Prologue: Blur...

"Spin me around again

And rub my eyes

This can't be happening"

-"Hide and Seek" by Imogene Heap

It was obvious that Kaneki and Touka had feelings for each other around when they first met. The only ones who didn't know about it were just those two.

Throughout the times they spent together for the first few days, they were barely getting to know each other as friends. From what a person could see, it was hard to believe that the two teenagers both had feelings for each other. Confusing: that's what people would describe their relationship. Others couldn't tell if they were serious about what actions they displayed, whether it was Touka punching Kaneki in the face or when they tell jokes to each other. It was a bipolar problem. It was meaningless, yet at the same time it created tension-the most it could ever bring-into the two lives.

When Kaneki first saw Touka, he thought she was cute. Nevertheless, when he first officially met her face to face and got closer to her, he thought of her as a scary person. He had thought that envy and hate were the only emotions that she had underneath her content façade. He thought of her as the type of person that didn't have that many friends, got into trouble daily and easily, and had no intention of moving on or agreeing to go on with the life they're both living in. Of course, that last comment is natural for it to appear on how to describe any kind of person living in a world full of ghouls.

For Touka, she didn't even know what to think of him when she first met him. She only saw him for a brief moment when he told his friend, Hide, to knock it off when he tried hitting on her. When she first officially met him, she thought of him as stubborn and weak. It was sad for even her to admitt this. The man had been turned into a half-ghoul so it was only natural for her to feel pity. Still, she didn't like his attitude and personality. She didn't know how he worked or what kind of emotions he could manifest underneath his innocent face. It surprised her when she found new feelings buried beneath him. Anger, envy, determination: they were all so surreal and so odd to find underneath his skin. The emotions she never thought he had were starting to show.

However, as time went by for the half-ghoul and she-ghoul, they didn't even realize that they also had another feeling tucked underneath their identities as ghouls: love.

Kaneki always thought he would know Touka as a very angry she-ghoul, but he was quickly tossed to the side to see her true feelings. To see her actually being strong after all that she had been through and caring for those she wished that wouldn't get hurt through the wrath of the doves in Tokyo. He always respected that strength. That respect was too strong for it to always freeze into that position.

Back when she first met him, Touka had no problem judging what kind of person he was at a glance. Weak, unconfident, easy to scare shitless: she read him like the books he would always read. She felt sorry that his life had sucked, especially for being a one-eyed ghoul. She knew that if she left him alone, then he wouldn't survive in the place that they lived in called their world: it was horrible yet bearable. So she decided to train him. To help him protect himself when he knew that his life was in danger. He grew stronger every day and that strength impressed her.

That was the feeling that helped them realize their feeling for each other. It was the genesis of their love: strength.

It didn't take long for them to realize their feelings, but they had trouble trying to act natural like they always used to. Whenever they saw each other, they either walked away or talked to each other with their backs to each other. They had the typical actions of a regular human when in love.

They were so strong that they didn't have the courage to confess.

Neither of them had the strength to do so for the first two weeks since they both found out they loved each other. They kept doubting themselves through those two weeks.

For Kaneki, he always thought that love was just a pass-time and he stopped believing in it, mostly because of what happened between him and Rize. He didn't really find it necessary for him to try again when something equally as bad as what happened that day might happen again to him. However, when he met Touka and began to know her better, he felt his feelings rise. The way she was so independent and wanted to be strong enough so that she could protect everybody around her impressed him and made him a bit envious. Nevertheless, that strength made him see a different side of her that he longed to see.

For Touka, she never wanted to rely on anybody. She lost three people she loved most in the world: her mother, her father, and her brother, Ayato. Her parents are dead and her brother decided to stab her in the back by joining Aogiri and leaving her behind. She had no other reason to fall in love again. Then again, she never had any confidence that she would find somebody that would impress her or would want her. She never figured that the man that she wanted would be Kaneki. But then again, she fell in love with him the same way he did with her: all thanks to each other's strength.

Finally, after discovering the truth, after two weeks of doubt and thinking, Kaneki was the first one that confessed. He didn't realize what he was feeling that day when he told Touka that he loved her. Same with Touka. She felt frozen and she couldn't move anything in her body. She kept telling herself that it could be all in her head; that it was all a misunderstanding. It was funny: she was the most strongest person he knew, and yet he was the strongest person at that moment. Before Touka could say anything, probably trying to defend his emotions and help him realize what he just said, Kaneki knew that a confession wasn't going to mean anything.

So he grabbed hold of Touka and kissed her.

As they kissed, Touka had no actions. She wasn't thinking. The only thing she felt was fear. She was afraid that that moment could have been a dream. She thought that that moment couldn't have happened since she thought that her closest friend would be afraid to love her. That's what she thought when he kissed her. She knew she didn't have to wonder that to herself since she already knew that that was real. As she let that truth sink in, she felt so happy. She finally had someone that she loved besides her parents and brother. And so she gave herself to him, as with Kaneki.

They both were shy when they became a couple at first. Everything they did that normal couples would naturally do would make them both blush with embarrassment. Even Yoriko thought it was adorable at how they blushed when they both exchanged hugs or kissed each other on the cheek. Touka wanted to tell her that she had the wrong idea as always, but it was hard getting used to the idea that she actually had a boyfriend. It really was hard. But after a while, they didn't have any problems. They were not scared to express themselves and their love to each other. It's strange how it worked, yet it's still beautiful as roses.

Sadly, no one ever knows why God would always destroy the moments that seemed that they would last forever.

When Kaneki was kidnapped by Aogiri, Touka was distraught. However, she didn't stop herself from being depressed. She promised herself that when she and the rest of the members of Anteiku would bring him back, she would always protect her lover even if he wouldn't. It was a promise that she wanted to start keeping even when she had not seen him yet again.

She was ready to find and rescue Kaneki, but she was the person being rescued by him instead. She was really happy seeing him alive and well, but he didn't have any of his sweet, old expressions he used to show whenever she saw him, whenever and wherever. The old Kaneki would've held her or kissed her until he didn't have the strength to do so anymore. She would've held onto him as he did, crying realizing that he was alright and safe in her arms. But the Kaneki she saw, the one with hair white as snow rather than his raven black hair, was motionless.

Touka didn't know what happened to him over at Aogiri, but he changed. She felt pathetic when she didn't say anything when he told her that he wasn't going back to Anteiku. She did nothing when he walked away from her, leaving her behind. When she tried to reach for him, she realized something. Kaneki was a weak person, and she thought that they would both become stronger when they were together. But that's not how it became for them. She didn't help him become strong; they both traded places. He took her strength and she took his weakness.

She was, at that moment, weak.

Since then, the two lovers haven't interacted or seen each other. Kaneki didn't try to go to Touka since he wanted to be alone and protect her along with the people at Anteiku. He would secretly observe Anteiku in the shadows to see how it was doing, but it wasn't the same.

Nevertheless, Touka was the one that made an effort to try and find him again. She spent long nights searching and waiting for him as many hours as she could, hoping that he would return and apologize to her for trying to abandon Anteiku. She would also stay outside of the shop, hoping that he would come back to the same cafe shop they both loved. She would stay up for as long as she could, right until she fell asleep.

Kaneki would usually see her like that when he came to visit Anteiku, so he would carry her back to her room without waking anybody up. Every time she woke up in her bed, she would always be confused. She still didn't know who kept putting her in her bed in the middle of the night. It didn't matter; with her being inept about who brought her to her bed, she thought that one of the employees at Anteiku brought her in. She would always be upset at everyone, wanting for one of them to confess who brought her in.

"What if Kaneki was going to come back here?!" She would tell them every morning. "I want him to see me outside and let him be the first thing I see when I wake up!"

They all didn't say anything, and they've always dealt with her screams in the mornings. She would've given up at one point, but she was always stubborn. And with that, she faced the same routine over and over again. She waited for Kaneki. He always came, but with no memory for Touka that he was ever there.

She used to think that he would never come back, knowing that it was months since the last time they had seen each other. She was ready to give up until he finally came back to Anteiku. She didn't know what she was doing when she heard the news, but she stopped her actions and ran until she came across him. When she met him at the bridge and when they finally looked at each other after so long, she felt so happy and she wanted to tell him how good it was seeing him again. How lonely it was without him at the cafe. To tell him how much she loved him again and again.

All those thoughts were all on her mind. But she said nothing. The actions she wished she had done were nothing but meaningless. The only thing she did was look at him with calm eyes and a solemn face.

Kaneki was the first to speak to her. He told her about how Yoshimura wanted him to come back to Anteiku, which made her a bit elated, yet she didn't show any expressions on her face. She wasn't even paying attention to him the rest of the time he spoke. She was thinking about what happened to him all that time he was gone. What happened to him when he made his group. What happened to him when he didn't invite her to join him.

What happened to him when he left her behind.

All the wondering why her lover left her had finally entered her body, and the personality of the person she once was came back to her. She was angry at him for not only leaving her, but for thinking that he is trying to save her and her friends when he was actually being selfish. She never asked for him to carry the burden that was never his. That was good enough to give her a reason what she was doing when she tried punching him. She wanted to snap him out of his pity party; to come back to reality and not feel sorry for himself when he knew that there were other people caring for him. However, during her fit of rage, she wasn't thinking when she shouted those echoing words…

"Never come back to Anteiku!"

Her blood grew cold as she said those words that ran with the wind. She felt them destroy herself, but she didn't hesitate or stop trying to hit Kaneki. But apparently, he did. He hesitated and stopped trying to block her attacks when he heard those words. Knowing him for so long, she knew that words like those killed him inside. That was what teared her apart: seeing her lover having a hurtful expression on his face. She wanted to stop when he hesitated, but her fist hit his face too quickly. She wanted to stop herself after that, but her adrenaline was still hot and she still went after him. She jumped onto him and she kept punching him with his defense held back, asking him the same question over and over again.

"Why?!"

"Why?!"

"Why?!"

"Why?!"

"Why?"

"Why?"

"Why did you have to change?"

After the fifth punch she had given him, she held herself back. She didn't know what she was doing anymore.

Why would I hurt the man I still love?

She asked herself that question in her mind and of course, she had to come up with an answer for it. She had to know and hope why he had to put on a brave face when he knew that he couldn't even protect himself. That was all she could do. That, and cry. With her fists on his chests and her body on top of him, she cried until her tears fell onto his shirt. Kaneki didn't seem to care as her tears fell on his shirt, dampening them. But it didn't matter.

It's not like Touka would care if he cared. That's what she thought.

She still cried for him. Not just for him, but for his old self. She cried, because she knew that the Kaneki she knew, the one she fell in love with, was gone. The monster that was in his place was not him. And she didn't need a monster in her life when all she wanted was to escape the life of being called a monster.

When she decided to give up on him, Touka began to get up from his body which would have passed for the motionless person that he had become and turned away to start pacing away from him. She wanted him to let that moment be the last time he'll ever see her. She wanted him to feel her pain when he left Anteiku. She didn't even had any second thoughts. The monster that Kaneki became wouldn't care for her anyway. He already lost her, so what was the point of him going after her when it was obvious that the hope and worry he had was gone?

There was none.

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She felt a tug at her shirt.

She stopped in her tracks and turned her head to see Kaneki, up on his feet with his head bent forward to make it look like he was staring at the ground, who had grabbed onto her shirt like his life depended on it. She tried to resist, but he still latched onto it, the texture of her shirt starting to rip apart. After some time, she stopped struggling and looked at him.

He looked so peaceful yet so lonely as he was clinching to her like a lost child. When he finally knew that she had given up trying to escape his grasp, he looked up at her, his dark argent eyes sparkling from the tears that are beginning to form. He stared back into his lover's eyes, likewise filled with leftover tears that she had shed when she attacked him. Only those tears showed a different meaning and a different emotion rather than what she was originally feeling. Then when he knew that he had her attention, he said to her…

"Just because I've changed doesn't mean that my feelings for you have. I still love you, Touka-chan."

The weakness that Touka gained from Kaneki and the weakness another lovesick teenager had had begun to combine when he said that to her. That was not the first time he said that he loved her, as with her, but whatever was in his words had the power to make her want to fall into his arms with no intending of ever letting go. Whatever doubts about him she had in her mind vanished. Her love for him was clarity again. She had no boundaries pulling her back. She was so elated that she could laugh. She found her old Kaneki. The one that made her smile, laugh, care, love. The one that made her feel new feelings for the first time.

The one that made her happy she was alive.

Kaneki didn't know what to expect from Touka when he told her this. He expected her to be stubborn as she always was, but to be honest, for Touka, she didn't know what else to say to him. She was speechless. What would someone say to someone if this moment happened to them too?

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Exactly.

She wasn't sure how to respond or what kind of response she could offer him, but she wanted to show him or at least assure him that she loved him too. She thought of many things in her head on what to do, and she was quick when she finally decided.

She kissed him.

Kaneki reacted the same way Touka did when he kissed her for the first time: surprised yet slowly succumbing to it. It was slow for a moment, but he acted fast when he had her lips against his. The way their lips parted both made them want to moan and ask each other for more. The way they both smelled—dust and vanilla from him, a weird scent to find him covered in, and cherry shampoo from her—flowed through each other and the way their lips felt against the same substance gave them a shiver in their bones.

Knowing that that was the only time for Kaneki to act like his old self, Touka knew that she needed to treasure it. That was when she had to go beyond her boundaries. The thought that she might not see him again for months made her actions and thoughts more frantic than before. She could tell that he was thinking the same, and they both finally made their decision.

Everything else that had happened afterwards was a secret.

It was their secret.

A few weeks soon after, the Anteiku Raid took place.

The others obviously knew that Kaneki was going to help the people that stayed at Anteiku to fight with Yoshimura without any interference. It scared everyone: Hinami, Tsukiyama, Banjou, even Touka. The Raid was the most scariest thing that they could ever worry about. Their one friend that changed their lives was about to participate in the one battle that he didn't need to fight in. The burden that everyone knew he carried had become stronger and made him too selfless to worry about his own life. He told his group that he would come back, and they would return to Yoshimura as soon as he was done. He had their hopes up for nothing.

His head was too high up in the clouds to worry about his goal to return to his friends. He actually knew it was obvious that he wasn't going to come back. He just wanted to let his friends have a little bit of faith in him before he would disappear from their lives forever. His last promise was the last lie he ever told.

And the way he lied meant that he lied to Touka too.

When he said that he wanted to break the group and return to Anteiku, he was thinking of surprising Touka. He wanted to see her face as soon as she could see him return in their old coffee shop. She would be pissed at first, asking why he didn't return sooner, but she would've been so happy to see him. He didn't know if the sight of him would bring tears to her eyes, unless his love changed that possibility, but he knew that a smile from her was precious enough to know that she missed him.

It was sad for Kaneki to be alone to rot. What was even more sad for everyone else was that they had no idea what happened to him. His group stayed up all night, hoping to hear an update about him or at least see him to know that he survived. They worried until they did manage to receive news about him, but, sadly, it wasn't the news they were looking for. When they looked at the news on the TV in a random television store, they were shocked to see lots of ghouls dead on the snow-covered ground. Hinami didn't see anybody she knew, but there were so many bodies that she couldn't help but realize that it wasn't possible for there to be any ghoul survivors. But then the newscaster went down to the sewers and they showed a ghoul with his eyes black as coal with his body still as a stone.

Once everyone saw what happened on the news, they were all depressed. Banjou's worried and joyful expression was wiped off from his face and replaced with a solemn and quiet one. He didn't know what to feel about the man whom he promised to protect, as a repayment for him saving his life. He always thought that that would be his reason on why he continued to live, same with his followers. If he's sad, then they're sad.

Hinami was heartbroken when she saw her one brother dead. She had no other people left to call her family besides him and Touka. The people she lived with while she was a member of Kaneki's group were only her "colleagues", a word in which he taught her, and she never considered them close and felt very lonely around them. The worst part was that he had promised to come back to her and they would go back to Anteiku to the people that she considered as family. Her excitement had been drained out of her system.

With the sight of her brother being dead, it was not hard to believe that Yoshimura, Koma, and Irimi probably died in the Raid. She knew that Yomo and Touka were probably still alive, but she didn't want to go back to them. Apparently, whatever happened to her changed her personality. She wanted to protect her family when they're all she had left. She wanted to become stronger. That's why she abandoned her old group and joined Aogiri Tree.

Everyone was struck down like trees when they heard the news about the fallen in the Anteiku Raid. But the most heartbroken of them all was Touka. Before, during, and after.

Touka wanted to reach everyone at Anteiku, especially Kaneki, when she heard the news about the Raid but Yomo was able to reach her, refusing to let her go. She kept telling him that she wanted to be punished for her crimes, but Yomo still kept his cool and refused to let her out. She kept trying to run away from him, but he clutched onto her. Yomo would've let her go, but she was acting different rather than her normal self. He had to know what was up with her. As he clutched onto her arm and as she tried to escape from his grasp, he kept asking her why does she have to go. She said nothing, so he kept asking the question until he was able to have an explanation. Finally, she replied…

"I have to tell him!"

She broke down into tears and collapsed to the ground with Yomo quick enough to catch her. He gently let himself and Touka fall to the ground as she cried into his arms with her fists tightened and against his chest. She kept yelling her reply to Yomo over and over like a robot, and Yomo was there to hold her. He had no expression, yet he had the confusion another ghoul and human being would feel towards a moment like that. Suddenly, he looked at her clenched fists and he let out a small gasp.

In the middle of her right fist, looking as if she was holding onto it for her life, was a positive pregnancy test.

It didn't take long for Yomo to figure out who the father was. He understood the situation and emotions that Touka was feeling. Nevertheless, all he cared about was her safety. He promised Yoshimura that he would protect everyone at Anteiku and he intended to keep it. He couldn't find Hinami, so Touka was all he had left. He had to protect her. So, with enough persuasion, he managed to let Touka go back into her senses and they escaped. He didn't talk about the baby and how they were going to take care of it. They just walked away from their old homes and said absolutely nothing.

By the time they left everything behind, they were already at Kaito's house. He was an old friend of Yomo's; or in other words, partner in crime. They knew each other around the time they both knew Uta, and they've been good friends since, so it was no problem for him to let them in. Touka didn't mind or say anything when they arrived. All she did while over there was just lay around the house hugging her stomach, wondering if she could comfort her baby that way. She was also probably waiting for Kaneki to somehow find her and Yomo. It didn't matter anyway.

On the day Touka found out the truth, she was channel surfing in the den of the apartment when she suddenly came across news about the Anteiku Raid. The way she paid attention to the screen was like a lioness watching her cubs, and they both didn't want to be interrupted. She couldn't tear herself away as she saw the numerous bodies that laid on the ground and she was scared to wonder if Yoshimura and the others made it out of the bloodbath. The ghouls wore the same outfits as Koma and Irimi, so it was hard to find their bodies. The lady in the television yet said that they managed to take out the Owl, so she knew Yoshimura was dead.

But as soon as the cameras went straight to the sewers, she panicked as soon as she saw the first thing that came up. She saw a specific body dressed in black with blood covered everywhere around itself.

Three

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Two

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One

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It was obvious that the body was her now deceased lover.

The way she saw the body on the floor made her scream. Yomo and Kaito weren't home at the time when she did, but she didn't care. She didn't want them to see her as she saw the horrible sight on the television screen. The blood around the body was still fresh, his eyes were hollow in the same color, and some of the blood managed to smear onto his snow white hair. The way the colors mixed would remind one of the color of roses in a bush: really, really dark roses with white roses pure as light. The colors are beautiful on roses, but to see them on the one person she relied on and loved was heartbreaking.

The camera then changed from the view and went back to the reporter, but she still had tears that she wanted to shed and she gave out a yell. It was a soft yell, yet it had a bitter sound. Her mouth was still wide open when she didn't have to yell no more. She only sobbed so that the noises would escape from her. While she sobbed, she clutched her belly with both weakness and strength. It was so hard to realize the truth and the things that it had to leave behind. Kaneki is dead and all Touka had left of him is their child.

She looked down at her stomach, her eyes still fresh with tears. 2. She's starting to see it become bigger, probably due to the fast pace of a ghoul pregnancy even though she conceived it weeks ago. The sight of her growing stomach started to make her have more tears race down her face. The sight of her baby growing inside her gave her another horrible truth. The baby will never see his or her father. It will have his or her mother to care for him, but the baby is now titled as "fatherless." Not only was it a nightmare that she couldn't see her lover again, but a nightmare for the child now that he or she won't ever see it's father.

As of that night, in that small apartment, the two were on their own.

1. This song is the first spark for this story. I found out about "Hide and Seek" because of "Whatcha Say" by Jason Derulo. I still can't believe that I didn't find the original version before Derulo's version. Anyway, I loved the emotion in the song and I believe that this song could describe the entire plot as a whole. Imogene Heap, the singer of the song, said in an interview that she wrote it based on her experience with her parents, who had a divorce when she was little.

Divorce is separation, and that is what Kaneki and Touka experienced. I had trouble thinking what influence the separation had between them, but then I thought what if they had a child who had to experience the separation as well. And thus, the plot for Re:pray was born. I even almost named the story Hide and Seek instead of Re:pray. Almost. While I did choose a different title for my story, this song will always be known as the main inspiration for this story. Also I recommend listening to not only the original song, but the cover version by Christina Grimmie as well.

2. Okay, I'm gonna go on a whim here and hypothesize that a ghoul pregnancy is way different than a regular human pregnancy. While it takes eight to nine months for a human baby to be developed after conception, I decided to turn the tables for a ghoul pregnancy. In my universe, it takes three to five months for a ghoul baby to be developed after conception. That will explain a lot of things later.

Oh Man, it has been a while since I've posted anything. If any of you have followed me before in my other story, please wait. I'm gonna explain everything in another post I will upload in a bit explaining myself. But anyway, I love Tokyo Ghoul and I have been wanting to write about it for a while. Plus I dont like the fact that there is not many stories involving TouKen, so I made my own. I hope you enjoy this so far and sorry if I'm a bit slow. I like working this way. Let me know what you think in the comments THANK YOU :))))