RWBY is owned by Roo- no, I own RWBY now! Ha ha ha! AH HA HA HA! *carted off to insane asylum*

Chapter 9

"I knew you were lost," Mercury Black said smugly.

Emerald Sustrai growled. "Mercury," she snapped, "I will seriously pay you to shut up." She held up a pilfered wallet full of Lien.

"That's not your money," Mercury said, his ever-present smirk never leaving his face.

"But it could be yours for two seconds of silence."

The grey-haired assassin pretended to think about it for a bit. "Yeah, okay," he replied. After Emerald gratefully handed the wallet to him, he took the money out of it, and counted it. Upon tossing the now empty wallet away, he said: "Okay, it's been more than two seconds. Thanks for the money!"

Emerald snarled and stormed away. She couldn't believe she'd fallen for that. Mercury followed her, still smirking. "So what's this place called, again?" he asked.

"Tukson's Book Trade," Emerald replied.

"'Kay, got it," Mercury said. After they walked for a while, he asked: "So, are we there yet?"

"No," his long-suffering partner snapped.

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No!"

"Are we there yet?"

"NO!"

"Are we there yet?"

"NO!"

"Are we there yet?"

"YES! WE'RE FUCKING HERE! NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Emerald screamed as they arrived at their destination. She stormed through the door. By Oum, I hate him!

When they walked in, they simultaneously stopped and stared. It looked like somebody had gotten there before them. Blood was splattered everywhere, and their now deceased target was laying on the ground. Judging from the condition of his corpse, not to mention the expression now frozen on his face, Tukson's death had not been a pleasant one. Sitting on the counter was the culprit: Neo, who had her hand down her pants and was playing with herself. She stopped for a while, startled by the two criminals' arrival, but upon seeing who they were went back to her business, completely disregarding them.

"What are you doing here?" Emerald asked.

Neo grimaced in irritation. With her semblance, an illusion of a sheet of paper appeared to float in front of the two, with the words "Taking care of business, obviously. Roman was too busy. Now scram, I was close before you two got here."

"Well, why don't I... help you with that?" Mercury offered, smirking.

Neo rolled her eyes. The illusory paper's words changed to "It's a little difficult to get my rocks off when I'm vomiting. Go the fuck away."

Emerald snickered. "All right, we'll leave you to it. Come on, douche nozzle." With that, she dragged the now pouting Mercury out of the store. It was nice to see him not smiling for once.

"What are you doing?" Weiss asked Blake, who was writing in her Enemies List.

"Just doing some updating," the cat faunus replied.

"I see," Weiss replied, then went back to her lunch.

"Maybe I should get a List of my own," Pyrrha growled. She and the rest of Team PNJR were seated in a table across from Weiss and Blake (Ruby and Yang were running late.) She was glaring at the Schnee heiress.

"Oh, are you still mad?" Weiss said.

Pyrrha didn't answer, she simply continued to glare.

Flashback

"...and Jaune killed the Ursa all by his lonesome," Pyrrah said.

"I see," Glynda replied, surprised. She turned to Jaune. "Well done Mr. A-"

"Actually," Weiss spoke up, "Pyrrha used her semblance, which is polarity by the way, to guide Jaune's sword. He wouldn't have killed it without her."

Jaune, who'd been so proud, visibly deflated. Glynda nodded. "Well, that makes more sense." She turned back to Pyrrha. "Good job, Ms. Nikos."

Pyrrha glared at Weiss. "Couldn't you have just let him have this?"

"Nope!" Weiss replied, beaming.

End Flashback.

"You know," Weiss said, "I think I might actually have some fucks to give." She appeared to think for a moment. "No, wait. I'm wrong. I have none."

"He had it coming anyway," Blake snarled. Her completely baseless grudge against Jaune had only grown over the months.

Any further argument was cut off by the arrival of Yang and Ruby. The former was carrying two lunch trays, one for herself and one for her sister. Ruby was seeming to stare into space and mumbling "all these squares make a circle, all these squares make a circle, all these squares make a circle, all these squares make a circle," over and over again.

"What's with her?" Weiss asked.

"Oh, don't worry about Ruby," Yang explained. "She's just tripping hard."

"All these squares make a circle, all these squares make a circle, all these squares make a circle," Ruby continued to chant, her voice starting to grow in volume.

"Team FourStar is fucking awesome," Nora spoke up. Everybody ignored her.

"So anyway," Sun said, "then these other guys showed up, and they started to fight with the White Fang."

"Go on," Sun's loser friend Neptune Vasilias said.

"So, the regular guys on both sides weren't worth much, but the leaders were another story. And get this: the guy leading the White Fang? Ironwood; you know, the former General of Atlas?"

"You're shitting me!" the blue-haired douche replied.

As they spoke, a huge fleet of Atlesian airships arrived at Beacon. The flagship, which had the Schnee logo painted in bright, garish colors on multiple places, broke off from its brethren and lowered itself near the school, speakers blaring out loud music. Sun, Neptune, and almost everybody else in the vicinity covered their ears. As the ship neared the ground, its loading doors opened up, and a white clad figure jumped down.

"So," Ruby said, "am I hallucinating, or did a big ass airship with pink bunnies flying around it suddenly touch down outside?"

"Yes on the ship, no on the bunnies." Yang replied.

"So, the bunnies are there, but the ship isn't?"

"No, the other way around."

The doors to the cafeteria were abruptly, and literally, kicked open, revealing the one who had exited the ship: General Winter Schnee. "GREETINGS BEACON STUDENTS!" she thunderously announced. "PLEASE HOLD THY APPLAUSE! I AM SIMPLY HERE TO SPEAK WITH MY SISTER!"

"Oh no..." Weiss groaned, as Winter made her way towards her.

"HELLO, SISTER!" the Atlesian General shouted, slapping Weiss's shoulder and ignoring her wince of pain. "ART THOU WELL?"

"I'm fine," Weiss grumbled.

"IN THAT CASE, THOU SHALT INTRODUCE ME TO THY FRIENDS!"

Weiss sighed. "This is Ruby..."

"Yo," the red reaper said.

"GREETINGS RUBY ROSE! SO THOU ART THE LEADER WEISS SPOKE OF!"

"This is Blake..." Weiss continued.

The cat faunus simply grunted, not looking up from her Enemies List.

"...and that's Yang." Weiss finished, gesturing towards the blonde bicycle, who was eyeing Winter up and down.

"Nice to meet you," she purred, "maybe we should... get to know each other better."

"THOU ART EXPRESSING SEXUAL INTEREST IN ME?" Winter boomed. "I RETURN THY FEELINGS! WE SHALT CONVERSE LATER!" She turned towards Team PNJR. "NOW, WHO ART THY OTHER FRIENDS?"

"Well, I wouldn't exactly call them my friends," Weiss replied, "They're Team PNJR. The ones I told you about."

"AH! I SEE! FORGET WHAT I SAID, THEN!" Winter said.

"What'd she say about us?" Pyrrha asked.

"PLEASE DO NOT SPEAK TO ME!" Winter told her disdainfully.

Before the conversation could continue any longer, Winter's attention was caught by the sight of Glynda, who had entered the cafeteria a few moments ago with Ozpin in tow. "Winter, having sexual relations with students, even if they're not from the same school, is rather inappropriate," she hypocritically stated, trying to hide her jealousy.

"FUCK THEE!" Winter retorted.

Ozpin spoke up before things could escalate. "Winter, I do believe we have some business to discuss. In private."

"OH! THOU ART RIGHT! MY APOLOGIES OZPIN!"

"The great Winter Schnee apologizing?" Glynda gasped sarcastically. "Will wonders never cease?"

"DO NOT MAKE ME STICK MINE RAPIER WHERE THE SUN DOTH NOT SHINE!" Winter snarled. With that, the three left.

"Uh-oh," Ruby spoke up. "I'M COMING DOWN!"

Inside the White Fang hideout, Ironwood was going over plans with several top-ranking officers, while making sure to speak slowly, using small words in the faint hope that he would be understood, when the Malachite twins came up to him.

"So, like, Tukson's kinda dead," Miltia said.

"What?!" Ironwood shouted.

"She said that Tukson's dead," one of the officers stated. "Is your hearing going bad?"

"I was speaking rhetorically," Ironwood snapped, then upon seeing the confused expression on the officer's face, said, "Rhetorically. It means- oh never mind." Trying to explain what "rhetorically" means would just confuse them, he thought.

Meanwhile, at a completely different hangout, Emerald and Mercury were meeting with Roman. "Why would you even go there, anyway? Cinder didn't tell you two to get rid of the White Fang's little informant," the self-proclaimed criminal mastermind said.

"No, she told you to," Emerald countered.

"And you passed it off to Neo," Mercury added.

"I was busy," Roman snapped. "Besides, I still killed him, even if it was indirectly. And speaking of things Cinder said, didn't she tell you two to keep your hands clean while we were in Vale?"

"He's right," Cinder spoke up. Everybody jumped, not having noticed her walking up to them.

"Does it really matter, as long as the rat's dead?" Emerald asked.

"I think he was some sort of cat, actually," Mercury corrected.

"What, like a puma?"

"Yeah, there you go."

"Shut. Up." Cinder snapped. "What if somebody had seen you two? It would have been..." She flashed a shit-eating grin. "CATastrophic."

Everybody groaned.

End of Chapter 9

Oh god, Volume 4 is turning out so good. I'm not ashamed to admit I cried at the ending scene of Episode Two (several reactors on YouTube sure did), and Blake and Sun's fight with the Sea Dragon Grimm (I hope an official name for it is revealed soon) in Episode Three was so awesome I masturbated to it. I haven't done that since Volume 2.