so that's enough." At the harshness in his voice, and the trepidation edging that tone, Kagura stopped and stared up at him.

"Mitsu-chan is sick? But she looked fine-,"

"A brat like you won't understand. Now, get up and let's go. The guest room is a little farther off on the third floor. We have a walk to go on." He snapped, and turned on his heel, leaving her standing there. He flashed on a flashlight in his hand and walked down the hall on his own, snapping his fingers so that the lights in the dining hall went off automatically.

Shaking herself off of the strange pang she felt in her chest, Kagura stepped forward, running after the young man who had already gone off.

The two walked in the darkness in silence, their footsteps the only indication of a human presence. Because the sadist's legs were longer than hers, she had to almost sprint to keep up with his quick stride. After going through the hall on the second floor, she finally snapped, "Oi, you sadistic bastard, can't you walk a little slower for a lady here? My feet are killing me-aru."

"How old are you to be complaining about sore feet?"

"I'm sixteen-aru, but that doesn't matter. I'm a lady, so you have to treat me nicely."

"Lady, my ass…" he muttered, but surprisingly enough, he stopped, then resumed his pace, but a tad more slowly…

And then he suddenly increased his pace, leaving her behind in the dark.

… or not.

Yelling, she ran after him, but shouted in surprise when she tripped on something and almost fell forward on her face. But her quick instincts helped her flip herself into the air with her arms before her face touched the ground, and she came back up to accidentally knock over the sadist.

They both ended up tumbling to the ground, and the flashlight went spiraling, blinking, then sputtered out.

"Ouch… damn it, what the hell are you doing, playing around in the dark like this?" he muttered, and she answered, "That's my line, you potty brat. Escorting the guest, my ass. You're just toying with me, aren't you? Typical sadist." She struggled to get up, but her limbs were tangled up with his, so she couldn't move around properly. She yelped when his head smacked into her chin, and heard him curse when she accidentally pressed her foot into his lower body.

"Stop sticking your crotch in my face, you pervert!"

"I'm not trying to! What are you—oi, what's this?" she screamed when she felt a hand press into her chest, and knocked her head forward to hit him. "Ow, damn it, what was that for?!"

"Y-you—you—you—th-that was—that was dominic violin!"

"… You mean domestic violence? That wasn't even close to it. We're not even married, so-,"

"That doesn't matter! You-you walking case of a sexual harasser!"

"Oh, I see. That was your chest? I thought I was touching up a wall because you're so flat."

She tried to hit him, but failed, and ending up smacking into his shoulder. He grabbed her head and said, "Hold on, China, you need to stop moving around so much, or else I won't-,"

"Don't touch me, you sadist!"

She heard him sigh, "This was your fault, so pardon me for trying to get us out of this tangled mess."

"What are you talking about, you purposefully walked on ahead just to piss me off!"

He grunted, "Oh? So you figured that out now? You're pretty dense, considering-,"

She finally managed to untangle her arms and legs and yanked on the sadist's shirt to yell in his face. Because it was dark, she couldn't tell whether she had grabbed his pants or his shirt, and whether she was actually yelling in his face. "Well, that's your fault, baka-sadist!"

"First it was do-sadist, then it was brat and now it's baka-sadist? You need to be a lot more creative—," abruptly, he stopped. "Oi, China, do you know what kind of position we're in right now?"

She blinked her eyes. In the sudden flash of lightning that lit up the inside of the hall, she saw a pair of red eyes peering up at her… and directly into her own eyes. And she also understood what he was talking about. He was on the ground right under her, but she was basically straddling his stomach and was extremel-y close to him in proximity.

She jerked herself backwards in surprise, almost too quickly, and a lock of stray hair got caught in the button of his shirt. "Owwie! Damn it, stupid-,"

"Hold on, baka-China. You're only going to end up tangling yourself more or get your hair pulled out." She immediately went still when his fingers came up to touch her head while groping around in the dark, then trail down to her face, tracing the lock of hair stuck in the space between his button and his shirt.

She quieted down as he started untangling her hair, trying to get it unknotted from his button in the dark. Despite him being a sadist like she thought, he was surprisingly gentle with his fingers, and made a quick work of the knot, loosening her hair and letting it pull back.

She couldn't help but scent his smell, which smelled crisp like fresh, clean soap, and with the slight aroma of burning sugar with a touch of metal, as if he had been near a blacksmith or worked with swords.

"Oi, what are you doing. Get off of me already."

She blinked, then scrambled off of him, her face warm. If it wasn't dark right now, he would have seen how red her cheeks and ears were. And that would have been mortifying.

"If you're done rolling around on the ground, then how about we continue on? The room's still pretty far off." he got up swiftly like nothing happened, and started walking off when her hand reached out to grab at his black jacket.

He stopped, turning around to look down at her. "What do you want?"

"Don't walk so fast this time, sadist."

"Don't count on it."

Even though he's said likewise, she found that he actually did slow down. A lot.

And when the two had been walking in silence for a few minutes, he broke the terse silence between them by saying, "Aneue's had a weak body since she was born. But since she was the heir to the throne, our parents had been relentless on working her out, and she took that duty of queen-ship too seriously. She's had several hurdles with her life, and she was getting better… till now."

She snapped her head up and looked at him in surprise. She couldn't see his face, but by the tone in his voice and the topic of the conversation, she knew that he was in pain. Feeling scared to lose someone you love and being unable to do anything about it was something she knew.

Despite him being a sadist… that was a point she knew and could empathize with very well.

"How long does she have?" she carefully asked.

She didn't expect an answer from him, so she was surprised when he did reply, "Not… long. If she's stressed or worn out from too much work, then… even less. With her health, it's unpredictable."

"Then she should be fine-aru." She stated.

His responding tone was bitter. "Huh? What part of fine does-,"

"Mitsu-chan has you. You're a sadistic bastard who deserves to get knocked out and buried in a hole, but you seem like you care for your sister a lot. And she seems to be surrounded by the people important to her, so she'll be fine." Her thoughts flashed back to her mother who had died when she was young, after suffering from a long, unknown illness. At that time, she had been the only one to take care of her mother while her father and brother were away. And they too, had come back too late, despite knowing all the time what her mother had been going through.

She heard his footsteps stop, and she stilled as well, suddenly self-conscious. Silence hung in the air between them, and she sputtered, "What?"

"Nothing." It sounded like he let out a breath and shifted on his feet and walked forward. "Just thinking how you're not completely blockheaded, despite being the big-mouthed brat I thought you were."

"Hmph, I don't want to hear that from a shitty potty-mouthed brat like you."

"That's ironic, coming from you. China."

"Whatever. Sadist." She couldn't help but smile this time, though.

Well, she was, at least, until he tripped her again.

By the time the two of them had made it to the so-called guest room, Okita's clothes were half rumpled, torn and also a little bloody, and he was nursing a bloody nose and a slightly sprained wrist. Kagura was in no better condition, with all of her hair adornments torn out, her hair mussed up and her obi unraveling and trying to trip her feet as she walked clumsily in the kimono. Kagura had half dragged his body into the room and thrown him in front of her, huffing as she walked to Mistuba and Hijikata, who stared at the two in shock.

"My, my… I thought Sou-chan was just escorting Kagura-san up the castle. Did you two take a nice walk around outside?" Mitsuba asked, laughing. Okita was down on the ground in what seemed like a dead faint, and his brother in law walked forward to see if he was alright.

"Oi, Sougo. Sougo, are you-," Hijikata was cut off when Okita's limbs snaked up in a cobra twist and slammed him down into the rug covered tiles.

"100 dead Hijikatas… oh. Hijikata-san, are you really dead?"

"Let. Me. Go. You. Little. Punk." He coughed out, and Okita reluctantly released him and got up, cradling his hurt wrist and looking around the room, noticing that he had finally arrived.

"Well, we ran into some trouble on the way, so we were late. I'm sorry, Aneue."

"No, it's alright, Sou-chan. I'm actually glad that you two took the time to know each other better." Kagura made a gagging noise, and stuck out her tongue in Okita's direction.

He answered with a, "Oi, considering how you dragged me all the way here, I'm the main victim here."

"Well, then you shouldn't have been so wimpy, letting a girl like me kick your ass."

"I can show you how 'kicking ass' really is if we take this outside, you China-brat-,"

"If I had my umbrella, you would have holes in your face by now, you Sadist!"

Mitsuba giggled to herself at their interaction, noting how neither of them were willing to back down. Hijikata sighed, "Mitsuba, if you leave them like that, they might tear each others' heads off. Are you sure about this?"

"I'm very sure, Toshiro-san," she whispered to her husband, and he gave another sigh, but walked over and pulled the two quarreling persons apart. "Kagura-san, your bed's just been made, so why don't you go in?"

At Mitsuba's prompting, Kagura enthusiastically nodded, and throwing a glare at Okita, opened the door to the bedroom, following a maid inside.

"Sou-chan, before you go in, there's something I should check in with you first." She called out to her brother, who had been staring at the back of the girl's head as she went inside.

"What is it, Aneue?"

"You haven't outright rejected Kagura-san as a princess candidate, so I was wondering if you were interested in her."

Her question must have surprised him, because he didn't answer for a while, only staring at her. "… Aneue, you do realize that she might not be a real one."

She smiled. "Yes, but that's why I went through all the trouble of-,"

"EEEEHHHHHH?!" a loud scream came from the room, and to Mitsuba's delight, Okita was the first one to react and run inside.

"What are you yelling about, Chi-," she heard him pause, then open the door wider as he came back out and calmly walked to Mitsuba with a confused face. "Aneue…? Please tell me I am seeing things… did I really just see about twenty mattresses and twenty quilts and blankets piled on top of the other?"

"No, you're not, Sou-chan." Mitsuba countered as she put a finger to her lips and pulled him inside the bedroom where Kagura was. "Let me explain…"

When Kagura stepped inside the room, she had expected something like a nice fluffy bed to jump on right away and go to sleep. Seeing how stylish Mitsuba was in a traditional Japanese way, a nice futon-bed might have been nice, too.

She did not expect the large, tall and slightly unstable looking pile of beddings and mattresses piled on top of the other. It looked neat enough… and it also looked nice enough… if it hadn't been at least twenty feet high in the air.

Kagura prodded the pile of mattresses, checking to see if it was unstable. It didn't budge under her touch, but when she held out a fist and punched it, it did lightly shake.

"Well, well, I see you've got your wish of going to bed like the real princess you are." That snarky voice.

She sighed and turned around, waving her fist. "I see you that you haven't been punished enough, you masochistic/sadistic pervert. And I am a stupid real to blood and bone princess with a bald Papi who's strong enough to knock your head off with a flick of his fingers, so suck on that."

"Seeing how you are, I find that a little hard to believe."

"Well, that's because—I—I don't want to hurt anyone while I was here," she said, and muttered, "Except maybe kill you."

"I heard that."

"Whatever, sadist. Was this your idea of a joke, anyway? If I fall in my sleep, I'll crack my neck and die. Did that not occur to you? Or if there was an earthquake in the middle of the night, this bed will shake like crazy and I'll fall with hundreds of mattresses squashing me flat. Or I-,"

"Oi, you're going to hurt Aneue's feelings, you know. She made that."
She clamped her mouth shut at the mentioning of her newest friend. If Mitsuba had made it, then… well… she must have had a reason to.

"And that's how it is. See you in the morning, China-brat." She startled when she saw the lights flick off, then the door slam. She also heard the click of a lock turning and spun around, pounding at the door.

"Oi, you *bleep*ing sadist! What the hell are you doing-aru?! What if I need to go poop in the middle of the night? What are you going to do if you find a long piece of *bleep* in this room-,"

"There's a personal bathroom in there, idiot." He said through the door. It was surprising that he was still there, but beyond the door. What happened to the others, anyway?

"What if I want water?" she asked.

"Just ring up a maid." He answered, sounding bored.

"What if I want to kill you right now?"

"You can try, but you're also a hundred years too young to try something like that. Oh, and don't even think about breaking down this door. I have your umbrella as hostage."

She groaned, letting out a long string of curses. "Hope you survive, China."

Eh…? Survive?

She heard his footsteps and his laughing fade away with every passing second, and she had no choice but to turn back to the tall bed and stare up. She sighed once, feeling all that weariness come crashing down on her. Whatever this bed was, it was, at least, a bed.

She climbed the extremely long ladder up ("That sadist-bastard, he totally planned this.") and when she got to the top, ended up collapsing without pulling the covers over herself.

The moment her head hit the large mound of pillows, she was out.

At least… she was out, for the first hour or so…

Until she realized that there was something in the bed approximately in the next half hour.

Whatever it was, it was poking into her back and stayed there, almost moving around to stick into her back whenever she moved around.

There had to be something in the bed. She tossed and turned all night, trying to ignore it, but couldn't sleep with it constantly poking into her back. She tried stripping off her clothes and inspecting the kimono in the dark, feeling up the silky fabric, but there wasn't anything in it.

She tried pulling the covers back and pressing her fingers into the mattress, but nothing came out or up. It was only when she lay back down did that thing continue to press into her back.

And it was getting as annoying as hell.

She stayed that way the entire night, tossing and turning, so that when it was morning, she had large panda bags under her eyes and a zoned out expression, not to mention, aching muscles everywhere.

"How did you sleep, Kagura-san?" Mitsuba, who had come up to her room first thing in the morning with a cup of tea asked. Kagura wanted to spit out, 'horribly', but seeing Mitsuba's glowing face and also remembering Okita's comment about how she was sick and stress was bad for her, she managed to force a smile.

"I slept well-aru. Thank you for everything, Mitsu-chan."

She couldn't tell because it was for the split of a second, but she swore Mitsuba's eyebrows scrunched together in a frown and her voice sounded disappointed when she said, "I see. You're welcome, Kagura-san."

But it sounded like she was back to her normal, hospitable self when the two of them were back on the solid ground and she said, "Let me help you get dressed in a new kimono, Kagura-san. I have a new one picked out for you."

"Eh… but, since I'm leaving, shouldn't I get my clothes back? A maid took it to wash yesterday, and…"

The older woman winked at her as she pulled up the expensive looking clothes in front of Kagura. "Don't worry, Kagura-san. This one is a gift from me to you, so you can keep it when you leave."

"Thank you, Mitsu-chan!" Kagura leaped at Mitsuba, giving her a firm hug, and blinked when she felt something at Mitsuba's stomach bump into her torso. She wondered to herself what it was, but kept silent as the older woman started helping her undress and then change into the other kimono.

"Good morning, Sou-chan." Okita snapped his head up to see Mitsuba, along with Kagura, who had also changed into another kimono with a long obi and furisode sleeves, typical for ladies who had yet to be married.

"Good morning, Aneu-," he was cut off when Hijikata came along, right behind Mitsuba and gave her a light kiss on her cheek.

"Good morning, Mitsuba, Kagura-san."

"Morning, mayora." She answered, and Okita almost wanted to kiss her for that. It appeared that Hijikata didn't take to the nickname very much, his eyes narrowing and a vein popping in his forehead as he stiffly returned her morning call. Another valuable ally against the mayonnaise loving man who had stolen his sister away.

Mitsuba sat down at her usual seat in the farthest end in the table, which was reserved for the queen or king, and Hijikata sat down next to her and across from Okita, picking up the mayonnaise bottle first from the long table piled with foods.

He watched Kagura sit down from the farthest seat from him beside Hijikata, trying to get comfortable in her new outfit, and pick up her chopsticks. She was purposely avoiding his waving, his glaring and him poking a chopstick into her ankle with each one he threw under the table.

Finally, he said, "Oi, China, it looks like you slept well."

He saw her look up at him slowly, her cerulean blue eyes widening in surprise, then narrow. What he didn't expect was her getting up and jumping over the table, knocking him to the ground, snarling, "So it was you, you bastard! It's your fault that I didn't get my beauty sleep?!"

He might have actually enjoyed the situation where she was on top of him, had she not been trying to claw his face off with her fingers. He quickly grabbed her hands, flipped her over with a leg and pressed her down into the ground with his weight and snapped, "It's a little too early to be snapping about that, China."

"Sou-chan, Kagura-san! Both of you, what-,"

"I know you did it, you sadist! Sneaking into my bed and pestering me so that I couldn't sleep because of that stupid lump that kept me up all night-," suddenly, she stopped and turned her head to Mitsuba, who was staring at the two in shock. "Wait, no, I, I mean, I did sleep alright, Mitsu-chan, you're not at fault or anything, it's just that there was something strange in my bed-,"

"And you think I was it?!"

She was rambling on, "Shut up, sadist—and it just kept me up for a few hours, so I have aches all over. But it's really not your fault, Mitsu-chan, so don't say anything!"

All at once, Okita knew that she was really trying to be considerate of his sister's feelings because of what he'd said to her yesterday night.

And he wanted to laugh because she didn't need to be sorry at all.

"Kagura-san, it's alright, it's alright. I know."

"What? Wait, you know about the weird thingie in the bed? Did it come and haunt you too-aru?"

"No, that wasn't it. It would be faster to explain this, so why don't we all go upstairs again?"

Kagura stared at the small green pea in Mitsuba's fingers, her eyes looking like they wanted to pop out of their sockets and her face red with what could have been either embarrassment or anger.

"I'm sorry for this, Kagura-san, but it was necessary."

"Mitsu-chan's not at fault for this," she whispered, and yanked out her sharp flower kanzashi and threw it as hard as she could towards the person she hated at this moment. "It's his fault."

Okita ducked and stared at the dangerous hair adornment sticking into the wall then straightened up and barely dodged a kick flying at his face with a forearm.

"I can't believe you'd done all that just because of your obsession with real princesses! You *bleep*ed up someone's nice nap because you wanted to test them? How low can you get?!" she was, undoubtedly pissed off at the ridiculous situation.

"It wasn't my-," Okita started, before he had to jump back in order to avoid a ground splitting kick that cracked the tiles.

"Not your fault, my ass! You *bleep*ing sadist, you're going to regret the day you were ever born when you put that pea in my bed! This was absolutely *bleep*ing ridiculous! Saying that you could test whether a princess was real if she could feel a small pea under twenty mattresses and whatnot which proved her delicacy?! Are you *bleep*ing kidding me?!" Okita had to keep dodging her flurries of kicks and punches, which came rather slowly and were misdirected because of her clothes constraining her body, but were also seemingly heavier than the ones she threw at him yesterday.

Was it because she was angry at him?

Okita cursed at the situation he was in right now. Well, it technically was his fault so he couldn't say anything… since he did keep her awake at night.

After hearing Mitsuba's plan of testing out Kagura's authenticity as a princess, he had decided to take matters into his own hands so that things would fall into place and according to plan.

Even if she was a real princess, delicacy had nothing to do with common sense, and she was never going to actually feel a small pea under the layers of mattresses. If you wanted something like that to actually happen, there needed to have been a serious amount of twisting in terms of science.

So what Okita had done was sneak back inside her room (which he had locked purposely) and placed a motion-seeking device under her first mattress that would track her movements and bother her from her sleep. If all was successful (which it was), then Mitsuba would end up thinking that Kagura was a real princess (real enough to him at least, in his own definition) and she wouldn't have to leave.

He knew that he had acted rather childishly, instead of trying to face her himself, but all in all, he had never had to deal with someone like her before… much less try to deal with feelings these foreign emotions inside.

Okita ducked her left handed punch and lunged under, grabbing her long furisode sleeves and twisting her arms behind her back, then untying her obi and unwinding it, then started unraveling her and then tied her back altogether with a spin. It was one of his best sadist moves that he used while trying to tie down his prey, and soon he had a nicely tied of Kagura at his feet, who was still growling at him.

"Untie me right now, you *bleep*ing sadistic bastard! Wait till I get my hands on you, I'll-,"

"You're still full of energy, even when you didn't eat breakfast, China. Looks like I'll have to discipline you," he grabbed her waist and threw her over his shoulder, and started walking down the hall.

Mitsuba looked at the retreating backs of the two with a wide smile on her face, and her husband looked down at her with observant blue eyes. He had already noticed what his young brother in law hadn't.

"You did that on purpose, didn't you, Mitsuba?"

She looked up at him, smiling. "Hm?"

"You set Sougo up so that the brat would fall out with him."

"Well, I thought that it wouldn't be fun at all if their relationship went smoothly, so I thought I'd help out a little." She giggled, and pulled on his hand.

"But concealing the fact and making it seem as if you were fatally ill was a little out of line, Mitsuba. Sougo's not going to be thrilled with the fact that you lied."

"A couple and a family grows in love with conflicts, Toshiro-san. If you expect everything to always go smoothly and be sweet, then that would be even odder. And… you should know that best of all."

Hijikata sighed, giving her a small smile and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, then put a hand on her lower stomach, saying, "There's no way I'd forget. I finally got you and this one, after all."

Her eyes softened as she met his eyes. "Maybe we should name her after Kagura-san for Sou-chan."

"It's going to be a boy, Mitsuba," he replied. "And we are not going to name him after anyone in the family. Especially Sougo's."

"Well, since I'm going to have Kagura-san as a sister in law, maybe another male in the family won't be too bad. How does Togoro sound?"

"I like Toshizou better, but…" he said, moving her around back towards the direction of the dining hall. "You've already had enough of playing matchmaking for an entire lifetime by the time those two get together, so we should go back and finish breakfast."

Kagura glared up at the lying son of a *bleep* who had tied her up like a hog and plopped her over his shoulder and brought her all the way through the castle and outside. They had gotten strange looks from the servants and guards, but no one dared to say anything outright (because of a certain someone who they knew would be happy to torture them if they were out of line).

Looking around at the beds of flowers and the canopy of trees, Kagura asked, "Why'd you bring me to a dirt-hole?"

"This isn't a dirt-hole, idiot." He answered her as he set her down on a chair (still tied up, to her dismay). They'd entered a short of overhanging gazebo made from a man-made structure intertwined with natural green, making it look like a classically old piece of garden architecture.

"Well, there's dirt, and there's a hole." She pointed out, jerking her chin at each of the subjects mentioned. "And it's wet and cold out here, and-,"

"You—never mind." He started, but he shook his head, trailing off. When he spoke again, she realized that his tone had taken a rather serious turn. "You didn't give me a chance to explain anything before you tried killing me off, China."

She snorted, but did become a little nervous at where this was heading. "Since when have we gotten so friendly?"

"Ever since you tried to blow my face off at the door last night. And you also tried to accidentally crush my *bleep* in the dark, headbutted me, knocked me out and dragged me unconscious to the guest room, sprained my wrist, kicked me and punched me several times after that, and jumped me this morning during breakfast," he listed out, staring down at her levelly. It made her feel (just a little bit) like she was really being reprimanded, and she was only able to sputter out a "What-," before he came in close and put either of his arms next to her head and clenched the frame of the chair she was sitting in.

He was staring right into her face, those red eyes boring into hers. The proximity of his presence and the intensity in his gaze was enough to make her heart start thumping and the heat rush to her face.

"S-so what about it? Are you trying to say that we should all try to get along and expect me to forgive you?"

"No." he replied, his lips turning into a rather arrogant smirk. "I expect you to accept my proposal since you passed with flying colors."

Kagura blinked. She blinked again and stared at the sadist, her expression morphing into one of confusion and horror. Did she just hear him say—

"Is it that hard to say 'yes' to a marriage proposal, China?"

Then she flipped out.

"EEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHH?!" she yelped, her entire body jerking backwards rather violently and tipping backwards on the chair. He managed to catch her on time and brought her and the chair back on level ground. "Wh-what-what the hell are you playing at-aru?!"

He shrugged his shoulders and pulled back on his feet, so that he gave her room again. "I'm interested in you. Screw the whole princess thing – you're the best interesting toy—I mean, pigle-," she kicked him in the shin. "—lady-," and she noticed that he said that as if he had trouble saying it because it was so ridiculous. "—and I don't want to let you go."

"…A-and you expect me to believe that, you *bleep*ing do-Sadist?" she said, but her voice betrayed her thoughts and came out sounding like a 7 year old tsundere. "Y-you lied and tricked me already, so how do I expect to-,"

"I told you about Aneue. Because she doesn't' have long left, I have to take the throne in her place. And I need a wife if I have to complete the given requirements that come from tradition."

"Then go find a nice complacent and subservient *bleep* to be your lifelong slave! I'm-,"

"You're the 501st princess that I've come across and determined to be right for me. I've spent weeks worth of time already, scrolling through every blueblood in the land, and none of them came close to being as interesting as you are."

Her cheeks went red at that, despite her thinking to herself that what he said might have been different from what she was expecting.

"But Aneue wouldn't have determined you to be a suitable girl unless you were a real princess-,"

"—Which, I heard, was supposed to have been your condition, not hers." She interjected.

"—And which is why she went through the entire pea under mattress thing."

"Then why the *bleep* did you go to all that trouble instead of asking me-," she stopped and her eyes went wide… at the sight of him blushing.

"I… didn't… I didn't know how. Aneue's the only one I've cared for my entire life, and I'd never been interested in any girl as much as you-,"

"Go figure. You were just busy making them your slaves, huh." She muttered, but did feel a lot better about the ordeal. She couldn't blame him or anything, since she had no experience either. And… it felt a little special, to be considered someone's first -

"—as a way to kill time." With that sentence, all the fuzzy feelings she had inside died in an instant.

Would it have been an understatement to say that this guy was a sadistic *bleep*? He could act like a real asshole, but the next time, turned into a regular guy who made her jump and feel all fuzzy inside… the fact that he was making her ride this emotional roller-coaster and toying with her was…

Well, it hurt.

She snapped free from her tight restraints and tore the cloth that was tying her up and lunged at him, but surprisingly enough, it was as if he'd anticipated her to do that, as he sidestepped her incoming punch, then grabbed her wrist and pulled her close to him.

He said in a sing-songy voice, "Feisty, feisty. You should really learn not to keep using your fists for everything, China… if you are the princess you claim to be."

"I don't want to hear that from a dirty sadist of a prince like you! You've been keeping up this farce of an act and kept screwing me over so many times already! Am I that interesting of a toy that you won't even consider how I feel—am I that worthless to you as a -," she stopped when his face leaned closer in so that his forehead was against hers.

"See? You go off like a kettle so easily, but you make the formidable opponent who doesn't go down as readily. It's simple to rile you up and I love seeing the interesting things you do. With you, things will never get boring. Would it be so wrong to want to keep you by my side for that?"

"You're just dodging the main point here, baka – and playing with me for it-," she was running out of things to say as she felt his face get closer. She managed to stall him with, "The fact is that you're a sadist-,"

She could feel his breath on her cheek. "-Is not going to change. But you make a fair sadistic opponent, so you can't say anything about that, China."

"At least I don't try to enslave people." She muttered.

"You called me a slave the first time you met me."

"And you called me a piglet, you Chihuahua!"

"If you're going to try the canine breed, try wolf instead."

"You're an incorrigible, unforgivable bastard," she breathed out as the distance between the two was coming almost close to nothing. "And… and…"

"Try 'sadistic husband'." He was so close to her that she could feel the low simmer of heat coming from his lips against hers.

Forgetting his sadism for the moment, she unconsciously closed her eyes and waited for the touch, not knowing what else to do in such a situation.

And then everything exploded.

Well, to be correct, something on the other side of the garden exploded, but it did shake the ground and the castle and it also broke the nice mood the two were getting into.

Okita's body switched on from being the awkward but rather devious teenager trying to get it on with his future fiancée (?) to the alert captain and prince of the kingdom, his eyes quickly flicking to the place of disaster and cogs in his mind rolling to analyze what had happened.

"What was…" Kagura started, and unable to answer, Okita grabbed her hand and tugged her along, running back towards the castle.

By the time they made it back to the main hall as one of the servants directed them, Okita and Kagura were looking down from the second floor's balcony and into the main hall's ground, where a battle was taking place.

Okita narrowed his eyes at a young man dressed in formal Chinese wear who was knocking down some of the best soldiers in the Shinsengumi like they were nothing but empty cans with an umbrella and at the huge white dog that was trying to chew off people's head.

His eyes found Hijikata in the midst of the battle, going head to head with a white haired man wielding a wooden bokuto and actually getting pushed back.

He was about to grab his own katana and rush into the fray when he heard Kagura shout, "Gin-chan! Sadaharu!"

Her loud voice made the figures freeze and all battling stopped for a moment to turn and look at the girl. The dog barked at her cheerfully, waving his tail (despite having two soldiers under his paws).

Okita turned to look at her with a surprised expression, "Don't tell me those are your companions…?"

She nodded and turned back to look at the people below them. Most of the foreign men who'd been fighting stopped and started assembling into lines, and the men of the Shinsengumi also pulled back, gathering around Hijikata. But neither side had their weapons sheathed and the tension in the air was as taut as a string.

"Kagura! What are you-," the white haired man shouted, his face going pale. "W-why are you dressed like that?! Did you—oh crap, Umibozu's going to kill me."

"Umibozu?" Okita heard the other soldiers echo out the name, and it sounded as if they knew who it was. As for him, he hadn't ever heard of it.

The girl stared down at her disarray of an attire, frowning. She said, "Oi, sadist, what are you going to do about this, ne?"

"Can't you at least get dressed on your own?"

"You can't say that when you're the one who made me like this." She complained, and Okita heard a gasp coming from below, but ignored it. He sighed and pulled the lapels of her kimono closed. Unfortunately, there was no obi to tie it around with, and she was wearing a white yukata-like dress under it that was slightly transparent. So he took off his outer black Shinsengumi uniform's jacket and put it over her shoulders.

He couldn't help but feel rather satisfied at seeing her in his clothes. It was kind of like marking her as his.

"You blonde haired brat, what have you done with our Kagura?!"

"The name's Okita Sougo, mister." He said, and pulling Kagura into his arms, smirked. "And this, is my future wife, so I don't quite see the problem here."

"Wife?" the man shrilled in a rather unmanly way, and the man whom Okita saw previously in the midst of battle came forward with a smile on his face.

"Iya, iya, that was surprising. Here I thought I would have had to rescue my impertinent and impotent little sister, but it seems like she was on the top of things, even getting herself a husband. Good job, Kagura."

Kagura smacked Okita's face and pulled away from him, glaring down at the young man who looked eerily a lot like her. "This sadist is NOT my husband, Kamui! And what the hell are you doing here – I thought Papi was-,"

"Ka-gu-ra-," came a bellowing voice from the big open door behind them all.

"Oya, oya, speak of the devil." The man named Kamui said, and smiled at the balding man who came into the castle, followed by another teenager wearing glasses and a pretty looking woman in a pink kimono with a naginata at hand.

"Papi?" she said out loud, and tugged on Okita's sleeve. "Let's go down before the *bleep* really hits the fan, Sadist."

When the two came downstairs, all the men who'd been fighting in the main fray of the foreign side rushed at the girl, asking if she was alright and handing her new clothes and glaring at the men from the Shinsengumi. Well… it was mostly the bald old man and the white haired man who were fussing over her.

"So, what is the legendary Umibozu doing here in our humble kingdom, may I ask?" Hijikata asked, stepping forward.

Legendary? Okita's head whirled in confusion, but his eyes landed on Kagura, who was being coddled by the woman in the pink kimono in the corner. The huge white dog had dragged over a big shielding screen and he saw her disappear behind it, presumably to get changed.

"Oi, Zaki, what is Hijikata-san talking about?" Okita nudged Yamazaki, who had been standing next to him and shuddering.

Yamazaki answered back in a whisper, "Umibozu – the legendary conqueror who's united the entire Northern, Southern and Eastern lands under the Yato kingdom with his son Kamui… his domain and his strength easily overpowers that of ours in the Southeastern lands, Okita-taichou… and if… that Kagura-san is-,"

"I'd come here after hearing that my daughter went missing, but now that I've seen that she was kidnapped and raped, this means war-,"

"Wait just a minute, you baldy geezer!" Kagura interrupted, stomping forward, now dressed in a white Chinese cheongsam and her hair up with hair adornments and looking rather cute. "I didn't get kidnapped by sadist and mayora! And who the heck are you to say I got raped when you *bleep* with Mami before marriage?! Gin-chan told me that anything that comes before marriage is rape and should be dealt with the law!"

"K-Kagura-chan, let's not go any further with that, or else-," the teenager in the glasses said, trying to pull her back.

"And Mitsu-chan's been nothing but good to me, and the sadist-," she paused there, and the so called Umibozu interrupted her. "That's enough coming from you, Kagura. We're going back and-,"

Kagura lashed out, but her fist was stopped by her father's hand which gripped it tightly. "I am not going back until I settle my score with this sadist here, and you can't make me."

"And who exactly is this sadist?"

"That would be I." Okita stepped forward, and soon he was being scrutinized head to toe with blue eyes. He wanted to stab out those eyes with a pencil or something sharp but kept quiet. "I've already done the deed with China, ("'Done the deed'? Sadist, what are you-,") over there, so it's really up to me to take responsibility. Would that be alright with you, father in law?"

The older man looked extremely flustered (and angry) as he stuttered, "F-father-in—look here, young man-,"

Even Kagura sounded annoyed, and she snapped, "What are you talking about, Sadist, we haven't even kissed and you're saying-,"

Okita strode over and grabbed Kagura's arm and said, "That can be arranged."

And he kissed her in front of everyone else without a care in the world.

Needless to say, that had caused quite the chaos to go on in the room when the two young royals which involved yelling and shouting and umbrellas being pointed and katanas being whirled into the air.

And then the two young pair of sadists separated and finally got each party to calm down and caused no deaths to occur and started a diplomatic meeting to happen along with the queen and the conquering king.

It took about a day and a half to negotiate for no one to end up dying and no one's balls getting ripped off, and a promise on Mitsuba's end to never make Kagura end up marrying Okita without him going through a long brides' groom course in the Yato kingdom, and a promise on Umibozu's end about never trying to kill off someone because his temper snapped or prevent the two from meeting each other whenever they felt like it.

The deal with Okita's declaration of a proposal and the pair's engagement went unsaid, but it was obvious that the two were going to get married.

Of course, the two were now going steadily into a relationship – (to which both Kagura and Okita disagreed in terms of trying to determine exactly what it was) – and getting to know each other a lot better.

It was a miracle that nothing too extreme had happened. Yet.

"Oi, Sado, are you awake-aru?" Kagura asked the young man who's head was in her lap with a red eye mask on his face. "I know you're not sleeping, so I want you to get off. My legs are falling asleep-aru."

He replied, "I can't sleep with all your 'aru, aru's in my ear, China. You could have been a little quieter about this and I would have been asleep for the past thirty minutes. It's your fault anyway, so deal with-,"

"Bastard, I've lost all feelings in my legs! What are you going to do if I can't-,"

"Then I'll carry you inside, so stop *bleep*ing and sit down properly." he pinched her legs and curled over so that his face was nuzzling her stomach. He looked like a cat basking in the warm sun and enjoying a nap.

He heard her sigh heavily, but lean back into the tree and retained her former position.

Ever since the incident where her family and subordinates had come looking for her and raised Hell in the castle because of Okita, Kagura had decided to stay for a while (along with her so called bodyguard/surrogate father, her dog, and her other personal servants) at the castle.

Why she decided to do so, he was refused the answer to, but he could pretty much guess the motive behind it.

It was the same with him, after all.

They were both trying to deal with the strange feelings they each had for each other and were trying to figure it out. Or so he thought to himself, but things were a lot more complicated in reality since she was such a childish girl who refused his normal advances and he had a lot more fun by making fun of her and engaging in their usual fights.

But they were getting somewhere, more or less.

Speaking of, the recent game they'd participated in required a punishment in which Kagura ended up being a pillow of sorts while Okita napped. The two were both in the gardens, a place that had become one of their usual meeting places.

"So, how long are you going to pretend to sleep?"

"So, how long are you going to pretend never to hear my proposals?"

"You've said the same damn thing over and over, you sadist! Besides, aren't you fine now since Mitsu-chan's not actually dying and you don't have to rush with the whole marriage thing?"

"That has nothing to do with it. If I want to do the things I want to do with you, a marriage makes it a lot easier to do, so-,"

She smacked his forehead with a hand. "Stupid sadist."

"Hmph. You know you love me for it."

"I never said-,"

"Your face says it all. Just give in, China."

"Like hell I'll ever do what you ask me to do, sadist."

"There are other ways to persuade you," he rummaged in his black trousers and pulled out a small red rectangular box that said, 'sukonbu' written on it.

"As if-," she started, but he could already see the hungry interest spark in her eyes. He knew that she loved sukonbu from her bodyguard, Gintoki, who was another fellow sadist he respected very much.

"This is the limited edition that comes out once every ten years in this kingdom, you know."

"Hrrn…" he heard her growl to herself in that frustrated manner he found to be adorable. "You're a stupid sadist."

"Then that would make us quite the pair. The sadist extraordinaire, and the masochistic Chi-,"

He was promptly shut up when she leaned down and kissed him.

"Shut up and hand over the sukonbu-aru."

About a year's worth of arguing, fighting, brawling and another six months later, the two finally got married.

It was also the date when the princess Souko was born into the world, much to the joy and surprise of the parents and of the newly wedded couple. Okita was already dearly loved and was on a roll to make another potential assassin, and was clearly rivals with the newborn's father ("Go make your own kids, Sougo and leave my Souko alone!" was Hijikata's answer).

There were tears on both sides of the kingdom, and due to the pride of one side, the wedding ended up being an extremely blown up event (not literally, thankfully) and would end up being known for generations on end as the event that tied two kingdoms and the two worst sadistic young royals in each kingdom's entire history together.

And as for the so called pea that was supposedly prominent in bringing the two together…

Well… it got preserved and used a hundred years after that to test another princess for authenticity, and that story got passed down to be known as the Princess and the Pea.

And as for what happened to the young royal couple…

It was one lively evening (about a year after the two had gotten settled down) where the two were engaged in their usual quarrels over petty jealousy on one end and vehement retorts being tossed back on the other.

The young man named Shinpachi, who was more or less Okita's age but Kagura's personal servant (punching bag of a glasses wearing humans) whispered to the Vice-commander, who was busy crowing over his daughter in his arms. "Ne, Hijikata-san, don't you think we should stop them? Kagura-chan looks like she's being pushed back, you know. Are you sure that Okita-san is-,"

"Let them alone. It's their usual thing." He replied noncommittally, utterly absorbed in the cooing baby in his arms. His wife was currently taking a rest in their room from babysitting, so it was up to him to take care of the little princess… and also while overseeing the two young royals so that they didn't end up killing each other.

"But, recently, Kagura-chan's been strange. Well, in terms of her health, you know. She's complained about having morning sicknesses, her diet's increased enormously, and… maybe she's coming down with something?" Shinpachi argued, staring at the two still engaged in a one to one combat with each other.

Hijikata stilled as Shinpachi listed out each symptom. Being the first one to notice his wife's pregnancy early on, he knew all too well of what the 'sickness' was.

It couldn't be…

He watched in horror as the battle stopped between Okita and Kagura as the young princess suddenly stumbled, her hands clutching her mouth and stomach. Okita hurried over to her, looking worried despite having just been locked in an apparent physical quarrel with her.

And so they lived…

"Oi, China, are you-,"

"Sadist… I feel kinda sick-aru…"

"Are you… maybe…"

Happily…

The palace's doctor confirmed their suspicions.

"Kagura-sama's with her first child. Congratulations, Your Highness."

Ever…

Hijikata paled when Okita threw the sadistic look at him over Kagura's shoulder… and he could already imagine what would happen within months.

After…

Curled up in a comfortable and very loving position in her husband's arms, Kagura looked up at him, chewing on a piece of sukonbu. "Oi sadist, does this mean that you're going to be my personal slave for the next few months now?"

"Don't count on it, China." Was his toneless reply, but his hands were already protectively around her lower stomach and his demeanor oozed that of a very possessive and cautious father.

"Blergh. I know you love me too much to ignore me. So, how does starting off with foot massages sound? Then go and get me thousands of barrels of sukonbu, then eggs over rice, then another-"

"God, please let me have enough patience to endure these 8 months…" the sadistic prince muttered to himself, but he couldn't hide the small smile that arose from imagining the interesting things that would happen in the future… with this princess, anything could happen, after all.

The End

Okay. And that was that. How was it? I really like writing twists on fairy tales, and this one came to me right away.^^ I think it might have taken a bit of a different route, but I did incorporate all the proper Princess and the Pea thing... well, at least I tried. Did I succeed?

The next one is a much (much) shorter one with fluff, set in the regular Gintama world, so look forward to it!

Please leave reviews~