A/N: Hi guys! Okay so this is not my first fanfiction ever, but I haven't written one in quite some time so I apologize if this pretty terrible. I don't have a beta and I wrote this as soon as I saw the latest episode. Which, by the way, is full of feels. I hope you guys enjoy this, and please let me know what you think!
Warning: This has SPOILERS so if you haven't seen "The New Sinister 6: Part 2" do NOT read this unless you want spoilers. You have been warned.
Disclaimer: I am going to make this the only disclaimer for this series. I do not own Ultimate Spider or any other types of media you may hear of. There is a reason this is called fanfiction. Thank you. :)
The Shock and Aftermath -
You know that feeling you get? The one where your chest feels empty, yet it feels like there are bricks on top of it? Or the feeling where your whole body is numb? Yeah, that's what Peter Parker is feeling right about now.
He feels so numb. Like he wasn't inside his body, or it wasn't even his own. The only feeling that kept him in reality was the pang of emptiness in his chest and the spinning of his head.
None of this could be real. There was no way.
No way that both of his teams were injured.
No way that his house full of pictures of his Uncle Ben, is crushed into pieces.
No way that Nova and Fury are missing.
No way that Doc Ock knows his identity.
No way that Aunt May was and is now threatened because he's a superhero.
No way that Ben was-
No way that Ben is dead.
This is just another one of his stupid nightmares, and he's going to wake up passed out on his couch watching some stupid talk show. He'll wake up right about now and see that he has missed calls from M.J. because he was so tired from patrol the previous night. He'll wake up and call M.J. and go to the movies with her so they can make fun of the actors and clichés.
He'll wake up and be so thankful that this was just a nightmare.
He'll wake up and go to the Triskelion that is in perfect shape with Fury yelling at him that he's late. Again.
He'll go and see that both of his teams are perfectly fine.
As soon as he wakes up, he'll see that Ben isn't dead. Flash isn't injured.
Ben will keep calling them punks.
Everything will be back to normal.
The guilt that is crushing him right now isn't real. The grief isn't real. The pain isn't real. None of it is real. It's just a bad dream.
So, he keeps clenching his eyes and opening them in hopes that he'll wake up in his bed. He'll look to his right and see his nightstand with a picture of his friends and Uncle Ben. Everything will be perfect.
But every time he clenches and opens his eyes, he sees that he's still in the messed up infirmary, watching his teammates patch themselves and others up. He's sees that this is real. He hears their muffled voices, some asking questions about what happened to Doc Ock, some asking questions of what happened to Scarlet Spider. And, some explaining what happened. How he had failed them.
He could hardly hear that some of his teammates were asking him questions. He couldn't answer. How could he answer?
I'm such a pathetic excuse for a team leader, I let every single person I care about get hurt by me.
He could practically hear their insults and sneers at him. He could see their glares and disapproving looks. He could practically see his uncles disappointed face.
I am such a screw up. I shouldn't have been Spider-Man. Everyone I love is at risk because of me.
It's all my fault.
"Spider-Man?"
All my fault.
"Is he okay?"
All of it happened because of me.
"I'm not sure."
Uncle Ben. Scarlet Spider. Everything.
"Is he in shock?"
All of it happened because of me.
"I think so."
Because of me.
"Spider-Man."
Me.
"Spider-Man!"
Snap.
Peter felt it break.
He felt hot tears streaming down his masked face. A sob broke out of his lips. He felt his knees buckle under him.
His facade had broke, no longer was he numb, his shock was gone. Leaving him to defend himself. It was tidal waves of emotions drowning him now.
Such a failure.
Such a pathetic excuse for a leader.
Sobs racked his body with intensity, shaking him into reality. The reality that all conversations that his teammates were having were stopped by him. Every pair of eyes looking at him with shock, pity, and-and disappointment.
In him.
With this thought another sob escaped his lips.
You should have died. Not uncle Ben. Not Scarlet Spider.
He should've. No one deserved to be hurt because of him. Doc Ock was infatuated with him. No one else.
"Spidey. . ." He felt a hand on his shoulder, snapping him out of his thoughts.
"It'll be alright." Who said this? Peter couldn't tell due to his sniffling.
"Yeah don't worry. We'll figure something out." Lies. There's no way to get out of this one. Anger began to boil inside him.
This isn't about me. No one deserves to be hurt because of me. None of you deserve to.
"Don't worry, we won't let anyone hurt you."
Peter couldn't take it any more as he shot up. "This isn't about me! I'm fine, just fine."
He couldn't see anyone clearly, due to the tears clouding his eyes, but he could tell that none of them believed that. "I'm fine."
"No. No you're not." Someone said. Amadeus, he realized.
"He's right. Someone who's just "fine" wouldn't be crying." Dagger replied with Cloak nodding beside her.
Iron Fist placed his hand on Peter's shoulder. "It will be okay my friend. Tears are the soul's way of cleansing pain."
"Highly doubt he needs freaking metaphors to help him."
"Hey, he's just trying to help!"
"Don't yell at her!"
Pathetic.
Peter let out another sob and covered his face.
"Oh - Sorry Spidey! We didn't mean to upset you, uh. . . ."
White Tiger walked in front of him. "We're sorry. We just want to help."
"But," Power Man began, "to do that you need to talk to us."
Talk? If I talk to you, will it change anything? I'm still a pathetic leader. A leader that allowed you guys to get hurt because of me.
"I'm so pathetic." Peter managed between sobs. "I-I should've died in-instead of Scarlet. It should've been me."
"Woah! Are you hearing yourself?!" Miles outburst. "Dude, you've literally saved thousands of lives!"
"Yeah," Squirrel Girl but in, "and you've helped us so much."
"You believed in us when no one else did," said Cloak.
"Or when we didn't believe in ourselves," Dagger added.
"A pathetic leader wouldn't have tried to save Scarlet even though he betrayed you," Amadeus included.
"You're a hero, and you're our leader. You need us just as much as we need you." White Tiger smiled.
Peter sniffled. "B-But-"
"But nothing," Power Man said, "you've saved us plenty of times. We wouldn't have survived if we didn't have you as a leader."
"With that said, wipe your tears. We're going to go find Fury and Nova. And for that we're going to need our fearless leader that tells terrible jokes constantly."
He gave a slight smile and took a breath. The tears had stopped streaming, although the empty feeling lessened, it did not go away. Just like with his Uncle Ben.
But, the weight on his chest was gone. Even if he was still upset, he was still their leader. He still had to lead them. They counted on him. Just like he can count on them.
Doc Ock was wrong, compassion isn't his greatest weakness, it's his greatest strength. It's what kept him alive all these years. It's what kept his team alive all these years.
So he'll just have to prove that to Doc Ock.
With his team full of friends and families. Or as Ben Reilly would put it:
Punks.
I hope you guys enjoyed! Please let me know what you thought of this, I would absolutely love to know. I'm sorry this was super short, I'll try to make the next one longer. I also do take requests, so feel free to leave one at an time!
Have a wonderful day/night!
- City