Title: I Hope You Have Unlimited Text Messaging.

Summary: For the first time in their entire acquaintance, Tony and Steve start having really honest conversations with each other via text message, of course.

Or Tony and Steve try to repair their relationship before the next apocalypse. This may take a while. Actually, battling blue and/or purple aliens would be preferable to working through their feelings.

Rating: T for Tony's dirty mouth, but could go higher again for language. Okay, if this was a movie it would be rated R for the use of the F word alone.

Beta: by the fabulous GraysonSteele

Spoilers/Continuity: Everything from the entire MCU up to Captain America: Civil War including background from Agents of SHIELD and other parts of the TV universe as needed. How can you ignore lots of people with superpowers awakening all over the place? You don't need to be familiar with it; you can just be as confused as Steve. Actually, it may be more fun that way.

For timeline purposes, the rescue from the Raft and the explosive climax of the Agents of SHIELD season 3 finale took place at the same time. This story picks up a week later.

I saw a few other stories with a similar premise, but I was actually planning to do this even before I saw Civil War. Although then I was planning to do a emails story similar to my stories Dear Spock and Dear James but Steve just had to give Tony that burn phone and here we are. Although unlike my Dear Spock universe stories this story is going to have ridiculously short chapters and be entirely text message conversations.

Relationships: It's really complicated Tony/Steve, that's trying to get uncomplicated with a side of Bucky issues of the platonic variety. Other relationships will pop up in the background as appropriate. There may be some Tony/other in this but it will be temporary.

Disclaimer: Everything is owned by Marvel/Disney I'm just playing around. Also, a drunk Tony paraphrases Justin Timberlake in this. I don't own that either.

Conversation 1: Don't Drink and Text

Red phone: I appreciate the gesture. It would be good to get a hold of you if aliens start invading again (which apparently they did while we were beating each other black and blue or maybe it was right before). Or if another "satellite" explodes over Europe.

Red phone: Although the exploding "satellite" did make it easier for you to invade a certain floating prison

Red phone: But did you really have to go with a flip phone? Flip phones make me cry.

Blue phone: Tony is that you? What about an alien invasion?

Blue phone: Are you really complaining about a flip phone?

Red phone: No, I just let Ross borrow this. That's sarcasm, not that I can do emoticons on this or gifs. I'm going to have to fix that soon.

Blue phone: This is supposed to be for emergencies such as the alien invasion that you just mentioned.

Red phone: I told you that happened while we were being fucking morons because you chose Bucky bear over me.

Red phone: Shit! I didn't mean to send that. I hate that there's no fucking recall on this. Maybe I should have Friday override this instead of using the phone.

Red phone: At least it has voice rec otherwise I would be furious.

Red phone: Okay, I figured out how to add voice rec. I hate sending text messages on flip phones. It's so hard.

Blue phone: Are you drunk?

Red phone: No

Red phone: A little.

Red phone: Maybe a lot.

Red phone: I tried Jack. I tried Jen but I couldn't get over the fact we're not friends.

Red phone: It also couldn't keep me from seeing my mom being choked to death by your BFF every time I close my damn eyes.

Red phone: It's why I'm text messaging you at 3 AM

Blue phone: Did you possibly imagine an alien invasion? I think something like that would've made the news.

Red phone: I dream about the ugly bastards from New York, not giant blue guys with clubs from the pictures that hydra_Bob_22 posted on his Instagram.

Red phone: The ATCU pulled it in an hour, but Friday found it.

Red phone: Who the hell is dumb enough to put Hydra in their screen name?

Red phone: Apparently a lot people if there are at least 22 of them.

Blue phone: There as bad as Shield

Red phone: Hydra_bob_22?

Blue phone: The ATCU. The guy in charge is slightly less incompetent than Ross.

Red phone: They are shield. Agent is in charge not the dick.

Blue phone: Did you take anything other than alcohol?

Red phone: I know better than to mix my drugs.

Red phone: I survived the 90s even though I don't remember most of it.

Red phone: Fuck! I never told you that Agent Agent is not dead and is now Director Agent.

Red phone: I'm sorry. I guess it must suck when you find out your friend kept something really important from you, even if they're doing it for the greater good.

Red phone: In my case, it really was for the greater good, because too many people want Agent Agent dead, again. I bet he is on Ross's shit list too.

Red phone: But we were never really friends were we? On your side anyway.

Red phone: Everybody hates me unless they want something, usually $€.

Blue phone: We were friends and it wasn't for the free housing.

Blue phone: We are still friends. It's just that I've known Bucky longer and he was under mind control.

Blue phone: If it was Colonel Rhodes, what would you have done?

Blue phone: Peggy just died and maybe I wasn't thinking as clearly as I should've been.

Blue phone: I understand why you were mad. I should've told you.

Blue phone: Maybe I was selfish for not telling you. I realize that now and I'm sorry.

Blue phone: Look, I know you're mad at me, but could you please reply back so I know you are not lying unconscious in a ditch somewhere.

Red phone: This is Vision using Mr. Stark's phone. He is currently unconscious on the couch. Most likely due to having a BAL .20.

Red phone: I am relocating him to his room. I'm sure he will be fine in the morning.

Blue phone: You will keep an eye on him?

Red phone: Of course, Captain.

Blue phone: It's just Steve now.

Red phone: Of course, Steve.

Red phone: Could you please send Wanda my regards. I hope she is well wherever you are.

Blue phone: We are all safe. I'll tell her that you asked about her.

Xxxxxxxxx

Let me know what you think and if you want more. You may inspire me to start writing more immediately

Acronym guide: ATCU stands for Advanced Threat Containment Unit and is sort of SHIELD's public replacement that is secretly run by the Director of the rebuild organization. Or it was at least at the start of the story. That will change. Poor Tony.