"Syaoran! If you stay frowning like that, your face will be stuck that way forever!" The chipper voice broke Syaoran's trance as his eyes shot up from their trained focus on his boots to respond to Mokona's warning. She perched on his shoulder, her tiny face contorted into an expression of concern for the young boy. Tiny paws set themselves on each of his cheeks as she asked him, "What's wrong? You have your worry face on again. Is it about Sakura' feathers? We'll find them Syaoran, Mokona is working very hard!"

Syaoran's face melted into a soft smiled. "I know you are Mokona, thank you so much." The edges of his smile faltered and twitched as he tried to maintain his happy expression. "Actually… I uh… I wasn't thinking about the feathers…" His thumbs circled round one another anxiously as Syaoran's throat worked itself to form words despite the painful lump forming. "Um… Mokona, can I ask you something?" Syaoran's voice cracked, his eyebrows furrowing as he concentrated on keeping himself composed. The kind creature nodded gently as she moved from his shoulder to settle herself on his crossed legs. "Do I… Can you tell I'm a boy?"

Mokona's ears twitched and she tilted her head in confusion. "What do you mean Syaoran? You are a boy."

"No I know I just… If you saw me and you didn't um… and you didn't know I was, would you think I was a boy… or would you think I looked more like a girl?" The hard lump in Syaoran's throat betrayed him a tear that he had been fighting to keep back rolled down his dust covered cheek. Quickly, Syaoran brought a palm up to his face to wipe it away, but it was already apparent to Mokona that he was more than just worried this time.

"Syaoran…" She picked up his other hand, gently running her paw over some of his knuckles.

Sniffling, Syaoran swiped his sleeve over his eyes, wiping away the wetness growing on his cheeks, but not the clear redness in his eyes as he cleared his throat. "Never mind it Mokona, I'm being silly." He forced a smile, hoping it would keep her from worrying about him further though he knew she was smarter than that trick of his. Picking Mokona back up in the palm of his hand, as she still stared up at him with overwhelming concern, he announced in his still wavering voice, "Come on, let's go find Ashur-" When Syaoran turned around, he came face to face with Sakura.

The worried scowl on her face rivaled that of his own on the hardest of days as those oh so green eyes burrowed right into Syaoran's very soul it seemed. "P-Princess…" He stammered. "I-I thought you were asleep." This only made her frown more apparent. Panic soon set into Syaoran's gut as she quietly looked him up and down. Was she mad at him? In fear he turned his face away from her, unable to continue holding her gaze.

"You've been crying." Sakura stated softly, her hand reaching up to cup his cheek and turn his face back to her. "Syaoran-kun what's wrong?" Her other palm cupped his other cheek as well, and Syaoran felt unbearable heat flood his cheeks as he opened his mouth to speak despite the lack of words he found. Unintentionally, Syaoran found himself flinching under her touch. Sakura withdrew her hands, her face growing less concerned and more saddened. "Did I do something wrong?" She asked in a voice even softer than before.

Panicked, Syaoran stuttered out a reflexive, "N-No… I mean… I…" He stopped himself, nearly biting his tongue in the process as he mulled over how to respond. "It's nothing, I'm just being foolish…" He mumbled, averting his gaze once more. "Don't worry about it Princess." He said, unable to hide the clear distraught in his voice as he tried to walk past her.

A hand caught him by the arm, holding him back. "Syaoran-kun, if I hurt you somehow… please tell me." Her voice was less soft now, more demanding, in her own way. Syaoran's mind flashed back to other times she had spoken to him like this, and his chest felt like it was caving in as he remembered all those gentle scoldings he now missed so greatly.

"It's nothing, really-"

"I know you hide things that hurt on the outside from everyone, but hiding what hurts inside can be worse. That's something our high priest told me." Syaoran swallowed. He remembered that conversation with Yukito, he had been there with Sakura at the time. They were ten years old and had just gotten over their first argument. Slowly he turned around to face her, pain clear on his face as he took a deep breath.

The struggle was apparent in the way his voice cracked as he turned to Mokona, who was holding his thumb in between her paws. "Could you give us a minute please Mokona?" He asked. Mokona hesitated for a minute, but nodded silently as she hopped up onto his shoulder once again to give his cheek a quick nuzzle before giving the two of them their space.

The silence between the teenagers was thick and uncomfortable. It found itself under Syaoran's collar like hot air on a particularly humid day. Clasping a palm to the back of his neck, Syaoran wrought his brain for a right way to word his next sentence. "So… Do you remember um… back in the troop… I had to dress uh… like a girl?" His eyes couldn't look at Sakura, and instead retreated back to their usual spot staring down at whatever footwear he had chosen that day. "Then um… You told me that I looked just like… a real girl?" Syaoran shut his eyes tightly, running his hands through his hair and down his face.

"Oh no, Syaoran-kun I'm sorry. I didn't realize that was so hurtful…" Sakura stepped towards him, reaching out to him again.
But Syaoran's mouth twitched a bit, his lips hardening into a line. "I… I need to explain why… it hurt…" His entire throat felt like it was convulsing as he tried to swallow the persistent tears that demanded freedom at the edge of his eyes. Memories of their childhood flooded his brain once again as he searched within himself for the strength to continue talking. Memories of when they were young, and Syaoran often found himself hiding behind Sakura as young children from the village, ignorant of the effect their words had, were told off by the young princess. Memories of confiding in her when he felt like only she sympathized with him after his father had passed onto the next life.

"I… I worry a lot that I look like a girl sometimes…" He choked out. "That people will see me as one. I don't want them to… I don't want to be seen as a girl, not ever." Memories of a young and fierce Sakura reassuring him that he was very much a boy, no matter what anyone else said to him. That she knew it, and he knew it, and that she would make sure everyone else knew it if it was the last thing she did. "Because… Because I…" Memories of hearing her say his name and his pronouns and feeling nothing but warm and fuzzy validation. "Princess… I'm trans…"