March, 2012

Everybody tells me it's 'bout time that I moved on

And I need to learn to lighten up and learn how to be young

But my heart is a valley, it's so shallow and man made

I'm scared to death if I let you in that you'll see I'm just a fake

I should probably tell you now before it's way too late

That I never meant to hurt you or lie straight to your face

Consider this my apology, I know it's years in advance

But I'd rather say it now in case I never get the chance

So I blame it on the River Lea…

It had been the world's most perfect first kiss. Beca didn't have much experience in the subject, but she knew for sure it couldn't get better than that. It had been intimate and passionate at the same time, and pretty much enjoyable for both parts. The surprise factor had helped, too, as Jesse was obviously not expecting Beca to arrive and kiss him out of nowhere. His hands had started on her waist and eventually went to her hair, while hers never moved away from his neck. They didn't stop until Aubrey interrupted them with a simple "ahem", which took them back to reality.

"We'll talk later," he simply said, and squeezed her hand. They took their seats and enjoyed the rest of the performances, although Beca couldn't stop staring at Jesse and wishing they were alone in some dark alley in Manhattan.

She had thought about kissing him at the end of the Bellas' performance from the moment she picked 'Don't You (Forget About Me)' as part of their medley. At first, she wasn't sure she should do it. Although it sounded like a great idea in her head, she couldn't ignore the fact that she and Jesse were at odds, and chances were he wouldn't be pleased with her move. However, Chloe and the girls encouraged her to do it, and assured her Jesse would forgive her after finding out she had included that stupid song into the repertoire. For once in her life, she decided to trust them.

Luckily for her, they ended up being right.

Against all odds, the Bellas won the competition. They got into the Finals by mere luck, and walked out Lincoln Center as champions. They weren't the laughing stock of acapella anymore, they had accomplished the mission. They had more than enough reasons to feel proud of themselves.

After the award ceremony (in which the Trebles were presented with 2nd place), Aubrey and Chloe thought it would be a good idea for all the girls to go out and celebrate their victory all night long. Beca was on board with it; however, there was a little thing she had to take care of first.

She found him by the fountain in Josie Robertson Plaza, outside Lincoln Center. He was chatting with Benjiji and Unicycle, and didn't notice when Beca stood up behind him.

"Hey," she said, and tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention. He turned and smiled at her, like he always did whenever he saw her.

"Hey! What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be out celebrating?"

"I kind of sneaked out."

"Why?"

"The girls want to drink their weight in booze, which I have no problem with, but before that I really needed to talk to you; preferably sober."

"Okay, I'm all ears."

"Um, do you think we could do this in private?"

He looked at Benji and Unicycle, who were still waiting for them to finish their conversation.

"Sure," he said, and they moved away from the two guys. Once they were by themselves, Jesse took her by the hand.

"Listen, about what happened tonight—"

"That's what I wanted us to talk about," she said, visibly anxious.

"Beca, I don't want you to think we have to be a thing Because of it."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that, just 'cause we kissed, we don't have to be a couple."

Beca's heart skipped a beat.

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah," he immediately noticed the distressed look on her face, and quickly clarified his comments. "I'm not saying this Because I don't want us to be together, Because I do. I really do, trust me. However, I don't want you to feel pressured or anything. On the contrary, I want you to take all the time you need."

Beca shook her head, with impatience.

"Look, Jesse. I kissed you, okay? I still don't know where I got the strength to do it, but here I am. I thought it would be weird, but it wasn't. As a matter of fact, it was better than I expected. If I did it, it's Because I want us to be a couple."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously! I want to give this a chance. I don't know if it's going to work, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering if rejecting you was the best or the worst decision I ever made. I'm tired of being alone. I don't want to be an outcast anymore. I want to be with you, and I'm willing to do everything in my power to make this work."

"I… wow," he was visibly surprised. "I don't know what to say, Beca."

"Then don't say anything," she was much more calmed than before.

"So, we are doing this?"

"I guess we are," she said, with a smile. "However, I just wanna warn you of some stuff. I need you pay attention Because it's really important, got it?"

"Okay."

"The truth is I'm scared to let you in, Because chances are you will be disappointed by what you'll see. I was raised by wolves. My dad walked out on me and my mom when I was 10, Because he found out she was cheating on him. I refused to see him again after I was 17, which is when my mom died. By the way, she was a junkie. I will tell you the story someday. Everybody tells me it's about time I move on, Because I need to start living my life and enjoy my youth. As if it were that easy… My heart is all full of darkness and shit, but despite that I consider myself a survivor. Still, I have a lot of issues that I need to work on. Anyway, I didn't mean to tell you all of this to scare you. The point is if I ever hurt you, please consider this my apology. I know it's years in advance, but I'd rather say it now before it's way too late."

Jesse remained quiet for a few seconds, as if he were processing Beca's words. She knew she could be harsh from time to time, and perhaps she shouldn't have opened her mouth in the first place. However, she believed he deserved to know all the details and the sooner she told him, the better.

After a few seconds in complete silence, Jesse sighed and shrugged.

"I don't care."

"You don't?"

"So you had a crappy childhood and crappy parents. The important thing is that you are here, and you are making a name of yourself. You are aware of your what your problems are. Most people out there don't have a clue of what bothers them, but you do, and that's what makes you different from the rest of us. Like you said, you are a survivor. I admire you for that."

"So you are not scared?"

"Of course not. If anything, I think I'm even more attracted to you than I was before."

A big smile appeared on her face.

"Well, thank you for understanding me, Jess. It really means a lot to me."

"As a matter of fact, there's some stuff I wanna share with you as well. What if we discuss it over some waffles once we get back to Barden? I know the perfect place; it's called Waffle House."

"I'd love to. Although I don't think I can wait that long."

"It's only two days, we'll make it."

How I've missed this weirdo. It was really hard not talking to him for three weeks.

"Now go, have fun with your friends; you've earned it," he encouraged her. "Just don't get into trouble."

"What'll you guys do?"

"They wanna go to a strip club," she gave him a harsh look. "Don't worry, I will say no. I'm taken now, I'm officially off the market.

"I trust you on this."

"Don't worry, we'll end up in our hotel room, surrounded by cheap beer and pizza and watching some stupid soccer game."

"Okay."

He put his hands on her waist and gave her a slow, long kiss. Beca immediately sunk into it.

"I'll call you when we return to Atlanta."

"Can't wait."