Author/Translator: Saturne
Beta-reader: CloudFactory
Disclaimer: Everything's Murata's and ONE's property, I make no money by borrowing their stuff for funsies.
Summary: When Saitama starts his very own Youtube channel, he has no idea he's jumping into a pit full of snakes.
Author's notes: I've had this stupid Youtube AU idea for awhile and I had no intention to write a fic about it… but I told my BFF (Jackallh) about the OPM characters all having a Youtube channel and he was thrilled, so he gave me no choice but to do it. So here I am. Since I write first in french, then translate it myself into english, it's very time-consuming, so I'll keep the chapters short, and I'll update whenever I can.
Warning: in this AU, everyone is human. No monsters, no incredible strength, no powers.
One more thing! You can leave comments just like if you were on Youtube and commenting the videos. I might or might not use it (depending if it fits in the story) if the characters want to answer some comments… You can even leave questions for the characters, hate or troll comments for the videos if you want. :p
Enjoy!
oOo
Hoy – [28 minutes]
Black screen. A few long minutes of silence and emptiness, and then an image eventually appears. A bald man in close-up. He's resting his cheek on his palm, looking bored to death.
The quality is bad, as bad as the framing is. This video is obviously filmed by a second zone webcam. The light reflecting on the smooth skin of the bald head is blurring the image.
Only his eyes move now and then, and he blinks every twenty seconds. It's easy to guess by the clicking sound of the keyboard and mouse that he's surfing on the Internet.
Several minutes go by that way, until the man yawns so widely the video records his glottis trembling in the back of his throat, and a tiny tear at the corner of his eye.
The scraping sound of a chair pulled back, and he gets up, moving away from what seems to be his desk. He disappears off-camera. The video is now recording just a piece of a room, badly framed. A pile of mangas is resting messily in a folded futon against a wall. There are magazines and an empty ramen cup on the low table. Some crumpled clothes lying around on the floor.
Indistinct sounds come from off-camera as the minutes pass by.
Finally, the man comes back and drops himself on his chair. He's got a cup of tea in his hand and wears a shirt with shôyu written on it. He takes a first sip and comes closer to sit in front of his laptop, always with the same expressionless look.
He's taking his third sip and has been clicking on his mouse for three minutes already when his face changes slightly and he raises his eyebrows.
"Ah…"
His phlegmatic voice sounds strangely loud after more than twenty minutes of complete silence. He blinks and squints, a drop of sweat dripping from his brow.
"I didn't notice it was recording."
He puts back his cup on the desk and clears his throat, looking somewhat embarrassed.
"Well, now that it's on, I might as well start…"
A hand comes closer, hiding everything for a second. When it goes away, the framing is better and the light isn't blurring everything anymore. The bald man's features are clear, but his face is still neutral and emotionless as he waves feebly.
"Hi everyone. My name is Saitama. I'm 25 years old. I decided to start my own Youtube channel, just to try. I dunno, I thought it'd be fun, like a hobby or something."
He scratches his temple, obviously looking for something else to say. Then he shrugs.
"That's all. See ya."
He leans towards the laptop, his hand approaching, and the video stops.
The visit – [4 minutes]
What looks like an egg in close-up appears and then moves away. It happens to be in fact the bald skull of Saitama who was a bit too close of the webcam.
"Hi y'all." he says in a flat tone.
The video moves and shakes. It seems that Saitama just picked up his laptop in his arms and is carrying it around. His bored looking face invades the screen, while everything moves behind him, like if he was turning around.
"I'm gonna show you around. Don't mind the mess, I've been too lazy to tidy up."
The video rotates, blurs and becomes jerky until it focuses on a television. It's on, but the sound is turned off.
"This is my tv. Good stuff."
It spins around once again, and now the webcam films a futon spread on the floor, and a blanket with a pattern of little pink hearts.
"This is where I sleep, eat, watch tv, play video games and stuff."
Moving around enough to give anyone seasickness, the video spins and stops to film a narrow kitchen.
"And this is my kitchen. There. It's my home. Ah wait, I've got a balcony too."
The image waves and then stabilizes on the sliding sash doors looking onto the balcony. It's sunny outside, and the light washes away the screen with intense bright white. Saitama walks outside, standing on the balcony. The light reduces progressively and the image becomes clear again when he puts down the laptop on the floor.
It's obvious now that he's wearing striped pajamas, as he crouches to pick up a cactus pot and holds it in front of the webcam.
"I won this cactus as a gift last time I bought a bunch of ramens on sale. It's kinda cool and it doesn't need too much care. I just have to give it water once every three months or so."
The webcam flickers when Saitama picks up his laptop and stands up. His face is hidden in shadows because of the back-lighting. Behind him, the sun shines bright in a blue sky.
"S'all for today. Imma take a nap now. Bye."
Space cop fury – reaction + review [1 hour 47 minutes]
"Hi everyone."
Given the angle of filming – the webcam is showing a large part of the apartment – the laptop is probably on the desk, placed in a way so it would record the folded futon against the wall, the low table and the television. It's night time, judging by the darkness in the room and the closed curtains.
Squatting near the futon so he would be on the framing, Saitama vaguely waves.
"I've been thinking about what sort of videos I could make and what I should do with my channel. I kinda like watching movies, so maybe I could give my opinion or something, like a lot of youtubers do."
He puts out of his OPPAI hoodie's pocket a DVD with a title written on it with a pen. Illegally downloaded, it seems so.
"Tonight we're gonna watch together Space cop fury. I ain't seen it yet, so you'll get my true live reactions. And then I'll say what I thought of it."
Saitama turns towards the tv screen and puts the film in the DVD drive. Then he sits back against the futon, remote control in his hand.
"Let's start."
The television turns on, but with the webcam's angle and the video low quality, it's impossible to actually watch the movie with him. In the darkness of the room, the tv screen shines too bright, hiding the images. The sound and the music too are muffled.
Saitama watches the movie slouching against the futon. The flashes cast light on his blank face looking like an emotionless mask.
The whole video is like that. Almost two hours of Saitama changing position to lie lazily on the futon, picking his nose or scratching his belly. His face stays perfectly neutral for the whole movie.
When the end credits starts scrolling down, Saitama blinks at last and gets up to switch off the television. He takes good care of putting back the DVD in its case, then goes straight towards the webcam, bare feet on the floor.
He tilts the laptop's screen to face him when he sits on the chair.
"Well it wasn't too bad, I guess. The action's cool."
He lazily raises a hand to wave goodbye.
"That's all. I hope you liked it. See ya."
Thanks :) – [7 minutes]
The video starts directly on Saitama's face. But this time, he's smiling a little bit. It's very subtle, but it brightens his eyes.
"Hi everyone. It's been awhile since I updated, but I just noticed there've been some views on my videos. Almost five for all. Well, I got two red thumbs and no comments, but you watched it nonetheless, so it makes me want to make more."
He rests his elbow on the desk, sipping his tea cup.
"And I won my very first subscriber: DemonCyborg. Thanks, dude."
He puts back his cup and bends, disappearing off-camera for a few seconds with rustling sounds of plastic. When he comes back on screen, he brings two heavy shopping bags on the desk.
"Today I'm gonna show you what I bought on sale. Everything was -75% at the Daily Market but I managed to lower down the prices even more with the coupons I collected from magazines and with my fidelity points. I paid 672 yens for it all, not a yen more."
His face back to being neutral, Saitama starts to show everything he bought: dishes, clothes, sandals and a lot of daikons. He explains for each article what was the original price and how much he actually paid for it.
Once he's done explaining, and still holding a daikon in his hand, he blinks and stares right at the webcam.
"If you liked that video, you can share it and leave a comment below if you want to make a suggestion or ask a question."
He waves goodbye with the vegetable.
"See ya."