Hello, dear reader! Welcome to my story. I'll explain a couple of things under the chapter, but until then fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy ride. Curtain up!

Chapter 1: I Love LARPing!

"Well, if you absolutely want to crunch the numbers yourself, you are more than welcome to do so, but unless you have forgotten how to calculate, you will come to the same conclusion. My new software may not be your favorite but it will cut our costs in half. In half, Garry! Our clients will love you for it," I finished with an easy smirk. With the way his lips parted slightly to let his tongue smack against them, I knew I had him hooked. Appealing to his vanity was the one thing I knew would always work with my business partner.

I sighed inwardly. Garry had not always been like that. When we started our software company together, he had been just as idealistic as I still was. I let him handle most of the financial parts and I became more or less the head of R&D. Not that he wasn't a brilliant programmer, but after a while, our roles became more and more pronounced. We made millions with our VR swordfighting sim.

It was still less than a dollar net revenue per line of code (for now), but the praise for it in magazines all around the world went a little to his head.

I was still more than happy to oblige when he proposed to make the change in management permanent; I was never a businessman, and I was getting more leeway in terms of projects I wanted to pursue.

In this particular case, I had landed a deal (completely on my own for a change) for a group of LARP entrepreneurs who wanted a special version of our program for virtual competitions that involved a very generous pricing policy. What can I say, I loved LARPing; these prices weren't thought for just anyone. Needless to say, Garry wasn't too happy about it. Now, even less so, despite the fact that I made the company a lot of money today.

"I guess you're right," he sighed and closed the folder in front of him, "but I want all the technical details by Monday and a similar solution for our other products by the end of next week, are we clear?"

I nodded with a wide grin. "Crystal clear, Garry." I shook his hand and left the meeting room. Getting him to agree with my plans called for a celebration, so instead of making my way to my office, I took the scenic route and stopped by my personal simulation room. I texted him, asking if he wanted to join me, to blow off some steam. It didn't take long for him to reply and decline. I shrugged; his loss. This would be a lot of fun, with or without him.

Grabbing a wooden staff and a mask of the rack, I booted up the sim and readied myself for the ninjas that would attack me in a matter of seconds. In the blink of an eye, the barren walls made way for a forest, mist hanging low in the few rays of the morning sun that made their way through the thick foliage.

The whirring of fast moving wood was the only warning I got. I rolled to the side,and where I had stood just a moment ago, a bamboo staff impacted the ground. With a quick glance around I counted four hooded figures starting to circle me.

Not the easiest way to celebrate a successful day at the office, but it sure gets your blood pumping, and besides, this was part of the successful deal, so it was most fitting to celebrate here.

Were I to make the first move, I would pay dearly; having learned from painful experience, I gave up my usual aggressive stance for a way more defensive one. This wasn't my first time in this particular sim, and I didn't need celebratory bruises. I didn't swing that way.

No matter where I was going, they were now fully circling me. The first one tried to strike at me from behind, at my seemingly weaker left side. What they didn't know, because they didn't adapt to previous matches like the higher levels of our AI, was that I had offered this opening to them. Best thing about being ambidextrous, with a dominant left hand.

Grabbing the staff with both hands, I twirled around and struck down at the ninja, deflecting his blow and hitting the hand that wielded the staff in the process. The weapon clattered to the ground, but I had no time to revel in that. I pulled the swing through and came back around, just in time to catch the next wooden stick headed for me and barely deflect that one, too. I barrelled into him with my shoulder first, knocking the wind out of him and ramming him into the ground, with the pleasing side effect that I put distance between me and the other blunt objects heading my way.

Looming over him, I drove my elbow into his face, and the resounding crunch I was rewarded with meant one was already down and one (temporarily) disarmed after less than ten seconds. Probably a new record.

I didn't hear anything, but I knew they wouldn't give me time to finish him like you might be used to in video games. In real life, they had no qualms striking you down while you beat one of their own into a pulp.

I rolled away and avoided another bamboo staff that would have gave me some serious back pain if it had connected. Instead, it caught the downed assailant in the groin. Ouch. Thank the Maker it's only a simulation. I raised the staff to retaliate, but I didn't get to that.

That instant, I was flung away. That… was definitely not part of the simulation I had planned. Cursing, I motioned the simulation to stop. If there was a fatal flaw in my new design, I had to find it, as quickly as possible. Such a mistake could mean my end as a reputable programmer.

Imagine my surprise when instead of the barren room I expected, I found a young woman, with ash blonde hair and clad in very well made medieval clothes. She had a wild look on her face and a rather large sword in hand at the ready, although I didn't think she was keen on hurting me.

"Stay back, you madman! Another step and you'll get a taste of my blade!" she shouted, from what I could tell about as confused as I was and threatening me more instinctually than anything else.

"Woah there, lady. Calm down," I told her and raised my hands in surrender, letting my staff hit the ground. Who was that girl? "People usually call me genius, but... If you want to call me madman, go ahead... Is that a real sword?" Arms still raised, only a finger motioned to the pointy metallic stick.

"Where I come from, people fighting with imaginary enemies are either madmen gone down the deep end, or witchers in training, and you lack the cat eyes to be the latter," the woman scoffed. "And yes, this is a real sword," she added with a warning smirk.

"Not that I'm keen on pissing you off," what with the sword and all, "but I really have to ask: how the heck did you get in here? This is a secured area, not even most employees are supposed to get past the guards."

The woman let out a breathy laugh. "Don't take it out on your guards, I don't think I have exactly taken the front entrance. Where am I?"

I stared at her for a few long moments, not knowing whether to break into tears or start laughing maniacally. "Well that's just great," I sighed and rubbed my face. "You get past the most advanced security system in the state and you pretend that you don't even know where you broke in. Schwalben Programming Inc.; ring any bells?"

The blank stare I got in return was answer enough. "Okay, different question. Why did you get here?"

"I'm on the run." she said, and stared me down with a defiant look on her face.

"Look, if you don't take anything and, more importantly, don't hurt me, we can all forget about this. You were never here. Sound good?"

"I'm not here to rob you," the woman said and rolled her eyes before taking a good look around. "What can you tell me about this world though? It looks like nothing I've ever seen."

What? "Do you mean in some weird metaphysical way?" I asked; then I saw the look on her face. "Right. Why am I even surprised. Fine, we'll play it your way and I assume you're from some fantasy world I don't know about. Heavy role playing for cosplay, but whatever... Well, for starters, you're on the planet Earth. It is, aside from animals, solely inhabited by humans. We don't have magic, but we're technologically advanced. We've harnessed Nature's powers like lightning or oil to run our machines. There are carriages without horses many times faster and stronger than one with them. Any questions?"

Of course, fate chose that moment to screw me over. The woman looked over my shoulder and froze. When I turned my head, all I saw was my whole simulation rig covered in snow.

The young woman paled even further. "We have to go. Now!"

"The fuck is going on?" I was profoundly dumbfounded. How snow of all things got in here, I had no idea. In May, no less!

She set her jaw and straightened up before staring me in the eyes. "The people who are after me usually take way longer to catch up to me. But wherever they go, snow and ice precedes them. The way I see it you have two choices here. Either you stay here, get caught by the Wild Hunt and end up an icicle after they are done with you, or you come with me and maybe you'll live to see another day."

Her calm tone was far more unnerving than what she was describing. Okay, not really. I think I just peed my pants.

"Lead the way, scary lady. But if I die, I will kill you."

She gave me a dark smile that if anything furthered the dark spot in my pants. "You would neither be the first nor the last to try it."

With that, she hugged me suddenly, which was unexpected, but nice. Then a green light engulfed us both and everything went black. Just as unexpected, but not nice at all.

We are so gonna die!

Despite the certainty of our deaths, we still had time left among the living, apparently, because when I opened my eyes, I was still very much alive. Although, to be honest, to find ourselves in a place that looked remarkably like not-yet-ruined Helgen got me thinking.

"Phew, that was a close call," she breathed, visibly relieved.

"Uhm… you might want to hold onto saying that, because that black piece of shit flying high in the sky is a motherfucking dragon!"

I always hate to repeat myself, but…

We are so gonna die!

This story is set in what I like to call the "Jonny Gerthson Multiverse". That basically just means it's the collection of all my self insert stories featuring different alterations of my Alter Ego Jonny Gerthson.

They don't know of each other, they don't know they're in a multiverse, they don't crossover with each other, they are not transported to their new homes in the same way or by the same entity. BUT it's the same guy, who starts out with pretty much the same personality, although his circumstances may differ from universe to universe.

At the time of publishing, this multiverse comprises Castle (including Chuck and Eureka in the sequel), Dragon Age, Skyrim/Witcher (this very story), and a bunch of unpublished stories that may very well follow soon... ish. Those are all over the place (Fallout, Mass Effect, DCU, and so on) and get worked on sporadically, when I'm stuck with the published ones. Even this one falls under that I'd say, but I would like to get at least the first chapter out, to get my feet wet, so to speak. Let's see where this goes :)