TINY GIFTS

AN: First of all, I must make these VERY clear, I am not a TIVA fan. I really, really, dislike the whole idea. But, having said all that, and the way they ended this season, I do like the idea of Tony as a dad, and Tali was an absolute cutie.

So, here it is,…Tony is writing letters back to his NCIS family about his and Tali's travels in Israel and France.

And…

…if the summary wasn't warning enough. DO NOT READ THIS STORY IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE SEASON FINALE, WHICH AIRED MAY 17, 2016 IN THE UNITED STATES.

That is the reason I couldn't give you a better summary. If I had said anything, it would have given too much away.

Gibbs,

I became a dad on May 17, 2016. I am still having trouble wrapping my mind around it. I lost someone special and gained someone special, all in the same day, it seemed. I can't believe how much my life has changed. I have another tiny person who is totally dependent on me. It's the scariest and most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. All rolled up in one confusing, amazing ball. I've never had anyone depend on me like that before. I mean, people depended on me, as an agent. But that was so different; I always had the team backing me up. I never had to work so hard to make sure I did things right. And, I know I'm still not alone in this. I mean, I think Tali needs another grandpa. Every kid should have a couple. And I would be honored if you would be hers. And I know she has aunts and uncles and a great uncle at NCIS, that is if they would also do me the honor. And I don't think that that would be a problem, all I have to do is ask, and I will. Yours is the first of several letters I will be writing, in my spare time. Which I am finding, I have very little of, these days.

I have been trying to teach Tali English and Italian. She already knew few words in each language, which has helped a lot. She is like a tiny sponge. I found her, the other day, having a conversation in Hebrew, English and Italian with a doll I bought her, here, in Israel. I fully expect Tali will be multi-lingual by the time we get back to the States.

I told you that I came to Israel to get answers. I was not entirely honest with you or with myself. I want answers on Ziva's death, of course. But the answers I truly want are the answers I will never get. Ziva's dead. I want to know, why? And there is no one to answer why. There is very little left of the David's farmhouse to even give me any clues about how their lives, about why…. Every which way I go, everywhere I turn, I come back to that question. And it drives me absolutely insane. This search has only served to frustrate me even more. I cannot get the answers from the person I really need to hear them from, she is dead.

I cannot even get answers to the simple questions I have. How did Ziva and Tali live? Were they happy living there? From there the questions only get darker. Did she have to live in a place that proved deadly? Did she have no place else to go? In the end, did Ziva have to choose, her life or Tali's?

I know I will have to let all that go. And I will, in time. But had I even known, had I had an inkling I had a child, chances are it would have been a double homicide in that farmhouse, and Tali would be an orphan. The very idea makes my blood run cold.

I just…I hate all this uncertainty. You know me, I live by the facts. I need the facts. It was my job. It is my life. I can't operate like this. Tali will ask me questions, questions I will never have the answers for. She will trust me to tell her the truth. And I…I don't know what that truth is.

Well, it looks like nap time is over. Tali has woken up and she is standing at our hotel room window. She's pointing out to the play area outside. I guess we're going outside for awhile.

Talk to you soon, Grandpa Gibbs,

Tony and Tali DiNozzo

NCIS NCIS NCIS NCIS NCIS

Abby,

Israel is different. I had to fight to get to go to see Eli's farmhouse, what was left of it. I was hoping, too, that there was a doll, a toy, blanket, something, anything that had survived the fire. I wanted Tali to have something that Ziva had given her, anything. But there was nothing salvageable. And it was eerie, being there on the scene, seeing where Ziva had died.

Kort said Ziva had never been the target, just the house, Eli's files. I still don't know if I believe that or not. But it makes me very angry and very sad, all at the same time.

I look at Tali, and I see her mother. I listen to her talk, and I hear Ziva. How am I supposed to get over her death if…? Listen to me…thinking only of myself. I have a little girl who lost everything she's ever known. She's been brought to a country she has no knowledge of. She was given to a man who she has only known, in pictures, as her father. She's been forced to trust a lot of people she considers complete strangers. My problems pale, severely, to all that.

It's indescribable how my life has changed. I realized I will need to go apartment shopping when I get back home. And kids are so, so very expensive. I've spent so much money in Israel. Tali asks for something and I can't tell her no. Is it just because she's a girl? Would a boy do the same to me? I don't think so. I think girls just have a special…connection with their fathers. Maybe that is something I need to talk to Gibbs about. If it's not too painful for him to talk about, that is.

I love how much Sr. is enjoying his granddaughter. He didn't come with us to Israel. But he will probably join us in Paris. It's been great having him around to help me with Tali. And I hope she will be able to get to know her Aunt Abby when we return to the States. I hope you already consider yourself an aunt. Because you are as far as I am concerned. Please think about it. I'll email you pictures as I can. Tali shies away from the camera. I can only get pictures if she's asleep, or if she's playing and doesn't know I'm taking them. I'm not sure why that is. But she's had so much trauma in her young life, thus far, I may never find out.

She's sleeping now. I've found that if she climbs into my lap, she falls asleep much faster. I guess that that was Ziva's method of getting her to take a nap.

Love You,

Your big brother, Tony

TBC

END NOTES: There will be more letters to the rest of the team. And probably to a few people who may surprise you. Thanks, in advance, for reading, reviewing, and alerting. Also, if you see any mistakes, please PM me. Hope you enjoyed. JL