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Double Date

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A knock at the door echoed through the halls of Mystery Manor. Guests were uncommon at the Pines' residence, and since the portly butler Jesus had the day off, it was up to Dipper to greet the unwanted visitor.

With his usual stoic expression, Dipper opened the door. There he found a blonde girl in obnoxiously colorful clothing, flashing him a nervous braces-filled smile. She was vaguely familiar, but the performer wasn't one to learn the names of people who didn't matter.

"Can I help you?" He managed to conceal most of his annoyance.

"Oh-um," The girl was having trouble forming a sentence. "Is- is Mabel here?"

Dipper knew all his sister's friends, and this was definitely not one of them. "She's out at the moment. Can I take a message?"

The blonde played with her ponytail, saying, "Well, it's about my cousin Gideon."

Gideon. That was a name he did recognized.

"Mabel is kinda freaking him out."

Well, that's not a surprise. Out loud, Dipper said, "Why don't you come inside so we can talk."

Still nervous about meeting the local celebrity, Paz entered. For some reason, the sound of the door closing behind her felt ominous. The boy led her to a small parlor, gesturing for her to sit on the couch, and taking an armchair for himself.

Even as a child, Dipper rarely showed emotion. After entering show business, Mabel started chastising him for this habit, saying the audience would be turned off by a kid who didn't look happy. So the boy would stand in front of his mirror, training his muscles to portray things he didn't feel. Now he had a repertoire of at least twelve distinct smiles.

Presenting the girl with Smile #4: Charming but Nonthreatening, he said, "Tell me about this problem you're having… Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name. I don't think we've been formally introduced."

"I'm Pacifica Northwest." The blonde shook his outstretched hand.

"Can I offer you a drink Pacifica?" He switched to Smile #2: What a Nice Young Man.

"No. Thanks." The tween was becoming more relaxed. "I just wanted to talk to Mabel about my cousin."

"She should be back soon, but why don't you tell me what's going on, maybe I can help?"

"Well…" Paz shifted in her seat. "She took him on a date, and he kinda felt like she pressured him into another one."

Instead of the anger and demands to leave that she'd expected, Dipper just wore a thoughtful expression, saying. "My sister can get a little intense at times. And she doesn't always pick up on social cues if she has a tar- a crush on her mind."

Paz sighed. This might be easier than she thought.

"I'm sorry that happened." The magician leaned forward and placed his hand on hers, looking deep into her eyes. "I'm sure we'll be able to work everything out."

The girls face turned red, and the butterflies in her stomach threatened to burst out.

From out in the hall, the front door could be heard, followed by approaching footsteps. Dipper rose and ushered his newly returned sister into the room, then asked their guest to retell her story. Mabel's calm mask slipped a few times during the explanation, something that didn't go unnoticed by Pacifica.

After thinking for a minute, Mabel got up and sat uncomfortably close to the blonde, saying, "Dipper, why don't you leave for a while so we can have some girl-talk."

Pacifica's eyes widened as she stared at the boy, silently begging him not to go.

He went.

"Now then." Mabel cracked a smile. "I think what we have here is a big misunderstanding."

"It's just th-"

"I hope you don't think my feelings towards your cousin aren't genuine."

"No! But-"

"Or that I wanted to make him uncomfortable on purpose."

"Of course not! Only-"

"So how can we fix this?"

"Well, like Gideon said, he doesn't want-"

"I know!" Mabel shot up with delight. "A double date!"

"Huh?"

"Me and Gideon, you and your boyfriend." She explained. "That way you can chaperone, and make sure I don't cross any lines."

Paz looked at her feet. "I, uh, I don't actually have a boyfriend."

"Really?" Mabel let out an exaggerated gasp. "A delightful girl like you?"

The blonde could usually tell when she was being made fun of, but the performer's tone made it difficult.

"Lucky for you." Mabel continued. "I know a boy who'd just love to go out with you."

"Er, really?" It was strange to express hope and doubt at the same time.

Mabel flashed a coy look. "I noticed you were quite… entranced by my brother."

Pacifica blushed harder than she thought possible.

"It just so happens that he's single." The twin continued. "And you'd make an adorable pair."

"I- um- uh- I…"

"Don't move." Mabel smirked

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Of course, Dipper heard everything.

Finding her brother outside the room, Mabel met his scowl with a grin. "I have a proposal for you, brother dear."

"No."

Mabel pouted, "Please. It would mean a lot to me."

"No."

"And it's not just for my benefit."

Dipper groaned. She knew exactly how to pique his curiosity.

"If people see you out on a date, they'll stop asking what you do all day." The girl smiled, try to logic your way out of that!

Dipper grumbled. "Mabel. You're my sister, and I love you, but I will murder you."

"Is that a yes?"

"… Yes."

Mabel squealed excitedly, pulling her brother into a hug, then dragged him back to the parlor.

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Four preteens walked into the fanciest restaurant in Gravity Falls. Pacifica's eyes were wide, taking in the fancy decor and cloth napkins. Gideon wore a nervous expression, occasionally switching to anger directed at his cousin for getting him into this mess. The party was shown to a booth, the Mystery Twins seated across from their dates.

Paz nearly vibrated with excitement until she picked up the menu, her mood quickly reversed, saying, "Everything here is pretty expensive."

Sensing a possible escape, Gideon said, "Yeah, we can't really afford this."

"Don't worry," Mabel waved a dismissive hand. "Dinner's on us."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course." Dipper answered. "It's like our Great Uncle always says: What good is money if you're not willing to share it?" He flashed Smile #11: Generous and Humble.

"Well, if you're sure." The blonde girl looked through her menu. "There's so much to choose from."

"The veal is good." Dipper suggested.

"So is the Hasenpfeffer." Mabel added.

Shortly, a waiter came to take their orders.

"I'll have the Cochinillo." Mabel said.

"The lamb." Dipper ordered.

After learning what each of these dishes were made from, the pair of cousins asked for a green salad.

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"So I said, 'Sign your own headshot lady!'" Mabel laughed at her own joke, which was probably funny to famous people. The date had gone well so far (depending on who you asked).

Gideon sunk deeper into his seat. His cousin blocked any avenue of escape, and Mabel playfully kicked at his feet.

Dipper wasn't faring much better. For a performer, he didn't enjoy being the center of attention, and as if Pacifica's goo-goo eyes weren't enough, the other patrons in the restaurant wouldn't shut up about them.

It was at this point that Dipper realized he'd been outplayed. As though being seen with this brightly-colored toothache wasn't enough, he'd have to continue this charade if he wanted to keep the support of these gaping nitwits. He was sure Mabel knew this would happen (probably paying him back for some previous slight, or maybe just starting the game over again).

Well, sister dear, let's just see how well I can play the part you've given me. Dipper leaned forward and took is dates hand. "Pacifica, I hope you can forgive me."

Mabel smirked while confusion overtook the blonde girl's expression, "For what?"

"For not presenting you with a bouquet of flowers!" Dramatically raising a hand to his brow. "I was so overcome by your presence that the thought left my mind! I hope this will make amends:"

The flame from the table's candle darted to his open palm, then transformed into an exotic blossom, which Dipper offered his date. Pacifica's rapidly beating heart could barely pump enough blood to her red cheeks.

Mabel rolled her eyes. "Now, now. No showing off dear brother." She waved her hand, and the flower dissolved into ash. The candle ignited again, shifting to a new color every second.

Hmph! Trying to outdo me, huh? He thinks he can be a better date? Mabel thought. Wait! He's not supposed to want to be here at all. But I said he should be here. Hrm… If he makes a good impression, I lose. But if I have to stop him from making a good impression, I lose too… Darn it, he Paradoxed me!

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Finally, the night ended. The Pines chauffeur dropped the cousins off at the Psychic Pshack. The two couples exited to say their goodbyes.

Pacifica stood way too close to Dipper, big blue eyes staring into unnatural teal ones. "I had a really good time tonight."

"Yes… me… too…" The boy forced through gritted teeth.

"Maybe we," The blonde scraped her foot across the ground, "Maybe we could do this again sometime?"

"I'd love to," Dipper carefully measured his tone. "But I have a very busy schedule-"

"Of course he will!" Mabel barged into the conversation, crushing her brother's windpipe in a one-armed hug. "I mean, the only thing that would stop him is if some unforeseen event tore our families apart, right?"

The others nodded, one fearfully, one reluctantly.

"Great!" The brunette chirped. "In that case, I'm sure we'll all do this again real soon!"

The twins got into their limo and waved goodbye.

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Mabel laid back in her seat contentedly. "That went well."

Dipper scowled. "I'm going to do it. I'm going to murder you."

The girl's phone buzzed. Ignoring her brother's empty threat, she checked her messaged. "WHAT!"

"What?" Dipper's anger was replaced by curiosity.

Any remnant of her former mood was replaced by rage. Mabel growled, "He broke up with me! He broke up with me through a text!"

Dipper couldn't enjoy the relief he felt, not when his sister was in so much pain. Putting his hand on her shoulder, he said, "Maybe it's a mistake."

"The only mistake was trusting that little brat to make him see reason!" She shrugged him off.

The boy sighed, "Look, it just wasn't meant to be."

"No! He's my soulmate!"

"You said that about an Iron Maiden once!"

"Hrmph!"

"C'mon Mabel."

The girl turned away.

Her brother poked her, "Mabel, I know you, you'll be over this in a day."

She just grunted.

"Fine! I don't care. It's not my problem."

Mabel still didn't speak, she only struggled with the tears brimming in her eyes.

"You can figure this out for yourself. I'm not gonna do anything!"

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He had to do something.

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