This is just the first chapter of something I will hopefully be fairly active with. Let me know what you think and hopefully I will have another chapter out within a few days! Without further ado, enjoy the story!

It wasn't long before it showed itself. Long fangs, tormented screams, corrupt for thousands of years. The gem came at me with brute force, bounding on all fours, lacking any sense of strategy. As it approached, it became clear how large this thing truly was. It was pretty obvious there was no more sanity in the creature, much like myself.

Shield in hand, I was thrown back at frightening speeds, still lost in my mind as I crashed to the ground. Amethyst was by my side, but I couldn't seem to focus on her words. This dream state I'm stuck in is saving me from my own mind. I don't want it to leave, even if it means my own demise.

Only seconds before me being struck once again, a bright blue lance entered the left side of my vision, piercing the armor of the soulless monster before me, sending it airborne, leaving through the right. I hear its horrendous scream of torment, muffled by my own clouded thoughts, or the lack thereof. I didn't feel compassion for the beast. No sympathy, no empathy. Not for it, not for Pearl, Amethyst, or Garnet, and not for myself.

The successful defeat of the creature granted no satisfaction. The event was simply written into my brain as colorless documentation. I was aware it was in a bubble, but felt no emotion regarding the achievement. This is how I would be for the remainder of my life as a gem-human hybrid.

As the dust cleared, Pearl approached my vision. Amethyst remained at my side, the look of complete defeat. Tears seemed to be forming in her eyes. Why? We won. Pearl stomped her foot into the dirt and spoke firmly; angrily.

"Steven, what are you thinking? You could have been killed! You need to get your head in the battle or you're just going to hold us back!" Her voice trailed off as she continued. What's her problem? I was an accomplished decoy. It worked out in our favor and we won.

Rain began to fall as I rose to my feet, dusted off my bright red shirt, and turned the other direction, making my way back to the warp pad. I could still hear Pearl scolding me from behind.

"You come back here this instant! You do not walk away while I'm talking to you!"

Words were useless. They don't understand how I feel. No amount of explaining will say otherwise. Just before the stepping foot on the warp pad, I felt a hand grab at my shirt, lifting me forcefully off the ground. I was face to face with pearl, still furious, as she yelled directly to my face, continuing her lecture.

I still don't know what I said. I can only remember the force behind the palm of my hand as it made contact with Pearls right cheek. A red imprint formed on the white gem's face, Amethyst and Garnet gasping loudly. Pearl released my shirt out of shock, her hair soaking in the rainfall. I turned around once more and warped out of the secluded forest that was the battlefield.

It was several hours before the other gems arrived on the warp pad. I was laying in my bed, waiting for the day to pass. None of them said a word. Pearls eyes were very lightly puffed as if she had been crying. The red mark had faded, yet the shock still visible; stress lines coating her face, damp from the rain.

The gems silently walked to their respective rooms, eyes straight ahead. It seemed as though they reached an understanding.

No regret. No empathy. No remorse. No sadness. No stress.

Nothing.

I haven't slept for months. No food or water, yet cursed to forever exist in the life that was forced upon me. I spend my time simply staring at the white ceiling above me. I'm not self-loathing as some may argue. I simply lost my desire to live.

I hear the quiet sound of a door open.

"Steven." Pearls voice was soft and forgiving. "Steven, can we please talk?"

Without my response, Pearl continued.

"Steven, I want you to know I love you. I want to keep you safe. When I was scolding you today, I was terrified at what had just happened. You haven't been yourself since… well you haven't been yourself lately. I know It can be hard to get through this, but Steven, I know you can make it through this. You are very strong Steven. To be honest, it really hurt when you slapped me… but I know what you are going through is far worse."

Sitting up in my bed, my words took over me. The first words I uttered that day; possibly the entire week. "What do you know? You don't know what it's like, you're a fucking gem!"

Startled, Pearl replied, "Steven, please, calm down and watch your langua—"

"No," I interrupted. "You know what, I don't care! You act like you know what I am going through!"

Was I being self-centered? Could she know how I felt? By this time, Amethyst and Garnet emerged from their respective rooms due to the commotion.

"You never had parents!" I continued. "You don't know what it's like to see all the other kids with a Mom and to have never met your own!"

"Steven, please get a hold of yourself! You can't hold onto this forever; it's tearing you apart!" Pearl implored, tears in her eyes.

"Steven," Amethyst started, "I understand you're upset but you have to take care of yourself now, okay?"

"None of you understand! Never meeting my mom and now losing my dad! To a gem, nonetheless! To be the same monster as the people who killed your own dad; you'll never understand!" That was the first time I acknowledged it. My dad was gone; killed by my own pursuers.

Pearl was gritting her teeth and clenching her fist, but I didn't care. I had a deep hatred for gems now, the Crystal Gems and myself included. Ruthlessly I continued my tangent.

"It's your fault he's gone! If you had been there when they attacked, he would still be alive! I hate you all!" Tears? My eyes began flooding. I wasn't sad, just spiteful. "I wish I had never met you!"

"You took our Rose away! Do you really think I wanted to meet you either?" Complete silence filled the room as Pear realized what she had just said.