AN: Trigger warning for anxiety and panic attacks

Chapter One: Replay

The news of Tekhartha Mondatta's death spread like fire. Within minutes the Omnic's murder was being broadcast as breaking news. Then footage of the assassination was being shown. Video from a local news reporter showed Mondatta being escorted to a vehicle when an explosion sounded in the background. Then Mondatta turning around and the crack of a rifle sounding as his body fell back inside the open door of the vehicle with his lights already fading.

Tracer sighed heavily and muted the sound on the TV. They weren't saying anything new anyway. All they did was repeat the same news and show the same awful clip of Mondatta getting shot and falling to the ground.

A few people mentioned seeing her in the crowd with one saying that she had gotten distracted and looked concerned. This early om they only had rumors to go on, not concrete information but that didn't stop them from speculating on her involvement. To be fair many newscasters were going on the presumption that she had come to listen to the speech like anyone else but had then noticed the danger and tried to stop it. It was more positive then she expected but it didn't help take the sting out of her failure.

Rolling onto her back, Tracer stared up at the ceiling and let her mind replay everything. That shot was no accident. It wasn't lucky and it wasn't a coincidence. Widowmaker was far too good for that.

She knows me. As many times as we've fought already there's no way she hasn't picked up on my habits and abilities by now. Widowmaker knew I would blink out of the way in order to protect myself. In order to protect this, Tracer lifted her head enough to look down at the glowing circle on her chest. Dropping her head back she closed her eyes and put an arm over her face.

Someone like her doesn't just make a lucky shot. Not like that one. That shot was lined up perfectly. She saw an opportunity and she took it knowing I would move out of the way and leave Mondatta wide open. Knowing that I would never even think about who was behind me until it was too late. Because I can't afford to lose this, Tracer squeezed her eyes shut and placed a hand over the chronal accelerator on her chest.

She knew it had been a set up, she knew she wasn't Widowmaker's intended target, she knew logically that she was on the bed in her apartment alone and safe. But that didn't stop her heart from racing or her palms from sweating or her mind from panicking in terror over what could have been and what almost happened and what had happened to her body before after the fighter jet accident.

Tracer squeezed her eyes shut even more and tried to calm down, tried to do what Angela told her and take deep breaths, not fighting it or suppressing it but just waiting for the emotions to pass by and her mind to settle down again.

A beeping sound alerted her and Tracer groaned but obediently got up and headed into the bathroom. Grabbing her pill case she dumped them into her palm and choked them down dry. Angela had finally convinced her to go on medication to help with her anxiety and PTSD but getting them to work properly was still a work in progress.

Looking up Tracer stared at herself in the mirror and saw how haggard she looked. She needed a bath. Not a shower. A bath. A nice long bubble filled soak while her mind worked things over. It wasn't like she would be getting a good night's sleep anyway. Might as well attempt to relax for a while before the nightmares came again. They always did after a scare like this.

Pulling her orange goggles off first she tossed them over her shoulder and back into the bedroom. Unclipping her harness she gently folded the straps and placed it on the counter before realizing she still needed to grab some clothes to wear to bed. They were just across the room.

Just.

Across.

The room.

Don't. Don't do this to yourself, Tracer thought with a shudder as panic started to claw at her throat all over again. You're fine. You know how it works. You can still use your powers if the accelerator is within range. You've even gone a few days without it and without your powers when Winston needs to do a complete check and tune up on it. Everything is okay. It's just a few steps away. She took a deep shuddering breath and forced it out slowly. Her hands were already shaking, desperate to grab the harness again.

You faced off against an assassin tonight. You can handle this, Tracer turned around and took the short steps to the bathroom door where she froze. Cursing herself she turned around and grabbed the harness off the counter, holding it to her chest as she stalked to her dresser.

Can't say I didn't try, she thought sourly. Grabbing some clothes and underwear she shuffled back to the bathroom and dumped the harness on the floor. A towel slipped down off the rack and fell on top of it but she had already turned her back. Dumping her clothes on the counter she went to the tub faucet. Turning the water on she dumped a generous amount of bubble bath in and let it get nice and warm. Sighing heavily she slipped out of her clothes, into the bathtub and became Lena Oxton once more.

As she sat there soaking in the tub her thoughts turned back to the fight earlier. Mondatta had been such a good being. A bright light of hope that the world badly needed right now. People listened to him. Omnics listened to him. Wherever he went he spread the hope that man and machine could live in peace, even live together in harmony. With him murdered the Omnic rebellions and uprisings against humans would flare up again. Even worse were the innocents on both sides who would be the biggest victims of all the violence.

There's going to be a Second Omnic Crisis for sure now. I should call Winston, Lena considered dropping her arm. Of course her cell phone was on her nightstand and there was no way she was dragging herself out of this warm bath to get it now.

He'll find out soon enough anyway, Lena thought sinking lower into the water and further into her own guilt. Not calling Winston would also be an excuse not to talk about her failure to save Mondatta tonight.

She had honestly gone there hoping just hear Mondatta speak. However, she had gone back and changed into her usual uniform instead knowing that someone like him could draw some less friendly types.

And I wasn't wrong was I? Lena closed her eyes as Widowmaker's smirk popped into her head.

Why? Why do this? Why kill an Omnic that was only trying to bring peace? Even as she asked the question earlier tonight on that rooftop she had known the answer well before Widowmaker laughed at her.

Foolish girl.

Lena could hear her saying the words now.

Talon was responsible. Widowmaker belonged to them. They had taken a woman who stood for justice and peace and turned her into an assassin who killed for pleasure. For a cause she probably couldn't care less about if they were being honest. As far as Lena could tell Widowmaker didn't seem to particularly care about Overwatch or Talon or Omnics or really much of anything. Of course feeling little to no emotion these days was the reason likely reason for that.

Widowmaker didn't hate Overwatch and she didn't like Talon. She was their weapon to be aimed and fired at whatever they wanted. Simple as that. Aside from the most obvious signs there was no other way of telling just how far Widowmaker's reconditioning went. If they captured her and took her away from Talon would she even care? Or did they have such a hold on her that she would fight with everything she had to get back to them? Consciously or subconsciously? Did she even remember Amélie? Did she care?

Whatever the case Lena found it highly unlikely that Widowmaker cared about what Talon did or who they went after. Not on a personal level anyway. She seemed to live only for the next kill, the next fight, the next mission.

Maybe it's like a drug for her. The only thing that can make her feel anything now that Talon has dulled her to everything else. Maybe she stays partially because of the reconditioning and partially because they keep feeding her addiction. Maybe Talon reconditioned her to feel only feel real satisfaction when she kills, Lena opened her eyes again and stared at the wall.

So why didn't she kill me?

The thought had been hovering around in Lena's mind for a while now. It wasn't like Widowmaker wasn't skilled enough to take a killing shot. If she could predict her movements enough to set up a kill shot for Mondatta like she had tonight then there was no reason the assassin couldn't have found a way to eliminate her already. Tonight alone there had been plenty of chances to kill her. One sniper bullet was all it would take to rid the world of Tracer once and for all. Talon would probably throw a party over it. She had been a thorn in their side, or more accurately in their best assassin's side for ages now. But Widowmaker never took the shot. No matter how many times she found Tracer in her crosshairs she never finished the job.

Something about that was poking at her brain. Insisting that there was something there. Some connection to be found but she was too tired and too worn out to try and process what it was.

Lean growled and banged her head against the wall behind her. Sometimes she felt like she was finally unraveling the mystery that was Widowmaker and then a few moments later she felt like she was right back at the beginning all over again. Stuck trying to figure out a woman who was nothing like the person she had known before.

Reluctantly she set it aside for another day. There was nothing else she could do, no way to bring Mondatta back, and Overwatch was officially disbanded anyway.

Finishing up her bath she drained the water and dried herself off with the lone towel hanging on the rack. She had just finished putting some pajama pants and a large t-shirt on when she turned to the counter and realized her harness wasn't there.

Freezing Lena closed her eyes and opened them again but it still wasn't there. She was positive she had put it there. She always put it there when she was taking a shower or bath.

Rushing out into the bedroom she quickly scanned the room but it wasn't on the bed. Hurrying over she looked under it to see if it had gotten shoved underneath but it wasn't there. It wasn't by the door or the window or on the TV stand or behind the TV stand or by her dresser or nightstand or behind the bed or in the drawers.

By the time Lena had finished tearing everything out of closet and throwing around everything that was on the floor as well as ripping she was shaking, her heart was slamming in her chest and sweat was pouring down her face. She felt dizzy and nauseous. It was a panic attack. She was having a panic attack. Or was that a symptom of her body starting to separate from reality around her again? It couldn't be happening this fast could it? Had the chronal accelerator malfunctioned? Had it disappeared? Could it disappear?

Where could it be? Where could she have put it? It had to be somewhere in the apartment. Had Widowmaker or a Talon agent followed her back here and taken it? Was it broken? Had it powered off and not recharged in a few seconds like it usually did? She had come in through the balcony window not the front door it had to be in the bedroom somewhere right?

Lena clutched her chest as her body shook again. She knew she was hyperventilating but she couldn't stop. Where was it? What happened to it? It couldn't just disappear could it?

The bathroom. Maybe I just overlooked it in the bathroom, Lena stood up on shaky legs and staggered to the bathroom. She blinked her eyes and realized that she had put one of the towels on the rack but the other had fallen onto the floor. Grabbing it she ripped it up off the ground and heard a familiar thunk. Freezing she stared in shock and relief at the calm glow of the chronal accelerator. Tossing the towel aside she fell to her knees and desperately clutched it to her chest, tears streaming down her face.

The roar of a jet engine and the wail of safety alarms sounded all around her and she slapped her hands over her ears to block it out.

its here. Your safe. You aren't going to disappear again. You aren't going to spend months in limbo. It's still here. You are here. I am here. This is your bathroom. Your apartment. Not the fighter jet. Not the past. Here. The present. Everything is fine. Everything is fine. Everything is fine. Everything is fine. Everything is fine. Everything is is fine. Everything is fine. Everything is fine. Everything is fine. Everything is fine. Everything is fine.

Angela Zeigler frowned at her mobile and tried again. She had seen the news reports about Mondatta's assassination as well as heard the rumors flying about Tracer's involvement. Unfortunately, Lena didn't seem to be answering now.

Chewing on her thumbnail she considered just leaving her alone and trying later. It wasn't like Lena couldn't handle herself in battle. She was far more equipped then Angela herself to perfectly honest but that didn't mean she couldn't get hurt.

Just one more time, Angela thought as the call went to voice mail. Hanging up she tried again but still no answer. Frustrated she glared at the device in her hands and paced around the room.

She knew that she mothered some of the other agents a bit too much sometimes, Lena in particular, but she couldn't help it. Besides the whole reason she had come to London to stay for a while was because Lena had been having more trouble with her anxiety and PTSD. It had taken a long time for Lena to finally feel comfortable talking about it and letting Angela see her so vulnerable. Now that she was accepting help Angela wasn't just about to leave her alone. Not when she knew how much that bothered Lena. Angela did have responsibilities back in Zurich but her responsibility to her friends came first.

I'll just head over to her apartment and check in on her, Angela decided as she turned to hunt for her keys and shoes.

"Hello? Lena? Are you here?" Angela asked as she slowly pushed the door open. When her knocks and bell ringing hadn't produced an answer she had used her spare key to let herself in.

Everything looked quiet out here but the bedroom lights were on. Lena did have the bad habit of coming in through the window by her fire escape despite having a perfectly good front door to use.

Advancing slowly, Angela tried to push the bedroom door open but it got caught on something. Shoving harder she opened it enough to slip inside and gasped in surprise at what she saw.

Lena's bedroom looked like a tornado had hit it. The closet was torn apart, the bed sheets were on the floor and everything else had been moved or tossed to random corners of the room. The TV was on mute and was silently replaying the shot of Mondatta being hit for what was probably the hundredth time.

Angela pursed her lips at that. People didn't need to see an innocent Omnic dying like that. Much less over and over again. She would turn it off but there was no telling where the TV remote was now. That just left the bathroom. The light was on and the door was wide open.

"Lena? Are you in there? Are you okay?" Angela called out. She carefully picked her way across the floor and over to the bathroom. Peeking inside she finally found Lena sitting on the floor with her back against the wall and her knees drawn up to her chest. She looked like she was dressed for bed but she was desperately clutching her harness and chronal accelerator to her body.

Worse was the hollow, distant look in her eyes.

Stomach sinking, Angela went and crouched down next to her. Gently reaching out she put a hand on Lena's arm, rubbing it gently and the other hand she put on the back of her neck.

"Lena... Lena come back. Come back here, Lena," Angela said, her tone soft but firm.

It took a moment before Lena blinked her eyes rapidly and shook her head.

"I... I was... I was.." Lena stopped and closed her eyes. Angela wanted to know what happened to her tonight but she didn't ask and didn't press her. It took time but Lena finally shuddered and her fingers tightened on the harness in her hands until they turned white from the pressure.

"I came back after... after. I wanted to... I needed to de-stress so I took a bath. I must have dropped my harness on the floor. When I was done I got out and... and it wasn't there on the counter where I usually put it. I started to panic when I didn't see it in the bedroom. I started tearing everything apart but I couldn't find it and I started having a panic attack. I finally thought to look back here and there it was under one of my towels," Lena explained her voice barely a whisper.

"I failed to save Mondatta, I keep failing to save Widowmaker and I can't even take a bath anymore without... without..." her voice cracked and her buried her head in her arms.

Angela winced and wrapped her arms tightly around Lena, pulling her closer as her body shook and harsh sobs broke free from the her throat.

"It's okay, Lena. You are safe. You are still here and I'm right here with you okay?" Angela murmured into her hair. Lena nodded and buried herself further into the older woman's comforting embrace.

It was times like these that made Angela wonder if Overwatch had been more of a curse then a blessing.

AN: Please don't hurt me. Ever since learning about Lena/Tracer's past I can't help but imagine her having to deal with anxiety and PTSD. Especially in regards to her chronal accelerator.

Although you did get to see Angela/Mercy being the Mom Friend so that counts for something right? No? OK sorry then.

I do plan on adding more to this story but I'm not sure how much. I don't have a definite idea in mind yet for a plot aside having a few more shorts planned out in my head and more Widowmaker/Tracer interactions.

Thanks for reading! I can't say when exactly but there will be more up soon!