BBRae Week 2016 Day 1 - Night Time

It had been a mistake, she saw that now. In the deep night following midnight, Raven had made a mistake. Generally, through the day, Raven felt the incessant bombardment of the emotions of others, those of her friends and the emotional miasma that radiated from the City. This wasn't a problem in itself as her defences, built high through training and willpower, were easily up to the task. Still, she relished the dark of night, when sleep muted the storm around her, let her relax her defense just a little.

So, when she decided to experiment with her feelings, the night was the obvious time. She elected not to tell her friends: their worry and/or insistence on being with her would defeat the purpose, after all. The room was dark, her friends were all asleep and the City was a glowing ember compared to its usual, fiery passion. She poured herself a cup of tea to relax her even further, sat herself on her favourite part of the couch, and allowed herself to feel.

PANIC!

Raven's eyes, closed in meditation, flew open in abject terror. The grief and sorrow and guilt and fear had all rushed up at once, like stepping into a shallow puddle and finding it to be a deep well, the freezing water suddenly up to her chin. She strained and struggled to rein in her emotions but her thoughts were too scattered to obey her. She had taken measured to make sure her powers were kept in check but they were only temporary - if she couldn't control herself then eventually she would tear the Tower apart! Should she go for help? Should she concentrate on controlling herself? Get a sedative from the infirmary? Leave the city? The thoughts all bounced and crashed around in her aching head and she held it with her hands.

Suddenly, a warmth moved around her shoulders and held her. She managed to look to her side and saw green eyes watching her from a green face, filled with worry.

"Rae? What's happening?" he asked, his voice quieter and his speech slower than usual as he tried to calm her. She gulped and tried to speak around her rapid breathing.

"Emotions... out of control... panic... panicking... need to stop..." she gasped. Beast Boy acted immediately, if uncertainly at first. His other arm reached around her and gently pulled her to him, his hand running gently down her arm as he muttered soothing nonsense into her ear. Incredibly, Raven felt her heart slow down, no longer trying to hammer its way through her ribs. Her breathing became deeper as her chest relaxed a little. She closed her eyes and tried to time her breathing with his. Her tension leaving her, Raven felt tears pricking her eyes and tried in vain to stop herself. A single, gasping sob escaped her and cleared the way for its fellows as she wept and wailed into Beast Boy's chest. Later, she would marvel at how much pent-up grief she must have had to cause such an immediate and powerful display but, for now, she found sanctuary in the warmth of her friend and cried. An hour later, Raven was down to merely sniffling quietly, occasionally squeezing her grip around Beast Boy seeking solace but also in gratitude. Finally, she spoke.

"Azarath metrion zinthos," she muttered, sighing in relief as her emotions were invisibly quashed and sequestered. She relinquished her grip and sat back, looking up at a visible sleepy Beast Boy, blinking down at her.

"Hey," he whispered. "You okay?" Raven nodded in return.

"I am. I was... experimenting with my emotions," she explained.

"Yeah, I got that part, I think," he yawned. "I heard your mantra. You back in charge now?"

"Yes. I... thank you, Beast Boy. If you hadn't been able to calm me down, I don't know what I could have done. I couldn't order my thoughts long enough to suppress my emotions. Still, I wasn't expecting for anything like that to happen. I won't be trying this again," she promised, making to stand and go. Beast Boy's hands reached for her arms, holding her still for the moment.

"Now hold on, don't give up just like that. Sure, you had some bad stuff bottled up but you expressed it, right? So if that's all old feelings and stuff, it shouldn't be waiting for you next time. I mean, uh... am I making sense here?" he said, sheepishly, yawning again. Raven blinked at him.

"Actually yes. Even so-"

"Even so nothing, Rae. You didn't blow us all up this time so it'll be okay," he insisted, perhaps naively. Raven shook her head.

"True, but I couldn't have done it alone. Next time-"

"Then don't be alone next time, either. I am totally volunteering by the way, if I wasn't being clear," he said, grinning. To her astonishment, Raven agreed.

A week later, Raven relaxed her control again. She had had a brainwave and arranged with her emotional aspects that they would all take a turn instead of clamoring all at once, promising to make it a regular thing if it worked. This time, to Beast Boy's delight, Raven simply started to laugh. Not through humour but through sheer, potent joy. Every happy moment she had felt but suppressed found its release now, from her rescue from Trigon to movie night. Beast Boy found himself laughing with her before just watching, a small, warm smile on his face.

The week after that was less entertaining. Raven found herself afraid again but not quite panicking, more like paranoia. He couldn't help her with that one as she spurned his assistance, only able to wait and watch as she slowly accepted his loyalty.

The week when Brave had a turn was almost a disaster as Raven suddenly became confident she could just release all of her control and get it over with. Beast Boy managed to talk her down by challenging her to a video game, of all things.

All in all, every week, Raven's experiments grew less and less explosive, reaching the point she could indeed relax all of her emotions at once and not lose herself. Beast Boy was looking forward to sleeping every night from then, but there was a sliver of disappointment as well. He felt he had grown closer to Raven over the last few months, learned more about who she was, and was afraid that, as she no longer needed his company, she would no longer want his company. He mentioned this in passing, that she no longer needed his help, though he kept his misgivings quiet. Raven was silent for a long moment, her hands twisting in her cloak, before she answered him.

"Actually, there's one emotion I didn't give a turn to. I thought it wasn't necessary as I've never really felt it, only to be told through my mirror that I am very much mistaken. Will you help me?" she asked. Beast Boy nodded, eager to prolong their arrangement.

"Of course!" he said. Raven smiled uncertainly.

"Thank you. Just promise me you won't get upset," she mumbled. He nodded, surely.

"I promise. So what sort of emotion are w-" he started.

Raven had cut him off, delicately but suddenly placing her lips on his own, Shyly, she withdrew and waited for him to speak as he stared back at her. He swallowed and blinked, his voice having abandoned him. Raven took this is a bad sign and started to fidget and squirm under his gaze.

"Rae..." he said, hoarsely. "Rae, that feeling... is it for me or-"

"It's for you. It isn't me expressing an old feeling, Beast Boy. It's new. It's surprising but very, very new," she admitted, getting a choked laugh from Beast Boy.

"Thank Azar for that," he said before swooping in and kissing Raven on more equal terms.

Ta da! I may not succeed at making an entry every day - work and stuff - but I'll have a go. Enjoy!

-Jack