Part 2/2
"One kiss"
Tom and I are sailing on the holodeck. The combination of soft breeze and warm sun is amazing on my skin. I love the ocean. I watch it move by slowly. I don't know how I got here. One minute we were all partying at Neelix's resort, and I wandered off, tired of the festivities. I ended up by the boats a few dozen yards down the beach. It was quieter over there, and I craved the calm. Then I saw a silhouette of another person. I was turning around to walk away when I heard his voice.
"Stay."
One word is all it took. I knew his voice, and, had it been anyone else, I would have left. But he is the one person I feel comfortable being perfectly silent next to, just being together without speaking. So, in the perfect silence, we climbed into a boat, and now we're here, half a mile into the ocean. Neither of us has spoken in over an hour, but to be alone in each other's company is such a beautiful thing. He went below deck for awhile, and I close my eyes in the breeze. Soon, I hear him clamber out of the hatch and feel him settle down next to me. He doesn't break the silence at first, he just stares out over the water. We are both lost in thought, but Tom more so than I am. Finally he speaks. "Captain, you know I love the time we spend together, right? That I love spending it with you." I open my eyes and smile at him, nodding almost imperceptibly. He looks uncomfortable, like he's juggling words across his tongue, figuring out which ones to drop. I look out across the sea again so he can take his time. It must be important for him to be this awkward about it. It's probably 10 minutes before he speaks again.
"Did you know... I mean, are you aware that... The crew talks about *us*? We've been ranking pretty high in the gossip mill lately."
I let out a laugh. "I always rank highly in the gossip mill. I'm the captain."
"No, I mean... *us*. Together. They think that we're..." I've never seen him so uncomfortable in my life. "...lovers." He finally finishes. He looks at me anxiously, like he thinks I'm going to be angry.
I look down at my lap. I'm sitting with my legs hanging over the edge of the boat, leaning back on my hands. It's then that I notice that he is almost sitting on my hand, but he doesn't seem to be aware. We've grown so accustomed to each other's presence, so very comfortable in the past few years.
Perhaps too comfortable.
"I know that, Tom. Chakotay, The Doctor, Neelix, even Tuvok asked me about you. ...And then that little incident with Seven in the mess hall." I grimace and he chuckles. "I told them all that we're just friends. But..." I watch his eyes. I want to see his reaction when I say this, I want to catch every flicker of emotion that crosses his face when I say what I'm about to say. "But I don't think that's the whole truth, and I think you agree." I do catch something flickering, but it's not something I expect. I expected to see surprise, contemplation, or even happiness. It takes me a moment to identify the look. Regret, I finally decide upon. He was leaning back on his elbows, but he sits up, and takes my hand into both of his, and kisses a knuckle softly. "Yes it is, Captain." He kisses my hand again. "We both know it is." And again. "Because it has to be that way" Again. "And you know that." This time he lets his lips linger on my wrist for a moment, and I realize he is smelling my perfume. And when he finally looks up at me, there is a sadness in his eyes I have never seen before. A sad longing, a sad regret, a sad acceptance. In that moment I think I loved him more than ever before. That moment, with the sun shining down on his golden hair, making his eyes look dark, and forlorn, is how I will always picture him in my mind's eye. In that moment he was beautiful. I leaned over, grabbed his face delicately with both my hands and looked into his eyes.
"One kiss, Tom. Just one, okay? Then never again." Not until we get home, and I'm no longer his commanding officer, anyway. He whispers the words back to me "just one." And he closes his eyes and I place a soft, gentle kiss on his lips, and I hold it there for a moment, or maybe for an eternity. I don't want to break that perfect moment, but I know I have to. I get up and leave, calling for the arch, and I don't look back, because I know what I'll see. I'll see him sitting there, still as a statue, eyes closed, savoring the kiss that I gave him. That one kiss.