Hi everyone! Yes, I know I'm due to update SKSICM but this story grabbed onto my brain and refused to leave! Enjoy!

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I. Don't. Laugh.

Ever.

Maybe I smiled once…or twice….after plunging my claws into an opponent's stomach and ripping out his intestines…but dead men tell no tales.

I know what they say about me – that I am cold, unfeeling. Heartless.

That I have no sense of humor.

I don't.

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"Oi!"

I sigh inwardly and calmly turn to face my tormentor. His eyes, so similar to mine, dance with mirth as he meets my gaze. Not for the first time I find myself asking the Heavens what crime I committed to be stuck with him as my family. It's not as if I am a mass murderer…..oh wait. I am.

"Do you want something, pup?" I question. 'For the love of all that is holy, say no and leave.'

"Yeah, I do."

'Fuck.'

"Whatever it is, you can rest assured, you will not be needing me for it." I reply coldly.

"Oh yes, I do," he retorts. "Kagome wants me to invite you for dinner tonight and if I told her no then…" he shudders.

'Pussy-whipped fool.'

"The fact that you are afraid of your woman is most unmanly, Inuyasha." I look him up and down with contempt. "Not that you were much of a man to begin with anyways."

'Ha! Sesshomaru: 1. Inuyasha: 0'

"Fuck you, Sesshomaru."

'I'd rather you didn't thankyouverymuch.'

"Anyways, she wants you there by nightfall. Don't be late." With that, he turns around and leaps into the trees, the dense foliage shielding him from my view.

'Motherfucker.'

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Now as much as I remain expressionless on the outside, I'll be honest here – an angry Kagome is the most terrifying thing I have ever faced in my life. She is clearly the alpha in their relationship and my half-brother is her bitch. I almost frown as I consider it. No female will ever have that level of dominance over this Sesshomaru.

'Except if she knows how to use whips, chains and leather,' my inner voice chimes in.

Never going to happen.

So now I find myself stuck in this little shithole of a village for much longer than I anticipated. My intention was to visit Rin and then leave before the stench of humans took up permanent residence in my nose. I had been lapsing in my visits of late, my travels taking me further and further away. It was the realization that my last interaction with her was over eighteen months ago which made me take this impromptu trip.

Inuyasha doesn't seem to be affected by the smell….but then again, he has his head so far up his mate's ass that I am sure that's the only thing he can sense.

I smirk slightly at the mental image. A few seconds later I am at Rin's hut – the one I insisted that they build for her next to the old priestess' home. I'll be damned if she caught some sort of plague from the constant stream of sick mortals who visited the old woman's house daily. Add that to the fact that the majority of them seemed to be half naked men and…well….

Good thing most of them know that if they even so much as LOOK at her that I shall rip off their genitals and feed them the pieces.

The thought of some lowly peasant thinking that he was good enough for my ward infuriates me and a low growl begins in my throat. It is cut short by a musical laugh and my name.

"Lord Sesshomaru!"

Suddenly, my arms are full of a warm body and what seems like acres of straight, black hair. I blink in bemusement….

Wait. Did I just say 'bemusement'? I meant battle readiness. I blinked in battle readiness.

…and push back the little girl to greet her properly.

Fuck me twice.

When I last saw my ward, she was a somewhat plump girl of almost seventeen. Her hair had been in her usual style and she wore one of the kimonos that I had gifted her with. The woman standing before me was, in a word, glorious. Her hair was loose and hanging to her hips in a glossy waterfall and her figure was neat and trim with rounded hips and perfect legs encased in -

Over my dead body.

"Rin," I try to keep my tone level, "What are you wearing?"

"Oh, this?" she laughs and gestures to her attire. "Sango made it for me. She also made one for Kagome. We wear them when we train with her or if we go horseback riding. So much more mobility and flexibility than with a kimono."

Was it absolutely necessary for her to say 'flexibility'?

I stare down at her impassively. "Go change."

The insolent brat has the audacity to grin at me and shake her head. "I have training in thirty minutes Lord Sesshomaru. If I change now, it'll take me a while to put this back on." She slants her eyes to meet my glare. "I mean, with the leather and all."

Leather…hips…legs…

This girl is a menace. I lower my eyelids and scrutinize her impassively. Two can play at that game.

Feigning nonchalance, I make a dismissive sound. "As you wish," I reply. A flash of chagrin flickers in her eyes before she can hide it and I mentally pat myself on the back. "Come, walk with me," I command, turning in the direction of the forest.

My demon senses pick up on her almost inaudible huff of exasperation and my lips curl slightly in a smile as I stalk off.

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The forest is quiet. I know it is due to my presence and the fact that the villagers are in awe of a daiyoukai in their midst. My initial visit so many years ago threw the lot of simpletons into a panic until my half-brother revealed our family connection and assured them that I would not harm anyone. I stood stiffly by during his introductions and tolerated the scrutiny of these mortals for the sake of making Rin's transition into human life easier. I scoff silently at the memory and turn to the tiny woman at my side.

"How have you been?" I question.

She had been studying a flower in her hand but upon hearing my voice, she looks over at me and flashes a smile. "I've been well, Lord Sesshomaru. I am learning so many things here in the village and I enjoy spending time with my friends."

What is this constricting feeling in my chest?

"So, I will take that to mean that you like living here then?" I keep my tone low and casual.

"Oh yes," she nods vigorously. "Thank you for bringing me." Her large, dark eyes narrow ever so slightly. "Is everything fine Lord Sesshomaru?"

"Yes Rin, everything is…" Fucking perfect. "…..fine." I glance upwards at the clear skies before continuing. "I had come to check up on you and ensure that you were adapting to life with your fellow humans. Now that I can see that you are, my mind can rest easily until my next visit."

"Oh?"

I look down, startled that she had somehow managed to come within mere inches of me without my sensing her. "Oh?" I repeat.

Because of course your response shows how intelligent you are right? Why am I speaking to myself again?

She goes onto the tips of her toes to place a small hand on my chest and suddenly it gets hard to breathe.

Miasma. There's got to be some miasma around here.

"And what if I told you that I was miserable here?" she whispers, knowing that I would hear her words clearly.

"Then I would remove you instantly," I respond. My eyes narrow as I survey her. "Are you unhappy Rin? Has anyone been bothering you?"

I'll rip out their throat.

She chuckles and shakes her head. "Apart from the usual suitors –" Her voice is drowned out by a ferocious growl.

What the fuck? Suitors? Nobody touches what is mine! Wait…what am I saying?

"Ummmm…Lord Sesshomaru? Your eyes are turning red."

Her calm statement is enough for me to tamp down on my rage. I glare at her and take hold of her upper arms. "What suitors?"

She shrugs, displaying absolutely no fear. "Well the usual….I am almost nineteen and by now most women have been married with a baby or two on the way." She lowers her thick lashes and then peers up at me through them. "Don't you agree that it is time for me to do the same?"

Fucking bloody hell, NO!

"Do you have someone that you favour?" I growl…I mean ASK.

She gives me a secretive smile. "Yes I do," she murmurs.

This burning in my chest is getting worse…I must have been more gravely injured in my last battle than I thought.

"Who is he?" I demand, anger making my voice rough. Anger, yes. That's it. Anger.

"He doesn't return my feelings…yet…" she replies.

"Yet?" I echo. "Is he a fool? Does he wish to die painfully?"

She makes a non-committal sound. "Well to be honest, I don't believe that he even sees me as a woman or is even attracted to me. I think he feels that I am somewhat of a nuisance actually."

Something in her tone has the hackles on the back of my neck raising as if sensing extreme danger.

Maybe she is approaching her bleeding time? In that case, it would be wise to remain silent.

"- agree, Lord Sesshomaru?"

Shit. "What was that Rin?" I ask.

"I said, do you agree with his opinion?" she repeats, a dangerous glint in her eyes.

"I- I," For the love of all demons, am I STUTTERING? I knew keeping in contact with that damn half breed would begin to rub off on me!

Clearing my throat, I attempt to recover my equilibrium and soothe the beast currently clinging onto me. "No, Rin, I do not believe you are a nuisance." I slowly sweep my eyes over her lithe form. "Nor do I see you as anything but a woman."

Great Mother, I actually mean that….

A startled look enters her eyes and her hand drops to her side. Perversely, I want to protest the loss of her warm fingers on my chest and I nearly open my mouth to unman myself when the scent of salt hits me.

Fuck. Me.

"Rin, please don't cry," I murmur, at a total loss on how to handle a weeping female. She of course ignores my request and stares up at me, tears falling unchecked down her cheeks. She makes no sound while doing so but the expression in her eyes wrenches my heart all the same.

Heart? No that's a mistake….I am not my imbecile of a half-brother who is affected by the tears of a female. Fuck it. Who am I fooling anyway?

I lower my head and press a kiss to the tear tracks on her cheeks. She makes a sound somewhere between a gasp and a hiccup and her eyes grow wide.

"Lord Sesshomaru!" she rasps.

"Sesshomaru," I correct, angling my face down to meet hers.

Two inches, one inch…..

"MEAROOWWWWWWW!"

What the everloving FUCK was THAT?

Instantly, I am in the air, Rin cradled to my side as I scan our surroundings for the enemy. The hell raising shriek comes again and I follow the sound to a nearby clearing. The sight that greets us is most unexpected.

Standing on a broken tree trunk, and swatting desperately at a wild boar is one of the mangiest cats that I have ever seen. As much as I detest felines, I have to admire the ferocity with which this one is defending its life. It seemed almost a shame that it would have to die such a violent death. Almost.

I begin to turn away, only to be halted by a slap to my arm.

Did she just strike me? Gods, does no one fear me anymore?

I raise an eyebrow at her questioningly. "Did you want something?"

"You can't just leave the cat there!" she exclaims. "Save it!"

"I am not going to waste my energy on a stray cat," I reply. "This is life. The cat will eventually tire and then be killed by the boar. It is not something that I care to interfere in."

Her full lips harden and I swear her eyes flash red for an instant. "You. Will. Save. The. Cat." She pokes me in the chest as if to emphasize each word. "Or you will NEVER see what is under this outfit."

The boar squeals as my dakkoso ends its miserable life. Rin gapes at me and if her mouth opens any further her jaw will unhinge.

Nice to know you can open that wide, you'll be needing it.

"Did you even MOVE?" she shrieks. "You could have simply done that instead of argu-mmphhh…"

She melts into my mouth, the hard, punishing kiss shutting her up effectively. Her hands clench at my shoulders and I bury my fingers in her silky hair as I slant my lips across hers. I lick at her bottom lip and with a sigh she opens to me, allowing me to sweep my tongue inside. Her hand brushes my right cheek, so soft and furry…..

Furry?

I break the kiss and tilt my head slightly. Sitting on my right shoulder, purring lightly and rubbing its face against my skin is that damned cat.

"Motherfucker!" I scream…I mean shout…a most manly shout at that. I am about to plunge my claws into the disgusting animal when I hear Rin yell.

"Sit boy!"

I freeze and gawk at her. "Did you just try to SIT me?"

She had the decency to look somewhat sheepish at least. "Well, you never know…it works on Inuyasha."

Her eyes soften as she surveys the cat. The cat that is still on my shoulder. A shoulder that will now stink of feline. "I think it likes you," she smiles.

"I don't give a damn," I retort. "Get it off."

She slowly reaches out towards the animal and strokes its head.

Stroke…head….hands….behave!

The cat purrs increase in volume and its eyes close in pleasure. Rin lightly tries to pick it up but the little piece of shit clearly has other plans. I hiss out a curse as four sets of claws attach themselves securely to my flesh and glare at the cat from Hell. It meets my gaze calmly and in the yellow green orbs, I can see trust and gratitude.

Goddamn it, there must be miasma in this area as well.

Rin gives the grey fur one last pat then turns to me. "Sesshomaru, let's take the cat back to the village. I will keep it and hopefully it will come down from your shoulder when it sees food. The poor thing looks like it hasn't eaten in days."

"Just keep my idiot brother away until we get this thing off me," I say through gritted teeth.

She laughs and kisses me quickly on the mouth. "Let's go home, my love."

Fucking miasma.

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"Sesshomaru, you are aware that there is a cat on your shoulder right?"

"Thank you for stating the obvious half breed. We now know who inherited the intelligence in the family."

Moronic pile of dog shit.

"Do I even want to hear this story?" my brother's wife laughs as she studies the grey bundle of fur by my ear.

"No."

"Sesshomaru, don't be such a downer," Rin giggles as she passes me a bowl of sake.

I'm going to need about 200 of these to get through this without killing someone.

Rin continues, "We named her Isamu as she is such a brave little thing. However, she seems to be aware that Sesshomaru was the one to save her life and since then she has been literally attached to him." Her eyes sparkle with laughter and I am momentarily mesmerized at her vibrant beauty.

Inuyasha raises an eyebrow. "Still doesn't explain why Sesshomaru is letting the thing sit on his shoulder though," he smirks. "Why didn't you just rip it off and toss it aside?"

My gaze flickers to Rin for a fraction of a second and I curse his keen observation skills as a knowing smile begins to curl on his lips. I glare at him with my coldest look and for a moment it actually seems as if he is going to shut up.

Good. Know your place, pup.

Then that damn cat slaps me across the face with its tail.

Inuyasha loses it and bursts out laughing so hard that he falls to the floor. I growl as he sends out peal after peal of laughter. I hear the snickers of the women behind me but the half-breed seals his fate with his next sentence.

"Sesshomaru, you're pussy whipped!"

I'm going to feed your ass to you.

"Inuyasha," I deadpan. There is sudden silence from the females.

He looks up, tears still streaming from his eyes and blanches, all the blood draining instantly from his face.

"Oh shit….y-you're smiling!" he stammers.

I grin at him while flexing my claws. "Run."

Hold on cat, playtime has begun.

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THE END