Happy Daze Chapter 7

Joan and Pam stood in the doorway gaping at Joker and Tetch. Joan saw the device lying on Harley's bed and the electrodes attached to all three of their heads. Joker and Tetch both stared back looking like kids who just got caught with their hands in the cookie jar. Joan angrily walked towards them.

"Joker! What in the hell do you think you're doing?" Joker's face grew indignant.

"What you and the rest of the useless doctors around here couldn't do! I'm getting Harley back! What the hell are you two doing here in the middle of the freaking night?" Pam stalked across the medical center.

"If you've done anything to hurt her I swear to God I'll grow a giant fly trap to swallow you whole, right fucking now!"

Tetch pulled the electrodes from his forehead and temples and held his hands up.

"Pamela, Dr. Leland, please calm yourselves. We know what's happening and we're very close to drawing Harley out." Joan turned and glared at the Hatter.

"You had better explain to me immediately just what the hell is going on here! What do you mean, you know what's happening?" She roared. Hatter cringed and cowed away from Joan.

"I-n Wonderland they lie, dreaming as the days go by, d-dreaming as the summers die. Ever drifting down the stream, lingering in the golden dream. Life, what is life but a dream?" Joker rolled his eyes dramatically.

"Now see what you've gone and done? You know when you stress Jervis out he starts speaking in Alice in Wonderland quotes!" He glanced over at the Hatter. "Why don't you take a little time-out to calm down, Jervis?" He swung his legs off the side of the bed he was lying on and pulled the wires off of himself. "Look Leland, what Jervis is trying to say is that Harley has created this perfect dream world inside of her head that's pacified her into staying there. The good news is that there are cracks we can exploit to pull her out. She knows something's wrong, she realizes this world is just too perfect to be real but she's still reluctant to accept that she's living inside a false reality because there's someone grounding her there."

"What do you mean there's somebody grounding her there?" Joker chuckled.

"She's created a version of me inside of her head. An unfunny, much less attractive version of me that she's convinced herself she's in love with. It's the only reason she won't accept her real life and come back to us." Pam's eyes boggled.

"J, you're telling me you and Jervis have been here poking around inside of Harley's head all night? Are you nuts? What if you screw up? We might never be able to wake her up!" He narrowed his eyes at Ivy.

"Well what's your brilliant plan, plant girl?"

"I was able to get a physical reaction out of her using my pheromones! We planned on trying again until we discovered you here!"

"What kind of physical reaction?"

"Her eyelids fluttered three or four times." Joker burst out laughing.

"You think a little eyelid flutter makes a difference? Look Pammy, the bottom line is if I don't deal with this fake she's lost to us. So why don't you and Joanie back the hell off so I can do what I need to do!" Jervis seemed to have pulled himself together a bit.

"Joker, actually a physical reaction is fairly significant. If we can synch the reactions between her physical body and her inner mind, I think we may have an easier time breaking down this façade." Hatter turned to Ivy. "Pam perhaps when I put Joker back in to deal with his doppelgänger, you can assist me by using your pheromones on Harley?" Pam nodded. Jervis turned to Joan. "Dr. Leland, do you think you can buy us some time by keeping the staff away from the medical center until our work is complete? The less distractions we encounter the better the chance of saving Harley."

"Do you really think you can do this, Jervis?" He nodded rapidly.

"Indubitably, but we really must get started again soon. Time inside her mind is passing and we need to get Joker back in there before seven PM. If my calculations are correct its nearly time." Joan sighed.

"I can't believe I'm actually about to say this, but yes. I'll order the staff to stay out of the entire wing until we get her out. I'm trusting you Jervis."

"Thank you Dr. Leland."

"Please be careful and bring her back to us. I'll go deal with the staff. I'll be back."

Joan left the medical center as Jervis pulled an empty bed on the opposite side of Harley for Ivy to lie in.

"We best get to it. Pam, Joker, if you please?"

He motioned towards the empty beds. The pair lay down on either side of Harley. Jervis re-attached the electrodes to Joker and himself. Joker took Harley's right hand in his. Pam narrowed her eyes at him and took Harley's left hand in hers.

"Alright, Pam you can begin releasing your pheromones. Joker, close your eyes and prepare yourself. If we fail, it's for good. So let's not fail." He reached out and flipped the switch on the device.

oOoOoOoOoOo

While Joker, Hatter, Ivy and Dr. Leland were arguing, inside of her fantasy Jay had dropped Harley off at home. As she walked into her room she immediately noticed that Jester was back on her bed, huge red smile plastered back on his face.

"Mistah J, you came back."

She didn't touch him as she sat down on her bed and tried to puzzle out what had just happened. She became distracted as she glanced around her room and noticed the reappearance of Jester wasn't the only thing that had changed in her absence. She walked over to her shelf to look at her gymnastics trophies. She picked one up and read it.

'Harleen F. Quinzel – East Brooklyn Community High School - Uneven Parallel Bars - First Place – September 3, 2000'

She stared at the date confused. She walked over to her dresser to look at the framed photos there. She lifted one up and examined it. It was a picture of her with her mother and Barry at the Bronx zoo. She pulled off the back of the frame and read the inscription. 'Bronx Zoo July 2, 1996 Harley age 12, Barry age 8.' She remembered this trip. They ate funnel cake. She ran through the butterfly house laughing madly as the butterflies landed on her pigtails, fingers and nose. Then Barry got stung by a wasp and they had to go to the first aid building because his arm swelled up.

She turned around and sharply took in a breath. Jester was still smiling at her but now one button eye was triangular as if the clown was winking at her. That clown. That strange man who looked so much like Jay, yet didn't at all. As she danced with him she began remembering things. She was Jewish he'd said. She turned and opened her jewelry box. Laying on top of everything was a silver and sapphire Star of David on a fine chain. She held it up before her eyes and examined it. As she did she remembered it was a gift from her aunt Rita when she came to visit them for Hanukkah one year. That unusual face framed with that verdant green hair filled her mind again. He kissed her and she felt like all was right in the world. Before he left he told her if she thought long and hard about it, the truth would reveal itself. The house suddenly shook violently and a large crack ran down the plaster wall next to her mirror. She heard a loud rumble of thunder and looked out of the window to see dark, ominous storm clouds gathering in the distance.

She felt that something was coming. Something that was going to change everything.

oOoOoOoOo

Unbeknownst to Hatter, the first thing Joker did when he reentered Harley's mind was to reimagine his vehicle to hold a few surprises during the race. He was the Joker and always had a few aces up his sleeve. He liked to make sure he stacked the deck in his favor.

"Jervis, where is she right now?"

"Heading to a place called Dunbar's Drive-in, not far from the race site." He hopped in the Chevy and headed that way.

News of the drag race traveled fast. Almost everyone at Gotham High and a good many from Riverside High turned out to watch the spectacle. The crowd met up at Dunbar's Drive-in beforehand to gossip, look over the cars and make bets. When Joker got there he noticed that Harley had not arrived yet which actually worked well. This was probably their last chance to draw Harley out so he was going to throw caution to the wind. He may only have a little influence on this bogus world of hers, but he was going to screw with it as much as possible.

As Jay and Harley pulled up to the Drive-in she stared in shock at the building. She had only been at Dunbar's on Friday for her shift and in less than a week the entire place had changed. The building was round with a red and white striped roof topped with a circle of male and female clowns holding hands around the spire. It very much resembled a large tent. The sign no longer said Dunbar's. It now sported a huge smiling clown head beneath which the name now read 'The Circus Drive-in'. Inside the covered outdoor seating area, a parade of brightly colored animals were painted along the half wall in front of the picnic tables. What caught Harley's eye were the animals leading this parade, two spotted hyenas. Without acknowledging Jay, she hopped out of the car and jogged over to get a better look. There were collars painted on each and as she kneeled down to read the names she was struck with familiarity. Jay followed quickly after her to find out what was going on.

"Harley? Are you okay?"

"I know them." She replied as she stared at the mural.

"Know who?" He asked completely baffled. She placed her hand on top of the painted hyenas.

"It's Bud and Lou. My hyenas."

"Harley are you sure you're okay? You're really starting to worry me. What do you mean your hyenas?"

"They're my pets. I raised them from pups."

"Harley, no you didn't. You don't even have a dog. What are you talking about?"

"No need to worry Pseudo-me. She's absolutely right. Those are our hyenas." Joker said as he walked up behind the couple. "Do you remember how we got them Pumpkin?" She turned and looked at Joker with bewildered eyes.

"You gave them to me for my thirtieth birthday. You had one of your contacts in Africa confiscate them from a band of poachers in Kenya and had them shipped to Gotham." A huge grin spread across his face.

"That's exactly right Poo. You're starting to remember. Good girl." He patted the top of her head. Suddenly the earth shook beneath their feet and lightning flashed violently across the sky. Jay looked around in alarm.

"What the heck was that?" Joker chuckled.

"Well that, J-fake, are the walls tumbling down on this mockery of Gotham my little Harley-girl has created." Jervis's voice filled Joker's head.

"Joker, it's working! She's responding physically. Her eyes are moving as if she's in REM sleep. It's time to deal with the doppelgänger and get her out of there." Joker placed his hand on the side of Harley's face.

"Sit tight, Poo. Once I deal with this phony here, everything is going to be okay." He turned to Jay. "So, imposter, you ready to do this, or what?"

"I'm gonna destroy you, freak!" Joker threw his head back and chortled.

"We'll just see about that, pretender!"

Joker and Jay headed to their cars. Joker started his up and flames shot out from the exhaust pipes making the crowd stare in awe. Jay swallowed down the lump in his throat and started his own engine. They drove the short distance to the Sprang Bridge. The crowd, including Harley walked and sat on the neighboring hill to watch the race. They stopped their cars and glared at one another. Jay yelled to Joker.

"The first one to get to the fourth archway and back wins." Joker winked at him which infuriated Jay. His lips drew back from his clenched teeth in a grimace and he revved his engine loudly in response.

From the crowd Roxy Sutton walked out onto the roadway as she untied the red scarf around her neck which she held in one hand. She stood in front of both cars with her hands in the air.

"Ready, set…. GO!"

She dropped her arms and the cars took off like rockets. The Thunderbird shot off the line and Jay took an early lead. Joker stomped down on the accelerator and soon the cars were neck and neck. Jay knew if he didn't do something drastic there was a pretty good chance he may lose to this clown. He grabbed the wheel and jerked it to the left crashing into the side of the purple Chevy and forcing Joker into the inside guardrail. The paint job was being destroyed and the doors on either side got wrecked with that little move from Jay. Joker glared over at his imposter.

"You little sonofabitch! He's lucky this car is just a construct or I would be really pissed off!"

Jay moved back to the center of the lane and drew ahead of the Chevy. Joker was done screwing around. It was time to bring out the big guns. Joker reached toward the dashboard and pressed the first of several shiny new buttons, deploying his wheel slasher hubcaps. He smashed the accelerator down again and even with the damage to his vehicle he managed to catch back up. He turned the wheel towards the Thunderbird. The cars made contact and Jay heard a metallic tearing sound as one of the hubs caught the rear quarter panel and tore through it. Jay jerked the wheel away to avoid more damage, causing him to lose his lead. Joker sped ahead of the Thunderbird and took the opportunity to press the next button. From the rear of Joker's car, oil gushed out in a flood coating the roadway. Jay had no time to avoid the hazard and his rear end fishtailed as it plowed through the slick fluid. The rear bumper caught the guardrail and was torn completely off of the vehicle. Jay was livid.

"He's cheating! That pasty faced freak is fucking cheating!"

Joker cackled as he watched Jay try to catch up in the rearview. Joker made it to the fourth arch and slammed down on the brake as he sharply turned the wheel. The car spun, pointing him in the opposite direction and he floored it. Joker checked the rearview and Jay had turned his car and was gaining on him. Joker swerved back and forth across the road forcing Jay to the outer guardrail. He laughed maniacally as he pounded down on the big red button in the center of the dash, deploying the punchline to this big joke. Two round objects emerged from small panels at the rear of the Chevy and dropped onto the roadway. The objects rolled toward Jay's vehicle. Joker pressed the final button, engaging the nitrous oxide tanks which shot the big purple Chevy well ahead of the Thunderbird. In the rearview mirror Joker saw the objects suddenly explode beneath Jay's Thunderbird in an orange cloud of fire, tearing it in two and sending half of it plummeting off of the bridge. He slammed on the brakes and came to a screeching halt at the finish line. He got out of the car to a cacophony of shouts and cheers.

Lightning pierced the sky and thunder rumbled portentously as everything began to violently shake. It was almost as if they were inside of a dome that was crumbling apart as large pieces of the world Harley had created started falling all around them. Not only was it shaking apart it was shrinking as the fabrication began to collapse in on itself. Joker ran over to Harley who was staring in shock at the remnants of Jays smoldering car.

"Harley! Harls, look at me." She continued to stare.

"Joker, grab her and run. You have to get out of there!" Jervis yelled through the destruction.

"She's not responding, what do I do?"

"Whatever you would normally do in this circumstance!" He shrugged.

"Okay, but you better not give me shit for this later." Joker drew his hand back and slapped her solidly across the face as he yelled. "Snap out of it!" Harley blinked several times and looked at Joker.

"P-puddin? W-what's going on?" He grabbed her wrist.

"I'll explain later, for now just run!" In the distance a large chunk of the false reality fell and through it he could see Gotham, his Gotham, complete with Bat-signal shining brightly in the sky. "That's the way out! C'mon Harls, let's move!"

He dragged her behind him heading for the hole in her fantasy as they dodged the falling debris from the sky. The shaking and rumbling increased as they ran. The ground began splitting apart and they had to hurdle crevasses to traverse the terrain. Harley suddenly tripped and fell hard. Joker quickly pulled her upright, grabbed her around the waist and threw her over his shoulder. He sprinted towards the hole to reality, which was rapidly closing in on itself.

"Shit, shit, shit!"

Joker instinctually dove headfirst towards the real Gotham and landed hard on the other side, Harley falling on top of him, just as the false Gotham completely collapsed in on itself in a cloud of smoke.

Joker's eyelids opened. Jervis and Joan Leland were staring down at him. He looked to his right. Harley's eyelids were fluttering. He rolled over and grabbed her face.

"Harls! C'mon baby, open your eyes and look at Daddy." When they remained closed he started slapping one of her cheeks. "Harley, c'mon now. It's time to get up. Wake up baby, wake up and look at Daddy right now!" he yelled.

Her eyelids suddenly popped wide open and she stared at Joker in confusion.

"Puddin? What happened? Where am I?"

It seemed everyone in the room collectively let out a relived breath as Joker pulled her up into his arms.

"Thank God, Harls!" He held her by the shoulders at arm's length. "Don't ever do that to me again!"

Harley was bewildered and slowly looked around the room. Pam was sitting upright in the bed beside her with tears streaming down her cheeks, Jervis was standing behind her smiling widely and looking smug and Joan gazed at her with soft, relieved eyes.

"I was having this really crazy dream, and Puddin, you were there. So were the rest of you. It was kinda like that movie Grease, but without all the hokey singing and crap." Everyone burst out laughing as Harley stared at them. "So, is anyone gonna tell me what the heck is going on?"

Jervis spent the next half hour trying to explain to a very confused Harley Quinn what had been happening for the past several days.

"Wait a minute. So you're saying all that crazy crap in my dream really happened?" Jervis smiled.

"Not exactly, but as far as your mind was concerned it did, until Joker slapped some sense into you. Quite literally in fact."

"Yeah sorry about that, Poo, but we were running out of time. It worked at least." He narrowed his eyes at her. "Now Pumpkin, in the future, when Daddy gives you instructions on the job you had better obey them! I know I never want to go back inside your head again kiddo. It's kinda scary in there. You really are nuttier than fruitcake, you know that?"

"Yeah, I do, Pud. I know I'm nuts about you at least." He smiled and held out his arms.

"Come to Daddy Pumpkin."

She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him. Pam gagged. Joan after a moment or two of watching the two clowns make out broke up the happy reunion.

"Okay, okay, enough already. Harley, you sit tight, I need to have the doctors examine you." She turned to the rogues. "And you three are going back to your cells." Joker scrunched up his face.

"Aww c'mon Doc! Give a guy a break! I just spent the better part of a day saving Harley from a coma and permanent brain damage! Doesn't that deserve some kind of reward?" Joan thought about it.

"You're right Joker, so your reward is that I'm not throwing you back in solitary for putting her in a coma in the first place."

"I told you it was an accident!" He shouted.

"I know, and this time I actually believe you." The doors to the medical center opened. Two armed guards and four orderlies ran in.

"Dr. Leland, are you okay? Your panic button was activated."

"Yes Charlie, everything is just fine. Please escort Joker, Pam and Jervis back to their cells."

Joker leaned over to Harley and whispered in her ear before the orderlies could grab him.

"Don't worry baby, I'll sneak out to see you later and as soon as you're back on your feet I'll bust us out of this joint!"

He gave her a quick peck on the lips before he was dragged out of the medical center.

The following night, Joker snuck down to the medical center. He was in the bed with her between his legs, her back pressed against his chest as he told her all of the details of their adventure.

"Oh Puddin. You really put yourself through all that puking just to get to me? I knew you really loved me!"

"Yeah, well I was the one who threw the grenade even if you had no business being there in the goddamn way when it went off. I figured it was the least I could do."

"Ya know Pud, I remember bits and pieces of it all. But the more time that passes the fuzzier it gets. How I ever believed that Jay character was you I'll never understand."

"Yeah, well you did." He grumbled. "And I really didn't appreciate you making out with another guy, even if you did think he was me!" Harley blushed.

"Sorry Puddin, but it wasn't really real, ya know."

"Yeah well it seemed pretty damn real when I was stuck inside that wacky brain of yours." She rolled over and put her good arm around his neck.

"Thanks for going through all of that and for saving me from myself Puddin."

"Yeah well, just make sure I never have to do it again."

"I love you so much Pud. I'm such a lucky girl to have you." He smiled.

"You got that damn right, you screwy broad."

She pressed her lips to his and savored the warmth of his body. After a few moments he broke the kiss.

"Well Poo, I better get back to my cell before the old battle-axe catches me. Just as soon as that cast comes off of your ankle, I have a plan in place to bust us out. Oh, and we have to bust Jervis out with us as payment for me poisoning him."

"Poor Jervis, we're lucky he agreed to help us after that."

"Yeah we are. I'm just glad you're back with us baby."

Harley smiled and looked at him through lowered lashes. Joker slid out of the bed. He leaned over and kissed her one last time before heading to the door.

"See you soon, baby. Sweet dreams."

-Fin

A/N – So another story is finished and I'm starting work on two new ones very soon. I'm not sure which one I'm going to start first but hopefully I'll publish the first chapter of one of them next week sometime. Hope you enjoyed spending time inside of Harley's wacky mind for the past few weeks, it was really fun to write! Hope everyone is well and as always a huge thank you to all of my reviewers. You guys are total awesomesauce!

Oh, incidentally, as an interesting aside, The Circus Drive In is an actual functioning drive-in in my hometown and it does actually look like a big circus tent, you can Google it if you're curious. The food is great and we eat there at least a couple of times every summer. You may have seen it featured on The Food Network.