Tony's first Father's Day is a lot more than he bargained for.
She wasn't asleep when Tony finally slid into the bed beside her, and she murmured quietly against her pillow as she slid over slightly to accommodate him. They had been back together for such a short time that Ziva was still adjusting to sharing a bed with another human being, something she'd never done for any length of time.
She was more than willing to work toward getting used to it, though.
"You're still awake," he said softly, leaning down to kiss her forehead, pushing the few hairs that lingered there away from where his lips had touched.
"I was waiting for you," she said with a smile, shrugging her chin into her chest and scooting toward him with a yawn. True, she was tired, as they'd had a day packed full of activities to celebrate Tony's first Father's Day, trying – at times, unsuccessfully – to keep up with Tali as she showed her Abba all of her favorite things to do.
It just so happened that Tony's turn to read Tali her bedtime story fell on Father's Day, and so he'd been in her room with her, reading animatedly about a father who took his daughter on adventures all around the world.
He and Ziva had taken turns over the last month, Ziva reading stories in Hebrew and Tony reading stories in English. Tony often shared storytime on Ziva's nights, wanting to pick up on the language himself, but Ziva typically allowed Tony and Tali to share their story nights alone, not wanting to interfere with their budding closeness.
Not that she'd needed to worry about their relationship, for he had become almost instantly wrapped around Tali's little finger, and she had rapidly grown to adore her father in turn.
Tony lay back, turning to his side so that he could face Ziva. His eyes were slowly beginning to adjust to the lack of light, and he noticed the second yawn she tried to stifle. "You should be asleep," he admonished, but he was secretly glad to have this quiet moment with her, a few moments in time where they could just be together.
"Mmm," Ziva hummed as he wrapped his arm around her, squeezing slightly at her waist as he did so. It was still surreal to him that they shared this intimacy together, all of these little moments where he would reach for her and she would happily melt into his touch, as though his hands were the one thing that could bring down all of the barriers she'd put up between herself and the world. In a way, they were.
"Do you want to have more children?" she said suddenly, leaning up and propping her head on her elbow, looking at him earnestly. The idea had been nagging at the back of her mind for the past few days, and she'd been wanting to bring up the idea but fearing the outcome. Despite Tony being with her now, with them now, Ziva still felt anxiety at the idea of the conversation she'd been unable to start nearly three years ago when she had found out she was pregnant. She had never broached the subject with him, never asked how he felt about being a father. How did one start that conversation with a coworker, a friend but not a lover? And now they had a child together, in spite of the fact that talking about these things was uncharted territory for them. A new wave of guilt washed over her at the thought; how Tali had happened, how they had happened. They had never been great at timing, no, but it was well past time they talked about what they each wanted out of life, despite fate having had its own say in the turn their lives had taken after they had parted all that time ago.
"I…" he trailed off, pursing his lips together and taking a deep breath. "I really hadn't thought about it, Ziva," he said with a slight shrug, resisting the urge to tease at the exposed bit of skin at her waist where he held onto her. He was more than willing to engage in the act of having more children, at least, but he doubted that was where the conversation was headed, and so he remained silent, waiting for Ziva to speak again.
"And?" she prompted, reaching to wrap her own free arm around his waist, finding his skin warm to her touch.
"And this is honestly the first time I'd given any thought to the possibility of more children than Tali." He really hadn't thought about it, as he was still caught up in adjusting to the fact that he had a child in the first place. "I think I should maybe continue to get used to the one I already have." He meant it to sound light, but Ziva swallowed as the guilt started to rise again. Tony had forgiven her, but she still felt terrible about all the time he had missed with her. Maybe if they had another child one day, he might be able to make up for some of what had been lost.
He shrugged lightly, squeezing her waist slightly as he spoke, and Ziva didn't respond immediately, opting instead to rub her hand up and down his back, reveling in the warmth of his body and how he felt in her arms. Tony was always warm, heat radiating off of him, and when the air conditioning got to be too much, she always sought him out for that extra bit of warmth she hadn't known she'd always craved.
Ziva leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss against his lips, teasing slightly at his lips for a few brief seconds before settling back again, letting out a contented sigh. "Why the sudden interest? We've only just gotten our lives back to normal. Or a new type of normal, anyway." He paused, heaving in a deep breath, and he caught her eyes in the darkness as she regarded him with pride, a small smile playing at the corner of her lips.
"You are such a good father, Tony," she breathed, and before he could respond, she whispered, "Happy Father's Day," against his cheek as she brushed her lips across his stubble.
He didn't respond at first, and they lay together comfortably, arms around each other's waists as they listened to the silence of the house, a house so often teeming with noise and activity. Night time covered the house in eerie quiet, as though something was missing in the moments when Tali's laughter wasn't echoing through its halls.
"I think yes, someday," he finally answered, giving her waist a slight squeeze and pulling her closer toward him, reveling in the way she fit next to him. In all the time he had known her, those times when he could pull her tightly against him were so few that he still marveled at the way she fit with him, the way her body molded so perfectly to his own.
"Good," she breathed against him, scratching her fingernails absently at his back. She took a deep breath, swallowing a sudden burst of courage before speaking. "Because I am pregnant again," she said, biting her lip when she felt him stiffen in her embrace.
"Already? We've only had sex like …" He didn't finish his statement, not wanting to physically think back and count all of the times they'd made love since they'd been back together. It hadn't been long, just over a month, in fact, and while it certainly wasn't impossible, he'd thought for sure that they wouldn't have to worry about pregnancy. Certainly not this soon.
"If you will recall, we only had sex once the last time, and now we have Tali," she reminded him.
He breathed out a low chuckle at that. "We must be just … meant to have children together," he joked, and Ziva couldn't help but snort inwardly at that. True, they hadn't been trying to get pregnant either time, but at least this time, they hadn't exactly been concerned with not trying, either.
"Are you okay with this?" Tony was an expert at making light of a situation when he didn't want to face whatever was hiding beneath the surface. Ziva looked at him intently, and his grin faded, indicating his willingness to talk seriously.
"I … not yet, I guess, but I will be. I honestly …" he paused, taking in a deep breath before continuing, "I honestly thought I'd have more time to adjust to the idea. We would discuss it first before it happened. Again. But … wow."
"Yeah," she agreed, nodding against her pillow. "Wow."
Tony slid the hand that had been wrapped around her waist forward, resting it against her stomach, thinking about what was happening there. He hadn't had the chance to do this with Tali, and he swallowed a lump in his throat at the thought of all these little things he'd missed, that he'd now get the chance to do. "Happy Father's Day indeed," he choked out, his words clipped behind the growing urge to cry.
Sensing this, Ziva lifted her hand to stroke his cheek gently, leaning forward and kissing him lightly. "I know it is a lot," she breathed as she rested her forehead against his, gazing into his eyes. "It is too soon. It is too much. All at once. But we will be okay." Her assurance was delivered with a smile, full of confidence. And she was right, they would be okay, and he knew it instinctively. Everything they had survived together had led them to the strength they would need for this very moment.
"I love you," he breathed, leaning forward slightly and capturing her lips with his own, sliding his hand back around her waist and pulling her close. She leaned into the kiss, parting his lips and taking greedily, feeling the way his arms tightened against her as she tasted him. I love you, too, she thought inwardly as their mouths moved together, pouring everything she couldn't say with their lips locked into their embrace. He turned slightly and deepened the kiss, pulling slightly so that he was leaning back and Ziva was slowly rolling on top of him, his hands beginning to work at the hem of her shirt.
"Abba," a small voice whined from the doorway, and he turned slightly to see Tali's small form, clutching her doggy tightly as she rubbed her eyes, heavy with both sleep and unshed tears. Ziva slid slowly away from him, and Tony beckoned Tali closer.
"Come here, baby," he said softly, and soon Tali was at the edge of the bed, where Tony reached down and scooped her up, settling her between himself and Ziva. Tali kept one arm tightly wrapped around Kalev and the other one wrapped around her father, whimpering slightly as she snuggled against him.
This was what being a father was all about, he realized as he held her, brushing her curls lovingly off her face as she pouted against him. Ziva wrapped her free arm around Tali, leaning over and planting a kiss on her soft cheek before settling back down. Tony followed suit, pressing a kiss of his own to the crown of Tali's head, his heart swelling with love as he watched her fall into a deep sleep, her breathing evening out as she clutched her two favorite things – Kalev and Abba – tight.
He hadn't been ready when Tali had shown up in his life, and he wasn't really ready for this new child that would be coming in less than a year, but god, he wouldn't trade any of it, not one bit of it. Tony watched as the display on the digital clock changed to midnight, closing his eyes and thanking any deity that would listen for the chance to end his first Father's Day with the two – make that three – people he loved most.
Thank you all for reading. To any of my readers who may be fathers, I hope your Father's Day is as blessed as Tony's was.