The Commander.
It was a coveted title. A brand, and a curse. One which Lexa was all too familiar with.
The stories about the Commander's legacy were tales of legends and myths, exaggerated by children and feared by adults. As a nightblood, Lexa was fortunate enough to be trusted with the secrets, and the knowledge of knowing where the legends ended and the myths began. Unfortunately, as an adult, this knowledge did nothing to stop the fear of the Commander's legacy, her legacy, and all that was yet to come.
The ascension was only the beginning of Lexa's journey. Over the years to come, the newly placed Commander's spirit would lead Lexa to new heights, new skills and a new understanding of who she was supposed to become.
The Commander was a façade, a mask which Lexa was destined to wear.
She may have had years to get used to the idea, but it didn't make it easier to acknowledge. Her body was changing, trying catch up with the decades of memories left by the previous Commander's who still spoke to her.
She knew what was coming, that these two legends were to be true.
She knew that the first part of her change was the memories. Years and years of mistakes, of trials and tribulations burnt in her mind, left as a tool to learn from.
She knew that the second part was the voices who spoke in dreams, a way of communication between the past and present.
What she didn't know is that soon, the voices wouldn't just be heard in her dreams. The voices wouldn't just be the previous Commander's, but anyone's who struck fear and showed leadership, a potential threat.
A heads up would have been nice, just a sign, something to say that the myths, the unconfirmed, wasn't a myth at all.
The first voice she heard when she wasn't asleep in her chamber shocked her to her core. It was only supposed to be a simple meeting, a brief discussion between the ambassadors, reporting on recent trade of stocks when she heard the deep rumble, groaning about the Floukru and how they were, yet again, running out of supplies.
She ignored the voice, not thinking anything of it, it wasn't the first time the ambassadors were in a disagreement and she knew it wouldn't be the last. However, when she realised that this voice, this obvious disapproving voice, was not being argued with, it sparked her interest.
Why wasn't anyone speaking up? The voice was uncalled for and out of place, she knew for a fact that the Floukru would not stand for anyone speaking poorly on their gains, or lack thereof, yet there was nothing.
She heard it again, the same voice, it was mumbled but clear this time. A male, well at least that ruled out half of the room.
Whoever it was, was still complaining about the Floukru and their excuses on why they didn't hit their quota. Something which Lexa really should be addressing, however she couldn't bring herself to care, not when she couldn't figure out where this voice was coming from. There was no one else speaking, no one hiding in the corners and no one behind her. Why was it so hard to see who the voice belonged to?
She continued looking around the room confused. She wasn't going mad, was she? She was certain that she heard the voice, its not something that she would make up, surely?
But if she didn't make this up, if she wasn't going mad, then why couldn't she see where the voice was coming from?
The voice continued speaking, only this time, he chose to mock Lexa and her silence.
"Disha branwoda should not be Heda, goufa."
She sat up abrupty, whoever it was would pay for calling her a child. She scoured the room, looking for any sort of indication of who it could be.
"Goufa, listen to your elders. Were you not taught respect?"
She had had enough of this foolery, "em pleni!" She stood up, gracefully pulling the coat around herself as she walked to the balcony, "we shall adjourn for the night. Floukru, you shall send a message back to your clan, strengths are to be doubled or we will not rely on your contributions anymore."
The ambassadors said their goodbyes to Lexa's stern back as they left the room, Titus, her trusty advisor was the only one left.
"Heda, what happened in there?" She heard him, but chose to not answer the question. In all honestly, she had no idea.
What did happen in there?
She rubbed her temples as she looked over Polis. It never ceased to amaze her that all of this, as far as the eye could see, was hers.
She was the Commander. She was in charge.
Yet she was slowly going crazy, she had to be, what other explanation could there be?
Titus stepped out beside her, joining her appreciation of the view in front, "Heda?"
Again, she chose not to answer him. Could she trust herself not to say anything? Obviously her body was playing tricks on her right now, who's to say she would be able to answer a simple question for a simple man?
She briefly glanced over to him, raising a eyebrow in question, a silent invitation for him to continue speaking.
"Is everything okay, Heda?"
She smiled politely at him indicating that it was but no, everything was not okay. However admitting that was weakness, something she was not.
She looked back over the city, it truly was spectacular, the views, the sounds and smells. It was home to her, she had always felt safe here, at peace. Was that all about to change? No, surely not. She was over thinking everything, she was tired, she had been working for nearly 10 years without a break. It was no wonder that her body wasn't being cooperative. With that in mind, she decided to retire for the night, something she hadn't done since before the Maunon attacks, she had deserved it. Turning around, she left Titus on the balcony.
"Something isn't right, something is up with her."
She stopped in her tracks and looked back at Titus, "did you say something?"
His eyebrows raised in surprise, taken aback by her question, "No?"
She hummed in reply, trying to ignore the confusion spread across his face.
"Not out loud at least, goufa."
After the initial shock and confusion, it didn't take long for Lexa to realise that she wasn't, in fact, going insane, just that she could hear the thoughts of certain people.
At the time, she wasn't sure whether she would have preferred to go insane or not.
What she was sure about, was that this gift, this responsibility, was more of a curse than anything else the Commander's spirit brought with it. There were only a certain about of times she could listen to Titus think about the tight clothing of the warriors, the intricate hair plaits of the hand maidens, and the carefully crafted skin designs of the Azgeda before she actually would go insane. Before this new skill she would have betted for Titus being asexual, or a eunuch, but no, it turned out Titus was just like every other straight white male, something she was still struggling to deal with.
Then there was the Ice Queen, she luckily only had the pleasure of listening to her thoughts twice, both times came in evidently helpful when she managed to listen to the Queen's failed attempts of a coup. That was the first time she appreciated the gift, the first time she realised that this wasn't such a burden, but another tool given to her as an aid. Maybe she could get used to this? Maybe she could learn to enjoy it?
Maybe she should stay away from Titus and his dirty thoughts for a while.
It had been three years since she was given the gift, and so far there were only a handful of people that she found she could listen to the thoughts of, and she had yet to determine the relationship between them all. It was something of a sore subject, not being able to understand something which was such a big part of her life, so she gave the task to Anya. With her being as stubborn as Lexa, even more so sometimes, she would surely be able to figure it out, even if Lexa couldn't.
And she was right, knowing that Lexa could hear the thoughts of herself, Indra, Titus, Queen Nia and her son Roan, Anya figured it out.
Of course she loved the fact that either Lexa or the previous Commander's thought she was a threat to her, she took great pride in reminding her of that whenever she could.
Which is what she was currently doing, much to Lexa's distain.
"Are you finished yet?" Lexa sighed, she loved Anya, she really did, but just like every family, she also bugged the hell out of her.
Anya laughed at the tired look Lexa was currently sporting, watching as she delicately twisted her knife around, the tip of the blade carving a dent into the arm of her throne.
"I'm done, I swear."
Lexa made a non committal sound, knowing full well that Anya was lying, she always did. They must have had this conversation a thousand times, both mentally and physically, and it always ended the same way, Lexa did not care for this one following suit. She had too much on her mind already, her game face was already on, she had been prepared for this meeting for an hour, and for a hour, she had had to deal with Anya's teasing, she couldn't wait for it to be over.
Her eyes shot up to the flaps of her tent as Indra walked in unannounced, "Heda, the Skaikru leader is here, do you want me to send her in?"
She nodded at her, not trusting her voice. She had heard much about the leader from her various scouts, how her golden hair rivalled the sun as it shone through the tree tops, how her eyes were fiercely as blue as unchartered oceans, how she carried the world on her shoulders, a reluctant leader. Something Lexa could relate to.
She had been nervous about this meeting ever since Indra had reported the villages being burnt down. She knew what her people would demand, and even though she hadn't met the reluctant leader, she couldn't bring herself to satisfy their request. Not until she had met her at least.
Lifting the knife from the newly carved dent, she placed the tip against her finger and continued spinning. Knowing that Anya was aware of her nervous habit, she chose to ignore the teasing grin she could feel burning into her.
She hear the tent flaps open again and she knew straight away who it was, "you're the one who burned 300 of my warriors alive."
Lifting her eyes, she finally looked upon her company and was instantly taken back. The stories did not do her any justice.
"Keep it in your pants, Heda."
She stopped spinning her knife, ignoring Anya's comment.
"You're the one who sent them their to kill us."
She stabbed her knife down against the dent again as she watched the blonde in front of her, clearly impressed. She was brave, braver than Lexa was anyway.
She tried to ignore the beating in her chest as she listened to the leader bargain with her, she talked a big game, bringing a new offer to the table, turning reapers back? How was that even possible? She needed to know more but before she had the chance, Indra has jumped up, her sword drawn as she threatened the blonde.
"Indra.. em pleni!" Lexa stood up behind Indra, towering over her and she sulked off to the side of the room. Lexa walked down the few steps that was holding her throne up, "you say you can turn reapers back into men."
"Yes." The blonde replied
"Then prove it, show me Lincoln." As soon as she stopped talking, she realised her mistake.
She was too close to the blonde, close enough to finally appreciate the blue eyes everyone talked about, close enough to notice the small beauty spot above her lip. She found herself thankful that none of her scouts had been close enough to notice that, as if it was a thinly kept secret, only available for those she felt close enough to let in.
The blonde nodded her head as Lexa's demand far too easily, she knew Lexa couldn't say no to her offer and it sparked hope deep inside, perhaps the Skaikru were onto something here, it was definitely worth a shot.
As soon as the leader knew Lexa would follow, she turned around on her heels and started walking out, Lexa set off to follow but something stopped her in her tracks.
"Who knew the Commander would be so hot?"
No, that can't be right, she can't possibly.. can she?
Anya stepped up beside Lexa and instantly laughed at her gobsmacked face, "let me guess, she's another to add to the list?"