It wasn't until a year later that Yuki finally plucked up the courage to ask that question one more time.

He'd been close a few times, close to just blurting out that question, but every time he'd tried, the memory of Yato's indecipherable blue eyes turned to crystal ice stopped him and he would shiver back, repressing the thoughts.

This time though, Yuki was determined.

"Yato," he started, steel laced underneath his voice, and the Yato gami turned to face him, completely unsuspecting of what was to follow (but maybe he had a better idea than Yuki thought; that tone of speech wasn't used for much else but questions that Yato didn't want to answer).

"Yes, my Yu-ki-chan?" Yato chirped, hands still pressed loosely to the back of his neck where he lay like a ragdoll on the grass by the river.

"I'd like to know- I'd like to know the real reason behind your neck scarf?" Yuki stated, his nervousness causing the end part to come off as a question and not the solid statement he'd been going for.

"I thought we'd discussed this, Yuki," the blue eyed god responded, a warning hidden none too subtly underneath his forced light-heartedness.

"I know…but I'd like to know the real reason. You can trust me now, can't you? After all, you know everything about me…" he trailed off, eyes demurely watching the ground as he waited in a state of nervous tension for his master's reply.

"I know I can trust you Yuki, but…" Yato denied, slowly raising himself into a seated place next to the shinki as he made up his mind.

"Yukine. You are my regalia, my friend and the one I trust most. If I give you this secret to bear, I never want you to tell anyone," Yato stated quietly, bringing his face up to a position only a few inches away from Yuki's, blue eyes staring intently at the other, who gulped audibly and nodded, not breaking eye contact despite the blush forming on his cheeks from the close contact.

"N- not even Hiyori?" he asked quietly, nodding once more as Yato didn't even waver to tell him the answer. Yuki supposed that he had already known the response to that.

Yato sighed heavily and stood up whilst the blonde haired boy remained seated next to him. He looked off into the distance and thought about how to put it.

"Yuki…before you knew me, I wasn't always a good god. I was originally a god of calamity and war, but…I guess I opened my eyes to the truth of what I was doing. I tried to change…become a better person, a better god…but it was hard. I spent decades, maybe centuries on the streets, looking for work as a god of fortune but…as you know, gods of fortune don't get much," Yato paused, glancing down at Yuki who was hanging onto his every word respectfully.

He smiled slightly, a sad smile that wasn't often seen on the youthful god's face, and continued.

"I fell upon hard times. My shinki all left me, I had no home, no money, nothing left in the world…except Nora. She came to me as I lost the last of what I had…and I followed her. I followed her and used her…Yuki, I killed. I killed people out of selfishness, out of my own stupid need…I shouldn't have listened to Nora that day…" he confessed, a self decapitating smile now dancing wryly on his lips. Yato sat down next to the shinki, wanting him to know the weight of his secret that was the next part of the story.

"Yuki, please do not judge me by what I will tell you next…only one other person knows of this story, and that's only because he was there," Yato looked to the east, away from Yuki at this point, not wanting to watch his reaction.

"After I finished with Nora, when I saw what I'd once again done…I went back to where I was staying…and I…I- I tried to commit suicide," he whispered, not daring to turn and see his shinki.

"I failed…because Tenjin stopped me. He found me there and took me to his main shrine and tried to heal me, but I ran away. I ran back into the countryside and hid in the mountains for a few years until I was sure that he wouldn't follow me…I knew that I would be safe for those years whilst Tenjin still remembered who I was…and then I emerged back into the world like this, as a god of fortune,"

"I received the neck scarf as an anonymous gift the day after I returned to sleeping in Tenjin's shrine. He gave it to me…after all the trouble I'd caused him, he still helped me then and helps me now…he is a truly great kami," Yato finished his story, closing his eyes softly and swivelling his head back to Yuki.

"I- You went through all of that, Yato?" Yukine whispered in horror and pity, staring at his master in a new light.

"I never knew," he continued, but Yato cut him off there.

"No, you never knew, Yuki. I didn't want you to know. There's a reason that I wear this scarf- I don't want the world to see this- see my failure," the god replied in the same soft tone, looking ashamed of his mistake.

"I thought- I thought that maybe Bishamon or another god had- Yato, this is…why didn't you tell me?" Yuki asked faintly, becoming angry at his master.

"Why didn't you tell me!? Did you not think it was important? Did you not think that I had a right to know? Why, Yato!? Why didn't you trust me with this?" the teenager yelled, gritting his teeth with fury but cowering back as Yato stood.

"Why didn't I tell you, Yuki? It's not like you're the first person I've ever told, oh no. I told one other before that…but she didn't understand. She looked at me with- with pity! Like I was some wounded animal! It didn't even help her in the end…" Yato hissed back, his eyes flashing in a curious mix of defiance and hurt.

"What- what do you mean?" Yuki questioned, no longer sure of his position in the argument.

"I mean that…I told someone. A girl. In the mountains in those years afterwards,"

"She forgot me as soon as I left," Yato explained, sinking back down to the floor again.

"Yato…" the regalia choked, incapable of words.

"Oh Yukine…it's okay, it was a long time ago," Yato soothed the younger as he curled up in tears on Yato's lap. "I'm not going to do it again. Not with you around to look after," he added, hugging the boy closer and stroking his hair gently.

"But Yato…" Yuki wailed, burying his face again into Yato's top.

"Yuki…I didn't tell you this for pity or tears. I told you this…because you asked, and because I trust you," the god told him sadly, closing his eyes against the few tears that threatened to spill as he revisited the memories of those times.

Yuki didn't answer, just nuzzled closer to Yato like a cat as he petted his blonde hair softly.

"It's okay Yuki…it's fine now. It's alright now…" he whispered over and over again, listening as the teen's breathing slowly evened out and he fell asleep on top of him.

"Oh Yuki," Yato sighed fondly. "What will I do with you?" he questioned, continuing to stroke the sleeping regalia's hair as he looked up to the sky.

A single glistening tear fell down his face as he watched the clear night, the sun having long since set.

"Tenjin-san…thank you. I wasn't expecting it to be this way…but I think my wish has finally been granted," Yato whispered to the sky, fingering his scarf with the hand that wasn't currently entangled in Yuki's hair and grinning at the sky, suddenly feeling very cheerful.

"I think…that this way is best," he added and lay down on his back, shifting Yuki to lie on his chest as he snuggled up to the god and said god looked down at the boy.

"Suicide is not an option anymore, huh?" he breathed out, allowing his eyes to drift close and flutter shut.

After all, it wasn't only him in his world anymore.

He had a regalia to look after.