Don't Shoot the Messenger

Sometimes it's hard being the one that delivers bad news.

Kinch held a sheaf of papers in one hand as he climbed out of the tunnel and closed the fake bunk. He sighed as he walked to the small room tucked in the end of the barracks. Pausing for a moment, he winced slightly as muffled curses came out from behind the wooden door. Kinch took a breath and knocked lightly. He almost half wished that the occupant wouldn't hear.

"COME!" Hogan's voice was full of frustration and annoyance. Normally he was glad to see his second-in-command at any time. Kinch always brought news, good bad or indifferent, he always had the first information off of the radio. Today Hogan was doing routine paperwork but apparently having a hard time and unusual amounts of cursing had been heard through the door. He was bent over his desk, pushing pieces of paper around and writing on one and then another before picking up yet one more sheet to peer closely at it and heave a sigh and go back to one of the first ones. "What is it!? I'm busy."

"Yes sir." Kinch rustled the slips of paper nervously. "Well, I just have a few things here, messages… messages from the Underground and some things that do need your attention, sir." Kinch was not usually so hesitant even around the officer. Hogan's laidback nature put everyone at ease.

"Well? I don't have all day." Apparently Hogan's nature was on strike today.

Kinch shuffled the pages. "Well, first is an easy problem, because Barracks 4 lost power." He looked down at the slip of paper and mumbled the next words. "...because the guys in Barracks 16 stole all the wiring out of the walls..."

"Ummm hmmm." muttered Hogan absently. "So just have someone check the wiring, there's probably a short in..." His head lifted up and he gazed at the wall blankly. "Wait. Barracks 16 stole the wiring out the walls of Barracks 4?" He finally looked over at Kinch. "Out of the walls?!"

Kinch swallowed and nodded. "Yes sir…" He was about to say more but stopped and left it at that.

Hogan waited for a few seconds. "Why did Barracks 16 steal the wiring out of the walls of Barracks 4?" He looked genuinely puzzled.

Kinch opened his mouth and then closed it and looked at another slip of paper first. "Because they needed wire and you see, sir… Barracks 4 beat them in the soccer match two weeks ago and Barracks 16 was really wanted to win the east side tournament. They took losing just a little bit personally. So when they needed wire, they took it from Barracks 4."

Hogan inhaled and looked at his papers again. "I'm going to regret asking this but why did Barracks 16 need that much wire anyway?"

"Oh, for the bombs." Kinch nodded as if that explained everything.

"Bombs?" That brought Hogan's attention around instantly. "Wait, what bombs?" he asked angrily.

Kinch cleared his throat. "Well, don't shoot the messenger, but the Underground didn't send the wiring we needed to make the charges for tonight's mission, remember? So you told them to find wire to use, and I quote, 'anywhere you can strip it'. So they found wire. Barracks 4 isn't really pleased because they won't have any lights tonight." Shifting his feet around, Kinch continued. "Of course, now all of the barracks are on watch and threatening the guys in Barracks 16 because no one else wants to have their wiring go missing."

Hogan had gone back to the Red Cross forms again and had his pen hovering over one section when he frowned and refocused on Kinch. "Why are they still stealing wiring if they got the wiring already from Barracks 4?"

"Well..." Kinch edged just slightly away. "Did you feel that really small little 'boom' earlier? Because someone preset the timers and so when they attached them to the bombs, they all went off about ten minutes later. No one got hurt though!"

Hogan rubbed his forehead tiredly. "So now they have to make new bombs and also get more wire. Got it. Just take care of it, Kinch, I have a lot of work to do here." From the face he made as he turned back to the forms, he wished he could deal with bombs instead.

"Well there's just a couple more things..." said Kinch.

"More? Kinch..." Hogan picked up a handful of the pages on his desk to wave them about and then suddenly slumped a bit. Setting them back down and turning to face Kinch, he nodded. "Okay. What do you need?"

Kinch shifted uneasily. "I'm sorry to have to bother you with all of this, sir. You know I try to take care of things but sometimes the men just need you instead." Hogan nodded impatiently and waved for him to continue. Taking a deep breath in, Kinch spoke quickly. "The Underground says that they can't get more explosives because the black market supplier raised all of his prices and they just don't have the money. I told them we could get them plenty of cash, because I figured we could use some of our fake money, since the guys have gotten really good at forging it in that last batch and we have a stockpile, but then when we went to get some of it out, the roof of the tunnel had leaked and ruined pretty much the entire bundle. I asked Newkirk if any of it was salvageable and he tried to clean some of it. But see, he had heard some method that used kerosene, so we had to go steal some kerosene and Carter got caught with a whole five-gallon can right in Klink's quarters. When Guard Mueller caught him, Carter was so startled, he dropped the can and spilled it everywhere so Klink was so angry he threw Carter into the cooler."

Hogan's face was full of complete astonishment. He started to open his mouth to ask a question but Kinch wasn't quite done. He was starting to flip through the slips of paper in his hands as he spilled out all of the information at once.

"While Klink and Mueller were dealing with Carter, Newkirk tried to go see if he could salvage any of the kerosene in Klink's quarters but somehow..." Kinch paused and his tone indicated his disbelief in his next words. "… somehow, he accidentally set it all on fire." His eyes met Hogan's for just one instant and Hogan could see the flash of humor. "He is okay but he lost his eyebrows. Olson helped put out the fire before it spread." His eyes went back down to his hands. "But… I had to pretty much write off the funny money and even though I did search around the camp to see if anyone had any stashes, we don't have enough to meet the demands of the supplier so I think we'll have to get Carter to make some more nitro, but we only have a few hours to get it ready or we can't hit that bridge tonight."

"That sounds good. Nitro will do the job and I want that bridge down before those supply convoys cross it. The ammo they're carrying will be used against our Army, after all. Tell Carter to mix us up a good batch." Hogan nodded and then frowned. "Only, Carter is in the cooler… I don't suppose that he's in the right cell?"

"No sir." Kinch nodded his head slightly. "Otherwise, I would be downstairs, helping Carter get the supplies together to make nitro, instead of up here, interrupting your work to ask you to go talk to Klink."

Hogan sighed, rubbing one hand over his hair and staring at the stack of forms on his desk. "Well, I can just come back to this disaster later. First, get Carter out. Then go shout at Newkirk. After that, go talk to Barracks 16." He got up. "Then back to this salt mine of misery." Grabbing up his cap, he tried to smile at Kinch but it seemed strained. "Let's go see Klink."

Kinch paused as he glanced at the desk of papers. "Sir, not that it's my place to ask, but why are you so frustrated with Red Cross forms? I'd think you've filled out so many already that it wouldn't take much time at all."

"Normally, Kinch my man… yes. Although tedious, the forms are usually easy to do." Hogan moved almost gratefully out of his office while speaking to the sergeant. "This month, it's different. They sent me all of the required forms to fill out in triplicate… but they're all in Italian." He gave a shrug. "One semester of Italian just isn't turning out to be much help. I'm stuck on page number one trying to figure out if it's asking if I've had any men with serious illnesses or if it's asking for directions to the nearest bathroom." He waited for Kinch laugh softly. "I'd just request forms in English but they'd take two months to arrive and we can't afford to miss any shipments of our Red Cross packages in the meantime." He pulled a face at his resignation. "I'll get through them, it's just taking a lot of time."

Kinch grinned widely. "Sir, if I might make a tiny suggestion that might help?"

"Kinch, if you have any suggestion that might help me with that paperwork, spill it." Hogan looked at him.

"Garlotti speaks and reads Italian… I can go get him to fill out the paperwork for you." Kinch staggered as Hogan grabbed him by his shoulders and shook him in delight.

"Sergeant Kinchloe, I think I'm going to put you in for a promotion. Go tell Garlotti he's been assigned as a secretary." Taking a deep breath, Hogan let it out looking extremely relieved. "Now I'm off to do the easy work of today. Talk the Krauts into releasing Carter, talk a Cockney thief out of becoming an arsonist, and talk a disgruntled crew of misfits into not being quite as misfitted as usual. Easy stuff. Thanks Kinch."

"Anytime, Colonel." Kinch grinned as he watched the officer strut off towards the kommandantur with confidence. "Anytime."

End

Personally I think I'd rather do anything than paperwork. Pretty much anything.