Efforts and Changes: Kotori Minami

"Hey~ Kotori~ my most~ favorite~ person~ in the world~ after Kayochin~ and~ ramen~ nya!"

You giggle at Rin's exaggerated greeting and equally exaggerated wink, which makes her giggle with you. "Hello to you, too, Rin," you grin.

She plops down beside you, and you shuffle some of your drawings to the side so that they don't get crumpled accidentally. She nods approvingly when she spots the wedding-themed set you've been working on lately; you expect her to comment on it, or to start talking about her latest adventure….

But several minutes pass and Rin sits silently beside you. She's smiling quite happily… and her chatter is nonexistent.

Not that it's a bad thing, necessarily.

It's just… the silence becomes a bit… unnerving, the longer it goes on, sending a prickle of foreboding fear up your spine—a ridiculous reaction, though, because this is Rin! Why would you ever be afraid of Rin?

It's the middle of the day, too. Broad daylight, plenty of students still at school, you're waiting for Honoka and Umi to finish their student council duties—

"Say something!"

"What?!" Rin jerks back, her eyes wide and mouth gaping, and flustered guilt immediately wells up in your chest. "What'd I do?!"

Her reaction is so similar to Honoka's that you forget what you were about to say. The words simply disappear.

But those are yellow eyes that stare at you in befuddlement, not blue.

"Sorry," Rin mumbles when you fail to respond. She scratches at her ear, admitting with a sheepish grin, "I was trying to think of something, nya, but it's hard doing these things on demand!" She scowls—not like Honoka, who would be pouting instead, turning helpless blue eyes toward you—

"No, I'm sorry," you shake your head vigorously, "I shouldn't have yelled at you." Your shoulders droop in dejection, and, honestly, you kind of feel like becoming a puddle or something.

Rin nudges you with her elbow, saying, "Aw, c'mon, cheer up! Rin doesn't mind getting yelled at."

You wonder if it's just you or if Rin's statement really does sound a bit funny.

"O-oh, well, still…." It's probably just you.

And with that, the clubroom falls into an unsettling silence again. Today's not your day for conversation, is it?

"Where's Hanayo?" you ask after an eternity, glancing to the door as if Hanayo will magically appear when you call her name. Hmm—magically, magical, magicians? You jot that down in the corner of the sketch closest to you; it might be an idea worth pursuing.

"Eh, somewhere 'round, y'know, doing… stuff," Rin hedges instead of giving you a straight answer, which strikes you as odd.

Your pencil stops mid-stroke.

For some reason, you remember: Rin said something odd.

Ah, that's right, isn't it? You put down your pencil and turn to Rin.

"Silly me," you begin with a light chuckle. "I've completely forgotten to thank you, Rin!"

Her head tilts as she blinks at you, just like Honoka does whenever—

You explain, "For helping Honoka and Umi. I'm really, really thankful you helped knock some sense into them!" Because you didn't know where to even begin helping them.

Rin laughs, boisterous and cheerful and not at all bashful.

It brings a smile out of you despite yourself.

"There we go, nya!" Rin smirks.

"W-what?" you blink, taken aback by her sudden pride.

"Nothing, nothing," Rin shrugs, a too-innocent look on her face that rivals even Honoka's. "Listen, I have to go now—" already? You glance at the clock—"but I'll catch ya later, nya! Don't lose your smile, Kotori!"

She's gone before you can ask what that even means, but it really is starting to get late and you should be heading out, too; you hadn't even noticed the time slip by, so preoccupied you were with Rin's unusual silence.

Are Honoka and Umi still in the student council room?

"Sorry, Rin," you whisper.

"Do you want to come over to my house, Kotori?"

You tear your eyes away from Honoka and Umi's retreating backs to answer Hanayo; once you set your gaze on her pleading face, however, the no, thank you that was on the tip of your tongue changes into, "Sure!"

Hanayo lights up, the soft kind of joy that makes your heart ache with how genuine and modest it is.

Maybe it will do you some good to be with your friends, instead of sulking at home alone, now that Honoka and Umi have gone to work on student council stuff.

"Bye, Kayochin and Kotori! Don't lose your smile, nya!" Rin shouts, snagging a startled Maki on her way out the door.

You gaze curiously after them, wondering aloud, "Aren't they coming with us?" It's rare, after all, to see one of the first-years without the other two these days; they've formed something of a little group, just like—

"No," Hanayo sighs a long-suffering sigh. "Maki promised to help Rin study for math."

"Oh… okay." You want to ask why that means Hanayo won't go with them, but that would make it sound like you don't want Hanayo's company, which of course isn't the case.

And so you find yourself walking down the staircase in pleasant silence with Hanayo.

It's a nice change of pace.

Slow, quiet, and relaxed.

Voices up ahead murmur, waxing and waning, echoing in the silence of this afterschool hour. It's not something you usually notice, since most of the time you're caught up in Honoka's expansive presence or in µ's or even your own thoughts—it's humbling, realizing that the students around you have their own lives that are only tangentially connected to yours.

"L-let's go this way."

"What? Why?" you ask, but Hanayo doesn't answer, instead tugging at your arm with surprising force, redirecting you through a side corridor—you think you see a flash of blue and ginger and red.

Umi? Honoka? Maki?

No, it's probably just you and your wistful thoughts, imagining things; Honoka and Umi are knee-deep in student council work right now, and by now Maki must be wrangling Rin into studying.

And you…

"This way, Kotori," Hanayo murmurs as she takes a left outside the school gates.

"Mm."

You are walking to Hanayo's house.

For once, you hear snippets of others' conversations, ahead and behind you.

For once, you notice the cars passing by and the people brushing past.

For once, you can pause to admire the sky's soft blues and wispy whites without being left behind.

Hanayo doesn't make conversation, nor do you; it's not uncomfortable, like it was with Rin the other day, but it still makes you blink. There's nothing wrong about the silence, just—well, maybe you're not used to it.

Your gaze wanders, from the cars to the people to the sky, and a question whispers: why is it so uncomfortable, even though it's not?

Then, you find yourself at Hanayo's house—a modest house—greeting Hanayo's mother and settling down in Hanayo's bedroom.

Posters of idol groups share wall space with blown-up pictures of rice dishes.

It makes you smile.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Hanayo gently asks, setting down a tray of tea and rice cakes, breaking the silence between you and reminding you that, as understanding as Hanayo is, you shouldn't spend your entire time here with your head lost in the clouds.

"Hmm," you take a careful sip of tea, "my thoughts aren't very exciting." Your eyes crinkle in—amusement.

You are: soft, quiet, and slow. You, Kotori Minami, are boring. It is pretty funny, when you think about it.

"Don't say that," Hanayo's warm hand settles on yours. "Being introverted isn't bad. Just look at how well we fit in µ's."

Shrugging, you reply, "It doesn't bother me. Hey, what do you think of a magic-themed photoshoot?"

Hanayo yields.

Part of you is glad… and part of you isn't.

"Hello, Kotori," Eli steps up as you leave the café at the end of your shift.

"Oh, hi, Eli!" You glance around, wondering where everyone else is.

As if reading your mind, Eli says, "It is only the two of us this fine Saturday afternoon," and the polish in her voice makes you smile, bringing to mind Umi's ultra-formal tone. "I was hoping, Kotori, that you would do me the favor of accompanying me on an outing—not here in Akihabara, of course," she adds with a meaningful nod to the café you just left.

So formal, so much like Umi.

"For both our sakes, Eli," you laugh, "I don't think I can accept the offer." It's not that you don't want to go, no, but you have to think of Nozomi and Umi's feelings—you don't want to cause any sort of misunderstanding.

Eli's face goes blank for a moment; you can pinpoint the exact moment she understands because her entire face goes red so quickly that it rivals even Umi's intense blushes.

"Not as a date," Eli hastens to correct with a rueful chuckle. "No," she smiles softly at you, making you blink, "I simply want to enjoy the day with a dear friend."

The sentiment you hear in Eli's voice, in Eli's smile, brings you up short: it's not Umi standing in front of you, spluttering incoherently and on the brink of passing out. It's Eli who stands in front of you, retaining her cool confidence despite being flustered.

Why would it be Umi, anyway?

"As for our respective partners, they already know," she adds.

"Well, you came all the way here," you sigh, your lips twitching in the beginnings of a pleased smile despite yourself.

"You can say no, Kotori, if you want."

Just like that, your smile drops.

Umi does occasionally berate you for being unable to say no to Honoka, and you know that it goes beyond just giving in to Honoka's whims.

Shaking your head, you say, "Nonsense, Eli! I don't mind spending time with you, really."

Eli regards you with stern blue eyes—a peculiar mix of Honoka and Umi (but that's a ridiculous thought, you know).

"Then," she says at last, and your shoulders relax, "let us be off."

Just like yesterday, there isn't any further conversation between you and Eli, though that might be because the streets of Akihabara are significantly noisier than the streets by the school.

But, still, the emptiness gnaws at you.

"Here we are," Eli finally motions to a café just up ahead, "although the parfaits you make are good, I must say that the ones here are the best." Eli grins, genuine and quietly teasing.

You can't help but giggle, especially once Eli puffs up in clearly exaggerated pride for this café. After that, both of you start laughing, loud and carefree.

"Oh, Eli," you wheeze once your laughter tapers, wiping a few tears from the corners of your eyes, "I feel like I haven't laughed like that in a while."

Wait.

That's not what you meant to say. You meant to—to—

"Kotori," Eli holds the café door open for you, her gaze stern again.

You hope she lets the matter drop, but when you take the seat across from her at a side table by the windows, she idly flips through the menu as she begins:

"Nozomi and I come here often."

You make a weak attempt to skim through the options, too, but your hands tremble.

"I… wouldn't want to intrude," you say, unable to think of anything else except that you shouldn't be here, shouldn't be burdening Eli like this, shouldn't—

"Nonsense, Kotori," Eli uses your response against you. "Nozomi and I don't mind at all. I would gladly enrichen my associations of this place with memories of you."

She is stern, as unrelenting as Umi and just as concerned for you.

"Please," you whisper—you beg.

This isn't what you want; you simply can't do this.

Eli softens but the lines on her face don't leave. She tells you, "Kotori, you will have to make a stand, sooner or later. You have to make an effort."

"Oi," Nico's crossed arms and bored look stop you outside your classroom, "I was thinking it's high time I taught you some better sewing skills."

Bewildered, you glance to Honoka and Umi for help—except, when you turn to them, Honoka's nodding sagely and Umi is very pointedly looking away.

"I don't—"

"You're turning down the great Nico Nico Nii?" she glowers, and you blanch at the unintended reminder that Nico, despite being the most brash of your upperclassmen, is actually very sensitive to perceived rejection.

What if this is her way of saying she's lonely? You can't, in good conscience, walk away from that, even if you want—

Honoka chooses this moment to cheerfully announce, "I think it's a great idea, Kotori! It can't hurt, right?" Her guileless blue eyes regard you, as if it's not even a question that you'll join Nico for lunch.

"Quite so," Umi adds, though she still doesn't look at you. "Moreover, I had intended to have Honoka get through some student council work this lunch period, and I wouldn't want to bore you, Kotori," she says over Honoka's pouting protests.

Resolutely ignoring the sudden lump in your throat, you smile and nod in acquiescence.

You are left in the hallway in front of your classroom, watching Honoka and Umi's retreating backs for the millionth time in the past few weeks.

"Geez, you three are so troublesome, so melodramatic."

Coming from Nico, that must be saying something, but, "Why?"

Although Umi mentioned that µ's had given her that push necessary, both she and Honoka haven't really explained what had happened.

Being in the dark, like this, makes you… feel left out.

"Do I have to spell it out?" Nico asks, shoving the door open.

The clubroom is empty, as it always is at lunch; no wonder Nico sought you out: despite being a single group, µ's is very much fractured in previously-existing friendships when it comes to non-club-related activities, which therefore leaves Nico all alone here, day after day.

No, you don't need her to spell it out for you, because now you know firsthand what it's like to be simultaneously included and excluded.

But, again, Nico sighs—with real frustration in her tone when she grumbles, "Yes, it looks like you Nico Nico need guidance, or else you'll be going around with that lost-puppy look that not even Honoka uses."

"Please don't say that about Honoka," you say; you might not be Umi, a knight in shining armor, but you are Honoka's friend and you're not going to let anyone talk about Honoka as if she's some nuisance.

"Oh, look, the bird pecks," Nico remarks, her eyebrows going up. There's no malice, but there is a challenge in Nico's crossed arms and jutting chin.

It sets off a warning bell in your head.

There's something going on here, between Honoka's back and Umi's lack of eye contact and Rin's uncharacteristic silence and Hanayo's quiet reassurance and Eli's relentlessness.

But you know you're not strong enough to do this without Honoka.

"So, about the sewing," you inelegantly change the topic, "I had an idea for a costume set, but it'll take a while, so I was wondering if you could…."

Nico is shaking her head, back and forth, and it's clear that she's not going to let this go.

But you try anyway, imploring, "Please, Nico."

"I'm not a soft touch like Eli and Hanayo," Nico says, painfully blunt, "and it looks like no one else is going to make you make a decision, so I'm here to tell you that you have to, whether you like it or not."

You take one step back.

And another when Nico tilts her head, looking at you in exasperation.

You, Kotori Minami, are a coward.

"Oi, get back here!"

"The point is to cheer her up, not upset her further! She literally ran away—"

Your feet drag to a halt outside the rooftop.

"—Look, I'm just saying that she needs—"

"—But she doesn't want—"

You know, deep in your heart, that you don't want them to fight, so you step onto the rooftop, brushing aside the prickle of fear at being proven right, and put on your best smile.

This is for your friends. You could have gone home right after school, but you're not going to abandon µ's so easily. You need to see it through.

"Hey, everyone!"

Everyone freezes; it's kind of funny, how horrified their expressions are, everyone wondering how much you heard.

"Kotori," Nico grits; you feel bad for running away, but you'll apologize later.

"Well," Eli cuts in, "that's everyone, so let's get practice started."

That makes you frown, "But Honoka and Umi aren't here yet."

"Umi and Honoka have a meeting with the school chairperson," Nozomi says with an apologetic smile.

Of course—your mother didn't tell you, nor did Honoka and Umi, but it's not a surprise.

"Do mind partnering up with me today?"

You blink, finding Maki twirling her hair in front of you, her gaze pointed away from you.

Somehow, her obvious awkwardness makes it easier for you to relax and give her a genuine smile as you say, "Of course not, Maki!"

Over Maki's shoulder, you see Eli shake her head at Nico.

But you return your focus to Maki, whose endearingly stiff mannerisms are much, much safer, and you ask, to stave off questions, "How's Rin doing in math?"

"What?" Maki looks at you blankly.

It's then that you remember catching a glimpse of Maki when she had supposedly gone home with Rin—another piece of evidence.

"Well, I mean," you shrug, rolling your neck to seem casual and absolutely not affected, "I remember Honoka and I had some trouble with this lesson last year." Actually, you don't know what lesson the first years are on, but you do know that you want to keep things safe.

"Oh?" Maki can't conceal her obvious interest. "It often seems that Honoka is the only one…."

Giggling a bit at Maki's stubborn blush, you shake your head. After all, it is true that you and Honoka are both kind of bad at math.

The difference is that you are better at self-study, whereas Honoka needs a little help to get started (and to keep going)—though, Umi has teared her hair out over you before, sometimes.

You sigh.

It's been a while, hasn't it? Ever since they joined the student council.

"What was Umi like, as a child?" Maki hoists you over her back as she asks.

Your breath hitches in your throat—whether because of the abrupt exercise or the abrupt question, you're not sure.

The first memory—or maybe memories that have blurred into one—is of Umi's scared amber eyes peeking at you and Honoka from behind a tree. Even after the three of you became friends, Umi had a habit of hiding behind trees or any other convenient thing.

But, you know, "Umi's always been brave."

Maki sets you down to switch roles.

"And Honoka?"

Again, your breath leaves your lungs.

You don't have any definitive first memories of Honoka. She's… always been there for you.

Except, she's not here. Neither of them are.

And then you feel guilty: you have friends here. Why aren't they enough for you?

"Kotori?"

"Oh!" you startle, nearly drop Maki. "Sorry, sorry—I just—I—"

"Hey, it's fine," Maki mutters, rolling her shoulders. "I'm sorry for asking."

You shake your head; you understand her frustration. "It doesn't bother me, honest. It's just…."

Just what?

It's weird, isn't it, having friends who want to understand?

"It's weird," you admit, meeting Maki's uncertain gaze, "to have friends." You take a deep breath. "Honoka's always been with me, and now that she's not, it… it makes me realize that I—I've relied too much on her and Umi.

"And it's hard to deepen my friendships with you all."

"Don't give up," Maki pleads.

"I won't bite," Nozomi laughs, slowing her pace even further to match yours and giving you a look that says she knows about your inner turmoil.

You laugh, too, because you just can't help it. The knot of tension in your sternum has kept you on edge for longer than you want to admit, and maybe it's time you let down your guard—your façade, even if you try really hard not to admit it.

But you can't deny the truth for long.

Up ahead, Umi is scolding Honoka for something; they haven't even noticed you falling behind.

Frankly? It hurts.

"It's such a beautiful morning, isn't it?" you ask, tilting your head back to blink at the clouds.

Soft blue and wispy white and the yellow glow of full morning.

When you return your gaze back front, you make eye contact with Umi: her amber gaze settles on you for a brief moment before it slides back to Honoka.

They know who they are, and you… you don't have anything to show for your efforts.

Nozomi shakes her head, and her voice is gentle when she tells you, "All the energy you spend simply trying, Kotori, is just as valuable as the end result," but it still feels like someone's crushing your heart in their fist.

Why can't they, your troubled thoughts, just leave you alone?

But you don't want to be alone—the thought of falling behind frightens you.

"Change," Nozomi sighs, a soft sound that's wistful and pained and loving, somehow all at once. She nods, "It can cause quite a stir sometimes, can't it?"

Isn't that why you invented Minalinsky? To not be lonely, to be brave, to try harder—to be able to live on your own, without Honoka and Umi holding you up. To cope with change.

Only, well, Minalinsky isn't supposed to exist outside of the café. You're not supposed to need her in your everyday life, in every single moment.

"Kotori," a hand settles on your shoulder, warm and firm and your legs twitch in that old habit of wanting to run away, "Please don't run away."

Your knees knock against each other; you stumble, but Nozomi tightens her grip on your shoulder: the guidance you rely on so much yet also resent.

Nozomi might not bite, but you know without a doubt that her words will linger on the edges of your thoughts, just like everyone else's words have. You don't want to face it. You don't want to, because the moment you do, you'll be faced with everything that hurts.

You are a mess of tangled yarn.

All it takes is one tug in the right place and you will unravel. Nozomi is just the person to discover which of the threads to pull.

Considering how jumbled your thoughts are, however, maybe any thread will work to disintegrate your already-frayed nerves.

"You know, we're all similar in a certain respect."

At that, you blink, frowning quizzically. You're pretty sure that µ's doesn't have group-wide similarities—with nine people, it's not very likely that you'd find something you all have in common.

Giving you a smirk, Nozomi says, "You have to look for it, since it's not something you usually think about. But, yes, everyone in µ's has this problem:

"We're bad at communicating—about ourselves, with our friends, when it matters most." Nozomi laughs, wry, her hand slipping from your shoulder. She adds, closing her eyes, "Look at how badly we've gone about this."

This.

Look at how badly we've gone about this.

She's talking about everything from Rin to herself, to all the little out-of-the-ordinary happenings that you've ignored and all the little hurts that have accumulated in the past few weeks that you aren't ignoring very well.

You can't run away forever.

"I promise," you whisper, "I'll talk to them."

"When?" Nozomi asks, still gentle.

"Soon."

"Kotori, do you want to have a sleepover at my house tonight?"

Your hands fumble with your notebooks, nearly dropping them as you gaze wide-eyed at Honoka and her unexpected offer.

You want to say yes so badly—

"But your student council work…." You hate to suggest that Honoka leave you again, but you know that Umi will get mad at Honoka otherwise, and you know how much it hurts Honoka to be scolded so much. It must be especially hard on her now that you're not around to keep Umi from going overboard.

Only, Umi materializes beside Honoka, murmuring, "A day's break will not hurt."

At that, your mouth drops, just a bit.

"See? It's okay!" Honoka insists, bouncing on the balls of her feet. "Will you join us, Kotori? Pretty please?"

"Us?" You look to Umi, who is determinedly keeping her eyes on a point somewhere past your shoulder; it's not reassuring… but you can't say no to Honoka.

You can say no, Kotori, if you want.

You have to, whether you like it or not.

When?

It's now or never—if you don't go today, you'll ever be able to muster up the courage afterwards.

"Sure," you smile. It's a real smile, too, warmth blooming in your chest because you can always trust Honoka to be on your side.

Honoka beams, taking you by the hand to drag you out the classroom; you barely manage to grab your bag.

"Don't manhandle Kotori like that!"

The warmth in your chest spreads to your fingertips: Umi still cares. She's on your side, too, even when you're on different pages.

But: you're still fighting against your cold feet.

When you walk to Honoka's house—so close to yours, yet so far away—all you can focus on is Honoka's chatter, until Umi pulls you out of the way of someone on a skateboard.

"Careful," Umi murmurs, her mouth quirking in a half-exasperated smile and her hand gentle around your elbow.

"T-thanks."

Further up ahead, Honoka commands, "Hurry up, you guys!"

You do just that, hastily moving past Umi, a blush burning your cheeks. Umi might be your girlfriend, but the two of you have been strangers lately and it's too awkward to linger.

Part of you begins to dread agreeing to this sleepover. What if the tension in your fingers bleeds into everything else, ruining the mood? What if the awkwardness that makes your tongue feel too big for your mouth gets in the way of your wish to be close to your friends?

Or what if you find out, definitively, that they no longer need you?

When Honoka leaves you and Umi in her room, you fear that the night will come crashing down before it's even started.

Umi keeps not looking at you.

All you can do is tug at your skirt and glance hopelessly at the door, wishing Honoka would come back already to spare you from this awful silence.

It used to be—comfortable, safe, warm.

You used to enjoy being alone with Umi.

Everything was fine before they joined the student council. Maybe there had been a bit of strain between Honoka and Umi, maybe it had hurt to watch your two best friends hurt each other, but—but hadn't that been better than this?

Guilt bubbles up in your stomach at the selfish, cruel thought.

"I've got snacks!"

"Manju?" Umi asks, perking up, and Honoka smiles an indulgent smile.

There's… something wilting inside you.

Honoka rocks on her feet, playful; it's then that you realize that she's holding her hands behind her back.

"Nope!" Honoka shakes her head, "sorry, Umi." She brings her hands forward, revealing—

"Ch-cheesecake?" you squeak. It's a simple one, dotted with strawberries and whipped cream, but your mouth waters nonetheless.

Setting it down carefully on the low table, Honoka nods proudly, "I made it myself!"

"Oh, thank you!" you fling your arms around her the moment she sits next to you, burying your face in the crook of her neck.

It's such a small thing.

"Eh?"

But it's important, and after a moment Honoka's arms come up to squeeze the life out of you; you almost start crying.

"You forgot plates and utensils, Honoka," Umi sighs. "Wait a moment while I get them."

There's a few seconds of silence while you try to sort yourself out and Honoka simply keeps you in her arms.

"Hey, Kotori?" Honoka's voice prods, cautious, like she always is when she becomes aware of how obliviously tactless she can be.

For all of your pain, you don't mind this part of Honoka's personality. It's just the way your best friend has always been.

So you pull back, smiling encouragingly at her as best as you can.

Her eyebrows are furrowed and her mouth is pulled into a troubled frown.

You wait for her to gather her thoughts—you'll always wait, for as long as it takes.

"I'm sorry," Honoka mumbles at last.

Just like that, your breath hitches in your throat—and Umi comes back.

You retreat into yourself.

Umi is meticulous as she cuts the cheesecake into even slices; maybe you're being overdramatic, but it's like that plastic knife is cutting into you.

'You three are so troublesome, so melodramatic.' Maybe Nico is right.

Honoka starts fidgeting with her fork and napkin, clearly impatient for Umi to finish distributing the cheesecake.

Well, Honoka's not one to beat around the bush or to wallow in silence—not when it comes to you and Umi. She's brave, and Umi's brave, and you are not.

You don't want to be a coward.

Being introverted isn't so bad. It's not just being introverted, though.

You have to make an effort.

Don't give up.

Can you take that step? Can you step out of your comfort zone?

Are you, Kotori Minami, capable of accepting change?

Your friends are.

"I—" your voice cracks.

Umi and Honoka look at you. There's guilt in Umi's eyes and there's pain in Honoka's mouth; it's like Nozomi said—you're all bad at communication.

So, that means that it's okay for you to learn now, right?

"I felt jealous—" Umi exhales sharply when you say that—"and lonely and abandoned and I don't know, I just… I miss you."

"I know," is Umi's response.

Honoka bows her head, whispering, "I'm sorry, Kotori. I didn't notice."

And while you can't blame Honoka for not noticing, you don't know what to make of Umi's answer; it hurts.

"But," and here, Honoka seizes your hands, "that's why—that's why we, me and Umi, tried to show you that we're all your friends, Kotori!"

"We missed the mark, quite badly," Umi admits, closing her eyes. "We meant to reassure you by demonstrating that you had more than us."

You take a deep breath.

"Is that why…?"

Honoka tilts her head, explaining, "We asked the others to help out! But—" her shoulders droop—"that didn't work out, did it? We should've… should've explained, right? That's why you were still sad, right?"

You exhale, shaking, wanting to pull your hands away from Honoka's.

"We weren't sure how to go about it," Umi sighs; she faces you, solemn and earnest. She says, "At first, when I realized how you felt…." She frowns.

"Tell us how you felt, Kotori," Honoka asks, pleads with her entire body in the motion. "Yukiho says that's the easiest way to fix things!" Her eyes blaze—she's pulling you forward, into the unknown, and Umi wavers to the side.

Just as they always have.

You need to make an effort. It's just like you've always done in the past—nothing new.

"I was jealous," you repeat. You watch Umi stand, you watch her until she settles on your other side, a few inches away. You confess, softly, "I was jealous of both of you. I wanted to have you both to myself… I felt so left out…."

There's an accusation on the tip of your tongue: hurtful words that you have never, ever said.

Breathing deeply, you say instead, "I know you were trying to help—I mean, I know that now, but I was caught up in the fact that it hurt and the change was so sudden and neither of you had any time for me anymore." You can't help that your voice cracks and that tears start welling up. "I missed you so, so much."

Honoka and Umi each take one of your hands, but Umi reminds you, "You are not alone without us, Kotori. That is what Rin, Hanayo, Eli, Nico, Maki, and Nozomi wanted to show you."

"I know," you whisper, squeezing your eyes shut.

Don't give up—don't give up on Honoka and Umi, don't give up on µ's.

"They're all my friends. I let them down."

"They understand," Honoka says, solid against your side. "They're your friends."

You have to make a stand.

"I know," you reply with a soft sigh, "but I'm going to do better."

"As long as you keep smiling, Kotori," Honoka declares, her arm coming up around your shoulders and Umi's arm slipping around your waist, "We're happy, too!"

Umi nods, pressing her lips to the side of your head, murmuring, "The three of us, and the nine of us. Together."

Don't lose your smile!

You smile, squished between Umi and Honoka.

"It looks like I owe everyone a thank-you."

Because: you have Umi Sonoda and Honoka Kousaka and everyone in µ's by your side.

"Also, please don't get mad," Honoka laughs nervously, "we asked your mom to let you join the student council and she said yes and now you have to stay after school with us to do lots and lots of paperwork."

You blink.

"So the cheesecake is actually to soften her up?"

"N-no…."

You laugh, and they laugh with you.

/\

a/n:

Huzzah! This is the definite last chapter of "Efforts and Changes." Surprisingly enough, considering how difficult it was to think of a plot line, it turned out a lot longer than I expected.

Thank you to everyone who reviewed: Rakugei, AshuraX, ALargeBear, Haru21, and DeadFlash27!

I'll be writing more for LL in the future, but I'm afraid it'll be a long while. Until then, please leave a review ^^ reviews are a good way to influence where I'm going, heh.

Total side note: I finally got around to watching the LL movie. Is it just me, or was Honoka visited by the spirit (?) of her future self? Not just in New York and subsequent return to Japan, but also during her childhood, when she was determined to jump that puddle and suddenly heard singing. That's honestly the first explanation that came to mind...?

Anyway, criticisms, questions, concerns, etc. are all welcome!