This chapter may be confusing at first but I hope it all comes together the more it unfolds. I am just going to get on with it because I really enjoyed doing this chapter and hope you all enjoy it as much as I did writing it.

Meredith felt herself jolt awake, looking around in confusion. The atmosphere and surroundings were familiar, her mind flashing back almost 9 years ago. The drowning... She stood and wobbled slightly, the OR room sterile and empty, everything slightly brighter. She thought the worst straight away... She was dead. But if she was dead shouldn't someone be meeting her like last time, giving her a choice between life and death. Right now she would rather take the latter. She was expecting to see old patients of hers, maybe Denny again, Doc, Derek. She left the OR, walking out into the corridor to find a trail of blood.

"That is not mine" She mumbled slightly, following the trail to a patient room. She opened the door, taken back by the sight of a body covered up on the bed, their monitor flat lining. She walked slowly towards the bed and pulled the sheet back, gasping when she saw Finn lying cold and dead on the bed. A nurse suddenly appeared out of nowhere, Meredith jumping back in shock.

"We are so sorry for you loss ma'am. The bullet wounds to his chest were just too much for his body to handle" The voice sounded distant, like it was close but not exactly in the same room. Like it was a memory, but it clearly was not hers. She looked down and back up again before backing out of the room slowly. He back hit the wall in the corridor, the door slamming shut behind her making her jump again. She started again down the corridor, coming across another room which had a piece of paper on the door.

Memorial for Dr Ellis Grey. Please come in to pay your respects.

She remembers the day well, not long after her mother died. Dr Webber insisted on the memorial being held in the hospital after her funeral, knowing that was were she wanted to be remembered, and where people wanted to remember her. She opened the door, the scene a flash back for her. She saw herself, 9 years younger, sitting on the edge of a table, only Richard and Derek in the room with her. She was staring at the floor, Derek watching her out of the corner of his eye as Richard slowly picked at a sandwich.

"Your mother would have loved this" She heard Richard say, though his voice was the same as the nurse from before. Distant.

"Yeah I guess" She was not in the mood for a funeral that day anyway let alone a memorial with strangers complimenting her mother. She was treasuring the silence. She watched how Derek motioned to Richard to stop talking, smiling slightly. It's a gesture she never saw him make at first, and something that she would have treasured dearly if she had. She stared at the picture of her mother on the wall and shut the door over, walking around the corner. Somehow she was outside an OR room again, opening the door to the deafening sound of a flat lining wind was knocked out of her as she recognised the scene, her and Callie's sobs echoing around her as she stared wide eyed at the bloody and mangled face of George O'Mailey. It was coming up to 6 years since George had died, since the first of their friendship group had spiralled. Next was Izzie and then Cristina, leaving only her and Alex to toughen out Seattle Mercy Death. She spotted him standing at the back of the room, a tear rolling down her cheek at the sight. He was waring his army uniform, a bright, silly smile on his face like always.

"I'm so sorry George" She cried out, though she didn't know if he could hear her.

"You recognised me, even when you had every right not to, you still knew it was me. Thank you for giving me my identity back Meredith" She smiled sadly, flinching when he appeared next to her, grasping her hand.

"You have always been the brave one. A lot braver than I was. You can still do this" She shook her head, tightening her grip on his hand, not wanting him to slip away again.

"I never stopped missing you George" He smiled, nudging her arm slightly knowing she needed to move on to get to the end of her journey.

"I am always with you Meredith" He slowly faded back into the room, Meredith backing out as she door shut over on her. She sighed heavily and carried on, looking at the closed OR room one more time before turning the corner. She appeared in the lobby next, the hustle and bustle of the hospital slightly comforting. She looked around trying to locate anyone she recognised, wondering what memory this was supposed to be. She walked to the chairs family and friends would sometimes sit in waiting for news from surgeries, spotting two old yet familiar faces out of the corner of her eye. She turned in the direction they were, the two standing in a corner out of the busy lobby. She slowly made her way to them, smiling at their entwined hands.

"Did you see Meredith's engagement ring? It's so beautiful!" Lexie exclaimed, the sparkle in her eye making Meredith's heart flutter.

"It's big! Maybe you will have one that like one day" Mark's playful smirk caused Meredith to roll her eyes, but Lexie stopped jumping on her toes, staring at Mark.

"That's not funny Mark"

"I'm not joking! What is so wrong about us getting married one day?"

"Nothing is wrong with it, I just pictured my wedding so differently to how I want it now" She frowned, Meredith leaning against the wall intrigued in the conversation.

"Well is that a bad thing? What's so different about how you see it now?"

"When I was little me and Molly were never close and I always wanted a wedding closed off from everyone, just me and my husband on a beach somewhere with nobody around. Now I can see a big wedding, I want a big wedding. With a dress and bridesmaids and guests and a party. I could never see myself walking down the isle behind Molly, but I could see Meredith holding my flowers for me and being my maid of honour because, she is a good sister, a really good sister. I can see myself having a future with my sister looking after the kids while I go out with my husband, Mark. I like that future" Meredith wanted to reach out to her sister, hating how far away she actually was to her.

"10 years time, you and me, Meredith and Derek, loads of McDreamy and McSteamy kids" Mark added, Lexie nodding with a sigh.

"I want that Mark, I want that with you, and with Meredith and Derek" He grinned, wrapping his arm around her shoulder, them starting away to the elevator. Meredith couldn't control the tears as she watched them walk away, craving the feel of her sisters hand on hers one more time, the brightness of Mark's McSteamy grin. It was all so close yet so far away. She needed to hide from the emotions she was feeling and fell into the door that was behind her, the room sending her to the bridge between the stairs and Chief's office. The bridge still to this day gave her a shiver she could never shake, the sight of Derek being shot right before her eyes a memory forever burned into her mind.

"You still can't walk across here- it's been 5 years Meredith" She froze at the sound of his voice, turning to see him standing across from her, that knowing look on his face.

"It's not my fault you went and got yourself shot" She commented back, wanting to know it was real, that he was real.

"You're the reason I have to take a second breath before going into OR3" She smirked slightly, clenching her hand as the sensation of the bomb from almost 10 years ago flew up her arm.

"We aren't the luckiest of couples are we?"

"You could say that" He walked up to her, rubbing his hand up her arm causing her to shake uncontrollably.

"You haven't done that in 2 years" She whispered, watching the rise and fall of his chest in content, a tear rolling down her cheek. She slowly moved closer to him, wrapping her arms around him, falling into his hold as she sobbed, his head taking in the scent of her hair sadly.

"I have missed you so much Derek" She cried, Derek nodding.

"I know you have, I know" He pulled away, grabbing her hand and ushering her into the elevator.

"Where are we going?" He smiled, waiting for the doors to open. They slowly eased open, Meredith frowning at the scene. They were in the ICU, a sleeping Amelia, Owen, Maggie and Alex all sitting around a hospital bed, Callie standing against the wall. It was her in the hospital bed, her hand casted and resting at her side.

"I'm not dead?" She questioned, Derek shaking his head.

"You are dreaming. Do you remember what happened?" She nodded, looking at Amelia.

"We argue so much now you are gone. I want us to just be the way we were with each other but somehow we always end up in the same place"

"You know she prays everyday. She will find five minutes and sit in the chapel and pray. She doesn't know what she is praying to or who but she still does. She loves you a lot Meredith, more than she lets on, she thinks you resent her because she isn't me"

"I did at first, but now I am used to it, and I do love her I just, I have days were missing you consumes me, and I don't know what to do. Seeing her makes the pain worse sometimes. I don't want it to, but it does"

"I know, but you both need to feed off that pain otherwise you are going to be going around in circles" She nodded, running her hand through her hair.

"Come on, we have one more stop" He grabbed her hand and they walked back into the elevator, them travelling down again and stopping at the daycare. Meredith cooed happily at the sight of Bailey with her 3 kids, walking out of the elevator. She turned and spotted Derek who was looking on sadly, a small smile on his face.

"She is beautiful" He nodded to Ellis, Meredith nodding with teary eyes.

"She looks like you. She has your eyes"

"I wish I could just hold her, just once. I hate myself everyday for leaving you and not getting to meet her"

"She knows you are with her, and so does Zola and Bailey. They miss you a lot but it's getting easier for them. Zola talks to you almost every night"

"I know, I talk back" She watched sadly as a tear rolled down her cheek, walking up to wipe it away.

"Come on" He tried to shake away the tears and the linked hands, going back inside the elevator.

"I thought you said that was our last stop" She said confused, Derek nodding.

"It was, I am taking you back to your room"

"I don't want to leave. I want to stay here with you. I can stay with you, and George and Lexie and Mark"

"I know you miss us all, and I know you want to stay here, but look at what you are leaving behind" She looked out the open doors to those around her in the ICU, Amelia waking to check her vitals again.

"Is she awake yet?" Owen asked her with his eyes still closed, Amelia sighing heavily.

"Still no sign of waking. She will wake up soon, she has to. I did everything right I know I did"

"They don't need me" He shook his head, another tear rolling down his cheek.

"No Meredith, we don't need you. Look at how at peace George was. Lexie and Mark, they have each other, and Me? Watching my kids and you everyday is the best I could ask for right now. But everyone in that room needs you, Zola, Bailey and Ellis need you. What Riggs said to you, that was out of order and you had every right to be angry and give up, but that means he wins. Do you want him to win? Do you want this to be your final moments, because we both know you have a lot more to live for. You are the sun" Cristina's words echoed around her as she looked between Derek and her hospital bed, the decision tearing her apart.

"I love you so much" She wrapped her arms around him again for the last time, Derek laughing tearfully, taking in that one last scent of her hair.

"I love you too Meredith" She took a deep breath and turned away from him, running out of the elevator straight to her bed. Amelia watched everyone sleep, her eyes flickering between Maggie, Owen, Callie and Meredith, begging her to show any kind of sign of waking.

"Come on Meredith" Amelia whispered, gripping onto her good hand.

"Come on Meredith" Derek watched from the corner of the room as Meredith disappeared, watching her body intensely for any sign. He released a breath as he watched her hand tighten around Amelia's, her eyes fluttering open.

"Oh my God, hi! Hi you're awake" Amelia muttered, her eyes wide and bright as Meredith cringed slightly at the bright light. She turned to look at the sleeping trio before finally landing her eyes on Amelia who was smiling widely.

"Thank you for not killing me" She mumbled happily, Amelia laughing and nodded, sighing happily.

"Thank you for not killing her" Derek said, sliding back into the elevator with a sad smile, the doors closing on him for the last time.

"What Riggs said isn't true okay? We all need you here, we want you here. You should never let anyone tell you otherwise okay?" She nodded, a tear rolling down her cheek, Amelia mimicking her as one fell down hers.

"Thank you for staying" She smiled, squeezing her hand.

"I am not going anywhere"

So maybe this would be a good place to end it? I don't know. Let me know if you want anymore or if you think this ending is okay. I hope you enjoyed this chapter.