And Then There Was Light

Summary: What if Ethan didn't pull the trigger?

I have finally summed up enough courage to write this, and while it's not my first time writing, it has been awhile, so I am a little more than rusty. Okay, onto the story. I, like many others, had my heart ripped out at the end of the series finale, so to get over it (like that's going to happen) I am writing an alternate ending. This may or may not be a one-shot, it just depends on what my imagination conjures up. So bear with me! Reviews and constructive criticism are encouraged!

I do not own Penny Dreadful and/or its characters or storyline, it all belongs to the brilliant John Logan, Showtime, cast, crew, etc…

They're here.

I know it because I can feel the old Vanessa trying to reach the surface, desperate for the familiar faces. But I resist her. I've become something I can't live with. They weren't here, and now it's too late.

No, he wasn't here, he was too late.

Ethan.

My resolve hardens at the thought of him, part in anger and part in sadness. Anger for leaving me in this darkness alone, sadness at the loss of a friend, of more than a friend.

I shake those lingering thoughts away. I can't think about the past now.

Closing my eyes, I hear heavy footfalls rushing closer, opening the heavy door. It's time. Time for this to be over.

Turning to look at him as he walks tensely closer, I feel a tug in my chest. Ethan. All the anger I thought I had towards him dissipates at the sight of his beautiful face, and I try not let my voice waver.

"It hurts me more than I thought it would, seeing you."

He takes another step closer.

"You need to come with me. Now."

I almost take a step forward to follow him. This is going to be harder than I thought it would be.

"And go where? They will hunt me until the end of days."

"I can protect you."

Oh Ethan, my dear Mr. Chandler. It is too late for that now.

"No, you can't. No one can."

"Then we'll fight him."

Doesn't he see?

"It's not him. It's me. Look at me; this is what I am, and this is what I've done." My voice breaks, betraying me. "Brought this terrible darkness to the world."

"Vanessa. Please."

Those two words grab at my weary heart, and I almost give in. Almost. I must stay strong.

"Vanessa? And where is she? When did we lose her Ethan?"

I know exactly when I lost her.

"She was standing in a quiet room, gazing up at a cross, she reached out, took it from the wall…and put it in fire."

I am whispering now, the words almost too painful to say.

"And then she was lost…and so alone."

Ethan's face softens, and he takes a few more steps towards me.

"You are not alone." His voice is determined "You never were. I have stood at the very edge. I have looked into the abyss. If I'd have taken one more step, I would have fallen. But no matter how far I ran away from God, he was still waiting ahead."

Frowning, I look down at the white tile floor.

"Not for me."

He lowers his head, trying to reach me. "For us all."

Taking a deep breath, I prepare myself. He needs to understand how this must end.

"My battle must end. You know that. Or they'll never be peace on earth." I see it in his eyes when he realizes what I'm asking of him. But I continue before he can interrupt me.

"Let it end."

"Don't ask it." He sounds almost frightened.

"I don't have too. You know you have a destiny. It's why we first met. It's why you're here now. You must help me defeat the forces of darkness and deny them their prize, for all time."

"No."

I look at him now. Really look at him. Not as this new, dark thing I've become, but as the old Vanessa. I am so tired.

"Please." I can't stop the tears this time. "Ethan, let it end."

He doesn't say anything, but I know he understands now. He knows what must be done for all of this to end. I reach for his gun; just like I did when he was teaching me to shoot, and I know he's thinking of that moment too. It all seems like a lifetime ago.

His warm hands cover mine.

"With a kiss?" I ask. Because I want something to take with me wherever it is, I'm going.

"With a kiss." He takes in a shaky breath" With love."

With love."

As I lean in to meet his lips, I know that I am making the right choice by leaving this world. The torment will end and my family with live. They will live and move on to places far greater than any of them can imagine. That's all I ever wanted.

Resting my forehead against his, I wait for the click of the gun.

It doesn't come.

"No."

The gun falls to the floor, and Ethan takes my face in his hands.

"I told you once that you will not surrender while I live. We've been through too much together for it to end like this."

"Eth-" he cuts me off

"No Vanessa, I could never forgive myself."

He releases my face to drag a hand over his face. I feel cold. Empty. This wasn't how I thought this would turnout.

"Ethan, it has to be this way."

He narrows his eyes at this.

"Why?" He's looking directly at me now. Those brown orbs piercing my very soul. "We can find another way. I just need to get you out of here."

Could there really be another way to end this?

"You don't want to die. I know you don't. If you did why didn't you do it yourself a long time ago?"

Oh.

I don't know how to respond because he's right. I don't want to die. I want to live. God, I want to live, but I don't know any other way. I feel hot tears flood my eyes as he pulls me into an embrace.

"We'll get through this." His voice is hoarse, and I hang onto him a little tighter.

"Together?"

He pulls back slightly to place a tender kiss on my forehead. "Together."

And for the first time in a very, very long time I catch a glimpse of something at the end of my dark tunnel.

Light.