Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Harry Potter. If I did I would be a far richer man. And I'd be a woman. I also don't own The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy because then the universe would be a lot more crazy. And Earth would probably be a hyperspace bypass. I most definitely do not own the Cthulhu Mythos. Do you want an eldritch abomination knocking on your door at night? Yeah, me neither.

Reviews are of course appreciated but certainly not required.

This chapter is a sort of companion piece to 'Harry Potter and the Rune Stone Path'. It's a spot where perhaps things could have gone just slightly differently if I was writing a different type of story and is intended to be mostly just a small entertaining crack fic.

This particular chapter is based off of Luna's comment in Chapter 19 about not messing with Fate too badly.

What If: Luna's Comment About Upsetting Fate Wasn't a Joke

Luna vs. Fate: 41 serving 0

It's widely known that 42 is the answer to Life, The Universe and Everything. What is unknown is what the Question is. Well, it was unknown. It's recently become apparent that the question is: How many times must Luna Lovegood mess with the Laws of the Universe before it gives up and cries "Uncle"?

Tempora walked past her sister's room and paused midstep. Fortuna was moaning and banging her head against the wall inside. Tempora cocked her head and looked on in utter confusion. Her sister was seemed completely inconsolable, large wails escaping from her and tears sliding down her cheeks.

"I know I've been a bit busy but…what the hell?" Tempora blinking and was about to walk inside to see if she could do anything when Desi came up grimacing.

"Ah damn, she's at it again," Desi muttered and leaned against the wall.

Tempora turned her wide eyes onto Desi. "Who's at what now? Fortuna?"

Desi shook her head and a shadow of fear crossed her features. "No. No, only one thing could induce that sort of reaction in Fate. Luna Lovegood." Fortuna sobbed harder and she banged her head against the wall a few more times before collapsing into the chair and holding her head in her hands continuing to cry.

"Why? Why won't she just leave us alone? I can't keep dealing with this!"

Desi walked inside and gently patted Fortuna's shoulder. "There, there, sis. Why don't you tell us what happened? What did Luna do this time?"

"She – she – she decided she's bisexual!" Fortuna yelled before collapsing back into desperate sobs and curling up into a ball.

"Who the hell is Luna Lovegood?" Tempora asked shaking her head. "I haven't heard of that Personification. Did I seriously miss the birth of a new Aspect of the Universe?"

"If only," Desi said grimacing. "Luna Lovegood is a mortal."

"A mortal?"

"She's not a mortal!" Fortuna shouted. "She's evil! She's chaos! She horror personified! She won't leave me alone! Why won't she leave me alone?!"

Tempora looked to Desi completely speechless. Her sister waved to a chair and started talking softly. "Luna Lovegood is a 13 year old girl who lives in England, on Earth, the Sol system, universe 312. She's…dangerous."

"A mortal is dangerous?"

Desi nodded. "She can't be beaten. She can't be touched. She can't be screwed with. She's the one who does the screwing. Don't ask me how."

"What?" Tempora felt completely lost. Since when did Personifications fear mortals?

"Fortuna? How about you tell us what Luna did this time huh? Maybe it'll help our sister to understand."

Fortuna's sobs slowed a bit and she looked up at Desi. She nodded and wiped at her eyes. "She – she was supposed to be with the Potter boy you know? I had it all set out, nice and neat. She was going to claim him and be his third and everything was going to be clean and tidy. But now she randomly decided she's bisexual and she's focused on Tracey Davis of all people! Davis! Why? Why?! Fleur Delacour has sex as a superpower but no! Luna Lovegood focuses on Davis! Now she's moved away from Potter and she's causing waves that are breaking up Greengrass and Davis and forcing Greengrass into Potter's arms! The entire web is collapsing since now Greengrass isn't the badass friend, she's the badass lover which forces Granger and Tonks to up their games and Davis is moving towards creating her own harem in retaliation knocking even more relationships off course. I can't work with this! I can't do it anymore! Why won't Luna Lovegood just leave me alone?"

"But…we're Personifications…" Tempora said. "She's just a mortal. Send her down a new path. Desi – "

"Oh no," Desi held up her hands to ward her sister's suggestion off. "I have tried that game. I've long since gave up trying to influence Luna Lovegood's destiny. That girl has managed to literally drag four different creatures out of sheer fantasy and into reality simply by being determined enough that she'd find them one day."

"She…what?"

"Yeah, exactly. It's not possible! I don't know how she does it. I don't want to know how she does it. I tried setting up a destiny for her already. Twice she skipped merrily passed the exit ramp and kept right on going. I tried a third time and she literally shattered it! I can't shatter destiny and I'm the Personification of it!"

Tempora's mouth dropped open. "What the hell is she?"

"She's a monster!" Fortuna yelled breaking down into sobs again. "I won't do it anymore! I can't, I won't!"

"I'm convinced she has some Old God somewhere in her blood line," Desi muttered. "We haven't been screwed with so bad since they were around."

"Does she do it on purpose?"

Desi shrugged. "Not generally. Which honestly makes things even worse. Mortals shouldn't consciously be able to mess with Personifications. For one of them to do it without even trying? Trust me, Tempora, just stay away from her. Stay far away."

Desi reached out a hand and gently pulled Fortuna to her feet wrapping an arm around her sister's shoulders. "Come on, sweety. Let's go play with Potter. That always makes you feel better."

"NO!" Fortuna screamed, her face going pure white. "NOT POTTER! ANYONE BUT POTTER! I'm not going within a city's distance of that boy! She'd find me if I did! She'd do it! I'm not touching him!"

"Okay, okay, honey," Desi crooned as they walked outside. "We can mess with Tom then instead."

Tempora shook her head. There was no way that Luna Lovegood was as bad as they made her seem. That was just stupid. No mortal was that bad.

Two Years Later:

Desi and Fortuna walked in on a sobbing Tempora curled up in the corner. Desi shook her head. "I warned you to stay away from Luna Lovegood, honey. What did she do?"

"She broke me! She broke Time! How can a mortal break Time?!"

Fortuna's eyes widened. "Wow…that's…impressive even for Luna Lovegood."

Tempora sobbed harder. "Those stupid Time Turners got annoying so I made sure they broke in the battle but…that demon, she – she did something! I don't understand, I don't even know what she did! She reached out to the shards and she did something and – I broke!" Tempora covered her face in her hands and curled up tighter.

Tempora looked on with horror at the Earth in front of her. She didn't know how she had gotten here or even when here was...which shouldn't be possible since she was Time!

The land looked as if it had been through the war to end all wars. Buildings were destroyed and abandoned, many of the inhabitants banded together in small tribes, most of the vegetation had died off and the sky itself was brown. Magicals and Muggles were living together with no separation at all; there wasn't any other choice if either group wanted to survive.

"Oh, hello! I haven't had someone new to play with in ages!" a disturbingly sweet voice rang out behind her.

Tempora felt a shiver run down her metaphysical spine as she slowly turned. Her wide eyes stared up at the world's Overlord.

Luna Lovegood sat upon her golden throne. She didn't look a day over 16 with a beatific smile showing on her exceedingly happy features. One arm was wrapped around a small crumple-horned snorkack cuddled into her chest while her other was idling running through Harry Potter's hair. Tempora's mouth dropped open as she saw that Potter was clothed in a disturbing female belly dancer's outfit. On Luna's other side Tracey Davis was spread out on cushions in the same attire. In fact, there were no less than five other men and 10 other women arranged in various positions surrounding the Overlord.

Behind the Overlord were thousands upon thousands of Cthulhu-esque abominations. Creatures man-sized with tentacles sprouting from their faces and lobster claws for hands. They were all just standing there gazing with wonder and adoration at their Mistress.

"You seem familiar," the Overlord said cocking her head to the side. "Have we met? Or maybe I've met your sister or something?"

Tempora screamed. She gathered her entire being together and thrust into the Heart of the Creation crying for her mother. She begged and pleaded and sobbed as she ran back through the Corridors of Time desperately trying to escape from the nightmare that Luna Lovegood had...somehow...created. With a final gasp she broke through the distortions around her and landed back where she had been before being deposited in Hell itself.

Desi and Fortuna looked at each other sighing. They both leaned down and hugged their sister. "It's okay, honey. It gets better. We'll just leave her alone. Leave her well alone. Maybe then she'll leave us alone in exchange. And if we ever see Luna Lovegood on the horizon we run far and fast, okay?"

Tempora looked up tears still leaking out of her eyes. "You promise?"

"I promise," Desi said nodding. Fortuna quickly bobbed her head in agreement as well. "Is Dumbles still around? It's always fun to mess with Dumbles."