Hi. My name is ATK HickeyGuyAh. I am a new author and definitely not a washed up author with a bunch of unfinished fics collecting dust in the back pages of the Oregairu section.

Alright. So here's the deal. I don't have a computer. I have a bunch of other excuses, like I'm moving out on Saturday or my job has started giving me absurd hours, but the main thing is that I just don't have a home PC or laptop to write fics on. Real damper for motivation, you knooooooow.

Anyway, this idea came to me after reading one too many harem fics of late. I know it's not the most wholesome of genres, but don't act like you don't love it.

Also, this is my first shot at a third person narrative. Hachiman POV simply wouldn't work for the idea I had.

"Haa. Thanks again, you guys." Kawasaki saki sighed in relief.

"No problem, Saki-chan. That's what we're here for, right Yukinon?" Yuigahama Yui casually shrugged off the gratitude, and simultaneously attempts to start a conversation.

However, despite her best intentions, her poor choice of words inevitably incited a sour response from a sour person nearby.

"Absolutely not." Hikigaya Hachiman chided. "We are the Service Club, Yuigahama, not the 'Goons For Hire Club'. Appreciate the difference."

"What difference? We're supposed to help people either way, aren't we?" Yui whined in disagreement.

Hachiman groaned. "The purpose of the club is not to solve people's problems for them, but rather give them the necessary tools to solve the problem themselves."

"I agree." Yukinoshita Yukino added. "Though I don't support that disgusting person in anything, he does seem to grasp the fundamental principles of his duties in our club. Which is a shame, because otherwise I would have had grounds to get rid of him."

Of the four present, Yukino appeared to have exerted the most effort in the recently completed task of setting up the stage for a school performance of some sort. At some point, she had started to break a sweat, and even now appeared to be somewhat out of breath. Despite her inherently poor stamina, she seemed determined to contribute just as much, if not more effort than her fellow clubmates and their client.

Hachiman's cheeks tensed. "Pah. You don't mean that. Without my helping hand, you'd never get anything done."

"On the contrary, Hikigaya-kun. The less your filthy hands are involved, the less headaches for everyone else."

"Impossible. The entire basis of the club is a headache in itself."

"So umm..." Yui interrupted their bickering. "Well, like, if we're just supposed to give her the tools for the job, then like... Aren't we the tools in this contest?" She proposed airily.

"Context. And yes, Yuigahama, you are a tool." Hachiman remarked flatly.

"So I'm right then?" She asked hopefully.

Rather than allow her to know she had just been directly insulted, Hachiman opted to turn his face away from her view and grin. It's funnier this way, he concluded.

"So anyway," Saki rejoined the conversation with a proposition. "I want to treat you guys to lunch, as thanks."

Being the solitary aristocrat she is, Yukino offered an almost automatic response. "Oh, that's quite alr-"

"We'll take it." Hachiman cut her off before she could properly decline.

There was a brief moment of silence. Yukino threw an accusatory stare at Hachiman, who returned a stare looking unphased, almost bored.

"...What? Free food is free food. As a matter of fact, it's not even free, we paid in advance with our labor." Hachiman defended his ideals.

Yukino sighed in mock disappointment. "To expect reimbursement for every request, have you no integrity, Hikiscumbag-kun?"

Hachiman furrowed his brow. "I didn't expect it, but it was offered freely and I'm taking it. Besides, I had to leave my house on a Saturday for this so you're damn right I want something out of it."

"...Wow." Saki muttered.

"Geez Hikki." Yui groaned and scrunched her upper lip.

Yukino wordlessly rolled her eyes.

"What?" Hachiman defended. "You of all people should know me by now, Yuigahama."

Yui snarled lazily. "Yeah, but..." She sighed. "Nevermind."

"Anyway," Hachiman deflected, "Yukinoshita, you can stay here and have lots of, integrity" He made air quotes as he said the word, "all sweaty by yourself in this big empty gym on a Saturday if you want. Me and Saki-chan are going to lunch." He emphasized the pet nickname Yui used, as if for effect. This was in fact a ruse to cover the fact that he had yet again, forgotten her name.

Though, perhaps it was somewhat inappropriate for him to be using such cutesy names. In the next moment, deafening silence filled the air. Saki's face began to ripen, and she had not the words to respond. Hachiman himself quickly realized he had maybe overstepped his bounds.

"... erm, Yuigahama, you coming?"

"Um, yeah." Yui's response was somewhat quiet. She then glanced over at her friend to gauge her reaction.

Seeing this, Hachiman offered Yukino a second chance. "So, what'll it be, Yukinoshita?"

"Ugh. Your antics are truly sickening sometimes. I was merely being polite earlier, but since humility appears to be vacant from your rotten brain, among other things, it would be a waste not to accept the offer now."

"Is that still alright, Kawasaki-san?" Yukino asked politely. Hachiman made a note to remember her name this time.

"Y-yeah, sure." Saki, either charmed by Yukino's graceful elegance or still flustered from earlier, seemed to be struggling to find her words.

As they began to walk off, Yukino spoke up once again. "Erm, would it be okay if I went home and showered first?"

Nearly two hours later and well into the day, the foursome had finally arrived at a place to eat in town. Though it wasn't the most extravagant or romantic restaurant in Chiba, it was a local favorite with affordable prices.

It was Saizeriya.

Hachiman couldn't help but raise his opinion of Kawasaki Saki.

"Sorry I couldn't do anything fancy. I'm kind of saving money at the moment." Saki announced apologetically.

Of course, the members of the service club already knew that (though Hachiman would have forgotten if not reminded just now) since they had dealt with this particular issue earlier in the year. Saki, being the family oriented no-lifer she is, had taken on a night shift at Angel Ladder to pay tuition for her younger brother. Even though they had eventually bogged her down and made her talk things out with her brother, it seems she's still adamant on at least partially paying that tuition. Or maybe she since changed her mind and just wants a new car. Who knows.

Yukino brushed off the notion. "It's quite alright, Kawasaki-san. The gesture is greatly appreciated nevertheless."

"Yeah," Yui chimed in, "it's the thought that counts, right?"

"If you say so..." Saki agreed shyly.

"What's important is th-" Hachiman appeared distracted momentarily. "-that you thought to do this even though you're on a budget."

Yui, curious as to the abnormal pause in his sentence, followed his eyes in an attempt to find what he was looking at. Turning around, she spotted Isshiki Iroha laughing airily with a group of people whom she did not recognize.

"Is that Iroha-chan?" She asked nobody in particular.

"Probably not." Hachiman said dismissively.

Yui turned around and glared at him. "It totally is! Look!"

At this, Yukino and Saki also turned to see, though Saki barely had any idea as to whom they were referring to.

"Indeed, that appears to be Isshiki-san over there." Yukino mumbled absentmindedly.

"We should say hi!" Yui declared.

"Let's not." Hachiman immediately refused.

"Huh? Why not?"

Hachiman resisted the urge to sigh. "Just because you know someone in school, doesn't mean they will greet you in public. This is especially true when they are with company, where they have a shallow, meaningless reputation to preserve. You have to consider the possibility that they wouldn't want to be known association with you."

Yui, struggling to process the meaning behind his words, simply muttered a "Huh? Why would Iroha-chan not want to be seen with me?"

Yukino was already shaking her head.

Hachiman rested his chin on his palm and turned to stare off in the distance. "I wasn't necessarily referring to you."

Oh. Oh.

Yui wanted to hug him. He really doesn't need to be so insecure anymore. He has friends now, even if he refuses to admit it sometimes.

Instead of being affectionate, however, Yui instead decided to simply prove him wrong outright.

"Heey! Iroha-chaa~n!" Yui boomed obnoxiously whilst waving her arm high in the air, shattering the peaceful atmosphere of the restaurant. It got the attention of Iroha. And all of her friends. And most of the irrelevant patrons trying to mind their own business.

Hachiman cringed.

"Yuigahama, not so loud!" Hachiman attempted to scold her with a stern whisper, as if his reduced volume would somehow offset her own.

"Oh, sorry." She apologized offhandedly.

"Yui-cha~n!? Is that yoou!?" Iroha shouted with the same inappropriate volume.

And as if she weren't just told to pipe down, she raises her voice again. "Yahallo~! Come chat with us!"

By now, the waiters and waitresses were glaring.

Hachiman wanted to throw something soft at Yui's head.

Iroha turned and said something to her companions. Then, she turned back around and yelled out once again. "I'm coming ove~r!"

Iroha got out of her seat and pranced over towards the group. Hachiman briefly considered putting his head down and pretending not to exist, but scrapped the idea due to a low estimated success rate. When Iroha arrived, she finally found the sense to use an inside voice.

"Hey guys, what'cha doin'?"

"Good afternoon, Isshiki-san." Yukino greeted politely, and Hachiman couldn't help but appreciate the quiet tone of voice after the obnoxious display earlier.

"Ah, Yukino-senpai! Yahallo!" Iroha then noticed Saki sitting quietly, probably waiting to be noticed. "Um... What was your name again?"

"Kawasaki Saki. And you're Isshiki, right?" She greeted somewhat monotonously. Although she probably came off as rude or standoffish, in truth she was just a little nervous, not being good at dealing with socialites.

"So Saki-senpai, right? Call me Iroha-chan!" Iroha beamed happily.

Saki did not respond.

"Eh? Senpai? Is that you?" Iroha stared curiously at Hachiman.

Hachiman groaned. He knew she would be like this. "Yo." He greeted flatly.

"Like... what are you doing outside on a Saturday?" she joked. The girls all laughed together, even Saki chuckled shyly.

"We had to bribe him!" Yui followed up, continuing the laughter.

"We had to bribe him." Hachiman mocked immaturely, bobbing his head sideways with an exaggerated frown on his face. Although he was trying to declare how unamused he was, it unfortunately had the opposite effect, and his reaction merely incited more laughter.

"Haha! What the heck was that!" Yui exclaimed between her girlish giggles.

Well, even he thought it was a little bit funny. A little.

Before long, though, the laughter died down and Yui, being the socialite she is, pushed the conversation along before it could get awkward.

"So what about you Iroha-chan? What were you doing here?"

Iroha took a seat as she spoke. "Me? Oh, I was just playing in town with some friends. We were talking about how lame it would be to go to Saize, and for some reason we ended up going!" Iroha laughed at her own punchline.

Hachiman could swear he saw some of her cuteness physically leave her body as she said that.

Yui laughed along with Iroha, just so it wouldn't be too awkward.

As Yui and Iroha dictated the main flow of the conversation (Yukino occasionally contributing), Hachiman suggested to Saki that they should order soon. A waiter came along and they took their orders. Yukino ended up paying for her own meal after deciding she wanted to try one of the more exotic dishes on the menu. Saki did not object.

As the waiter left, Yui changed the topic again for what must have been the hundredth time in the two minutes since Iroha arrived. "So, Iroha-chan, how do you know those guys?"

"Oh, they're friends from middle school. I think they invited me along because that guy" She pointed to a lanky one next to her vacant seat, "has a thing for me. Too bad nothing's gonna happen."

"So you're just stringing him along?" Hachiman cut into the conversation.

"Well jeez, Senpai. You don't have to look at it like that. Think of it this way; I'm giving him a chance to spend time with me, while subtly giving hints that I'm not interested. And maybe getting some free food along the way!"

Well, damn. Can't argue with free food. But still...

Bah. Hachiman had some fairly strong personal opinions about the subject, but ultimately decided against saying anything, lest the atmosphere become suffocatingly stiff.

"Besides, Senpai. That girl with the long red hair, she likes that guy who likes me. Eventually they'd figure something out, right?"

"I suppose. He looks like the shallow type of guy who'd settle for any girl who would have him."

Yukino, unable to resist, simply had to make a quip. "Don't try to act superior, Hikigaya-kun. For someone as desperate and lonely as you, I bet any girl willing to take you could have you. Not that any such woman exists."

"Yukinon!" Yui whined childishly in Hachiman's defense.

Instead of kicking off another round of back-and-forth banter, Hachiman went quiet, and appeared to be deep in thought.

"...Well, you're probably right."

The table became dead silent.

"... What do you mean, Hikki?"

"Ah, not about the desperate part. But realistically, I'd probably say yes to any girl who asked me out."

Saki's eyes lit up like a pair of generator bulbs.

"Really, Hikigaya-kun. After all that talk of being a proud loner, or not conforming to society..."

"Society has nothing to do with it. I just want to know what it's like. And I can't be a loner and get married at the same time now, can I?"

Saki went into overdrive. "M-m-m-marriage!?"

"Ah, nevermind that. It's just a running joke that I intend to marry into wealth so I don't have to work."

"Anyway, Senpai. What were you saying about a girlfriend just a minute ago?"

"Basically just that. Realistically, I doubt any girl would ask me out. And if they did, they'd probably be a closet weirdo. Or an open weirdo. But still, a weirdo who wants to be my girlfriend is a weirdo I can get familiar with. Probably." Hachiman mumbled the last part, realizing he wasn't entirely sure about what he was saying.

The food arrived, and the plates were served on the table in front.

Saki, Iroha, Yui and Yukino were still silent. Hachiman offered a quick "Itadakimasu" and put his head down to eat.

Opportunity had knocked. And although everything was calm on the surface, four people began scrambling to answer first.

So yeah. This is kind of like Obsession in that you can take it as sort of a oneshot slash prompt, and there is the possibility of an update at any random time in the future.

P.S: I tried four times to write Intertwined chapter 19. Three times on my PS4, and once on a friend's tablet. All four times, the browser crashed and I lost all my progress. It really killed my mojo and I'm trying to pool up the motivation to try a fifth time to write the same damn chapter again for the fifth time

P.P.S: I am very rusty. My life has gotten a lot busier lately and at one point I almost forgot I was a writer. Sorry. I love you.