14. Spirited Away

It has been six years since I was last in the Spirit World, and still I have heard nothing from Haku. He told me not to look back till I crossed the border separating our lands, and I hadn't. I listened to him, even though I wanted to look back and see his face one more time. I was young last time I went there, and it had taught me a lot. Yet there was so much that I still needed to learn. Like how deep my feelings were for Haku now. I had grown up a bit, lived a little more and I had graduated school early for some reason. The information just came to me. I had graduated at the tender age of 16, which wasn't unheard of, just unusual, especially for a child like me who had shown no promise when she was younger, and then out of nowhere ends up being super smart. It would be an understatement to say that my parents were excited about that happening. They were ecstatic, no one in my family history had ever done that, and somehow I think it had something to do with me spending that time in the Spirit World. It feels like all of that was a dream, and some days I believe that it was. Only to then look around and spot the hair-tie in my hair that Granny Zeneba, No-Face and Boh made for me. Not once since I left have I come to any harm, and with my hair-tie, life has been exceptionally kind to me. I can only imagine that the spirits are looking out for me.

I just want to get back to Haku. No one has ever made me feel the way he did. All of these years boys have come up to me asking if I wanted to hook up with them, and I turned every single one of them down because I felt nothing, and I couldn't lead them on like that. In any case they never intrigued me the way Haku's sea foam eyes and dark black hair continue to haunt me in my dreams. All I want is to feel those arms wrap around my waist and pull me close; to feel his breath against my neck, and his lips on my skin; things that I didn't know when I was younger, when I had the chance. I shiver as the thoughts play across my mind, my want for him growing with each flashing image. How I love him. At least I think I do, I need to see him again to make sure I love him, and not just a perfect image of him.

It is dark outside now. The wind howls against the house I am sitting in, making it moan as if in pain. Well tonight is as good a night as any to check the gate to the spirit world. For six years I had made the trek to the gate house to see if the Spirit World had opened up to let me in again. And for six years it remained dormant. Tonight feels like I might just get lucky. I walk out into the wind that whips around me viciously and smile. Ever since I had come back from the bath house, the more challenging something was, the more determined I was to tackle it, and getting to the gatehouse in this weather is certainly going to be a challenge.

I walk as quickly as I can while moving against the wind, it seems as if the wind is coming right out of the gate house, as if this is the trial I need to overcome to get back to Haku. A trial I am willing to get around if it means seeing the one who stole my heart six years ago. The trip which would normally take me fifteen minutes takes me an hour, and to make it better it starts to rain as I am walking. When I reach the little stone guardian in front of the house the wind mysteriously stops. I walk into the abandoned building to get out of the rain. My mother is going to kill me when she sees the state that my sneakers are in. If I'm lucky I won't be going back soon. It hurts to know that I could possibly leave them behind. To know that I will be forced to choose. And I know every time, without fail, I would choose Haku. My only hope is that they will forget about me, like they forgot about the time spent in the Spirit World. I walk through the building slowly, looking around at the broken glass in the windows and the peeling paint and as though something magical happens lights start to glow. The spirits are appearing! Does that mean I have made it? I see a black lake through an archway, and a boat is docked, waiting for more passengers. I hear the boat horn go off, and I scurry my way onto it. I make it with a small jump off of the dock onto the moving boat. I walk around the boat without anyone noticing me.

From my experience I can only assume the reason they don't notice me is because no one notices a human until they cross over to the bath house. I watch as the spirits which had lived in my memory for so many years bustle about looking for families and arguing and all I can do is stand and smile at the hustle and bustle surrounding me, the invisible spectator. I walk to the bow of the ship and watch it glide across the still water, like a swan, moving ever closer to the place I have dreamed of for years. I look upon the bright light of the Spirit World with new eyes, eyes that have seen so much more than when they were those of an eleven year old. In the distance I see the Bath House lit up and ready to admit paying customers.

My heart jumps with the knowledge that the Bath House is still the same. Which leads me to notice that for all intents and purposes the Spirit World looks almost as it did when I was younger. I now know that I wasn't dreaming. Unless of course what I am living right now is only a dream, a mere fantasy in my head. Oh please let it be real!

The ship comes to a stop as it hit the banks of the river and the wall I had just been leaning on falls forward and I stumble forward along with it. My feet touch the ground of the Spirit World and I grin. A feeling of joy that I haven't felt since I was last riding Haku bubbles up in me and I laugh. Truly and sincerely laugh for the first time in years. Then I run, I run as fast as I can through the familiar terrain all the way up to the bridge leading to the Bath House. I put one foot on the bridge and feel a chill run up my spine. And I look at my hands, hands which are fading slightly. Now I'm desperate. I don't recognize anyone standing at the entrance to the Bath House. I walk a little closer and then yell as loud as I can knowing everyone can tell there is a human in their midst.

"KOHAKU!" my voice cracks on the familiar name and the bath workers all look out their windows.

"KOHAKU!" I yell once more and I see his form moving briskly towards me, his hands moving people carefully out of his way as he makes his way towards me.

"What is that horrible racket?" I hear Yubaba asks annoyed, "It will lose us customers, Haku take care of it."

Haku looks at the crowd and tries to spot me, I try to call out once again or move to draw his attention but I am frozen in my spot. Haku catches me in his sights and I see his eyes widen and his face brighten. He still wants to see me. I watch as he moves over to me quickly and he undoes whatever spell was put on me this time. Haku's arms wrap around me in a hug and I melt into his embrace. Finally I feel like this is where I belong. Right here in his arms. Home at last.

"What are you doing here Chihiro?" Haku murmurs to me softly and cautiously holds something out for me to eat. I take it and nibble on it as I watch myself become solid once more.

"I had to come back Haku." I tell him and he looks at me with that blank, cold stare, "I had to see you. To know that you are real." I say a bit quieter, yet Haku hears all of it and his face softens only a slight bit. You would have to know what to look for. And I, fortunately, do.

"I never thought I would see you again. I imagined you had moved on Chihiro to some human boy who made you happy." Haku says sharply, as though the mere thought hurts him, as he leads me into the Bath House.

"I could never Haku, not when I…" he puts his finger to his lips and I stop talking immediately and bow my head. Haku ushers me in ever so quickly and drags me around the bath house until we step into an alcove that is mostly secluded.

"I'm sorry Chihiro, they needed to think that I had silenced you and brought you in to see Yubaba." Haku explains, "What were you going to say?" he asks me genuinely interested, his face softening more now that we are alone.

"I couldn't move on Haku. Not when I had unknowingly given my heart to a daring river spirit." At this he looks surprised, "At the age of eleven, no less, after he helped me find my parents, and get me a job, and kept me safe during my time here." I look right into his eyes as I speak this, knowing mine are showing more emotion than they have since I left. "No one could measure up to you Haku, and I never wanted them to. They weren't even allowed to try." I say meaningfully, and look up into his eyes.

Haku's eyes grow bright with happiness and something else that I've been longing to see. And I know that he wants to say something but is holding back from saying it for now. But I don't want to wait for him to say it. I want him to tell me what is on his mind right now. I have waited six years to tell him this and to know how he felt. I have been ever so patient.

"Say something…" I say firmly and stare him straight in the eyes. I've just bared my soul to him and he has nothing to say. Typical man.

"Chihiro, I don't know what to say," Haku starts and I watch as he calmly processes his words before he says them, "I have been hoping that you felt that way for all these years. You have grown into such a beautiful woman, and I never thought you would reciprocate my feelings. I knew when you were first here how I felt about you, but I knew you were too young to understand the feelings that broke Zeniba's seal." He continues.

I look into his eyes as he speaks and he seems to be in so much pain. Is it from the thought of non-reciprocated love? Had he resigned himself to truly never seeing me again? Is that what is causing it? Oh Kami, does he have a wife? At that thought I feel tears start to form in my eyes. And promptly my logical mind kicks my emotional ass and points out very shrewdly that if he did he probably wouldn't still be here. At the very least he wouldn't be having anything to do with me or looking at me with those intense eyes of his.

Now that I have removed that thought from my brain… I still don't know why he is in pain, but I know that I want to fix it. He should never be in pain again. Not so long as I am around. I watch his mouth move more and a nasty little thought pops into my head. I wonder if his lips taste as delicious as they look. As the thought crosses my mind I find that my face moves up closer to his and I kiss him. You know, its funny how quickly people stop talking when you do that. The moment my lips touch his he stops talking and I feel like a wave has just crashed into my senses. My chest lights on fire, my stomach feels like lead has been poured into it, my body becomes numb and yet wherever Haku touches me, the feeling is multiplied a hundred-fold. I am acutely aware of Haku's hands, one holding my cheek and the other secured firmly around my waist. Haku nips lightly at my bottom lip and I gasp at the new sensation. He uses that moment to prod his tongue into my mouth which gives me a whole other set of sensations to experience. I feel myself running out of air and I pull my mouth away from his sinfully delicious one. If he wasn't holding me, I know I would be on the ground. I look at him, really look at him. His beautiful sea-foam eyes are flecked with amber and blue. His hair which I once thought was completely black, is actually tinted lightly with bluer tones. That kiss has ignited a fire in me, which is only getting hotter the more I look at him. He is so close, and yet, it feels like we are so far. My only relief now, is where his hands are resting. His skin is so cool against mine.

Wait a second, from what I know he shouldn't be feeling this cool against me.

"Chihiro?" Haku says softly, concern lacing his tone. He must be picking up on something that I'm not. "Chihiro, are you okay? You are really, really warm all of a sudden. And it's warmer than what your temperature used to run when you were working consistently."

"Haku," I groan to him, a sudden pain overwhelming my senses, "I don't feel so good."

"It's okay Chihiro. We will get you..."

I never get to hear the rest of what he was saying, because my eyes seem to just close themselves.

My head is killing me when I wake up. Everything is so loud, and so bright, and I can do nothing but curl into a ball and cover my ears and bury my face into the surface beneath me which is extremely soft and smells of rain just like Haku. That's a nice thought, freshly fallen rain and thunder with a zing of lightning. Mmmm, Haku. All of my senses zone in on that one smell and I grab what I soon discover to be a blanket. Everything else smells weird. Especially me. I smell disgusting.

Wait a second. I smell disgusting?! It wasn't that long ago that I took a shower. Well at least it shouldn't have been. That would really depend though on how long I ended up passing out for. Wait I passed out. Poor Haku! I sit up quickly and look around me. I need a mirror. Something is different, I can tell something is different. I just need a bloody mirror so that I can tell what exactly it is. I get up and wander around the room. One which I have come to the conclusion is Haku's if the scent is anything to go by. The boy really doesn't have a single mirror in his whole bloody room. I mean he looks perfect all the time. How does he manage to do it without a mirror? The one thing I really wish I could have right now, and it isn't here. Almost as though on cue Haku walks into the room and I stare at him. If I thought he was gorgeous before he is drop dead sexy now. HOLY SHIT! He is the best looking guy I have EVER seen. And I mean that is saying somthing. There are some very good looking actors and singers that I have looked up for the sole purpose of enjoying the eye candy they provide. My jaw drops as he walks further in and I give him the once over. Haku chuckles and looks right back at me. I see him give me a once over himself.

"You like what you see Chihiro?" he asks me jokingly and all I can do is nod my approval at his appearance. "Then you should see yourself." I see a look of hunger, sexual desire, enter his eyes as he does another once over on me and creates a mirror on the wall made of water.

Hell, I give myself a once over. This can't be me. In no way can this be me. I was an average looking girl who had brown hair and brown eyes. I was nothing special. The beauty I am looking at has the most beautiful dark blue eyes ever and raven black hair with blue highlights through it when the light hits it the right way. I move my hands and pose in a couple of ridiculous ways to make sure my reflection is really my reflection, not just a tricksy spirit. I can't believe it, the person looking back at me is a true representation of me and do I look freaking gorgeous.

The only issue I'm having is that I am still in my clothes, which frankly smell disgusting. Something like what I would imagine sewers and too much electricity and pollution to smell like. Now I know why everyone wanted me to get away from them before. I smelled disgusting! I tear off my shirt and wiggle out of my jeans, momentarily forgetting that there is a very good looking man standing nearby and watching me do so. I look at him, and he returns the look with a smirk on his face, as I hold my hand out for new clothes.

"Haku," I request, "would you hand over the new clothes I know you must have waiting for me please?" I am standing in my underwear, and I plan to remove those after he gives me the other clothes. I really don't want to fight with him for them. Better to play nice right?

Haku sighs playfully, but gives me the new clothes. I never thought I would say this but, thankfully enough they are a set of the Bath House uniform. The pink stuff. Thank goodness I haven't become too large chested. I would hate to have to do laundry more than I have to. I dress in my apron made halter top and pink pants and sit back down on Haku's futon. Handing him the offensive articles of clothing, known as underwear, that I had taken off.

"I want answers Haku, what happened?" I change my tactic, and the mood unfortunately, and I watch his mouth open like he is about to respond to me and then a voice starts calling for him and calling him names. A voice that I recognize to be Lin's.

I go over to the door and open it giving Lin my meanest look.

"What are you doing here?" I ask venomously, pretending to be a jealous lover.

"I ain't doin' nufin I ain't supposed to be doin'." Lin says as she puts her hands on her hips, "My question is what the hell are you doin with another girl Kohaku! You told me you only had eyes for Sen!" Lin continues to rag on Haku like that for a few minutes as I struggle to keep up my façade. Then I just break down laughing and Lin gives me a look of confusion and Haku smiles wryly.

"Lin, it's me Sen. I promise. I just look different." I tell her and Lin looks at me suspiciously.

"Really Sen?" She looks me up and down.

"Every lunch you feed the soot balls rainbow sprinkles because they love them the best. And you helped me get to see Yubaba the first time by distracting a foreman, with a salted newt I might add, so I could hide behind the Radish spirit." I keep my eyes locked with hers and watch as her entire demeanor changes while I talk to her.

"Sen! Oh its so good to see you!" she says and hugs me, picking me up off the ground, and then sets me down, "Yubaba is going to want to see you." She tells me, a little nervous for my sake, and I smile. I don't care what she wants. Might as well. Good to keep on good terms with those in higher places.

"Haku," I turn to look at him, Lin get a little embarrassed when I grab his hand and say, "take me to see Yubaba please." Lin recovers enough to look between us and smile before she goes off back to whatever she was doing before coming to accost Haku.

Haku and I walk in silence to Yubaba's office and once we reach the doors I have no problem with knocking on them a few times more than necessary. The handle tells me how rude I am and then the doors fly open. We walk sedately through them and as we pass the doors close behind us. We reach Yubaba's office and I stand as I once did in front of the fireplace facing Yubaba. Yubaba lifts her head and looks at Haku and then me.

"Well Haku? Why did you bring this Spirit to me? She is powerful enough. Does she have a complaint about the bath house?" Yubaba asks in her sweetest tone which says she would rather not be dealing with this.

"Ma'am," I say to her, "I would like a job here please." I tell her.

"Well then, what is your name girl?" her tone changes completely.

"Sen, my name is Sen." I tell her and she goes to write it when it dawns on her just who I am.

"Chihiro, what are you doing here? Since when were you a spirit?" I look at her

"I came back across the border and I was turned into a spirit somehow. I'm not sure how, but it happened." I tell her deciding that honesty is the best policy in this case.

"Well, I can give you your job back. Unfortunately, I have to. Stupid oath." Yubaba mutters and sends the contract over to me, and I look at it.

"Do you want your job or not?" she spits.

"I want my job, but I don't want you to take my name. I don't want to be owned by you." I tell her and she grumbles and sends another paper over that I take. And look at. Haku looks at it as well, and tells me that it is the same as the revised one that he is under. I write my name on it, well the name that pops into my head anyways.

"You're hired, now get out of my hair." Yubaba waves us off and Haku looks over at me with a smile on his face.

We walk back to his room, not without our stops in a few hidden alcoves where he kisses me again and again… and again. This whole being a spirit thing could come in handy, but for now I won't think about how it happened. I want to live in this moment. Because this could all be an elaborate dream, and I don't want to wake up. Haku and I disappear into his room and it is that day, as a spirit, that I learn what making love is for the first time.

We lay on Haku's bed after a rather pleasant fall back to Earth, and I look to Haku.

"Happy Valentine's Day Haku." I say to him. And he looks at me and smiles. His time among humans as a spirit taught him that much.

"Happy Valentine's Day Chihiro. And what a pleasant one it is." He responds and pulls me close to him. I drag the covers with me as I snuggle into his protective embrace. And not long after my vision fades and I fall into a deep slumber, dearly hoping that this wasn't all a dream.