A/N - To anyone just starting the story, this is not like the rest of my work. It's serious subject matter, it's darker than my previous stories and includes a lot of heavy content. There is a lot more violence and abuse both physical and mental. While there are still quite a few light points and humor incorporated, if you're looking for my usual, 'softer' Joker, this story may not be to your taste. Just wanted to throw that out there. Hope you all enjoy it.

Joker and the Stages of Grief

Chapter 1 – Initial Shock

It was a terrible night for a heist. The sky above was crowded with murky storm clouds that were occasionally cut by brilliant forks of lightning as they briefly lit up the Gotham night. Icy sheets of rain were pounding the roof of Gotham Towers West, the torrent overwhelming the gutters and creating rivers of water for Harley to slog through, as she tried desperately to get to her Puddin. Joker was on the other side of the roof duking it out with the Batman in the midst of the deluge, although at the moment she could barely make their figures out through the harsh pellets of sleet and rain blinding her. The wind gusted violently, knocking her slightly off balance and ripping her cowl completely off of her head. Mascara and clown white makeup ran off her face in messy rivulets as she pulled herself along the handrail fighting the gale force winds. Another flash of lightning momentarily brightened the sky and she could see her lover and the costumed vigilante grappling one another. She called out but her words were swallowed by the crashing of thunder and the howling wind.

She had awoken that day with a terrible feeling in the pit of her stomach about the upcoming job. She told Joker as much before they left the lair to raid the Gotham Peregrinator's Club Charity Auction, but Mr. J assured her she was being a silly little ninny and that he had prepared for every eventuality. That may have been true, but the one thing he couldn't control was the weather. It had started out as nothing more than a moderate rain when they arrived at Gotham Towers West and headed up to the Top Hat Room on the uppermost floor of the building. The winds picked up significantly as they liberated the bulk of the wallets, jewelry and auction items. By the time Batman crashed through the floor to ceiling windows to thwart the clowns, the weather had turned for the worse and the storm had been upgraded to a category three hurricane with wind gusts of one hundred twenty miles per hour.

Batman had Joker pinned beneath him on the far corner of the roof. Desperate to get to her lover, Harley launched herself into a series of front somersaults to help her cut through the winds. As she stood she saw Joker twist his body underneath the weight of the Caped Crusader. He managed to get his feet between himself and Batman and he kicked violently knocking the vigilante backwards, making him tumble off the side of the building. Joker stood and brushed himself off before walking over to stare down at Batman who was dangling precariously from the edge and being thrown about in the violent winds. She rushed over to see Batman fumbling under his cape with one hand. She heard her lover cackling maniacally.

"Looking for something Bat-brain?" he shouted as he held up the Batman's grappling gun. "Bad day to not have a backup Batsy. Ha ha ha!" Joker looked over at his waterlogged moll then back down at Batman as he examined the grappling gun. "So what's the weight limit on this thing anyway? Meh, if it can hold you and Catwoman, I suppose me and Harley should be fine." He looked up at Harley. "C'mon Poo, let's make like a bread truck and haul buns!" Joker fired the grappling gun towards an adjacent building and once he was sure it was going to hold he yelled to Harley. "Hold on tight, Cupcake!" She tightly wrapped her arms around his neck as Joker looked down at Batman and held up the detonator in his other hand. "Bye, bye Bats! It's really been a blast!"

Joker activated the detonator and pulled the trigger on the grappling gun as he wrapped his free arm around Harley's waist. They shot off of the roof as the top three floors of the building were torn asunder by a vicious explosion. Flames and smoke plumed into the air as debris rained down on the traffic below the now demolished tower. Joker used Batman's grappling gun to swing himself and Harley to safety atop an apartment building a few hundred feet away from the wreckage. He abruptly let go of Harley and she stumbled as another gust of wind trounced her.

"Puddin! We gotta get out of here before this wind blows us right off the roof!"

Joker had his hands cupped around his eyes as he squinted through the storm at the burning tower trying to see where his nemesis had managed to escape to this time. The rain was coming down too hard to make anything out at this distance.

"PUDDIN!"

"WHAT?"

He spun around to glare at his henchwench. She looked like a drowned rat. Her pigtails were plastered to her head, her makeup had almost completely washed off with the exception of a few black and white smears here and there, her arms were wrapped around her body as she shivered violently, her teeth were chattering and her lips were turning a deep purple color. He sighed and rolled his eyes at his girlfriend.

"Fine. C'mon kiddo, let's get you indoors. I can always kill Batsy next time I suppose."

"Th-thanks Mistah J. I c-can't feel my f-fingers right now." J picked the lock on the roof door and the clown couple descended the stairs. "A-anyway Mistah J, I th-think you got'em this time." He chuckled.

"Well thanks for the vote of confidence Pumpkin, but you know as well as I do that Batsy always lives to fight another day." He shrugged, "Which is just as well anyway. There's a lot of life left in this here clown. What in the world would I do with myself without my favorite playmate?" Harley leaned her wet head on his soggy shoulder.

"We could always start a family, Pud." He pushed her head violently away from him.

"Harley, how many times do I have to tell you it'll be a cold day in hell before the Joker settles down and has kids?" He grumbled. She smiled.

"At least one more, Puddin."

"Harley, if God had intended you to talk he would have given you a less irritating voice. So zip it."

They met up with the henchmen and headed back to their current hideout, an abandoned Chinese bath house in Chinatown. Their current choice of lair was fortunate for Harley who was still shivering and sneezing pitifully. She immediately stripped off her sodden costume, slipped into her bathrobe and headed for the baths. She sighed as she eased herself into the hot water. She felt frozen to the bone and although she still continued to sniffle and sneeze eventually the feeling began to come back into her extremities.

Once she had warmed up, she headed up to the fourth floor where she and Joker had set up their living space. She changed into a heavy fleece panda kigurumi suit complete with eared hoodie and warm fluffy slippers. She made a cup of hot coffee and curled up on the couch with a box of tissues and a thick comforter. Joker was likely locked away in his office or lab, although for once she didn't really care since she wasn't feeling very well at the moment anyway. She turned on the television which must have eventually lulled her to sleep. When she woke she vaguely registered Jack Ryder reporting on their heist at Gotham Towers. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and watched. She was only half paying attention until Commissioner Gordon stepped up to the microphone to make a statement.

"At this time we are still conducting our investigation but eye witness reports confirm that Batman was caught in the explosion at Gotham Towers tonight. We found this in the debris." Gordon held up a torn and half burned black cape and cowl. "While I have every confidence that Batman will eventually turn up, at this time we have not been able to locate him, nor has he communicated with the GCPD. We will keep the public informed as more evidence comes to light."

"Puddin, ya need to come see this! PUDDIN!" Joker's heavy footfalls headed towards her.

"Now what do you want you dizzy-" He stopped and stared at her in the panda suit then spontaneously began sniggering at her. "What the hell are you wearing?" Her nose was stuffy causing her voice to sound flat and nasally.

"Shuddup Mistah J. It's warm and I'm sick now after being out in that damn hurricane with you and Bats all night!" She stuck her tongue out at him.

"Awwww, my poor widdle Poohbear. Do we have the sniffles Pumpkin?" She pushed her bottom lip out in an exaggerated pout and nodded her head. He sat beside her on the couch and patted his lap. She slid over, leaning her head on his shoulder as he wrapped his long arms around her. "So what was it you wanted me to see, Harley?"

She pointed at the TV which was currently showing a commercial with a little green lizard selling car insurance. She looked up into her lover's face.

"The news report about the job tonight Pud. They found Batsy's cape and cowl in the rubble but they haven't found B-man. I really think you may have done him in this time Puddin." He patted her back.

"Well that's certainly wishful thinking Poo. Give it a few days, he'll turn up. He always does." She shrugged.

"If you say so Mistah J." She pulled a tissue out of her sleeve and turned away from Joker as she sneezed.

"C'mon Pumpkin, let's get you to bed. We can't have you sneezing while we rig the charges at Gotham Stadium next week. You'll either give us away or blow us from here to Chattahoochie." He stood and carried her to their shared bedroom where he helped her into bed. "Get some rest, we have a lot to do this week to get ready for the stadium bombing and I need you in tip top shape. Sweet dreams, Poo."

"Night Puddin."

The following morning Harley was still stuffy and now had a hacking cough and a fever to go along with the sneezing. J was at the counter pouring himself a cup of coffee when she wandered into the kitchen with the newspaper.

"Morning Mistah J." Hearing the wheezing, nasal sound of her voice he turned to inspect the state of his girl. She did not look good at all, which of course struck him as funny. She pursed her lips as he chuckled at her. "Yeah that's it, just yuck it up, creep. It's your fault I'm sick ya know!" She threw the paper on the table as a coughing fit hit her.

"Sorry Poo, you're just so cute when you look this pitiful."

She didn't know if she should take that as an insult or a compliment, but since she didn't have the energy to argue she ignored him and put on a kettle of water for tea as Joker settled in at the kitchen table and opened the paper. The front page headline read: Batman Missing After Explosion at Gotham Towers. There was a picture of the burnt cape and cowl, one of the still burning tower and another of the Bat-signal lighting the sky above the GCPD building.

He went on to read the rest of the article. In a nutshell, they summed up their raid on the auction and Joker's fight on the roof with Batsy. So far the GCPD had recovered pieces of Batman's costume and utility belt but had yet to find any sign of a body. Once the blaze was completely extinguished the Fire Department would be bringing in rescue dogs to try to find any survivors or bodies buried in the rubble of the building. In the meantime, the Bat-signal would remain lit until contact with Batman was made.

"Hmmm, I must have really knocked old Bat Brain for a loop! He's still off somewhere licking his wounds, hahaha!"

Harley sat across from him with a hot cup of tea clutched in her hands.

"Puddin, I really think you may have killed him this time. He had no grapple gun, no Bat Brats to swoop in and save him and there's no way he could have lived through both the explosion and the thirty story drop from the roof." He shot her a narrow eyed look.

"Harley, I think I know Batsy a little bit better than you do, and I know he made it out of that explosion. I've nearly killed him hundreds of times now and he always, always shows back up." She sipped her tea, sputtered and started hacking as another violent coughing fit gripped her. Joker stood and walked behind her chair pressing a hand to her forehead. She was burning up. "Oh Poo, you really are sick, aren't you?" She nodded weakly. "Well, I know I'm not usually this generous, but you'll do me absolutely no good in this condition. Harls, I'm ordering you to mandatory bed rest. I'll have Lewis check in on you in case you need anything." She was surprised but there was no way she was going to argue with him, she could barely keep her eyes open.

"Thanks Puddin. I could use a few more hours of sleep. I'm really not feeling very well." She attempted to hug her lover but he stepped back holding his arms out in front of him to fend her off.

"No, no, Poo. Keep your germs to yourself, no sharing with Daddy. You just toddle off now and rest up."

As Harley recovered from her cold Joker spent the bulk of his time working on the bombs for the Gotham Knight's game on Sunday. In the evening he was able to enjoy watching the news without Harley's incessant blabbering, which was nice for a change. The top story running that night was about Batman still being unaccounted for after his battle with the Joker. J wasn't quite sure how to take it. He was pleased that he hurt Batsy enough that he'd been out of commission for over 24 hours, but now he was worried that he wouldn't be in tip top shape to thwart the stadium bombing. A mass bombing wasn't going to be any fun at all if Batman weren't there. He shrugged and decided to keep an eye on the news for the next few days.

Harley was still deathly ill the following day and stayed mostly in their bedroom as to not expose her Puddin to her germs. Lewis stopped by a few times a day to bring her hot chicken soup and tea, over the counter medication and fresh boxes of tissues. Her fever finally broke late that night and she was tired of lying in bed so she wandered out to the living room to find Joker. He was sitting on the floor in front of the television looking a tad bit stressed.

"Puddin? You okay?"

"Shhhhhh! I'm trying to listen Harley!"

She looked at the television. It looked like a press release of some kind was just about to get started. Commissioner Gordon approached the podium.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the press I would like to thank you for being here. I have additional information to share in regard to the Gotham Towers bombing two nights ago. A joint effort by the GCPD and GCFD utilizing rescue dogs to search the Gotham Tower for any survivors or remains has been concluded. Amongst the rubble nine bodies were discovered. The names of the deceased are being withheld until family members can be properly notified.

We have recently been in contact with close associates of Batman and they have confirmed that there has been no contact from our caped crusader.

So, it is with a heavy heart that I regret to inform you all that one of the bodies recovered today matches the physical description of and is believed to be the body of the Batman. Due to the degree of damage to the corpse, a positive ID will take some time, if a positive identification can be made at all. We will keep you all posted as we continue our investigation.

In honor of the service Batman has provided the City of Gotham the Bat-signal will remain on until further notice to remind our citizens of the incredible sacrifices one man has made to keep our streets safe and our children protected. The Batman has selflessly waged a crusade to protect us from the costumed criminals that seem to plague this city, but in the end, ultimately it was his drive to keep us safe from these psychopaths that has caused his untimely demise, killed at the hands of the Joker.

I am honored to have worked with this man and to have been able to call him my friend. As you gaze into the night sky and look at that symbol, please try to remember all the Batman has done for you, the citizens of Gotham City, and all that he stands for. We should all strive to be more like Batman. To be brave, to be altruistic, to care about the little people, to fight against crime and injustice, to stand for something bigger than yourself…. peace, justice and the American way. Thank you Batman for all you have done. Rest in peace my friend."

The commissioner swiftly walked away from the podium with tears standing in his eyes. Joker stared at the television in complete shock with his jaw hanging open.

"Puddin! You did it! You finally killed B-man!" He didn't acknowledge her just continued staring at the television even though they were already reporting on a mass shooting at a church in Oklahoma "Pud? Hellooo? Is anyone home?" She waved her hand in front of Joker's face. He very slowly turned his head and gazed at her with a look of complete incomprehension on his face. "Puddin? Are you okay?"

"I killed Batman." He deadpanned as he stared blankly at her. "I killed Batman?" He questioned as he scratched his head. "I killed the freaking Batman!"

Suddenly a huge smile broke across Joker's face as realization sunk in. At the same moment their home phone started ringing. Harley walked over and picked it up.

"Pud? It's Harvey."

Harley eavesdropped on Joker's conversation.

"Harvey! Believe it or not, I'm as surprised as you are. Well thank you but it was nothing really. Oh no, I totally agree Harv. I think that's a wonderful idea. Tomorrow it is! See you then!"

Harley raised an eyebrow at Joker.

"What was that all about?"

"Oh you know, Harvey was just congratulating me on offing the Bat and thanking me for getting rid of the thorn in all our sides. Oh and we're going to the Iceberg tomorrow night."

"We are?" He beamed at her.

"Yup the boys are throwing me a little party to properly show their mutual appreciation."

The phone rang again and continued to do so for the remainder of the night. All of Gotham's rogue community as well as the mob and the rest of the organized crime families all wanted to thank and congratulate the Joker for finally eliminating their flying rodent problem. Harley was still a little under the weather and after several hours of listening to Mr. J have virtually the same conversation over and over and over again she got bored and went to lay back down.

She woke up several hours later to discover Joker had never come to bed. She quietly padded down the hallway. She could see him silhouetted against the large picture window in his office, leaned slightly back in his chair, legs bent and propped on the windowsill as he stared blankly out at the city. She could just barely make out his features from the soft light of the streetlamp reflecting off his milky skin. He held his chin in his hand as if deep in thought. She softly rapped on the door frame.

"Mistah J?" He jumped and quickly ran his hands down his face a few times as she crossed the room.

"Jeez Harls, you startled me. What are you doing up? Aren't you supposed to be recuperating?"

"I couldn't fall back to sleep. You okay Puddin?" She could distinctly see the dampness on his cheeks but knew to keep her mouth shut about it.

"Of course I am, Pumpkin. Just thinking about the future. With Batsy out of the picture the city is gonna be ours on a silver platter. What do you think about making Amusement Mile our new base of operations?"

She cocked her head to the side. She had spent six months as his therapist in Arkham and had learned much more about him in the years that followed and he didn't fool her. Not one bit. He was upset. He was very upset. He knew how to hide his emotions well when he had them but she could tell by his tone of voice and inflection as well as the air of nonchalance about him that was completely feigned. She could see the tension in his body yet his posture was a bit too slouchy. Dr. Harleen Quinzel whispered to her from the recesses of her brain.

'He's just barely beginning the first stage of the grieving process. He's in shock at the unexpected loss. He's trying to come to terms with it and needs time to process the information. Don't push him.'

So as tempted as she was, instead of asking about his feelings, she simply answered his question.

"Amusement mile sounds good Puddin. You need me to get you anything?"

"No thanks, sweets. You oughta get back to bed though Poo. You don't want to be all sniffly for my big party tomorrow do ya?"

"Okay Mistah J. Just holler if ya need me."

She leaned down and kissed him lightly on the cheek and he allowed it. She ran her tongue across her lips tasting the saltiness of his almost dry tears. She was curious to see which way this was all going to go. Either he'd drag it out until she was dealing with a case of complicated grief or he'd go through all the stages of grief in five minutes and be done with it. She prayed for the latter.

A/N – So just a little note about the stages of grief. They can happen in any order and certain steps may repeat themselves and become a bit of a roller coaster ride of pain. Then we have to take into consideration that this is the Joker we're talking about so there may be brand new steps in his grieving process that the rest of us would not normally experience. This chapter is just the basic intro to the story so don't be surprised to see additional shock/disbelief from our favorite psychopathic clown.

This chapter is mainly from Harley's perspective but that will not be the case throughout the story, we'll look more deeply into both characters as the story progresses. Hope you're enjoying it so far!