Paternal Affection

Arima and Haise's father/son relationship takes a dark turn.

Author's Note: I apologize in advance, but this is a departure from what I usually write. It made me quite uncomfortable to write, but I wanted to expand my scope as a writer. This first chapter is pretty light, but it will be a dark doozy of a fic (not darker than the actual canon though). If you would like for me to warn you about upcoming content, please pm me or you can ask in a review (the latter option doesn't require an account and I can answer you in the beginning of the next chapter). I will also be posting this (soonish) on my ao3 account, TheLovers, if you'd rather wait to see it tagged properly. For now, there is only one brief mention of death. Also, the relationship here is strictly familial, so there will be no sexual content in the entirety of this fic (I can only expand my scope so much, ya know?).

But be warned, YanderePapa!Arima is on his way. Poor Haise/Kaneki. Please forgive me.

Arima Kishou had trained countless other investigators before meeting his last apprentice. He had thought he knew what he was doing, but perhaps that had been his first mistake. Haise had never been and never would be anything like Take or Koori. And not because he wasn't fully human either.

Perhaps it was because the prison chief had compared the boy to a baby. Perhaps it was because of how young and vulnerable he had looked. Whatever the reason, Arima had begun to see the young man as a child. More specifically, his child.

So like any good parent, he gave his child guidance as he grew. Even during setbacks, he always gave assurances and encouragement. When he couldn't give him company, he gave the lonely boy books to pacify him during his confinement. He gave his child everything he could give. Even the chance to choose their own name.

With Arima's support, 240 became Haise.

Upon writing down his new name, Haise had shown him such a pure smile, an expression that Arima hadn't deserved in the slightest. But even if he hadn't deserved it, he couldn't stop his eyes from staring or his heart from speeding up.

And thus, while he had captured his interests as Kaneki Ken, he captured his heart as Sasaki Haise.

"You're not eating," Arima observed.

Haise gave a nervous smile, "I'm sorry. It's just that I'm not hun-"

He abruptly cut his lie short as a weak whine escaped from his stomach that clearly proved contrary to the words he was speaking. Arima raised his eyebrows as if to say, 'Is that so?' Haise's nervous smile evolved into nervous laughter.

"Haise." The laughter was quelled by the call of his name. "You need to eat."

No matter his feelings on the matter, Haise dutifully accepted the mug of 'meal' Arima slid his way.

'He really is like a child,' Arima surmised as Haise put the mug down with a grimace. He had gotten a little 'food' on his chin somehow and Arima reached over to remedy this immediately. 'Such a child,' he found himself thinking again, as Haise squirmed away from the napkin he was chasing him with.

Before either of them really knew it, those relatively peaceful days of Haise's rehabilitation were over. Haise moved from his prison cell into Arima's guest room which wasn't too aesthetically different. But just by being there, Haise managed to breath life into the bland room.

Of course, Arima had helped too. He'd taken him shopping for clothes and other things he might need. Which was mostly books, because according to Haise, that was all he really needed. Unfortunately for Haise, he didn't have much time to read anymore with his many new obligations.

When he wasn't training Haise to fight, he was training him to file reports and make copies. He began shadowing Arima in the office, observing his interactions and having some mild ones of his own. He was a fast learner, so pretty soon he went from making Marude coffee to making his first kill on the field.

Like with all of Haise's other firsts, Arima was there to supervise.

As gentle as he was, it was only natural that the boy cried after his first kill. Or at the very least, it was the first kill he remembered. Arima had given him a blank slate to build on and this was the first stain of many more to come. The older man couldn't help but to think it was a shame for something so pure to be sullied.

Haise's eyes had the same shaken quality he'd get from his nightmares as he gazed upon his bloodied hands. And perhaps it was a conditioned response as he'd gotten so used to comforting the boy after his nightly episodes, but he reached out to comfort him without thinking. Gently, he rubbed his student's trembling back. When Haise's silent tears escalated into choking sobs, he tussled his hair and drew him in to lean on his shoulder.

Distraught as he was, Haise latched on and buried himself into Arima's embrace. His bloodied hands smeared onto the dove's pristine white coat, marking it the same red. And Arima could only find the poetry in it. It was only fitting really. Any blood staining Haise, should stain him as well. After all, he was responsible for his rose, was he not?

Not just his beauty or his fragrance, but he'd have to be responsible for the blood his thorns caused too.

He found himself thankful that it was only the two of them there when Haise lost his newfound innocence. There would be no one to judge the boy for his tears and no one to judge the reaper for coddling him. The only witness was a corpse who watched on with dead eyes and a silenced voice that could never tell a soul.

"There's no need for that." Arima silenced him when he began to hiccup and sniffle out apologies, because it somehow pained him to listen to his ward's pitiful words. Instead, he patted his back and assured him. "You did well, Haise. I'm proud of you."

And he was. He was proud to see his student following his footsteps, even if it left him a little uneasy as well. Unknowing of his mentor's own inner turmoil, Haise began to quiet, seemingly pacified by Arima's words.

It was strange to the man many thought emotionless. He always struggled on what to say, on how to relate to others. His mere presence seemed to unnerve others. And yet, what he said and what he did always seemed to be enough for Haise. It always seemed to be what he needed to hear. Interacting with this not-quite-human being made him feel oddly human.

After Haise had sobbed his last, Arima found himself reluctant to part from him. But night would approach soon enough and they needed to return. "Let's go home," he suggested.

Oddly, Haise seemed taken aback by his words and for a moment, Arima could swear that he was about to cry again. Whatever it was, it quickly was replaced by a bright smile and a happy hum of agreement.

Together, they went home to their overflowing bookshelves.

Many people needed Arima Kishou. But no one had ever needed him in the way Haise did. Haise, who was completely dependent on his mentor, both emotionally and physically, who needed Arima's constant and complete attention. He sought Arima for comfort and guidance. Whereas others found him cold and unapproachable, Haise saw him as his sole source of approval and affection. No one else had ever sought the Reaper for comfort before, until Haise had come to him in the middle of the night crying after a particularly nasty nightmare. As he held his weepy and sleepy apprentice that night, he relished in the other's vulnerability.

He had never felt so close to anyone before.

That wasn't such a surprising outcome considering he was all the boy had. But then, perhaps, it shouldn't be too surprising that the lonely death god came to depend on the affection-starved experiment. It was Haise who would happily converse with him about books. Haise, who would completely lower his guard and speak honestly about his fears. Haise, who gave him a purpose beyond killing.

But just as obligation had initially led him to Haise, it had also pried his blossoming student away from him.

Haise had been given his own batch of needy students to raise and so he left Arima's house for one of his own. Too quickly, the guest room lost its vibrancy, growing cold and gray again. And Arima could feel that cold and gray seeping into other aspects of his life.

He still saw Haise, but it was mostly from afar as they both bustled around the CCG. Those few glimpses granted him short bursts of warmth, but they faded all too soon. As proud of Haise as he was for scaring and slaughtering ghouls just like his Papa, he was lonely too.

Somewhere along the way, he'd gotten too close to the boy. He'd find himself sleepless most nights as he worried about whether Haise was being plagued by more nightmares. Who, other than himself, would wake and comfort the troubled youth? Was Haise eating enough? Was he getting along with his peers? Were his superiors treating him well? Were his subordinates minding him?

There was only so much Akira's status reports could appease him.

It had been too long since he'd seen the boy and he'd grown anxious. Work had kept them separated far too long for the older man's tastes. He hadn't even been able to return the book he'd borrowed. Akira's amusement at the situation wasn't helping either.

He'd been close to manufacturing an excuse to summon his student when an incident occurred. He seized the opportunity of course. While he had to discuss Haise's lapse of control, he mostly just wanted to see him again.

Despite looking forward to their meeting for so long, Arima could hardly remember it. He was pretty sure he had finally been able to return the book he had borrowed. Or at least he hoped, since the book was missing now. There was also some light scolding he was sure, as that had been his cover for summoning Haise. But it seemed that he had forgotten everything else in exchange for never forgetting what his dear apprentice had said.

Haise had called him 'Father'. It had sent such a pleasantly warm feeling through him. It made him feel like he belonged to someone for the first time in his life.

The words had rung with such a sense of rightness. He felt the feeling solidify and lock into place, never to escape again.

Yes. He was Haise's father. And Haise was his most precious son.

The warmth those words had given him lasted a long while. Unfortunately, besides a few brief book swaps, their work separated them again for an even longer while. Once again, he became torn between not wanting to bother his busy student and wanting to absolutely hoard all of his time. Already, his mind began to whir with crazy excuses to see his 'son'. Luckily for the many who would have gotten caught in the cross-fire of his schemes, the holidays arrived. And with them, arrived an invitation.

While he didn't like parties, he did like spending time with Haise. 'Besides, holidays were meant to be spent with family,' he reasoned.

Of course, everyone was surprised to see him.

He was also pleasantly surprised to find himself socializing successfully at Haise's Christmas party. He could only credit Haise for this though. Somehow, his very presence seemed to spurn on Arima's more human side. With his childish cheer for the holiday and company, Haise seemed to exude a relaxing aura that blanketed the whole house.

He'd made good friends despite the odds against him. Arima had felt genuine pride at this, untainted by worry for the first time. As he watched Haise flutter to and fro like the happy little social butterfly he was, Arima felt his heart warm in that way it did when Haise had called him father. He had helped to create such a kind and warm person. A cold reaper of death had given life to such a beautiful person.

He had to have been the oldest one there by quite a few years, but he found himself getting along well with this younger, lively crowd. It made him feel young at heart himself.

As the party waned later that night and Arima struggled to delay his departure, Haise approached him with a gift. It was a horse tiepin that punned on his name. It was as silly as Haise. So, of course he loved it.

Like always, Haise thanked him and smiled in that soft way that he always did for Arima.

He wasn't sure how long it would last him in the winter to come, but he left that night feeling the warmest and most human he'd ever had.

As it turns out, even a brutal winter couldn't stop Arima from thawing. Instead, it was a horribly humid summer night that froze him anew.

He had been too late. Haise had taken on the Owl by himself, and while he hadn't exactly lost the fight, he was losing himself.

And Arima was losing him too.

"You have to fight it, Haise," he ordered. Haise had never failed to accomplish his orders before and Arima prayed he wouldn't start now.

"I'm Haise. I'm Rank 1 Sasaki Haise. I'm a ghoul investigator. I AM Haise."

"Yes, you're Haise. You're Sasaki Haise," Arima latched onto the words just as desperately as the half-ghoul in his arms, "Good boy, Haise. You're doing good."

"I'm a good boy. I'm a ghoul investi- I'm a ghoul, a crossbree- No I am an investigator. I'm Rank 3-2-1 Sasaki. Haise is a good- I am a good- I am Haise."

Arima nodded, chanting the boy's name like he would forget it too.

"I am- I am- Who? Who am I- I am Hai- Yes, I am Haise. Nice to meet you, I'm Haise. Nice to eat you, I'm Ka- NO, I am- I am not, Kane- I am not-"

His entire body shuddered as his words suddenly cut off.

"I am not Haise."

"You're Haise," Arima argued, as Haise began screeching denials, "You're Sasaki Haise."

He felt like screaming along with Haise, but he remained silent, having to gasp for air instead. Haise, his precious, gentle son who only deserved happiness, writhed in agony in his arms. And the omnipotent Reaper could do nothing for him, but breathlessly whisper lies. The halfling's hands clawed out at Arima, pleading for his "father" to save him, to put him out his misery. And Arima's heart broke into a billion pieces as Haise slowly slipped away like the figment of imagination he was.

In his place, Kaneki Ken cried.

A/N: Sorry to leave it there, but I was trying to make it in time for Father's Day. Happy late Father's Day, Arima :')

But goodness, I'm so nervous about this, so please let me know what you think. Any and all feedback will be thoroughly appreciated. Even if it's a ":)" or a ":(". Or even a "meh". Also, any faves, follows or likes will make me wiggle like an ecstatic puppy. Yes, I am pathetically begging for feedback (it is scary to step out of your comfort zone). And as I said above, please feel free to pm me or ask in a review if you have any questions about the upcoming content.

And of course, thank you so much for reading and please have a wonderful day full of good food and fanfiction :D

~Dotti3