A Harsh Reality

Hopefully this lives up to what May of Rose was expecting. It was a lot more difficult to write than I thought it would be.

L wasn't sure where Watari had gone, but the kitchens were bare of cake and the candy dishes were empty. Sure he was the world's three greatest detectives, sure he was in the middle of what could quite possibly be the worst murder case in all of history. Sure he only had one suspect and sure he was the only one currently watching said suspect but this simply wouldn't do. Not having sweets annihilated his deductive capabilities.

"Watari." He called after the soft tone of the intercom button had subsided. No answer. "Watari, if you're there please answer me." Silence.

L had not the slightest clue where his guardian and loyal butler could possibly have gone but hardly had the space or time to dwell on the matter. The prospect of an impending sweetless doom was too distracting, too terrifying, to allow him to focus on anything else. A clock ticking down towards the end of his world as he knew it. He could not be allowed to go into sugar withdrawal.

He truly hated having to undertake such ridiculous measures personally, but in this regard things simply couldn't be helped. L checked the security monitors a final time to ensure that his suspect was quietly behaving himself then reluctantly forced his feet into a pair of beaten sneakers (no socks) and left the main building behind. Luckily for him a small confectionary with a massive selection was only a block away. After selecting a little bit of everything, the sugar addict paid with a black platinum card and left the shop.

That was when things got weird.

Standing not two yards away on the sidewalk staring at him was an imposter! A young man standing in a poor imitation of a hunch, hair concealed by a wig and wearing a thick smear of makeup on his face. He was dressed in the same white shirt loose pants and sneakers(with no socks) that L himself was and was smiling at him with a disturbing amount of glee as a fake handcuff dangled from one of his wrists.

"B-Beyond!" No. This wasn't possible. It couldn't be! Beyond was dead. Kira had killed him.

"No, dude. I'm L."

What? The detective cocked his head to the side. "No." He said slowly. Almost cautiously, and yet with all the same force behind it that there had been when he'd first confronted Light. "I am L."

Much to his deepening concern and confusion the smile grew wider and the imposter raised his hands in defeat. "Alright, it looks like I still have a lot of work to do before I'm 'in character'. You win. Though I've got to say that the bags of candy are an amazing touch; not a lot of people would think of that."

In character?

"Are you headed to the con as well?"

Con? "I'm afraid that I don't know what you're attempting to accomplish. How do you even know what I look like, my own successors haven't seen my face?" His bulging eyes narrowed shrewdly. "The last person to attempt this was an insane murderer. I'm afraid that I am going to have to call in the task force to have you detained until your motivation can be-."

"Oh, crap! Tif-I mean, Light-kun! Come back here!" The imposter suddenly scuttled excitedly away towards another fake, this time of Light. The imposter Kira was in a replica of the teen's high school uniform and had a russet colored wig bobby pinned to the top of their head in a lopsided position. Something about him looked…off. It only took him a few more seconds to pinpoint exactly why that was. The imposter Light was female! The fake L had scurried up to him(her) and attached the other end of the plastic cuffs to their wrist, much to false Light's vocalized annoyance.

L ran.

What was going on? Was it a nightmare? A hallucination? Was he dead? Was this hell?

He barreled through the doors of the main building, dropping his sweets just inside of the door and rushing up the nearest set of stairs. The knob gave way with the report of gun fire and Light startled with a yell, the book that he'd been reading flying out of his hands.

"Ryuuzaki!"

"So you didn't undergo a gender switch and run away with an imposter in order to escape my custody?"

The teenaged genius stared at him for a solid thirty seconds unable to believe his ears before finally spluttering "excuse me?" in a tone that made it clear he thought L had lost his mind.

Still panicked and confused, the great detective divulged what he'd been through during his sweet's motivated odyssey.

"They're cosplayers, not imposters or identity thieves. And I highly doubt that they're either homicidal or possessed of the Shinigami eyes." Light retrieved his dropped book and quickly thumbed through it in pursuit of the page he'd been on.

"Cosplayers?" L repeated, his head swiveling so far to one side that the resulting display was wholly unnatural.

"Yes. Cosplayers." He said. "A person who engages in cosplay. The practice of dressing up as a favorite character from a movie show or videogame. It happens mostly with anime and manga but can happen with westernized things as well. Basically, it's becoming your favorite fictional character for a day."

"Light-kun, we are not fictional."

"Yes." Light settled himself comfortably back on the couch he'd been lounging on before L had barged in. "We are."

"No we aren't. We can't be! That wouldn't make any statistical sense!"

"We are. And we all know it, even Matsuda. We've been through this before, Ryuuzaki, more times that can be counted on fingers and toes between us but you keep…blocking it out for some reason. You're in denial."

"How can you possibly be so calm about this, Light-kun?"

"I've come to terms with it. We were published in 2005."

"I can't believe this!"

"You can't believe this?" Light chuckled and calmly turned the page. "I'm a narcissist with a god-complex. How do you think I felt when I first found out?"

"Yes, I suppose that would be more difficult for you." The detective pressed his thumb to his lip and stared at his suspect for a while. "Light-kun is aware that he just confessed to being Kira, isn't he?"

"Everyone already knows, by now, that I'm Kira. We've only been through the whole debacle a couple thousand times."

"A couple thousand times?"

"At least." Light drawled, peering at him from over the top of the novel. "Between the manga, the anime, the spin off novels, the live action TV show, the two Japanese live action movies and the American version of the live action movies that they're rumored to be shooting at some point this year. And then there's the fanfiction." He shuddered. "Don't tell me I'm really that forgettable, L."

"What are you talking about?"

Light held a hand to his heart and gasped, a falsetto look of hurt and shock painting itself across his handsome features. "You popped my cherry, you thoughtless bastard. I'm hurt."

"…" This was almost as bad as running into the two 'cosplayers' out on the street. "…I'm going to go and find Watari. Enjoy your book, Light-kun."

"I'll do that." The young man grumbled. The detective had almost made it out the door when the young man called him back. "Oh, and Ryuuzaki."

"Yes, Light-kun?" he turned somewhat reluctantly to see Light staring at him over the top of the book again.

"If you ever chain me to the bed and cover me from head to toe in whipped cream again, I'll feed you to a pack of rabid fangirls."

He didn't sound like he was joking.