Summary: A bit of fix-it, a little cuteness and some puppy-piles. A four-year-old Naruto makes canine friends and grows up with them.

Warnings: AU, fluff and crackish humor, not-stupid Naruto, child abuse

A/N: I should stop reading fanfiction. When I read fanfiction, I get inspired to write fanfiction. Then I write fanfiction. This is turning out to be a problem.

Because then I don't write my own stuff. Oh, pox on me anyway. Please, send me some support while I try to convince myself that the overabundance of books in bookshops doesn't mean I should just give up and not bother the world with my graphomania.

x

Chapter One: Puppy Summoner

x

It was barely after dark, and they were already well on their way to getting drunk.

Stars came out, the sky lit up red and violet and green and yellow with fireworks, kids screamed and yelled and chased each other in between the stalls, hands sticky with sugar. Teenagers paired off, stealing a moment to cuddle here and there, while adults pretended to not see them. Most people celebrated, remembering the Yondaime who had saved them all, saved the entire village, at the cost of his life.

A few mourned quietly in their homes or in the silent spaces among other people, hoping to share in on a bit of the happiness to alleviate the pain of their losses.

And then there were this type: the ones who went straight for the sake to have an excuse to act like beasts. They cursed, teased one another and when they found a victim they cracked cruel jokes. Tomorrow they would go to their jobs as maintenance men, builders, accountants and cooks, but tonight they were celebrating their own worth.

"Kentarou-san, you won't believe what I'm seein'," said the man seated at the corner of the counter of an improvised bar. The bar was easily five times as big as the other stalls, with tall barstools in front of it and a few perpendicular counters for those customers who were willing to drink standing up. The amount of alcohol flowing was a lush if not entirely fitting tribute to the deceased former Hokage.

"You're right, Asoba-san," replied the one probably called Kentarou, even though they could mostly be differentiated only by their yukata. "I can't believe it."

"I love sake," a third man grumbled into his cup and motioned the barkeep to pour him another.

The whole group turned, one by one, until they were all staring at the child crouching next to an empty wooden box. The crate had been used to transport bottles, but now it was designated as kindling for the bonfire they would light later that night.

"Blond," one man said.

"Alone," another added.

"The right age," the woman behind the counter noted, eyes dark beneath her fringe, mouth down-turned.

"Filthy like a pig," Kentarou finished, grinning widely.

The child looked up at them through wide blue eyes and wiped its face into its mud-stained t-shirt. The action revealed a hint of six whisker-like markings under the layer of grime.

"Look at it," Asoba mocked. "It's harmless." To prove his assertion, he picked up his discarded dango stick and threw it at the brat.

He didn't hit the kid, and the stick fell flatly into the dust, but the boy flinched away anyway, and set off a wave of laughter among the men.

"Yeah," Kentarou said with tipsy satisfaction, and paused to down his sake. "Yondaime-sama was a genius. Sealed all its power away. It's just a retarded little bastard now." He spat on the ground.

"Look'im." The markedly drunker barber sitting at Kentarou's left gesticulated in the direction of the cowering boy, swinging his cup up and down and sloshing liquid all over his companions. He set the suddenly empty cup down, pulled out a box, and out of that box recovered a piece of fruit. "Oooh, wanna apple, lil' monster? Wanna?"

The boy shuffled closer, staying close to the ground, but he was staring at the candied apple – bright red like fire – with undisguised fascination. Probably never had seen anything like it, in whatever pit of hell things like him usually lived.

"C'mon, I'll give ya apple. C'mon-" The man lobbed the apple, more by chance than actual skill hitting his target straight in the face. "There!"

The child cried out and grabbed his eye, leaving the apple on the ground. Pity. It could probably still be washed. Even so it was more of a treat than he probably ever got.

"Pow!" cheered a stooped old man in a scruffy hat. "Right inna face!"

"Wanna 'nother one?" the barber inquired, pulling out another apple that was supposed to be a present for his own child, but whatever, they were spoiled little brats anyway, it was a lot more fun to hit this little beast in the face. Whoosh-pow! Ding-dong! Like a game.

"Is the lil' monster hurt?" he mocked.

He suddenly disappeared from his seat and his friends noticed him lying under the counter a moment later. Must have slipped off. They burst into laughter again – moron got so drunk he couldn't remain sitting upright. Hilarious!

"Is this a private party or can I join?" A pretty lady in an all-black kimono that revealed far more of her cleavage than it concealed sauntered down the aisle and shimmied up onto the recently freed barstool, attracting all eyes to the very interesting bouncing and stretching motions happening under the fabric.

"Drinks are on me!" Kentarou yelled out, waving his already significantly lighter purse.

"No!" Asoba protested. "On me! On me!"

"Don't argue, boys," the beautiful stranger said in a low, smoky voice. "There's enough booze to go around…"

While the band of clowns was otherwise occupied, a Dog-masked ANBU picked up Uzumaki Naruto from the ground, dusted him off and held him suspended from his collar, far enough away from his uniform to not get it needlessly dirty. He didn't want to even hazard a guess at where the kid might have been.

"Can we blow this popsicle stand?" inquired a slightly smaller ANBU, stepping out of the shadow between two booths. She – presumably – was wearing a mask depicting a Dove. "Before someone tries to test out a petard on the chibi."

"I've secured the primary objective," Hound replied in a monotone, and marginally lifted the kid hanging from his fist to present his evidence.

"On your six then, taichou," Dove replied. She raised her hands in a sign and vindictively hissed: "Kai!"

When the drunkards realised that their beautiful companion had literally vanished from their midst, they remembered they had been doing something.

By the time they turned around to search for the demon brat, he was long gone.

x

"Leggo!" the kid squeaked.

Hound summarily deposited the pipsqueak on the tatami in his own bedroom. His expression couldn't be seen beneath the mask, but it could be easily estimated. No one wanted a dirty, smelly little sewer rat tracking filth through their living space, but the only semi-viable alternatives were the ANBU Headquarters – which would basically mean leaving the kid in Ibiki's care, and after the last time the Hokage had put his foot down about it pretty definitively – and the Hokage Tower – which was empty, because the Hokage himself was busy with the festival.

This was, Hound tried very hard to convince himself, the lesser evil.

"Ouch," Naruto stated philosophically and rubbed at his throat. There wasn't even a mark there, so Hound refused to feel guilty about 'rough handling' or any such nonsense.

"You identified the perpetrator of the assault," Hound said to Dove, who was sitting on the edge of the roof with her legs crossed and chin propped up on one closed fist.

"Ya betcha," she confirmed. "The shitstain got drunk and fell off the barstool so unfortunately that he broke his neck. A tragedy."

Hound let silence spread between them for a while, and then nodded. "Good job, Hato-kun."

Dove snorted.

Another black-clad, masked ninja – Porcupine – landed on the railing of the balcony, regained his balance after a momentary hesitation, and coughed. "Emergency, Inu-taichou." He pointed to the left where in the distance curls of smoke wafted above the rooftops of Konoha buildings. "They're trying to set the Container's apartment on fire. No luck so far, but we could use your help dispersing the mob."

Hound glanced over his shoulder into the darkened bedroom. The scruffy child he had deposited there had pulled a bright orange book off the shelf and was trying hard to figure out how to open it.

"You're sure he's safe there?" Dove asked doubtfully, but with no overabundance of concern.

Hound shrugged. "Naruto-chan hasn't been taught to read yet. He just likes orange."

"Let's skedaddle, then," Dove suggested, and slid down the thin air to stand by Hound's side.

A moment later there was just the tiniest displacement of air suggesting someone had been there.

Naruto managed to open the book, but there was nothing interesting inside. No pictures, no orange, and it smelled icky. He left it lying on the floor and tried with another.

Boring.

Another one produced the same result, but he wasn't easily discouraged.

In the end he found that there was nothing interesting in any of the books or on the bookshelf, except a piece of rolled-up paper with a picture of a dog. Naruto was undecided on the point of dogs. Some were nice, friendly, a little gross with all the licking but they liked to play. Some were scary, angry, loud and wanted to bite him for no reason.

He guessed they were a lot like people, only there was a better chance to meet a nice dog than to meet a nice person. People all lied, anyway.

The dog picture didn't do anything, so Naruto left it lying on top of the discarded books and moved to search for something more interesting. There wasn't a lot interesting in the room – a couple of pillows, an empty bookcase and a dark piece of cloth slung over the back of a chair. Boring. What kind of bedroom didn't have a bed? Ooh, a desk. The desk was tall, so Naruto didn't see the top of it, but when he stood on tiptoes he could reach the tiny bottle near the edge.

His grip slipped.

The bottle fell and shattered. Some smelly dark liquid splashed out and all over the tatami.

Naruto startled and fell onto his bum. There was a crash, a whoosh, a pop, and then finally silence. He blinked.

Someone else blinked too.

Yet someone else let out a tiny, soft, questioning whine.

"Holy tailwag, puppy, did you seriously just butt-summon us?!"

Naruto looked down. He was sitting on top of the rolled up paper with the picture of a dog. It got scrunched up a bit, but not too badly, so he clambered off and patted it, trying to flatten it out. It helped a bit. Maybe.

He looked up again. The room darkened as clouds blocked out the stars outside, but Naruto had really good eyes. There were dogs. Not one, but two dogs. Little ones – little enough that Naruto could carry one of them. Puppies.

They were grey and probably soft and had big dark glinting eyes and spiky white shiny teeth. But they didn't seem to want to bite him, so they were probably the playing kind.

"Am not a puppy," Naruto protested, climbing to his feet and punching the air. "Am a Naruto."

"And you look like it, too," the first dog grumbled.

"Look like it," the other dog repeated in a girl's voice.

Naruto had never before met dogs that spoke like people. It made sense, though. How else would they lie, if they couldn't speak? Duh.

The boy-dog ran around, poked his nose into the dog-picture paper, sniffed, sneezed and said: "He did. He butt-summoned us. Wait till I tell Mum-"

"I'll tell Mum!" the girl-dog protested.

"Whatever," the boy-dog drawled. "We'll be lucky if she doesn't take it out of our fur. Didya haveta summon us right before the Presentation? I mean, I'd love to skip the circus, but I'll just have to make up for it later, anyway…"

"Yeah, didya?" repeated the girl-dog, baring her teeth menacingly.

Naruto brandished an orange book in defense. It wouldn't be much of a shield against teeth, but at least getting her nose swatted with it would hurt the dog a bit.

"Oi!" the boy-dog growled. "Simmer down, sis. He's a kid, and I betcha he's got no idea how he summoned us."

Girl-dog snarled. "He's stupid."

Naruto stomped. "I ain't stupid! Take that back!"

"You are stupid, too!" the girl-dog argued.

"You're both stupid!" barked the boy-dog, and a moment later there was a blur of two dogs fighting on top of a pile of books.

Naruto raised his bright orange shield to hide behind it and pouted. Stupid dogs.

"Enough!" another voice shouted, and Naruto flinched. It was a deep and authoritative voice, and it was angry. He crawled until he was completely hidden under the desk and hoped that whoever the angry person was, they wouldn't try to find him there. Or maybe Dog-the-ninja would come back. Then Naruto could explain how all the mess in the room was actually the dogs' fault.

"You two! What did you think you were doing?! And right before the Presentation?! Just wait until we are home-"

"But, Mum!" protested the girl.

The boy-dog yelped. "It's not my fault-"

"It's never your fault!"

"But it's not! There's this kid and he-"

"No, you're not telling it right, I will tell-"

"Silence!" ordered the same deep voice.

Naruto leaned forward and peered out around the table leg. There was big, huge grey dog, or maybe a wolf, and it was looming over the two puppies that had appeared earlier. Its eyes weren't red and glowing at least, so it probably wasn't a demon (but Naruto couldn't be sure, because his own eyes weren't red and glowing either, but people kept telling him he was a demon anyway). They were dark, and the dog was wearing square glasses.

Naruto stared. He had never seen a dog wearing glasses.

"Annai, keep your maw shut. Juuji, you have half a minute to explain why you're not attending your Presentation, and afterwards you can explain it to Grandfather."

The girl-dog gave a doggy scowl.

The boy-dog shuddered and hastened to speak: "We were summoned."

"If you won't take this seriously-"

"I swear on my left fang, Mum, we were summoned. The kid that's hiding under the table did it. He didn't even know what he was doing, just found a contract and pushed chakra into it, must have nicked himself on all the glass around – I don't think he can even read-"

The dog-Mum raised a paw and Juuji fell silent. She turned and squinted through her glasses in Naruto's direction.

Naruto tried to back away into the deeper shadow, but it was too late. She had already seen him.

"Come out here, child!" she commanded. She didn't sound as harsh as she did when she was scolding her dog-kids, but she still had a mouth full of very sharp teeth. Naruto definitely didn't want her to try and drag him out from under the table by biting his leg and pulling, so he toddled out and stood straight, as tall as he could.

The dog-Mum was still much taller.

"You do have a lot of chakra," dog-Mum said.

Naruto frowned. "That a good thing?"

Dog-Mum ignored him. "Very well, Juuji. This time it legitimately is not your fault. I will make your excuses to Grandfather."

Naruto could hear the boy-dog whispering: "Thank all that's canine…" and the girl-dog replying: "Thank Mum, more like."

Naruto wished he had a mum.

"And who are you, little summoner?" the dog-Mum asked, leaning down to look at Naruto eye-to-eye, so he knew she was talking to him, even though he didn't know anything about summoning.

"Am Naruto, dattebayo!" proclaimed Naruto. He punched the air, too, but not very much, because the dog was scary.

"Hello, Naruto-kun," she replied. "I am Kana."

"Hello, Kana," Naruto said, and thought: 'please don't bite me.'

"San," Kana said.

"Huh?"

"Call me Kana-san. Haven't your parents taught you to be polite?"

Naruto pouted. What did a dog know about being polite, anyway? For them it was all about the barking, the biting and the peeing on the lamp-posts. "Ain't got no parents."

Kana scowled. Naruto could tell, even though all the sharp teeth disappeared from sight. "Your guardians, then."

"Ain't got none!" Naruto repeated loudly. If she needed glasses, maybe she couldn't hear well, either.

Kana-san growled.

Naruto tried to back away, but there was a chair behind him. Drat.

"Where do you live, Naruto-kun?"

"In my 'partment," Naruto said, crossing his arms in front of his chest and pouting. He was grown-up enough to be on his own. Besides, the lying animal ninja came by all the time. He was fine. And there was always enough ramen to eat outside of the Orphanage. It was only inside he had to worry about going hungry.

Kana-san growled again, making the hair on Naruto's arms stand. "Juuji, Annai, tidy up here and return home. Naruto-kun, rub your hand on the tatami there-" her paw pointed at a big black splotch of ink, "-and press it to this paper- ah, that's it. Now, let's see about this apartment of yours…"

Juuji looked sideways at his sister and sighed. "Mum's adopting human strays… I think that's what people call irony."