The sky was a perfect shade of blue filled with clouds so white they look bathed in Clorox. There was a slight breeze and if Sasha forgot the world she could imagine herself on a boat in the St. John's River back home. Her eyes closed and she even saw herself in her favorite turquoise bikini. But her eyes needed to be open because she wasn't on the river and it wasn't the past.

She was standing watch with her weapon secure in her hands. Up here, she felt her safest. She felt most at home. She didn't trust anyone to be up here more than she trusted herself. Not Rick. Not Michonne. Not Abraham. Not Daryl. The new world couldn't erase her father's teachings. If you want something done right, do it yourself. She wasn't good at delegating. Especially when her butt was on the line. Trust was something she didn't give easy.

It took time to open up to anyone in the group after Bob and Tyreese died. She felt like she was in a black hole and she couldn't escape it's hold on her. The despair was like nothing she had ever experienced and it hurt so much she wasn't sure she wanted to live long enough to try. That was painful. There was a time when she never gave up because her father didn't tolerate a quitter. So she retreated to her own thoughts and feelings. It was a loneliness she never felt that only deepened when they arrived in Alexandria. She was already disconnected from the group and they all seemed to start making connections with the Alexandrians.

She heard Rick's voice as he greeted Eugene down below. Just the sound of his voice made people stand a little straighter. Even her. He was a force to be reckoned with and, flaws and all, she respected him greatly. When she looked down he was climbing up to join her.

"How does it look?"

"Nice and boring. Just how I like it." Ever since Carol slipped out on her watch Sasha was driven to prove why she was one of the best watchmen. No one blamed her, at least not to her face, but she was embarrassed.

He chuckled. "Yeah. Me too." He hooked his thumbs in his jean loops and stared out beyond the gates, scanning the area immediately outside the gate from left to right and back again until he was looking at her.

"Is something wrong? Someone spot something?" She put the scope of her rifle to her eye and surveyed the area.

"Abraham really loves you. You should forgive yourself and be completely happy."

She dropped the weapon back down to her waist. Hearing Abraham's name brought out a range of emotions all which made her want to throw up. She was prepared to talk about shifts, security, changes, pretty much anything but a connection of humanity. It wasn't the relationship she and Rick had. There was mutual respect, there just wasn't any intimacy. They never had a reason to stay away from each other. More than anything, they just never had a reason to talk to each other in this way. Did she want to have this conversation with him? She felt so isolated since she made the choice to let Abraham in her life. Even within the family she felt like others wouldn't see her side, couldn't see her side. Rosita was the sympathetic figure in this small-world messy triangle.

"Love is a strong word." Abraham had yet to say that word to her but his behavior led her to believe it was possible. He wasn't shy with his affection and the future, a future with her, was one of his favorite subjects, even going so far as to discuss children.

"You don't love him?"

"Rosita. She loves him." She knew that. How her friend felt and she still allowed herself to fall for Abraham. She ruined an established relationship for a maybe, a possibility. She wasn't ready to say love but she was open to what may come. That's all she could promise him and he seemed to accept it. His affection for her seemed to be so pure and sweet. That was intoxicating. She felt the stirring she felt when Bob made her smile, made her see there was life to live.

"Abraham can't stay with Rosita just to keep from hurting her. If you two being together makes you happy," Rick shrugged, "you should be together."

"I'll just tell her that. I'm sure it'll go over well and all will be forgiven." The looks Rosita tossed her way since Sasha and Abraham became a couple were hard to take.

"Her pain doesn't make you the bad guy. It's a crappy situation, Sasha."

"I heard about your wife and your best friend. If your wife had decided to be with him, would you have been able to handle that? Being around them?"

"That's different."

She didn't think so but it was his story and maybe she was missing some details. "Really? How so?"

"Because she did choose. She chose me. He's the one who couldn't handle it. And we had a son."

"And it nearly destroyed your group." She shrugged. "It's not different Rick." She felt closed off from the group because of how they would react even though no one ever said anything or treated her different. Maybe it was self-punishment. It wasn't best for a small group in a closed off environment that needed to be able to trust each other.

"Rosita may not like it. I don't know if she's accepted it but I do I know she's not causing problems. Let me ask you this. If Abraham goes back to Rosita, you'll be okay? It's forever changed now. There is no way to take this back to how it was. We can only deal with it best we can for the good of everyone. That's something Shane didn't do. He wasn't capable of the higher road. He couldn't put his pride aside and accept that what he felt for my wife wasn't real. And what Abraham and Rosita had, that wasn't real."

She frowned. "How do you know that?" She had more specific questions than that. She was ready to bombard him with a slew of his questions but wanted to remain clam. Did Abraham tell him he didn't love Rosita? Did he speak about her to Rick?

"Because he's at a point where he's able to choose and that's what he did. He chose you just like you chose him out of everyone else. That means something. When you choose who you want to be with instead remaining where you were because it doesn't matter...that's living. To make choices is to live."

"You make it sound so clean and easy, but it's not Rick."

He placed his hand on her shoulder. "Sasha, I've gotten to know you. You're not malicious. That you're sitting here struggling with this tells me so."

"She'll never forgive me." She turned to him. "Can you blame her?"

She held her breath as she watched him seem to search for words. Not until he inhaled deeply did she take a breath. She wanted desperately for Rick to say something to make her relationship with Abraham okay. His blessing would go a long way.

"When the pain and embarrassment leaves and she realizes it's better to not be with someone who doesn't love her, she'll be able to get past this. You two never meant to hurt her."

She appreciated his desire to assuage her guilt. But instead of searching for encouragement from Rick, Abraham, and Maggie she should ask for forgiveness from Rosita. It was so hard. She just wasn't sure if she could do it. What if Rosita rejected her? It was easier to not know for sure and hold out the possibility of Rosita being okay rather than knowing for sure that she was hated.

She faced Rick. "My dad used to say there was intent versus impact. Because you didn't intend to cause someone pain doesn't mean you're not responsible for the impact of your actions."

"I can respect that. Your father sounds like a good man."

"He was." Her chin lifted slightly and her shoulders back. Her father's strength and honor would have been a key asset in this world.

"Forever. We used to take forever for granted. We gave our forevers to whoever was in front of us. But now, now? Forever is different. Forever means something. If he's worth your forever then you can't let that pass you by."

She looked at him with that wide-eyed slightly maniacal look of disbelief Rick always brought out in people. "Rick." She let loose a short laugh. She shook her head at him. "She never had a chance."

"She who?" He frowned.

"You know who. You look at her like she's the stars, the sun, and the moon. And she does the same. You did it before we got here. Maybe it wasn't romance, but it was intense. It was love. Even then. When you two disagreed in that barn," she said with a shake of her head. "It was like two planets colliding. That's what I want."

He smiled. "I think you can have that. If you allow yourself." He patted her shoulder again. "I'll see you around."

She watched him climb down realizing his only reason for showing up was to try and put her at ease. They had things in common, like thinking Alexandria wasn't a return to normal life but an avoidance of the harsh reality. Sadly, their commonalities were the very things that kept each of them from connecting emotionally with most people, including each other.

"Hey, Rick."

He looked up.

"Thanks."

He smiled and walked off.

She smiled and turned her attention back to guarding the community. Maybe he wasn't aware of what he just did, but that moment meant a lot to her. Clarity. That's what it gave her and these days that was everything.