Summary
Tony finds himself in an all-too-familiar situation faced with an all-too-familiar nightmare; except, this time, one of his closest friends is going to die with him if he fails. And he won't let himself fail again. ((Rated T mainly for language))

Warnings
Series: N/A
Timeframe: Pre-CA:TWS, Post-IM3
Ships: Clintasha, Pepperony
AUish Aspects: Deaf!Clint, Tony doesn't have his arc reactor removed
Main: Angst and bromance for days.

Disclaimer
I do not own Marvel, Disney, or the Avengers. If I owned any of those things, I probably wouldn't be sitting here writing this xD.

-Join The PTSD Club (Or Don't)-

Author: Shadow Wolf Artist
Editor: FanQueen on Fire

Tony had no time to register what Steve was actually doing, but Tony did register that whatever the hell it was he wasn't going to let him do it. Slamming his knee into the gut of a guard, he grabbed the rifle the guard had been holding and raced after the super soldier, his bare feet stinging as they repeatedly smacked against the cold stone. He was exhausted and lugging a fucking car battery but there was no way in hell he was gonna let Steve buy him time. The last guy to do that for him was dead, and oh god Tony wasn't going to lose Captain America because despite how much they argued the genius could always count on the super soldier and if he died Tony didn't know what he would do. Clutching the car battery in one hand and the rifle in the other, the genius made an attempt at shooting down some guards who tried to block his path. He failed miserably. Steve Steve fuck they're gonna kill him WHY DIDN'T HE STICK TO THE GODDAMN PLAN?! Tony ripped the wires from the chest, abandoning the car battery, and fired using both hands, his newfound accuracy taking down every single guard in his path. He completely ignored the fact that he had just torn out his fucking lifeline and continued racing after where he believed the super soldier had gone.

He found Steve about to be nailed in the chest by what could only be described as a small rocket launcher.

His arc reactor was on the table.

He had a choice.

It was an easy one.

"STEVE!" the billionaire hollered, slamming into the super soldier and shoving him out of the way, both stunned and concerned by the fact that he was able to move Steve with such ease. Raza let out a low growl, lowering the gun.

"My men are more incompetent than I thought," he hissed. "You're supposed to be dead, Mr. Stark."

"I will be, just give me a few minutes," Tony replied breathlessly, suddenly acutely aware of the pain exploding in his chest. Fuck. He fired several shots at Raza, a few hitting his shoulder and the edge of his leg, but most of the bullets completely missed as his vision began to spin. Raza raised the gun again, taking aim.

"This was meant for your friend, but I suppose it'll work on you, too." He fired, and the force of whatever ammo that was slammed into Tony hard and he staggered backward. His vision was swimming and someone starting yelling but Tony had no idea who it was is that me oh god that's a lot of blood is that my blood holy shit I'm going to die where did my air go I can't breathe fuck this shrapnel is Steve okay? Clutching to a nearby table to prevent himself from falling, Tony ignored the black beginning to creep into his blurry vision and tried to focus. Steve, Raza, blue glowy thing. He wanted to leave with two of those things, but he really only needed one of them. The super soldier and the terrorist came into focus, and their voices became more distinguishable. Men were rushing in. Oh god they were gonna die oh god Steve is gonna die oh god I'm gonna die please no I don't want to die like this NOT LIKE THIS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE. His entire body burned with agony, and the pain in his chest and what was left of his left shoulder was burning with an intensity that would rival the sun.

"...you want, Captain, but I'm going to kill you both. Men, kill our intelligent guest, would you?"

"DON'T YOU FUCKING TOUCH HIM!" Steve. That was Steve. Focus on that. The super soldier slammed many of the men back who were trying to kill him and Tony, grabbing a rifle and whirling around. He nailed Raza in the stomach with two bullets before lunging forward and shoving his foot into the wounds, causing a string of explicits to burst from the terrorist's mouth as he staggered back.

"KILL HIM, DAMMIT! KILL THEM BOTH! I HAVE WHAT I WANT!" Raza shrieked, grabbing the arc reactor off the table and staggering toward the exit. Steve threw back another wave of men fueled by nothing but sheer anger before lunging for Raza, slamming the butt of his now empty gun into the man's chest. Tony took this as a cue and pushed himself to his feet, ignoring the fact that he had no idea how he had gotten on the floor. His entire body was numb; he was in the brief period between life and death, and he was gonna make it count.

"STEVE, STEVE RUN!" Tony hollered. He grabbed Raza's small rocket launcher (how the hell did that get on the floor?) and began firing. He fired at explosives, at men, at everything but the stunned super soldier.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?! THE PLACE IS GOING TO EXPLODE!" the captain hollered, refusing to leave.

"RUN, DAMMIT! I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING, NOW FOR THE LOVE OF GOD RUN!"

Tony woke up silently screaming.

Fear choked the billionaire as he silently begged for someone to help him, to stop the waterboarding, to keep the arc reactor in his chest because oh my god Obidiah you're supposed to be dead wait is that Raza? His head was pounding, his mouth and throat were dry, and he felt like he had just run sixteen consecutive marathons and holy shit why did his shoulder hurt so much? Still caught in his panic, the half-conscious billionaire began to thrash violently, terrified by the sand flying up around him, and a real scream escaped his throat.

"HELP!"

"TONY!" Steve started, snapping to attention. The genius was shuddering violently, his face pale and his eyes wide in terror. "Hey! Hey! You're okay!" He reached to restrain the billionaire, but Tony lashed out.

"YOU CAN'T HAVE IT, OBIE! YOU CAN'T FUCKING HAVE IT!" Tony yelled hoarsely, lunging at Steve and grasping his hands around the super soldier's throat. Steve had no time to react, and holy crap since when did Tony possess this much strength? Gently, he tried to pry the philanthropist off, but he kept yelling and screaming at him like he was some guy named Obidiah and the captain was finding it hard to breathe and what the hell was the 'it' Tony kept mentioning and-

"Tony! Tony, it's me! Steve! Not Obidiah! I don't want it! Tony, you've gotta listen to me-" Steve managed to choke out. He didn't have the heart to shove Tony off of him; he knew it would make whatever twisted reality the billionaire was caught in worse. The tight vice around the super soldier's neck loosened, and Tony collapsed back into the sand, crying out as his shoulder roughly scraped against the ground.

"NO no no no no," the genius whimpered.

"Hey, hey it's okay. I promise. We're safe. No Obidiah. No Raza. No terrorists," the super soldier said gently, moving to comfort the trembling philanthropist. Tony seemed to calm, but then his hand flew to his chest, gasping as it clenched around the arc reactor. "Yeah, I got that covered too," Steve said smoothly. "It was a lot harder than I would've thought, especially since the instructions you tried to give me from your semi-consciousness were terrible, but I guess I did it right and in time."

"Th-thanks Spangles," he said weakly as Steve gently put him in a sitting position against the rough stone of the rocky outcropping they had taken shelter under. "Ow, shit!" Tony exclaimed as his wounded shoulder was moved the wrong way (though, really moving his shoulder in any way was 'the wrong way' at this point). Steve gingerly let Tony go, then held up a bloody object the size of a small egg.

"This was in your shoulder," he said bluntly. "You're an idiot, you know that?"

"I'm an idiot? You shoulda just stuck to the damn plan," Tony growled in response.

"I did stick to the damn plan."

"What you did wasn't the plan at all! You could've been killed!"

"And you couldn't have?" Steve replied, his jaw clenching in anger. "The original plan-"

"Steve, my main priority was getting you out of there-"

"That's freaking stupid, Stark-"

"It was my fault we were there in the first place-"

"Tony I knew what I was doing-"

"I COULDN'T LET YOU DIE LIKE YINSEN!" Tony hollered, chest heaving. "HE DID EXACTLY WHAT YOU TRIED TO DO AND YOU KNOW WHAT? HE'S DEAD, ROGERS! FUCKING DEAD! I WASN'T GONNA LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN!" Suddenly, everything in Steve's head clicked. How Tony knew Raza. Why he had already known what to do when the terrorists came in. Why he panicked when he woke up in a cave. Why he hated caves in general. Why he never slept.

He had been captured before.

Steve broke the silence softly, his voice cautious. "That wasn't your first time there, was it?"

Tony was silent for a few moments. "No, no it wasn't," he sighed, tilting his head back. "Suppose I should tell you now, huh? Shoulda told you a long time ago," he continued after a few more moments of silence. "Before, I was an asshat. Like, I still am, but I made weapons and didn't really care who was killed as long as they weren't Americans and it got me money. That kind of asshat. Anyway, I was in Afghanistan demonstrating my latest creation: the Jericho missile. Everything was fine and dandy, and there was this kid, nice kid, and he asked for a picture, but suddenly the Humvee was blown up. The kid died. I tried to run, but I found myself beside an explosive with my name on it. It should've killed me, but it didn't. Thanks to Yinsen, I got an electromagnet in my chest powered by a car battery that helped keep the shrapnel from entering my heart. These terrorists, the Ten Rings, same ones that got us into this current mess, demanded I build a Jericho. I refused, for obvious reasons, so they tried other means of...persuasion. So, after all that, I agreed-"

"Tony, what the hell did they-"

"Shut up, I'm talking. As I was saying, I agreed. Before you start yelling at me, I knew that after I built it they were gonna kill me, no matter what they said. I also knew that my life didn't matter at that moment. Another thing, I'm not going to build a bunch of terrorists a weapon that could cause mass murder among innocent civilians. I'm not stupid. So, Yinsen and I set to building an arc reactor, so I wouldn't, ya know, die. Very bulky. I think I still have it somewhere; damn Pepper's sentimentality." Tony paused, clearing his dry throat and giving a small chuckle. "After that, we set to building a 'Jericho,' and by 'Jericho' I mean the first ever Iron Man suit. Damn, that thing was even worse than the arc reactor. Bulky, limited movement, heavy, but it ensured our survival. Well, it was supposed to. If Yinsen had just stuck to the fucking plan..." Tony trailed off, shaking his head. "I'm getting ahead of myself. The terrorists and Raza came in, demanded to know what we were building, we said a Jericho, he called us liars, they nearly put a hot coal in Yinsen's mouth, I told them I needed him because he's a good assistant, Raza told me fine but we needed to have the Jericho done by tomorrow. That wasn't gonna happen. So, we tried to hurry the process of building the suit." The genius paused, and Steve wondered if that was it, but then he saw that Tony was blinking his eyes furiously. "We were so close. So fucking close. We were so close to having the program downloaded, to finally getting out of there. They were coming down the hall; we could hear them. I told Yinsen we could make it but the damn program refused to download at anything faster than the pace of a goddamn tortoise and Yinsen and I both knew we wouldn't have enough time but the idiot- oh my god the fucking idiot...he ran out to buy me time. The suit finished downloading, and I burst out there, guns ablaze...Yinsen, he, he died in my arms. I watched the life fade from his eyes and I could do nothing but watch and try to tell him not to leave. He told me not to waste my life. I...I blew the place up. Let the terrorists die in the flames. I got the hell out of there, crashed in the desert, and then Rhodey found me." Tony stopped talking, the look on his face implying he was thinking deeply about something. "That's...god, that's probably not even the worst part. Obidiah Stane, my closest confidant, was selling the terrorists my weapons. Did I forget to mention that? The stuff I blew up was my stuff. They had piles upon piles of my weapons. Obidiah had not only been selling the Ten Rings my weaponry, which was meant for the U.S. military only, he had hired them to kill me. Lucky for me, or maybe not so lucky, they didn't. Obie saw the arc reactor as soon as I got back and he wanted to use it for weapons or whatever. I said no. After I improved upon it- made it sleeker, more efficient, quieter, that kinda thing- he took it from my fucking chest. I only survived because of Pepper's damn sentimentality...she had the old arc reactor encased and she put it on my desk with the words 'proof Tony Stark has a heart.' Broke the thing out and put in back in my chest, survived long enough to make another more efficient arc reactor and a couple of suit upgrades, and then kil- uh, whooped Obie's ass. Steve, had you been anything but a super soldier, I would've strangled and killed you just now." Steve was shocked; Tony was a completely different man than he had led everyone to believe.

"You...you said they persuaded you. Is it safe to assume that you didn't just have a deep conversation about it?" Steve asked quietly and cautiously.

"Waterboarding," Tony replied simply, refusing to catch the soldier's gaze.

"Holy shit," Steve said softly. He himself had never been waterboarded, but it was not uncommon for S.H.I.E.L.D. to use that on interrogation subjects who refused to cooperate; the fact that his friend had to go through that simply for the enjoyment of a bunch of assholes...it made Steve sick. A long silence ensued before the super soldier broke the silence again. "Trains."

"What?" Tony asked, so startled and confused that he almost laughed.

"I'm deathly afraid of trains," the captain clarified. "My friend...he...it was a mission like any other, but then..." Steve didn't know why he couldn't bring himself to say it. Tony had just spilled his guts to him and the super soldier could barely choke out his friend's name.

"Bucky," the genius finished, finally catching Steve's gaze. His brown eyes were rich with understanding. "He died a hero, Steve. Both Bucky and Yinsen."

"How...how'd you know about Bucky?"

"Howard told me. He said you were crushed; there's a reason I avoid taking you places on a train," the billionaire replied. Steve's respect for the man grew even more; it was like he was uncovering an entirely new side to everyone's favorite asshole. Now that he thought about it, he could recall numerous times where a train would've been the quicker option but Tony had refused.

"Come on!" Clint complained. "Do we really have to drive? We could cut our time in half if we took the train! This is ludicrous, Tony."

"Valuable bonding time," the billionaire responded. "Now, quite your whining and load that into the back, would you?

Steve was torn from his thoughts as the billionaire continued talking. "Not a fan of falling either, I take it? Or water?"

Steve chuckled. "Or, however cliché as it is, fireworks."

Tony allowed his cracked lips to spread into a painful smile. "That's three things we can agree on."

Steve mentally checked off the fears in his head: New York, waterboarding, but why fireworks? "If I may ask, why are you afraid of fireworks?"

"Well, when your own bomb blows up in your face it tends to make a loud noise and sparks fly everywhere," the billionaire replied rather bitterly. "There were also all the bombs exploding around me. Gotta suck, though, not being able to enjoy your own birthday," he added. Steve was confused for a moment, then he realized the genius was talking about him. July 4th, his birthday, was the day everybody and their brother liked to shoot off fireworks. To be honest, the date did make him rather tense.

"Yeah, suppose so," the super soldier sighed. Silence settled like a thick cloud again, but this time it was Tony who broke the silence.

"Steve, if we want to get out of here, we have to move," he said rather abruptly. "Hiding under a rocky outcropping not only prevents the people looking for us from finding us, it also means we're getting no closer to civilization."

"Tony, you've lost a lot of blood-" Steve started, but he was cut off.

"Don't fight me on this, Steve," Tony hissed. Realizing that the genius was rather touchy at the moment, the super soldier gave in without his usual fight.

"Okay, fine, but at least let me carry you," Steve replied.

"And let you drain what strength you have left? Steve, I possess probably half the strength I normally do and yet I was able to shove you out of the way back in the cave, and I'm just going to ignore the fact that you nearly staggered and fell to the floor. I'm going to walk and you are gonna stop being so selfless." Steve knew there was no arguing with Tony, so he merely sighed and nodded. The duo helped each other to their feet, then staggered out into the blazing sunlight.

The two Avengers had lost track of time. Was it their third day or their fifth day? Steve was on the verge of collapse, that much Tony knew. The lack of food and water was killing the soldier who needed so much of it to survive. Neither man could talk their throats were so dry, so they communicated through their limited knowledge of sign language. Well, Steve's limited knowledge; upon learning Clint was somewhat deaf, Tony had not only made the archer special hearing aides but he had also become fluent in sign language if the need should arise.

Steve staggered and fell, collapsing into the hot sand with a raspy groan. Tony stumbled and fell down next to him. "I don't want to die," the billionaire choked out, his raspy voice barely above a whisper.

"I'm sorry," Steve responded, his voice just as pained.

Tony tried to push himself up, but he collapsed back in the hot sand. The two then proceeded to lay there, as neither man had the strength to get up, but their bodies refused to shut down. The sun scorched their already burned skin, and fuck my shoulder hurts was one of the view thoughts stuck in a loop in Tony's head. Steve was dimly aware that Tony was in so much pain he could hardly breathe; the rest of his mind was focused on breathing. Both Avengers were so sick and tired that they wished they could just die and the torture would end. But both refused to die. Steve was the first one to start slipping from the grasps of consciousness, and Tony thought he heard the super soldier humming. The dull thrum got louder and louder and got progressively choppy until Tony's sluggish mind made the connection.

"Cap, Cap there's a helicopter!" he cried out, shaking the captain. Steve's eyes forced their way open, and his ears opened up to the sounds around him. Tony tried to stand up to get the plane's attention, but a yelp of pain pushed him back into the sand. Steve found the strength to stand and started yelling, waving his arms in a desperate attempt to catch the attention of the aircraft.

It worked.

Rhodey flung himself from the helicopter and ran toward Tony, practically crushing the emaciated man as he wrapped the genius into a tight hug. "You said you wouldn't do that again," the colonel reprimanded.

"Sorry," Tony managed, his cracked and bloody lips spreading into a small smile as he collapsed against his best friend.

"Tony! Steve!" Clint.

"Fuck you both, I thought you were dead!" Natasha.

Everyone was okay.

Tony woke up in a shit ton of pain and panic.

He wanted to thrash and throw his arms and scream because fuck Obidiah is back and holy shit Raza leave Steve alone but he found could do none of that, because every time he tried to move he found that he was stopped by a warm, soft something. "Wha?" the something said tiredly. It raised its head full of messy blond hair and turned its blazing blue eyes to Tony. "Tryin' to sleep here," it mumbled with a small smile on its face.

Steve.

"Back in the Tower. No Obie. No terrorists- unless, of course, you count Clint," the super soldier said deliriously.

"Why are you sleeping on me?" Tony managed in response, his eyes already starting to slip closed again.

"Just in case you woke up panicked," the captain replied, falling back asleep.

Tony followed suit.

"Hurry up, would you?" Tony exclaimed as he dragged Steve down the hall. The billionaire was giddy with excitement, and it made the super soldier want to laugh. He was acting like a small child trying to show his mother something of great importance, and the captain couldn't help but think this was the happiest he had ever seen Tony.

Steve's birthday had been fantastic so far. Despite his protests, everyone had gotten him gifts (except for Tony, unless you counted the 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY DICKBUTT' he had painted on the captain's shield in (washable, thank goodness) pink paint), and Clint had baked a cake. It was a really good cake, too, with some kind of cream cheese frosting (and no strawberries, per Tony's request on behalf of Pepper) and chocolate and icecream. All in all, the super soldier found himself enjoying the holiday more than ever. The super soldier found himself enjoying himself more than ever.

However, Steve had started to grow anxious as the day began to come to a close. People would start shooting off fireworks soon, and God he wasn't looking forward to that.

Tony tore Steve from his thoughts as he abruptly stopped in front of a clean, white door. "Ta daaaaa!" the billionaire proclaimed.

"Tony, this is an office you've been working on for Pepper. Why-"

"Just open the door, Capsicle," the genius interrupted impatiently. Steve did as he was told, and his eyes went wide as he took in the scene before him.

Professional grade art supplies were quite literally at every turn, and there were easels strewn about everywhere in an organized chaos. Sketchbooks and canvases were piled up in various places, mostly on tables but some on the floor. There was plenty of lush furnishing to sit in, and Steve was in shock by the humongous window that took up the expanse of the wall. Outside, the sun was setting, spreading its gorgeous days across the water and the city of New York below. Steve had no idea what to say, so he just stood there, his jaw hanging open like an idiot.

"Happy birthday!" Tony called from behind him, walking up and clapping the birthday boy on the shoulder. The super soldier's eyes were drawn to a bench in front of the window (well, really everything was in front of the window), upon which rested two sets of what appeared to be headphones, one with an image of Cap's shield on the right earphone, and the other with a picture of the Iron Man helmet on the right earphone. Steve walked over to them, picking up the one with an image of the his shield on the side and looking at Tony questioningly. "They're noise-cancelling headphones; they'll block out the sound of the fireworks," the genius answered. "Of course, they're still connected to everyone's com-"

"Holy crap. Tony, this is incredible," the super soldier finally said, a huge grin spreading across his face. He pulled the genius into a hug, careful to avoid his steal-healing shoulder. Tony didn't protest.

"Yeah yeah I'm the best," he said with a smirk. Steve let go and rolled his eyes, tossing the billionaire the headphones with the image of the suit helmet on it. The two men sat down on the bench and watched in silence as the fireworks started, shoving their PTSD away for another time.

-The End-

A/N: Lord, I only uploaded this because FanQueen told me to. I'm not proud of about half of it but she gave it her stamp of approval so *shrugs*
I don't ship Stony I swear I just like writing angst with the two of them okay.
The real OTP is Pepperony.
The events of Civil War are inconsequential.

~Shadow Wolf Artist