Notes:

Yes the title is a reference to Deadpool's line about "the neverland mansion of a creepy, old, bald" Xavier. I couldn't stop myself.

Colossus

The girl – Ellie – leaned on him increasingly as they continued their slow trudge through the tunnels. He wished that she would let him do more, there was no need for her to push herself so much and it was not healthy, but she seemed stubborn. Piotr had followed Professor X's instructions and gone to fetch her, but all he had found was a burned out alley and several frightened looking policeman. After sending word to Professor X and learning that she had escaped down a manhole, he had followed. The smell in the sewers was horrible, but nothing was worse than finding Ellie – she couldn't be much older than sixteen or seventeen – in the condition she was in. She looked like she had come from a war zone. By her jutting bones and matted hair, anyone could tell Ellie hadn't had a real home in a very long time.

He had been warned that her mutation could be dangerous, but the explosion had still surprised him with its force and destruction, leaving him with barely enough time to change into his metal form. Everything in that section of sewer except for him, his uniform (which he had been told was fireproof but had never believed until now), and the girl herself had been vaporized or charred beyond recognition. When he had realized she intended to go with the Morlocks he had come closer than he ever imagined himself being to forcing her to come back with him for everyone's safety. He had been eternally grateful when she had decided to come with him.

But he wasn't certain Ellie was going to manage the walk back to the X-Van. The longer they walked the more she swayed and seemed to loose her balance, clearly exhausted from using her powers as much as she had.

"Do you need to rest?" he asked gently.

"No!" She glared at him and pushed away, taking two steps on her own before her legs. He caught her before she could fall.

"Ellie," he said gently, "please, allow me to help."

She glared at him. He was afraid of offending her farther and risk her deciding not to come with him or he would have been more insistent. Ellie seemed to be an incredibly stubborn girl who wasn't going to let him push her around, even if it might end up being for her own good.

"I can walk," she replied stiffly.

"Of course you can." He wrapped his arm around her, lifting as much weight as he could without picking her up, and they resumed their slow progress through the sewers. She could walk, but that didn't mean she should.

Piotr wondered if the smell bothered her as much as it did him, but then again, if she had been living on the streets as long as he suspected perhaps it was not so unusual to her. She seemed to be growing increasingly pale, but he hadn't seen any proof that she was loosing blood, so he just did what he could to keep her moving. The sooner they were able to return to the X-Van the happier he would be.

She stopped suddenly and without warning, which caused Piotr to nearly trip over her. The collusion caused them both to lost their balance.

"There is no shame in letting me help." She glared at him and he sighed, pushing matted hair from her eyes.

Judging by the look he received from her, she thought very differently. Ellie stubbornly pushed past him, taking a few shaky steps on her own.

He watched her move, shaking his head. "Ellie, you are going to hurt yourself," he scolded gently.

"I don't need help!"

"I would like to help you." There had to be some way of making Ellie see his point. If only he could make her realize that there was nothing wrong with allowing someone to take care of you. He was beginning to fear that Ellie would never see it that way. "You have had long day. Puts stress on your body. Normal."

She scowled. Normal didn't seem to be good enough for her. "Are all of you X-Men like this?"

He thought of Logan as he chuckled and quickly assured her, "No."

She muttered under her breath, it sounded like she was wishing one of the 'less annoying' X-Men had come for her.

"You know I can hear you." He wondered if she was trying to annoy him enough that he would leave. Had she changed her mind and wanted a way out that didn't require admitting to it? There was no telling with women.

She shrugged. "You're still here."

Perhaps this was why Professor Xavier had sent him. He was inflammable and persistent. "I have nothing better to do." She turned her back, her shoulders tensing, and he wondered if that was the wrong thing to say. So he continued, "There is nothing more important than helping others who may be confused or lost."

Ellie didn't argue with him about that. After a moment she looked over her shoulder and slowly nodded. "Alright."

He offered her his arm and she leaned on him heavily, allowing him to lead her from the sewers.

When they reached the manhole he had entered through he stepped aside and tried to let her go first out of politeness. She snorted. "I'm not wearing anything under this shirt."

He had (intentionally) forgotten her near-nakedness. "Alright. Can you climb?"

"I got here didn't I?"

He took that as a yes – it had better be a yes – and hurriedly climbed the ladder, glancing over his shoulder to make sure she was making steady progress. Somehow, it seemed to surprise her as much as it did him, she made it to the top and was soon back on the ground level. He replaced the manhole cover and helped her to stand. "We are almost there."

Ellie had either run out of things to say or she had run out of energy to say it with, either way she silently nodded and took his hand so he could lead her to the van.

"There," he said, spotting the X-Van and directing Ellie toward it. "We are almost there."

She nodded, clinging to his arm for dear life. When they were only a few feet from the van he finally gave up on watching her struggle, lifted her into his arms, and before she could protest he was placing her into the passenger seat. "Buckle," he instructed, shutting the door and moving to the other side of the van. When he sat down and started the engine she still hadn't buckled, instead she appeared to have fallen asleep already. Piotr reached across her and buckled her in before starting the van and pulling out of the spot, moving toward the X-Mansion.

He shook Ellie awake as they neared the gates. For a moment she panicked, as though forgetting where she was. Before Piotr could move to calm her she seemed to remember and relaxed of her own accord. "We are almost there," he said, pointing to the large gates in front of them.

Ellie gaped. He knew how she felt. The mansion was unlike anything he had ever seen before arriving, and judging by the way she sat up and stared in shock she hadn't seen anything like it either.

Illyana was waiting for them when the van pulled in, no doubt having been told of their arrival by the Professor or Jean Grey. Or perhaps she had been standing there since he had left. There was really no telling with her.

"You smell lovely," she informed them as they exited the van. "Where do you get your perfume?"

Ellie glared and for a moment Piotr was afraid she was going to explode again. She seemed to think better of it however, and looked at him demandingly. "This is my sister, Illyana," he said with a vague gesture and a pleading look, begging his sister to behave. "We call her Magik."

"Warhead," Ellie said, looking at Illyana as though sizing her up for a fight.

Illyana grinned at Ellie's chosen name – and her brother found himself thinking a desperate plea that she would remain silent – before turning to Piotr. "Jean's waiting for you." Illyana told her brother. "The Professor seemed to think you might need a doctor. I don't know where he got that idea."

Ellie clearly did need a doctor – and a bath and clothes that fit – but for a moment she looked as though she was going to refuse just to spite Illyana. Before she could make up her mind, Piotr put his hand on her shoulder. "Follow me," he said, pushing her away and gesturing with his head for Illyana to not follow them.

"What does she do?" Ellie asked as they walked away, clearly still sizing her up for a fight.

"Teleportation and… You probably do not want to know." Ellie looked curious, but thankfully did not push the subject, as he was not entirely sure how to explain it.

He led her into the mansion, hoping they didn't run into too many inquisitive students (or faculty) because he had no doubt they looked rather absurd between the smell and Ellie wearing his shirt as a dress. Thankfully most of the students seemed to be occupied with class, and although they did pass Bobby he seemed just as happy to stay as far away from the smell as he could.

Ellie seemed more alert after her nap, and she was still taking in the manor with wide-eyed appreciation. "You live here?" she asked.

"This is X-Mansion," he replied, nodding. "Professor Xavier's School for Talented Youngsters."

"That's the school you mentioned?"

"Yes. It is very good school." He thought to ask her how far she had gotten in school, but then thought better of it. It would probably be a touchy subject and one better left to Jean or the Professor. And if she went off again he was beginning to doubt her ability to survive it.

Ellie's breathing was growing rough again, no doubt she was still tired, and he placed a hand on her shoulder. "Come. Clinic this way."

Jean Grey

Jean smelled Piotr and the girl long before she saw them.

When they stepped into the clinic it took all of her medical training not to start laughing at the picture they made. Piotr towered over the much smaller girl (who was oddly enough wearing his shirt and possibly nothing else, but Jean had learned long ago not to question the X-Men) but some how she looked more frightening with her slightly wild eyes and hard face.

"We were in sewer," Piotr said, clearly thinking that would clear up the matter. Instead it served to confuse Jean more. "Jean Grey this is-"

"Warhead." The girl cut off whatever Piotr was about to say, meeting Jean's eyes as though challenging her to question what her real name was.

Jean chose to ignore the challenge. It was seldom worth it to fight with teen girls, and with her gifts if she wanted to know Warhead's real name she could. "Hello, Warhead, I'm Dr. Grey," she said, motioning them into the clinic. "How are you?"

"I found out I'm a freak, lost all my friends, burned off all my clothes, and haven't eaten in two days."

Warhead was nothing if not blunt and Jean almost respected her for that. Her situation hardly seemed to phase her. The thing that perplexed Jean the most was Piotr's wince at the last part as though he was unaware of it before then. "We can get you something to eat then," Jean said, placing a gloved hand on Warhead's shoulder. It was immediately shrugged off. "May I take a blood sample first?"

Warhead frowned. "Why?" Her eyes darted to Piotr as though trying to gauge his reaction.

"In case you're sick or injured." And because Jean wanted to see exactly how malnourished the girl was, and decide if she needed to start her on supplements or medications.

Warhead looked at Piotr who nodded encouragingly before extending her arm. At least she was willing to listen to someone. "Sit down," Jean said, turning away to grab the needle and disinfectant. She cleaned a large patch of Warhead's arm; not needing to ask what she was covered in to know it wasn't sanitary, before carefully sliding the needle into her skin. Warhead was completely stiff, staring at the far wall with vacant eyes, trying not to take in her surroundings.

Jean couldn't get a good read on her, her thoughts were too jumbled and almost painful to touch. "How old are you?" she asked as she turned away with her sample.

"Fourteen."

Piotr stared, clearly another thing he hadn't been aware of. Warhead was hard to gauge, her eyes were older than they should have been, and Jean could see why he might guess her as being older than she was: wishful thinking. "A wonderful age," she said, for lack of anything better.

Warhead shrugged.

There were other questions Jean would like to ask her too, but knowing Piotr he would appreciate if she waited until he left to ask Warhead about menstruation or pregnancy. "I imagine you'd like a shower, and I can bring some clothes down, I'm sure we have something in your size."

"Sure."

Jean smiled. "Follow me." Warhead hopped off the table and for a moment it looked as though she was going to fall over (Piotr readied himself to move and catch her), but she steadied herself and took a few stubborn steps toward Jean.

The doctor led her through the doors to the clinic's bathroom and quickly showed her how to change the temperature and where the soap was. "If you need anything let me know."

"Sure." Warhead said, already looking as though she wanted Jean to leave.

"I'll be right out there."

"Okay."

Jean was getting the opinion she was very unwanted at that moment. With a final smile and a promise to find her clothes she stepped out and shut the door behind her, turning to stare at Piotr. "What a kid."

He seemed amused. "Ellie is a very unique child. I thought she was older." The last part was added softly, almost sadly, and Jean opted not to comment on it.

"So that's her name?" Jean asked.

"Ah… It would be best if you did not mention that I told you."

One of those, Jean thought with a smile. There were all kinds around the X-Mansion, and Warhead wouldn't be the first to turn her back on her real identity. Ellie certainly seemed like too sweet and innocent of a name for the fighter she had met. "I heard nothing," she promised him.

"Very tired," he said, eyes watching the door she had vanished through with concern. "She has used powers two or more times today."

Jean frowned. "She's still walking?" she asked.

"She took nap."

"It shouldn't have been enough." The reading that she was able to get on Warhead, no matter how strange, didn't make her seem as worn out as she should be after such a day. Perhaps she was stronger than she looked. She would almost have to be to have survived what seemed like a wild life.

"Stubborn."

"Ah," Jean smiled. "And speaking of stubborn, you should probably wash too. Unless you like the smell of sewage."

Piotr grimaced, as though just remembering what he smelled like. "Good idea," he said.

"I'll let you know how she is later, I know how you worry." About everything and everyone.

He nodded, seeming relived, and turned toward the door. Jean's eyes flicked to a nearby panel, a read out of information on the shower. She gasped.

Piotr stopped in the doorway and looked over his shoulder with concern.

"She's turned the temperature of the shower to over 120 degrees."

Author's Notes:

Once again, one of the few things I know about Magik is that she likes to mess with her brother and has a wicked sense of humor. Piotr's hesitation to tell Ellie about her powers is because he's trying not to scare her off, and how do you explain to someone that your sister is basically the Queen of Hell?