The Widow and the Wolf

A/N: Hello! I decided not to put all of this information into the description, but there are a few things you should note. This story takes place during the time when Lupin left his family because he found out that Tonks was pregnant and he was worried about his son becoming a werewolf. It also takes place after the Avengers break up, which naturally has not happened yet. In my scenario, Natasha has gone back to being an assassin after losing Bruce. (Side note for future reference, this story was written after DH and before Civil War.) While the character's basic backstories will remain intact, I have taken creative liberties, so any criticism in this regard will be ignored. However, constructive criticism and reviews are my favorite things in the world, so please feel free to leave any comments. (Though I apologize, as it's not one of my best works. I kind of just went for it.) One final warning, this is a bit of a bittersweet friendship story- don't expect anything major to change, aka Lupin still dies at the end of DH. Thank you for reading, (you're all the absolute best,) and hope you enjoy it!

EEstelle

XXX

The guilt raced through her heart faster than her feet could fly over the ground.

I left them. I came back here. Back to this, back to the chains of bitter bloodshed. Back to the murder of innocents.

The pain coursed through her veins and into her muscles, slinging her forwards through the gnarled trees, clawing at her both body and soul.

I will never be free of this. So much red. Too much red. The silver. The iron. The scarlet. Bullets and bruises and blood, raining down the pages of her mind and carving gorges in her ashen soul.

I will never be free.

There were monsters in her future, waiting under her trained focus with doe-eyes, unseeing. Her superiors said they were monsters, and she could not question; she did not question. But men often hid behind cruel green masks.

She had promised not to kill another innocent soul.

She was running to break that promise.

It was three years since the Avengers fell apart, for the world had suffered enough at their hands. No matter the good they did, the evil grew always stronger, rising menacingly from beyond the horizon to challenge the so-called heroes. So many came and tore at their resolve, so many sought to reveal the secret scars of darker pasts. Then there was the day when peace was only possible if they could learn to walk away.

Bruce never came back to her. That last day, they dragged him off, the only hero they could not trust to contain his anger. He was strong, but the strain of sacrifice had broken him- his mind could not control his violent nature, not any more. It was all she could do to forget him.

Or at least, she had to move on.

So here she was at the beginning- Black Widow, the assassin- having laid Natasha Romanoff in a shallow grave. She could barely see the shadow of a hill rising like a memorial from the ground, reminding her of the one who died there- herself. She had her old 'job' back, if you could call it that, hurrying through the forested terrain on the land-edge of Europe, preparing to catch a plane. If she hurried, she'd make it to the appointed clearing just before midnight. From there on out, there would be no turning back.

The dusk was coming swiftly, and light flickered teasingly through the trees, sending her nerves into a constant state of alert. Every so often, she glanced over her shoulder, though why she could not say. Though it'd been some years since her last official mission, the Avengers had left her well prepared, and, though the thought frightened her, maybe the killer within never truly left.

Far away, she heard a noise. Were her ears not trained for trouble, she might have thought nothing of it, assuming it to be a grizzly or some large feline, or maybe nothing. But something about the sound was unnatural. A second later she heard it again- a deep howling, not quite animal and yet without any other explanation. Instinctively, she slowed her pace so as to keep the twigs and leaves beneath her from revealing her position. As faint as the howl was, she had no doubt that whatever creature lurked beyond her view would have keener ears than she did.

There was a scuffling, the faint crack of something breaking, and the animalistic cry of what seemed to be a smaller creature. She heard heavy breathing from what she assumed to be the larger creature again, before yet another howl rent the silence. The noise seemed to be getting louder, and so she changed courses, thinking that maybe she was going the wrong direction. After a few turns, though, the noise still did not lessen. Where on earth was it coming from? As the howl became a guttural and gut-wrenching roar, for the first time in a long time, Black Widow allowed herself a fleeting moment of panic. Not knowing what she was doing or why, she put on a sudden burst of speed.

Oh, boy.

From out of nowhere, the beast appeared beside her, with ragged claws capable of decapitation and jagged teeth dripping claret. Coagulated blood hung like plaster from his worn, graying fur coat, and his limbs raked through the mud as he loped, sometimes on two feet and sometimes on four, spraying the air with the scent of mildew. He was larger than any grizzly she had ever seen. Or any wolf, for that matter.

He suddenly turned to her before she could veer away, and making a split second decision, she leaped for him. Instinct from many close calls promised she could never outrun him, and told her that she would be followed and devoured if she tried. No, if she was going to go out, whether it be now or in some other dangerous situation, she would go down fighting. Though she very much hoped that that would be later rather than sooner.

The creature seemed surprised by her odd response, and those precious seconds of delay gave her time to reach him. Using a particularly large root as a springboard, she catapulted over his back, grasping a fistful of fur as she passed and swinging from what had been his far side. Kicking her legs out and slamming into his knee, she relinquished her hold as he careened sideways into a tree trunk, yelping. She rolled into a landing, and barely had time to get to her feet before he was up again, his rage signified by a thunderous growl as he pounced at her. Again, she charged him, but this time he was prepared. With a massive paw, he swiped at her from the side, throwing her into a branch a few feet from the ground and knocking the wind out of her. Her hands found the bark before she could fall, and she swung down, turning to find him only to discover that he was right behind her. She didn't have time to breath, let alone move, before he plowed into her. His teeth grazed her cheek and painted it with the blood of his last victim.

So this is how it ends.

One last desperate thought occurred to her. As her red-lettered life flashed before her eyes, filling her with remorse, anger, and pain, a single flash of green passed before her gaze, granting her one last happy memory. The Hulk loomed before her, his eyes aflame with unmastered rage, and her own words rang in her ears. It's okay, big guy. Come back to me. The monster shrunk, his eyes washed over with calm clarity, and Bruce stood in his place.

Bruce.

She was brought back to the present, pinned beneath the hulking mass that left her just one possible option. If she was lucky.

"It's okay. Hey, big guy. Listen to the sound of my voice."

The creature tensed to hear her speak, her calm tone enough to give him pause though he didn't back off.

A new thought hit her then even more suddenly than the last, and though she hardly dared to hope, she went with it.

"This isn't really you, is it? You don't want to hurt anyone. This isn't your fault."

Slowly, the monster shut his maw, eyeing her with two golden orbs glistening with moonlight.

"Hey, it's okay. Everything's fine. You need to rest. Just a few more hours, big guy. I'll stay with you."

The emotions far too intense to be entirely animalistic warred over his long face, as chaos fought comprehension for a place in his mind, and maybe as deep down as his heart. She held her breath. One second passed. Two.

Though he did not change his shape, she saw Bruce when the inner battle was won. Two very human eyes looked back at her, and they spoke of unimaginable pain and guilt. He sat back on his haunches and she stood up, holding her hand to a large bruise on her head and hugging her side with her other arm. Looking traumatized and at the same time completely exhausted, the creature reared his great head and turned to run into the forest. Without comprehending why she did it, Natasha emerged where Black Widow had been standing and touched his arm.

"I told you I would stay with you. Lie down, it'll be alright in the morning."

He shook his head, huffing lightly.

"Please."

As if in defeat, the creature lowered to the forest floor and rested his muzzle on his paws in an almost doglike way, and Natasha couldn't help but note how pitiful the action was. The poor thing must have been through a lot.

Man. She corrected. Werewolf.

If she hadn't already seen so many impossible things in her life, she might not believe it.

The night was deep enough by the time she made a fire that she knew she'd already missed the plane. If they ever found her, the punishment for deserting her mission might be an unreported death, but for some reason even such a terrible thing no longer seemed important. Her life wasn't worth nearly as much as her small piece of remaining morality; in fact, at the moment, she didn't feel her life was worth much at all. The werewolf was already asleep by the time she put out the fire only a few minutes later, after cooking a small meal. Knowing she would not join him, and though it was too soon for there to be any chance of them searching for her tonight, she took watch, listening to the peaceful sounds of slumbering forest life.

XXX

The light fell in a cool haze over the twisting trees and fog that morning. Though her eyes were red and her limbs numb, Natasha felt more awake than she would have expected as she gathered a few small twigs for a fire. She almost didn't dare make one now that they would begin hunting her, but the werewolf had had quite a night, and while his beastly form had been in good shape, his human form was covered with wounds. She was just grateful none of his injuries were critical.

He'd slept straight through the transformation, though his dreams must have been full of nightmares for all the writhing, howling, and crying that marked the change. A few minutes ago and just after dawn, the man finally quieted. His pale arms were pulled around his ragged frame and clothes, while his matted grey-brown hair fell over his dark-rimmed eyes. After briefly checking his scars, some new and more old, she felt satisfied that he'd be fine, at least physically, and that it was safe to leave him. She wouldn't go far.

Her arms were loaded with wood when she returned only to find him sitting up. Without a word, she crouched down at the sight of the previous night's fire and set up the branches in a teepee. When she caught him eyeing the purpling bruise on her forehead, she glanced up and gave him a small smile to tell him it was okay. He didn't return it, instead watching as she lit the logs, his expression grim.

He didn't find his voice until she pulled out a bit of emergency food wrapped in foil and placed it on the fire. When she went to put on a second, he whispered, so quietly that she almost didn't hear him.

"You don't need to do that. I think you've done quite enough."

"Don't tell me you're still sore about our fight last night," she joked, grinning slightly and continuing to put the second meal over the coals. His brow scrunched up in mild confusion, or maybe agitation, though she could tell that it wasn't aimed at her.

"No, really," he sighed, "I'm very sorry for any harm I may have caused you. I admit I am relieved to see you… intact."

"What, you don't think I can hold my own out here? Maybe you're just losing your touch, or you might not be as much of a bad-boy as you think. Anyway, I got a lot more of all this bark than I did your bite."

As the scrapes running down her arms were clearly visible, the man couldn't help but chuckle slightly at that, though he still seemed subdued.

"Well, we can be grateful for that," he paused as she sat down across from him. "May I ask the name of my rescuer?"

For a moment, she considered telling him a false name, or maybe that she could not share her identity.

"Natasha," she said finally. She nodded, her auburn curls partially obscuring her face as she looked down into the flames, and then back up to meet his gaze as if questioning him in return.

"Remus. Remus Lupin."

"I'm glad to finally meet you, Mr. Lupin."

Lupin chuckled at that. "I don't think I've ever been called that. Remus, mostly, or simply Lupin. Though there are a few who call me Professor."

"Ah, a teacher, huh?" she smiled. He finally seemed to be opening up to her, though she hoped he didn't expect her to return the favor.

"Yes, you might say that. Only lasted a year though, on account of… well." He cleared his throat. "What about you? What brings you this deep into the forest?"

There the question was. She usually had her lie ready and waiting, but suddenly her mind was a blank slate, and all she could do was shake her head.

"I am sorry. I didn't mean to pry," he said, and unlike most who say that very phrase, he actually seemed to mean it. Still, she felt obligated to explain herself.

"No, it's just…" she struggled for the right word. "Complicated."

"More complicated than being a werewolf?" The words just slipped out, and as she opened her mouth to respond, he waved his arms, "I didn't mean it like that. I shouldn't have…"

"No, you're right," she furrowed her brow and tried to swallow down the lump in her throat, preparing for once to tell a small piece of the truth. "I just don't want you to think worse of me."

"After I tried to kill you?" It looked like this time, Lupin would be the one to lighten the mood. Natasha laughed. She took the opportunity to change the subject.

"That wasn't you," she said, taking the meals out of the fire using a long stick. She wasn't sure where that'd come from, but he probably needed to hear it. "That was the other guy."

His face grew dark once again; "I only wish that were true. I am a curse to everything I touch."

"No," she shook her head, using a leaf to keep from getting burned and handing him his meal. "This is you. Trust me, I've seen my fair share of men trapped within monsters. Now monsters trapped within men…" she trailed off. "Those are the ones you have to worry about."

Something about her tight smile told him there was more to the story behind her words, but Lupin wasn't one to pry. If she wanted to, she would tell him. And it wasn't like he was telling her everything- that he was a wizard, for instance. Still, the sentiment hit him, and he felt suddenly compelled to tell her why he was there.

"Ah, yes. But then there are men within men, and monsters within monsters. I fear you think too much of me.

"I left my wife and unborn child. I condemned her to the life of an outcast the second we were married, and I have perhaps sentenced my son to my own curse. I abandoned them, as if it could change the consequences, but both will suffer whether I am there or not. I am here because I am a coward, Natasha. Wandering away from civilization where I won't cause any more pain, while they suffer pain despite me."

He went quiet, staring into the fire that was steadily smoldering into ash, and Natasha silently studied him, a thoughtful look on her face.

"We all have things we regret, but it isn't your fault," she reached over and briefly touched his shoulder, then sat back. He glanced up at her.

"Isn't it? Yes, it is not my fault that I become a humanoid beast when the full moon shows up. It is not my fault that I was bitten. But choosing to marry? Having a child? I have no excuse. It is entirely my fault."

He was staring into her eyes with so much despair and conviction that she had only ever seen such an look on one person- Bruce Banner. When they'd taken him away, Natasha had tried to defend him, but he had worn the same expression when he told her not to. That he was a monster, and the only way to keep everyone safe was to put him away. That it would never have worked between them. There was nothing she could do for Bruce now, but this was her second chance to defeat hopelessness. She couldn't save Bruce, but she could try to help Lupin.

"What about your wife? Didn't she choose you? She loves you," she said quietly..

"Yes. But I was foolish to ever allow it to go this far. She couldn't have known the consequences," he tried to justify.

"Didn't you tell her what you were?"

"I did, but she couldn't have known what that meant."

"Believe me, she knew what that meant. She wouldn't have fought for you this hard if she didn't."

"You can't possibly know…"

She cut him off, "Trust me, a woman always knows. What's your wife's name?"

"I…" he began, then stopped, shaking his head and smiling slightly at the contagious lopsided grin she was giving him. "Her name is Tonks. Nymphadora, but she prefers Tonks."

"She sounds beautiful," Natasha fell quiet again. "She knew what she was doing, and she still chose you," she said, and once again, Bruce rose to her mind. With him came the shadow of a future she would never have.

Lupin too went quiet, closing his eyes with a sigh as he whispered then: "but my son did not."

Suddenly, Natasha found herself angry, and Black Widow momentarily had a say in her words.

"Do you really think he'll grow up and despise his life so much that he'll wish he was never born? Just to spite you?" she said.

Lupin's sharp eyes flicked over to her lividly, and a growl escaped his throat in a very wolf-like way.

"You don't know what it's like, Natasha. You don't know what he will endure; you don't know what fate he might suffer," he stood up angrily, his fists clenched as he glared at her. "Would you condemn your children to life as a monster?"

Natasha leaped on her feet to meet him. "I'll never have children!"

She lurched over in shock, as if she had been punched by her own words. Tears prickled, unprovoked, from her eyes, and she gasped for air. Lupin went completely still, worry replacing the rage on his visage.

"I… gave that up," she choked. "You want to know what a monster is? Giving up the chance to have children to become an assassin. I'm a murderess. I gave up the only man I ever really loved, because he believed himself the monster and I couldn't convince him otherwise. I built a life on the bones of others, and my first victims were my future children…" She paused, then sighed. "Wow, I can't believe I'm telling you this. The real monster comes out."

During her outburst, she'd fallen back to the ground, staring into the dead gray coals unseeingly and wrapping her arms around her knees. Lupin crossed the gap and sat beside her, a new kind of sadness on his too-often grieving face. He put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"We all fall victim to this life, don't we?" he said finally. "I am sorry."

Silently, she wiped her eyes, and then looked up at him. "It was my choice, and I'm learning to live with it. No matter how much I wish I could erase what I did, and what I didn't do, there's nothing in the world that can change the past." She paused, running a hand through her hair, and the tiniest glimmer of hope flickered to life in her eyes when Lupin replied:

"But even the smallest things can and will change the future."

Somehow, both of them knew this was the last thing that needed saying.

This time when she stood up, the smile reached her meadow-green eyes. Lupin rose as well, mirroring her smile and adding in a chuckle, as the two of them made sure the fire was completely out. It wasn't too late, she realized then, and she could tell that he was thinking the same thing. Time and pain seemed to dissipate away into the far reaches of the forest, and though it would always be there at the edges, and may come back some days, for the moment it wasn't so consuming.

"You never told me where you were going," Lupin said when Natasha finally turned away, the need to leave pressing on her mind now that they would be looking for her. Briefly, she looked over her shoulder, and one last time, she gave him a lopsided grin.

"I wish you the best of luck finding your family. They need you."

He slowly nodded, and gave a small wave as she disappeared behind the trees.

"Good luck," he called.

Then, though she could not hear him, he whispered; "Thank you."

XXX

The leaves were bright on the trees and warm rays of sunlight danced over her face as Natasha Romanoff Banner made her way up the cobbled walkway to the door. From beyond the lacy curtains, she could hear a small child giggling as a female voice teased him, and she wasn't sure if the sound eased her nerves or heightened them. She was suddenly unsure as to why she was there, and for a moment considered turning back. But no. This was her last day in Europe before she and Bruce returned back to the states. Though she'd be coming back soon, she didn't want to wait that long. It'd been three years since that day in the woods. She'd waited long enough.

She knocked on the door and the voices went momentarily quiet. The sound of footsteps echoed from within, before the door swung open to reveal a short woman with graying, light brown hair and sparkling, dark eyes.

"Hullo?" the woman said.

"Mrs. Tonks? I'm Natasha Banner. You don't know me, but I'm… I was a friend of Lupin's. I wondered if I could talk to you for a minute."

A far away look came into the woman's eyes, and almost to Natasha's surprise, she opened the door wide.

"Please, come in."

X

"First door on the right," Mrs. Tonks said, her eyes slightly red. "Thank you so much for coming. It hasn't been quite the same since they passed, and well, you know, Teddy was too young to really remember them."

"Thank you, Mrs. Tonks, and once again, I'm very sorry for your loss," Natasha said, nodding slightly before heading down the hallway. The walls were white and covered in so many pictures it could have filled an album. Almost all of them contained an adorable little boy with kaleidoscopic hair that changed with each image, bright eyes that reminded her of his father, and rosy cheeks. The largest photo, however, contained two other people- a beaming woman with bubble-gum pink hair, cradling her newborn, and ragged man smiling proudly at his son.

The door was already partially opened, and taking a deep breath, Natasha peered around the doorframe. Inwardly, she had to laugh at how easily she'd charged a werewolf, and how difficult it was now to meet his two-year-old son.

The child sat cross-legged in the center of a wooden playpen. His back was to her as he played with what appeared to be a large and well-loved teddy bear. As she bumped the door, it squeaked and he suddenly craned his neck around to face her. His azure locks blended into a sunshine yellow as he tottered up to the edge of the pen, grinning.

Her words choked in her throat for a moment as she saw the toddler in the pictures come to life, and unexpected emotions brought tears to her eyes.

"Hey, Teddy," she said, smiling as she approached him and crouched down to his level.

"Whath your name?" Teddy asked with a lisp, blinking up at her through his thick lashes. He reached out a finger and poked her arm, then giggled when she raised an eyebrow teasingly.

"I'm Natasha. I was a friend of your daddy's."

The child didn't respond, choosing to stare at her for a moment instead, before bending over to retrieve his teddy bear. He clearly didn't understand. He raised the fluffy lump into the air and proudly declared: "Look!"

Natasha laughed, "oh, wow! Who do you have there?"

"Dis is Wubby!"

"Oh, is he your friend?" She said, then put out a hand to gently pet his toy, before tussling his own curled hair.

"Yeth!" he screeched, which she took to mean 'yes,' before she got lost by the torrent of squeaks and squeals of the excitable boy.

She played with him for a surprisingly long time, and Mrs. Tonks had to laugh at the two of them whenever she came in to briefly check on them. It was early evening when Natasha finally left, and both Mrs. Tonks and Teddy gave her a hug on the way out. She waved and watched until the door was closed.

Hopping in her rental car, Natasha wasn't quite ready to drive away. She got out her cell and made a quick phone call to her husband to decide where to go for dinner.

"Love you. Bye," she said, hanging up with a contented sigh. Before the screen went dark, she caught a glimpse of her home screen.

A woman with auburn hair and a dark haired man stood side by side. They were turned towards each other, looking down, and smiling brightly. Between them they held a small bundle, from which a small brown hand reached up. The blankets were tagged with the words "Nigerian Adoption Agency." Two months from now, they'd come back from the states to take their baby girl home.

Natasha smiled, as she looked at the picture and thought sadly, and yet gratefully, of an old friend. She had a feeling she'd be coming back here. Checking the rearview mirror, she turned the key in the ignition, and drove away.