How to Train a Billionaire

An: I do not own Arrow or Batman.

Summary: Felicity hated the galas that she and Oliver had to attend but it was always more entertaining when Selina Kyle was visitng. AU –Moria is alive and Mayor of Star City. Selina Kyle/ Bruce Wayne, Ray Palmer/Esrin Fortuna. Fourth story in one shot week.

Felicity Smoak, daughter of a Vegas cocktail waitress, hated these charity galas that the one-percenters attended. Most of the conversation that she would be included on revolved around country clubs and taking the private jet to dinner in Paris. Felicity couldn't relate to any of that. Her use of the private jet was usually for Team Arrow business or official company business. She's never used it to go on vacation. She couldn't even imagine finding the time to fly to Paris just for dinner and come back. It sounded like a colossal waste of her time. Team Arrow could barely survive when she took nights off.

Oliver had disappeared to charm his various targets into donating to the Mayor's latest program to clean up Star City. Between him and Moira, the actual Mayor who should be doing all the begging, investors didn't stand a chance of keeping their money in their pockets. She spotted a familiar figure in the corner observing the room, no doubt deciding who was going to lose their necklace tonight. She didn't know how Selina got Bruce to agree to let her steal at these events. Selina claimed it was a compromise. She wasn't going to attend these things unless there was something in it for her. Bruce Wayne was in town for the week closing a few business deals. From what she had heard, Lucius had instructed him not to return unless he was successful.

Selina may be a thief but she was certainly 1000% nicer to her than the harpies in the room that wanted to sink their claws into her Oliver. She tried to move with grace but somehow ended up bouncing into a waiter who had a tray full of champagne in one hand. The champagne landed on the wife of one of the councilmen. The woman was going to make a scene when Selina rescued her and dragged her into the corner.

"How many times do we have to drill into you: be aware of your surroundings," Selina admonished her.

"I was!" Felicity insisted.

"So the waiter with a large tray of sparkly liquid materialized out of thin air?" Selina questioned.

"Is Esrin here?" Felicity asked.

"She's by the hors d'oeuvre table posing prettily on Ray's arm," Selina stated.

"Then yes, it is entirely possible that he materialized out of thin air," Felicity defended.

"One, Esrin would never do that to you. She likes you and Two, I was watching you make your way towards me. I saw the waiter long before he knocked into you."

"Ah ha! So he knocked into me. It wasn't the other way around," Felicity stated triumphantly.

Selina rolled her eyes, "This is why I prefer my cats. I never have these situations with them."

Felicity ignored Selina's jab and searched the direction Selina said Esrin was in. Esrin Fortuna and Ray Palmer were an item. They were the weirdest couple you could ever encounter. Felicity had a sneaking suspicion that Kendra left Ray with a fetish for mystical women. You couldn't get more mystical than an immortal shaman. Ray often came across as the nice little puppy that dutifully followed her around. Esrin soon got bored of the fake greetings and made her way over to them.

"That's a nice necklace," Selina teased Esrin.

"Back off love or I guarantee that on your next challenge to yourself all the silent alarmswill bemysteriously tripped even if you cut all the wires,"Esrin told her.

"I wouldn't worry," Felicity said to the Shaman, "Mrs. Schneider easily has the most expensive piece here plus four bodyguards to keep it safe."

Selina perked up at that news, "Four body guards that sounds like fun. Where is she?"

"Probably wherever the bar is," Felicity commented.

"That one in the white dress with those massive stones around her neck. I could get a fortune for those," Selina said pointing in the direction of Mrs. Schneider.

"Wait," Felicity said grabbing Selina's arm, "Is this the bracelet that was on that councilman's wife arm?"

"Yeap, such an airhead. She doesn't even realise its missing yet," Selina commented.

Felicity narrowed her eyes, "You weren't saving me. You were using it as an opportunity to steal."

"I was killing two birds with one stone," Selina shrugged. It was no big deal to her.

"I still can't believe you did that. Trying to get you to stop stealing is like trying to teach Oliver to put the toilet seat down," Felicity declared reaching out to take a glass of red wine from a passing waiter.

"All men have that problem love," Esrin told her.

"True," Selina nodded, "But I find there are some problems unique to Billionaires. Bruce didn't know socks were folded together. I had to search through my entire apartment to find matching socks."

"Oliver didn't know you had to add detergent to the washing machine," Felicity said.

"Ray can build a super suit but he can't boil water," Esrin countered.

"Bruce thinks everything can be solved with a fancy meal and a $2,000 bottle of champagne and speaking of the devil, who is that he's flirting with?" Selina asked.

Felicity followed Selina's line of sight and her eyes landed on a young heiress whose hand seemed to have attached itself to Bruce's forearm. Bruce didn't appear to mind, playing his playboy role to a tee. Selina glared at Bruce. Felicity was amazed as it took less than three seconds for him to notice and stop flirting with the harpy.

"Impressive," Esrin admitted. "I usually just withhold sex when Ray flirts with someone."

Felicity screwed her face up.

"You don't do that?" Selina asked.

"I have to be really pissed off to do that. I enjoy Oliver's body way too much. It would be more of a punishment to me than him."

"So how do you make your behavior modification?" Selina asked.

Esrin's eyebrows rose, "Have you be been taking psychology classes love?"

"I get bored. Shopping doesn't really do it for me. There's something very lazy about going into a store and paying for items with Bruce's credit card when there are at least 20 ways I can break in and take it."

"So you decided to take a course?" Felicity asked

"I have to find some way to spend his money and education is expensive! Plus I kind of understand Harley a little bit now."

Felicity choked on her wine and Esrin started muttering under her breath.

"Are you cursing me?" Selina asked Esrin.

"No I'm checking the state of your soul love. I'm an immortal and I can positively tell you that Harley is her own brand of crazy," Esrin declared.

"So how do you keep Oliver in line?" Selina asked.

"I have a few methods," Felicity said coyly.

"Such as?" Esrin prompted her.

"Oliver hates my loud voice," Felicity said.

"Everyone hates your loud voice. I will always remember the way you yelled at Bruce when he jokingly contemplated leaving Oliver to die. You scared him. First time in my life I ever took notes."

"What else love?"

"I once put a hold on his credit card. He had to survive on $10 for the entire week. He sure learned his lesson and it did not affect our sex life," Felicity stated proudly.

"What was the lesson?" Selina enquired as her eyes scanned a passing lady with a large ruby ring.

"Money can't fix every mistake you make. The only full proof way is not to fuck up in the first place."

"Bruce would never survive. He tips more than that to the valets. Oliver approaching at six o'clock," Selina said easily spotting the tall man with a frown on his face. Oliver always had an issue with Felicity talking to her but Felicity never listened to him. Felicity turned to look right as Selina told her not to look.

"Ladies," Oliver greeted with that patented Queen smile.

"Queen," Selina responded in a bored tone that reminded everyone of Bruce.

"La luz de alma is shining bright tonight," Esrin said to him.

Oliver smiled at Felicity, "She is isn't she." He pulled her close to him kissing her temple.

"So what were you ladies talking about?" he enquired casually.

"You," Selina stated frankly.

"Really, all good things I hope," he said turning to Felicity, "A dance my lady?"

"Yes," she said taking his hand and moving toward the dance floor that had just opened up. They would always dance once at these things. Oliver didn't like to dance but Felicity did so the compromise was one dance.

"What were you actually talking about?" Oliver asked her not believing a word Selina said. She liked to give him misinformation.

"How to train our billionaires. Apparently I should be withholding sex from you," Felicity teased.

"You are never talking to those women again," he said seriously.

Felicity laughed, "I can withhold sex to make you reverse that decision."

"You see, they are a horrible influence on you!" Oliver pouted cutely.

Felicity giggled and Oliver dipped his head to kiss her softly.

When he pulled away Felicity commented, "I wish we could leave now and continue that at home."

"So no withholding sex then?" he asked with a slight grin.

Felicity rolled her eyes. He knew very well that wasn't an option for them.

"How much longer do we have to stay here?" she whined.

Oliver looked at the watch on his hand, "At least two more hours. If we leave before that my mother would roast us alive."

"I know," she sighed. "Share a desert with me?" she asked him hopefully.

"I would love to but Mr. Falk is on my list to tackle and he just walked in," Oliver explained sadly.

"Oliver Queen ever the dutiful son!" Felicity proclaimed with a shake of her head.

"And don't forget the very proficient lover of Felicity Smoak. I promise to make this up to you tonight," he said bending down to give her a chaste kiss.

"Oh don't worry you will be," Felicity said.

Near the end of the night Felicity was surprised to see that both Selina and Esrin were still there and they were back in the same corner they had occupied earlier. Selina certainly looked like the cat that caught the canary.

"You're extremely happy," Felicity pointed out to her when she arrived.

"She stole some of Mrs. Schneiders light," Esrin said in a very disapproving tone.

"Already but I didn't hear anything about the necklace being stolen?" Felicity said pulling out her phone to check her alerts.

"I switched it out for a fake. The old woman didn't even realise."

"But how did you get a fake on such short notice," Felicity asked curiously.

"Simple, I came with it," Selina responded with a shrug. "Bruce's money pays for a lot of things."

"But you couldn't have known that that was the necklace that she was wearing tonight!" Felicity pointed out.

The look Selina gave her made her thankful she wasn't a Canary. It briefly made her wonder how Laurel or Sara would fair in a faceoff with Selina.

"Ladies, thank you very much for coming. I know it couldn't have been that pleasant to stay this long while your escorts talked business all night," the voice of Moira Queen said.

"No, thank you very much for the invitation. I haven't had this much fun at a Gala in a while," Selina said with a twinkle in her eye.

Felicity started a coughing fit.

"Felicity dear, are you alright," Moira asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah I just breathed down the wrong pipe," she said before screwing her face up in disbelief that that was the best excuse she could come up with.

The other women stared at her as if she had grown a second head. Moira was the first one to recover probably because she was very used to Felicity's strange babbles.

"Thank you again from coming. Now if you excuse me, I haven't had the opportunity to talk to Mr. Kord as yet."

As soon as Moira was out of hearing distance Selina spoke, "Thank God Bruce's parents are dead. I don't think I could have put up with possible in-laws like her."

Esrin clicked her tongue, "That is a horrible thing to say."

"I'm a criminal. I say horrible but true things," Selina responded.

"Moira isn't that bad, once you get to know her," Felicity said.

"Ms. Smoak," a deep voice said behind Felicity startling her.

"Bruce, you scared me," Felicity said before turning to Selina, "You didn't warn me he was coming."

"Why, for you to turn around and look at him approach," Selina cocked her head to the side.

Bruce reached into his pocket and pulled out a ruby ring, "Were you trying to hint at something when you put this in my pocket earlier?"

"Nope, just thought your pocket was a great hiding place. No one would think you stole the ring."

Felicity frowned, "Exactly how much did you steal tonight."

"Like I said I had a great time tonight," Selina said with a wide smile.

"And she'll have more fun tonight when she breaks into all their houses to return the items," Bruce said sternly.

Selina pouted, "I was hoping I could…"

"We agreed you could pawn one and the proceeds would go to charity. Any extra you borrowed go straight back to the owners."

Selina shrugged, "I tried. All the poor orphanages that won't get funds tomorrow."

Bruce ignored her, "Come on, from the width of that smile, I think we have a lot of returning to do tonight. Ladies," he said before escorting his lovely girlfriend away.

"I'm going to leave as well love. Ray behaved himself tonight so he gets his reward," Esrin said with a coy smile.

"Please don't tell me anymore," Felicity declared.

Felicity spotted Oliver talking to Thea by the bar. She walked over and wrapped her arms around his mid-section resting her forehead against his back. He placed his hands on top of hers.

"Thea tell mom, I'm gone. I've done her bidding all night. It's time to attend to my fiancée's needs."

Felicity could feel the muscles in his back vibrate as he spoke.

"Go and please don't ever tell me about pleasing Felicity. These are things your baby sister does not need to know," Thea responded.

Soon Felicity found herself in the limo with her aching feet on Oliver's lap as he massaged it for her. The things women put themselves through to be beautiful.

"This is heaven," Felicity murmured.

"I heard a rumor that some women's jewelry went missing tonight," Oliver said in a tone that didn't promise anything good.

"Don't worry she's returning it tonight," Felicity told him.

"I still don't understand how Batman and Catwoman can be an item?" Oliver said.

"It's not for us to understand. They are happy. Now you promised to make me happy tonight," Felicity told him.

Oliver let his hand drift further up leg, "Oh I intend to make you very happy tonight, Ms. Smoak."

"I'm looking forward to it Mr. Queen," she responded right before Oliver's lips met hers.