This...got a lot longer than I was expecting.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I had fun writing this, I'm not going to lie. Apparently I just seem to be in the mood for fun interactions with the characters. Also, this was going to be Law and Luffy, but I've decided that I'm horrible at writing Law, so it's Sanji and Nami instead! And, despite the prompt, there really isn't any ships in it.

So yeah. Enjoy!

Prompt: 29. "How is my wife more badass than me?"

Nami didn't know why she even bothered sometimes. Her plans hardly ever worked out, so she didn't know why she was even a little bit surprised at this point.

"I swear," Nami grumbled, rubbing her temples furiously as Zoro and Robin jumped down to join her on the dock, "Things always go wrong as soon as I take my eyes off him. Even for just a single second."

"Where is the captain now?" Robin asked, looking around the docks.

Nami sighed and gestured vaguely. "Somewhere on the island causing trouble, I'd imagine. He rocketed himself off the ship the moment we docked. We were supposed to be discreet, Robin." Putting her face in her hands, Nami couldn't help but moan in despair. "Luffy doesn't even know the meaning of discreet. All my plans are ruined."

Well, not quite yet, but knowing Luffy and the trouble the captain could get his rubbery hands into, they were going to be. And if they did get ruined, Nami was going to be kicking some rubbery butt, captain or not.

The island they had landed on wasn't a large one by any means, and it was pretty remote. There was even a chance that the islanders hadn't even heard of the infamous Straw Hat Pirates, according to Robin's information. But Nami didn't believe for a second they were that lucky.

And Nami had plans, plans that including buying more supplies for her map, and maybe a few nicer things. Not to mention they still had to get groceries if they wanted to make the trip to the next island without starving to death. Nami didn't want to be run off the island before they got everything they needed, so why why why did Luffy have to run off on his own like that?

"You know we're waving a pirate flag, right?" asked Zoro as he came up next to them, "I'm not sure how much more un-discreet we can be."

"You know, I have an idea," Robin said. There was a mischievous lift to her smile and a twinkle in her eyes. "Why don't you and Sanji go undercover?"

There was an immediate agreement from Sanji up on deck. The guy was probably singing in his happiness, but Nami got a sinking feeling in her stomach as she mulled over Robin's words.

"Undercover as what?"

"I can't believe Nami and I are married!" Sanji sang. "It's like a dream come true!"

Nami groaned and pulled her sun hat down lower over her sunglasses. Sanji hand a fedora covering his own hair and sunglasses covering his one eye, as well. She couldn't believe she let Robin talk her into this.

"You two are the most discreet," Robin had said. "It only makes sense."

Sure, it wasn't embarrassing or anything like that, and Sanji was really a good guy when it came down to it, but there was just something about this that made her feel like she was back in the old days, still a cat burglar who was never who she said she actually was.

She liked being on Luffy's crew for a reason. On the Thousand Sunny, Nami was free to draw maps, and free to be who she wanted to be, and just…free.

It never felt like that when she was pretending.

But she tolerated it. They did need to eat after all.

Surprisingly, they managed to get everything they needed with minimal hassle. It turned out Luffy was making a ruckus, but since Nami and Sanji blended in, nobody gave them a second glance, and they only heard the occasional shout of annoyance in the distance.

It was in the last shop they were visiting that things went south.

"Do you think I should get this book?" Nami asked Sanji. "It's on the geography and culture of this island."

Sanji hummed, much more calmed down than before. "I think you should get it if you want to, my dear."

Right. Should have expected that answer. Nami didn't need the book, but it was something that she—and Robin, probably—would enjoy and appreciate. Anyways, they probably wouldn't come back to the island anytime soon, if ever again, so Nami decided she was going to get it. Might as well familiarize herself with the island if she was going to draw it.

"Well, well," an unfamiliar voice drawled from behind her. Nami turned to see a drunk man standing in the doorway of the shop. Beside her, Sanji was tense. "Look what we have here. Are you new in town pretty lady?"

Nami elbowed Sanji before he could drop the groceries and start something. Instead, she just smiled sickeningly sweetly at the man. "I'm sorry, but this is my husband. I'm not available."

"Not like I care," the man said. "Why don't you ditched pretty boy here and come with me. I could use another girl hanging off my arm. Besides, orange is my favorite- Wait a minute. Aren't you with that Strawhat guy from earlier?!"

Nami put her book down and punched him. The guy was out cold in seconds. It was much easier than having the guy scream to the town that she and Sanji were with Luffy. She dusted off her hands and turned towards Sanji and the shop owner, carrying on like everything was normal. She stepped over the guy's body and held up the book.

"How much will this be?"

"N-Nine hundred fifty-"

Nami handed him the money.

"How is my wife more badass than me?" Sanji murmured.

Nami punched him, too.