Say Something.

Part Four.

Dinner is long and boring. Rick barely eats, he can't really. His stomach has been tied up in knots since his few words with Michonne. He just pushes his food around his plate, the people around him fading in and out as he connects and disconnects. Michonne eats slowly, flicking her eyes toward him every so often as he sits quietly. She takes a drink of her water, shifting her eyes between everyone at their table in the large cafeteria. They don't even seem to notice that anything is wrong with him. They just laugh and talk, without a care in the world. They don't see him like she sees him. That makes her uneasy. She wants to be the only one to see him but at the same time she doesn't. She can't. It's killing her.

He knows that she can see him, that's why he needs her. But he's suffocating her. He's leaning so hard, squeezing so hard that she can't breathe. What makes it worse is that she doesn't know what she's fighting. He won't let her in. He wants her to fix him, but he won't tell her why, he won't give her the glue to piece him back together. She can't do it anymore. She wants to be seen herself. If even just for a minute, for a second, just see me! That's what she wanted that day in the kitchen, even if it was purely physical. She just wanted to be seen by him. Wanted him, Rick, to acknowledge her. Nobody but Carl sees her and sometimes that just isn't enough.

She finishes her meal although feeling nauseous, not wanting to waste the only commodity that is so hard to come by these days. She excuses herself a few minutes later, squeezing Carl's shoulder to assure him that she's okay. He watches as she leaves the cafeteria, then glances back at his father who sits on the other side of the table, a few seats down. He can't take it anymore. He stands and walks toward his dad, tapping him on the shoulder before heading toward the double doors. He leans against the lockers in the hallway as Rick approaches, "What's wrong?"

"You need to say something to her." Carl starts, looking his dad square in the eye, "I love you dad. I hate being so pissed off at you but I love her too. You cannot keep doing this her. Say something, anything, please." He watches as his dad drops his head, unsure of what exactly to do, "Michonne is the only mother that Judy is going to have," Carl pauses, swallowing harshly as he fights back his own emotion, "She's the only mother that I want to have."

Rick raises his head to look at his son. His boy. His beautiful boy. It's not that simple though, "Carl," He starts, sighing deeply, "It's not the easy son."

"The hell it's not dad!" Carl screams back, "God, you didn't learn anything from mom screaming at you every night? All she wanted you to do was speak. Now, you're in the exact same situation and your ignoring it again. If you wanna be alone your whole life, fine, but don't push her out of Judith's and my life too. That's not fair."

Rick bites the inside of his cheek as he drops his eyes from Carl's, thoroughly embarrassed but insanely proud of Carl. He never really realized just how aware Carl was of his surroundings. He's not a kid anymore, "You're fourteen years old, how are you gonna tell me about women?" He chuckles lightly, glancing down the hall before he takes in his son again.

Carl shrugs, shoving his hands into his pockets, "I don't know women, I just know you."

Rick stares back at him in disbelief as his son's words wash over him. Woah. He pulls the younger Grimes into him, hugging him tighter than he thinks he ever has before, "I'll fix it, I promise."

They pull apart but Rick continues to gaze at Carl, wondering how and when he got so damn grown. He turns after a moment and heads toward the classrooms that now double as bedrooms. I'll fix it, I promise. He stops at her door, dropping his head before trying the handle. He pushes through the threshold, shutting it quietly as he spots her at the window. She's usually acutely aware of her surroundings, noticing every sound around her but tonight is different. She doesn't even know he's there.

She stands with her back to him in her brown boyshort underwear. She pulls her shirt away from her body, then reaches back to unclasp her flower patterned bra. She discards the material to the ground and rolls her shoulders before lifting her arms above her head. Rick's eyes drink her in hungrily as her muscles flex and stretch. She turns slightly, her dreads dangling over her shoulder as she reveals the side of her beautiful, full breast. He feels a stir deep within him, just as he did that day in the kitchen. Just as he did when she found them after the prison fell. Just as he did when he first saw her at the fence.

He doesn't want to scare her. She's already got her defenses up, shielding her body from his touch, an unwanted advance could drive her away for good. He watches as she slips into his favorite denim shirt, taking her time as she buttons it up. He lets out an unsteady breath as she brings the sleeve up to her nose, breathing in the scent. Breathing in his scent. She still needs him. "Michonne," he says in between a heavy breath.

She jumps slightly, clutching her chest as she whips around to face him, "God Rick, shit."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to-"

She raises her hand to stop him, shaking her head as she calms her nerves, "It's alright. What's up? Something happen?"

He shakes his head, "No. This isn't business, this is us. We need to talk about us."

She drops her head, shaking it again, "Rick I don't-"

"You don't have to talk, okay? Just please let me explain and then I'll leave you alone, for good if that's what you want." She doesn't answer right away. She plays with a button in the middle of his shirt as she bites the inside of her mouth, "Please baby. Please?"

She scratches her head with her fingers before crossing her arms over her chest, "Alright. Talk."

He lets out another breath before pointing toward the cot in the corner and taking a step toward it. She turns toward him, leaning against a small table placed on the opposite side of the bed. Rick plops down, running his hands along his thighs as his mind begins to race, trying to find the words to make it all better. He opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. He tries to speak but it's like all the words he knows have been stripped from his body. Michonne stares at him, waiting, begging. Don't do this to me, not again. Then he suddenly hears Lori, sometimes I wonder if you care about us at all. Talk to me goddamn it! Say something!

"I feel like we're back at the prison." He chuckles sadly, dropping his eyes back to his jeans.

She eyes him almost suspiciously, squinting her dark orbs as she tries to make the connection he's trying to draw, "How so?"

"You hated me," He laughs again, "You didn't trust me at all."

"I didn't hate you," She says softly, rolling her eyes playfully, "I strongly disliked you and, I happen to remember that you weren't that fond of me either."

He shakes his head slightly, smirking at first. It soon fades and he's back to rubbing his jeans, his eyes cast low, "We're right back there. Right back in that place."

Michonne wants to disagree, but she knows he's right. She can't help but feel that all of the progress they've made, all the trust and security they've built is trickling through her fingers like water, "It's not that bad." She whispers.

"You don't trust me." He responds, "I get it, I get why, still doesn't mean it doesn't hurt."

She sighs loudly, sending her eyes toward the ceiling as she searches for the right words, "I'm not trying to hurt you. It's been a hard few weeks, hardest on you. I just…" She lets her words fade,
"I don't know what to do to bring you back. I don't know what to say." She shrugs, completely defeated.

He nods slowly, digesting her words, "I remember sitting in my squad car with Shane," He starts, letting his eyes roam around the room before landing on her, "Telling him how Lori thought I was the most tight lipped son of a bitch that ever walked the planet. She used to beg me to talk to her and I honestly didn't know what she wanted me to say. I said everything that I needed to." He rubbed his eyebrow as he reminisced, "Funny thing is, I didn't know what to say until after she was gone and I met you." He connects his gaze with hers as the words leave his lips, watching as her lips part slightly, "Then suddenly, I wanted to say everything, I needed to."

He swallows harshly, trying to let his guard down for her fully, "That night, before they pulled you out of the van I was so fucking scared. I knew they had you and all I could think about was getting you back. I didn't care what I'd have to do, how many people I'd have to kill, I was going to get you back. Then, when they pulled you from the van I was," He shrugs, "I couldn't tell you what I felt. I was anxious, I was scared, but I was… relieved? Almost happy because you were in one piece. As that bastard kept waving that bat in everyone's face I just kept praying, I just kept praying to God, please not her. Please not her, anybody but her." His voice drops away as his eyes fill with tears. He tries to blink them away but they spill over, streaking down his cheeks.

Michonne's chin trembles as he pours out his soul to her. She wipes at her eyes as the cloud over, knowing how guilty he must feel. Rick clears his throat, blinking slowly as he stares at her bare legs, "I was so relieved that it wasn't you." He confesses, rubbing his chest with his large hand, "My friend, my brother, the man who saved my life and brought me back to my wife and child, was lying dead in front of me and all I could think was thank you God, thank you for sparing her."

Michonne lets out a sob, covering her mouth with her hands as she stares up at the ceiling, "Oh Rick."

"I can't shake him," Rick continues to mumble, closing his eyes as he shakes his head, "Every time I close my eyes I see him, I see Glenn. He just stares at me. Judging me, hating me." He pinches the bridge of his nose, trying to send Glenn away, "I see you, I see Daryl, I see Carl, but I only dream of you. It's the same dream, every night. You're lying in this bed with white sheets wrapped all around you." He smiles softly, his eyes still closed, "You're beautifully naked and you're looking up at me like I hung the moon and stars just for you. Your smile is so big and bright. You let me touch you all over. You just let me run my hands up and down your body and you love every second of it. You're moaning and smiling and giggling, all for me."

Rick opens his eyes slowly, the pretty picture he just painted fading away. His eyes zero in on the carpet, that glossy, dazed look she knows all too well claims his eyes as his mouth drops open before he speaks, "And then I blink. For just a second, I lose sight of you and when I open my eyes again, the white sheets are now stained with blood. You're not smiling at me anymore," Emotion overtakes him as he sobs outwardly and unapologetically in front of her, his final wall breaking down, "You're covered in blood. Your head is spilt wide open and you just stare up at me. Your cold, dead eyes just pierce into me the same way Glenn's do. I shake you, I scream, I cry, I beg, I pray, but no matter how hard I try, every night I lose you in my dreams."

She moves to him, wrapping her arms around his head and pulls him into her stomach. She kisses the top of his head over and over and over again as he holds on to her, "Then the dream started creeping into the day time," He says, "I could barely look at you sometimes because I couldn't see you, all I would see was my dream. That's what happened in the kitchen. I wanted you so bad, I wanted to make you feel so good. I knew you needed me but when I looked down at you," He trails off again, tightening his grip around her waist, "The blood was back, your dead stare was back and I couldn't. I couldn't. I'm sorry baby, I am so sorry."

"Don't," She answers, stroking his hair as she sniffles, "It's okay."

"It's not okay." He pulls away from her, standing quickly and cupping her face, staring into her eyes with his watery ones, "It is not okay. You needed me."

"Rick-"

"I am so sorry I wasn't there for you. You needed me and I wasn't there. I need to be here. I want to be here Michonne." She drops her head but he pulls it back up, stroking her cheeks with his thumbs. He lowers his forehead to hers, rubbing his nose against hers softly, "I see you." He whispers, kissing her cheek softly, answering an unspoken question.

Her eyes widen as she stares up at him. I see you. Her eyes bounce wildly between his, her breath just as labored as his as they stand with each other in their arms. He drops his eyes to her lips quickly, then lets his gaze linger on them as he licks his own. She stands up on her tip toes, throwing her arms over his shoulders as she envelopes him into a deep, slow, passionate kiss. She breathes in deeply as her body is warmed by his. He sucks on her bottom lip, running his tongue along the sensitive flesh as she shivers beneath his hands. They break with a smack, both out of breath as their eyes dance with a greedy desire. He captures her lips again, this time hungrily as he coaxes her mouth open, allowing him access into her. She moans deeply as he pulls her body into his, their hips rubbing against each other's as he devours her like a starving animal.

He picks her up suddenly, wrapping her legs around his waist as he cups her full behind. He pushes her up against the wall, grunting loudly into her as passion erupts within him. She lets out a labored breath as he nips as her skin, working his way down her chin and neck in a hurry, leaving a sloppy trail of wetness from his mouth. He sets her down, pushing his body into hers as his fingers rip at the denim shirt that covers her in a frenzied panic. He needs to feel her skin. He works the shirt to the floor and drops to his knees, grabbing her hips in his large hands. He peaks up at her through his dark eye lashes as he flattens his lips to her taut stomach, breathing heavily. His warm breath crashes against her cool skin, causing goosebumps to jump out on her smooth skin. He kisses along the rim of her panties, licking at her navel as his hands travel up to her exposed breasts, cupping and squeezing them gently.

Michonne drops her head, digging her fingers into his hair as he moves down lower, rubbing his nose along her sex. She bucks her hips into his face as she licks her lips, her eyes fluttering shut as she groans at the friction. Rick pulls at her underwear, sliding them down her legs and letting them pool at her feet. He licks his lips again in anticipation as he eyes her sexuality, her folds glistening from her wetness. He kisses her softly and her body jerks from the coolness of his mouth against her heat. She spreads her legs instinctively and he takes the hint, flattening his tongue against her and licking the length of her silky folds. She throws a leg over his shoulder as he bares down on her, his head bobbing with her hips as he pleasures her with his skilled tongue.

She rolls her hips against him as she slams her head back into the wall, her moans filling the otherwise quiet room. He fills her with a thick finger and then a second one, curling his fingers against her spot as he works her over. He pumps them in and out, in and out, in and out as his tongue swirls along her clit, lapping up her juices as they flow freely. He pulls away from her briefly, replacing his tongue with his thumb as he rubs gentle circles against her, sending her crawling up the wall. Expletives fall from her pretty mouth as her orgasm begins to build slowly, a dull ache in the pit of her stomach. He returns his tongue to her as his fingers begin to speed up, pumping and curling inside of her to try and detonate the ticking time bomb.

She cries out loudly as her legs begin to shiver and wobble. She can barely hold herself up, giving in to the pain in her leg and slipping down the wall slightly. Her hips thrash against him as he tries to hold her up with his free hand; his fingers digging into her hip and thigh so hard they'll leave bruises in their wake. Her release makes a break for the border, rushing through her veins like ecstasy as she finally shatters around his fingers and tongue. She pulls his hair harshly as she grinds her lower half against his mouth and nose, riding the waves of her orgasm. His name falls from her lips over and over, her head swimming as her orgasm begins to calm and fade.

Rick continues to lap at her, moaning into her warm skin once more. He pulls away from her body, picking her up before she falls to the floor from sheer weakness. She rests her head on his shoulder as he carries her to the bed, lying her down gently as he quickly disrobes. He lowers his body in between hers, placing his hands on either side of her face as he leans in to kiss her once more. It's less desperate this time, Rick just wanting to savor the taste of her mouth, almost as if he has to memorize it. She welcomes his tongue again, closing her eyes as this man, her man, loves her gently. She feels his hardness against her thigh and she opens her body to him once more, pulling her legs up around his sides.

He pushes himself right up against her opening, pausing for just a second before he plunges into her depths. She gasps at the fullness, feeling so vacant for so long she almost forgot what it felt like to be so full. He doesn't move right away. He lowers his lips to hers softly, slowly, closing his eyes as warmth spreads through his veins. Her legs inch up along his sides as he runs his hand along one of them, feeling every inch of her perfect skin. He moans into her mouth as her fingers skirt up his back and stop at his shoulders. She flattens her palms on his skin, letting out a light breath, loving his weight on top of her.

He pulls his hips back, withdrawing from her almost completely before he sinks into her slowly again. He rolls his hips seductively before plunging into her again. He rests his chin on hers as he moves, stealing hungry kisses, cutting off her passionate moans. Her body quivers as he starts to pick up his pace, still being warm and tingly from her first orgasm. He pulls her up suddenly, pulling them into a sitting position. He kisses her deeply, hugging her to his chest as tightly as he can. He lets his lips roam, dragging them along her chin and neck, nipping at her hot skin. He bites down on the hollow between her neck and shoulder, causing a deep grunt to escape her. She cups his face in her hands, lowering her forehead to his as she kisses his nose and cheeks. Their hips move in unison, slowly grinding against each other as their eyes connect once more.

She slams her orbs quickly as she lets out another feminine moan. His slow pulse beginning to create a dull pressure. She forces her eyes back open, not wanting to lose sight of him again. He's here, he's here with her, finally, and he's not going anywhere. No, not this time. She digs her hands into his hair and pulls, pulling his head back slightly as he continues pushing into her. His hips are growing more and more desperate as the moments pass. His pace quickening instinctively as he feels her body tighten around him. He lowers his head to her shoulder and bites down again, just wanting to hear her shriek. She pulls on his hair again, feeling the rush begin to invade her senses once more. It won't be long now; they both know it. He keeps pushing, keeps pounding, keeps thrusting, pushing her higher and higher into the clouds.

She stiffens as his last thrust detonates her internal bomb. She screams out as the tides of her orgasm wash through her, each one more and more powerful than the last. Rick keeps his hips moving as he coaxes her release out of her shivering body. He follows her lead moments later, spilling his hot seed into her welcoming body. She nearly collapses in his arms, resting her chin on his shoulder as her body jerks intermediately as the final sparks of her release work through her. Their breath is ragged and loud as they come down from their highs. Rick hugs her still, running his hand up and down the length of her toned back, not wanting to let her go. She hums softly, a lazy smile spreading across her face as she feels her whole body relax and melt into his.

He lays back, holding her tightly as he rearranges them once more. She kisses his chest before flattening her palm over his heart, thumping her fingers against him to the beat. He rests his large hand on her behind, staring at the ceiling as a new calm takes him over. He closes his eyes and within moments is back in his dream. She's wrapped around him like a vine, her giggles fill the air as she smiles up at him from the white cotton sheets.

"Rick," She coos happily, tilting her head to the side as she bites her lip, "I love you."

He runs his fingers along her breasts, unable to stop the smile that breaks his face in two. She radiates like the sun beneath him, cascading her light over him and he thrives. He thrives like a plant that hasn't had any sunlight, any water, any care in years. He blinks suddenly. His breath hitches in his throat as his world goes dark. No, no, no! Not now! Not now! God, he needed this, he wanted this so bad! So fucking bad. His eyes flutter open as he holds in a breath, not knowing if he can go through this all over again. Losing her. He opens his eyes fully. The sheets are still white. Her smile is still there. Her eyes are still warm and dancing, basking in content and happiness.

She cocks her head to the side as she brings her hands up to his face, smiling wider as she wonders what's going through that head of his, "Where did you go just now?"

He lets out a deep breath, shaking his head a little, "What do you mean?" He asks softly.

"You left me just now. Where did you go?" She taps his temple with one of her long, thin digits, still smiling.

He smirks, opening his mouth but closing it quickly. He leans in, kissing her plump, soft lips, groaning loudly as she welcomes his advance, "Don't worry about it." He whispers after a pulling slightly away from her. He lowers his head to her chest as she wraps her arms around him, enveloping him with her warmth, "I love you."

She giggles, kissing the top of his head, "I love you too my boy." She whispers happily.

Rick's eyes snap open as sunlight protrudes into the room. He glances at the clock on the opposite side of the room. Eight am. It feels like he literally just closed his eyes. He looks down on Michonne as she shifts in his arms, letting out a breath as she tightens her grip on him, never opening her eyes. Rick enjoys her weight on him for a few minutes more before slinking out from under her, rising to his feet. He stretches before approaching the window, using his fingers to peak in between the blinds. He spots Carl in the yard, throwing a football with a few of the boys they met last night. Carl smiles widely before bursting into laughter, giving a high five to one of them. The scene brings a smile to Rick's face.

The stars are aligning again. They are well on their way to making everything right again. They just have one pesky little problem to deal with. It won't happen overnight, it won't be easy, but the faith and optimism has returned to Rick's heart. Daryl is still out there and he's going to bring him home. He is going to bring his brother home. Maggie is going to have that baby and Rick is going to protect them. Alexandria will reclaim its throne and he will have Negan's head on a stick. He turns from the window, grabbing his shirt from the floor and sitting back on the bed as he starts to change.

Michonne shifts behind him, cracking her eyes open for the first time, "What's wrong?" She sits up in a panic, rubbing her eyes.

He turns toward her, reaching out to rest his hand on her wrist to calm her, "It's alright. I'm just going to talk to Ezekiel."

"You want me to come?"

"If you want." He shrugs, smiling a little, "But, I got it. You can sleep in." His smile grows a bit, knowing full and damn well she's not going to do the latter.

She swings her feet over her side of the bed, grabbing her bag and rummaging through it before standing to clasp her bra. She can't help but smile as they ready for the day. The smile drops a little as her mind begins to toy with her. What if this doesn't last? What if he disappears again? Just as she's about to turn toward him, his long fingers creep up along her shoulders. He massages her skin and muscles gently before placing a few kisses along her temple and cheek. She smiles again.

He's back.