Authors notes: I got inspired by playing Mass Effect again. It still makes me cry. I hope you enjoy this chapter, it was quite emotional to write.

Remembering Shepard

The atmosphere in the vast room sombre, conversation slow and quiet. People had gathered to remember the fallen, every solider who valiantly fought a fearsome enemy. But it was one they focused on. A woman who made miracles happen, ended centuries long grudges and reunited a galaxy. To some, she was a hero, to others, a blessing, but to a small group of people, she was a friend, a friend who left a void in their lives that could never be filled.

It was a month ago, that the search for Shepard had been called off. As time went on, it became real to everyone, the searching was pointless, she had gone. There was no body to bury, just memories to hold dear. It has been Anderson who announced that the Alliance had declared her killed in action.

The Normandy crew sat far away from everyone else. Every one of them feeling it was a sham. People coming to remember her and say nice things but they didn't buy it. They had doubted her, questioned her every move and now they acted as if they loved her. Liara rejoined their table, tears still running down her cheeks. She took the napkin that Tali offered, using it to dry her eyes, "What's wrong?" Tali asked softly, taking her hand.

"I found this in Shepard's quarters," Liara put a data pad on the table in front of her, sliding it towards Joker, "Shepard's final words. She wants us all to see it."

Joker picked it up, sighing deeply, "I'll go and give to Anderson. I need something stronger than this rat's piss," Joker got up from the table, limping slightly towards Anderson, who was deep in conversation with Hackett at the bar

Kaidan, unlike his follow crew members, hadn't said a word all evening. He was month three into his life without Shepard. Regret marred him everyday. After the Crucible fired, they were forced to leave Shepard behind, a decision every crew member couldn't stomach. Joker nearly broke the Normandy, racing to get back to her, but when they got there, Hackett told them that it was hopeless. They had found Anderson barely alive, the corpse of the Illusive man, but Shepard was nowhere to be found. Kaidan clutched on to Shepard's charred dog tags, running his thumb over her name, wishing this was a nightmare and he would wake up. The crew had come to rely heavily on each other in recent months, each of them, feeling the same dark cloud that rained over head. Kaidan knew that without each other, they'd fall apart, reeling in the shock of not having Shepard's sarcastic comments or kind words to make them feel better. She had become a mother figure for some the younger crew, someone they learned from and had tender, individual care from. For the others, she was their sister, a friend, shoulder to lean on, everything they needed her to be.

Sensing the mood among his friends, Garrus decided they needed to remember they'd had Shepard, instead of dwelling on the fact, they didn't any more, "Shepard would have hated it here. Remember the time she tried to stick a "Kick me" on Councillor Sparatus?" The Turian laughed at the memory of his drunken friend, taking up Joker's dare.

"Keelah!" Tali shook her head, laughter breaking through, "She was so drunk that day."

"What about when we finally got her real name out of her. Who'd have thought the biggest bad ass in the galaxy was called, Honey," Liara laughed, "That inspired a week of "Honey" jokes."

Jack smiled, enjoying the stories of Shepard, "My own favourite was, Shepard falling into that swamp. When we were planet side, disabling that geth signal, she tripped and fell in head first. I fucking laughed my ass off."

The table laughed, some of them had not been witness to it, "What happened?" Steve asked.

"Shepard came back to the Normandy, head to toe in angry red lumps on her skin. She wasn't happy at a two day stay in med bay," Dr Chakwas told them, "She was always a laugh."

"She was. She wasn't just a great CO, she was a great friend," James said sadly, hugging a tearful Traynor."

Joker returned to the table with two jugs of something blue, "Right, this is Shepard's favourite drink," He placed them down, before settling back into his chair.

Garrus poured everyone a drink, passing them around the table, "We were talking about our favourite Shepard moments, Joker."

"Do you remember, Prank week?" The pilot asked, causing most of the crew to groan.

"How could we forget that!" James huffed out, "I had to sleep with one eye open, all week."

Steve snorted, nudging his friend, "She got you good though. It took three weeks to wash that purple stuff off your head."

"You know," Kaidan finally spoke up, "We always thought we would always have her around. Took her for granted at times. I miss her."

"We all do, Kaidan," Tali soothed, hugging her friend, "It was an honour to say she was a friend."

Joker raised his glass, "To Shepard, the greatest ever CO there ever was."

"To Shepard," The crew said in unison before downing their drinks.

Everyone in the room turned towards the stage where Anderson stood at the podium, ready to make his speech, "We are here to today to remember the fallen. In particular, Commander Shepard. She was a strong, fierce leader. Incredibly loyal, a great friend and CO. I've known from the very beginning Honey Shepard was-" Anderson stopped when the giggles from the Normandy crew had been heard from the back, while whispers spread around the room. Anderson should have known they'd laugh at the name, he himself had teased her about it, "I knew from the beginning Shepard would go on to do great things. The first Human Spectre, Saviour of the Citadel and many other things. Soldiers like Shepard are very rare but she managed to find a crew of them. Women like Shepard, are even more rare. She isn't just a hero, she is a legend and she should be remembered for giving all that she had, when she asked for so little. Thank you," Anderson earned a round of applause for his speech, moving through the crowd to sit back down at the Alliance table.

Several others got up to make a speech about her, mainly notable figures from other races. Primarch Victus had been particularly kind in his speech about her, including a time when she had comforted him over the death of his son. Admiral Raan had given an emotional speech, feeling like the Quarians hadn't thanked her enough for the lengths she went to for them, even when she didn't have to. They all agreed that Shepard truly cared about people, she didn't see races, she saw individuals and judge them on the merits, rather than their home world.

The room went quiet as a large display screen had a picture of Shepard on it. Liara looked sadly at the crew, they knew this was her final words. As the vid began to play, everyone noted how casual Shepard looked as she lay on her bed, her long black hair slightly messy and hung around her face. This was the real Shepard on display.

"So I guess if your watching this, I didn't make it. I knew that I wouldnt. I've known for a a long time that I wouldnt see the end of this war. So I wanted to talk about my childhood first. I was raised in an orphanage, it was an awful place. I was raped there, several times, by twelve, I learnt that if I didn't stick up for myself, no one would, so I stabbed my rapist in the neck and I ran away from the home. I survived somehow and once I was old enough to enlist I did and I never looked back. Getting there wasn't easy, I stole to survive, to eat. One day, I saw this handsome Alliance officer standing with some other officers, obviously on shore leave, enjoying some drinks. I snuck up on him, while he was distracted by another kid, taking his credit chit from his pocket. I ran down the back alleys, thinking I was safe, then this officer walked up behind me. He laughed and said I had good skills. He brought me dinner and we talked. He told me all his stories in the military and I was spellbound. That was when I was sixteen, I counted down the days until I could join. Admiral Anderson gave me life."

Admiral Anderson smiled sadly. He remembered that skinny sixteen year old. She was a sweet girl, with a sharp wit and a keen mind. He encountered her again after that day when she was 22 and making her name in the Alliance. It felt unjust to him, her life had ended when she still had so much living left to do.

"Next I want to talk about my crew. All of them who served on both Normandy SR1 and SR2. My crew, my friends, my family, well, they meant everything to me. More everything, I lived for them. I never had people I could call family or friends that I could count on. Suddenly, I had this crazy mix of people, all of whom I love more than I could say. Garrus, the greatest Turian ever! Tali, give her a spanner and omni tool and she'll fix it, guaranteed. Joker, the best pilot in the galaxy, apart from Steve. There will never been two people who I could trust more to pull my ass out of the fire, than those two. James Vega, my muscle man, a terrible flirt and a damn fine solider. He doesn't know it, but he'll go far in the Alliance. Kaidan, my close friend, my shoulder and the man I love, I wish I told him that. Stupid frat regs. Anyway, Liara, she is a wonderful person and very wise. There are many others in my crew, I haven't mentioned but they are no less important to me. My wonderful engineers. Dr Chakwas, she has fixed me more times than I can count. Miranda, Jack, Jacob, Thane, Samara and so many more. It's been an honour to have you all on my crew. Thank you all for being there, for saving me, guiding me, making me laugh, for listening to me."

Everyone turned toward the Normandy crew, most of them were crying, heads in their hands, mourning someone they held so very dear to them. Kaidan sat, elbows on the table, head pushing against his fists. Regret churned in his stomach. She had felt the same way about him and now it was too late to do anything about it. He felt like firing up his biotics and destroying everything in the room around him. The injustice stabbed at his heart, like a million knives aimed at that very spot.

"I would like to mention some people I have met. Primarch Victus, a man kicked head first into politics and doing a fine job of keeping people alive. Admiral Koris, although we never really saw eye to eye, he's a good man, loves his people. He could do good things for them if they'd let him. Admiral Hackett, my superior and one of the best. Along with Anderson, he was my rock, I couldn't have managed without him."

"I have always tried to do the right thing. I know people doubted me, hated me, wanted me gone but I did what I had to do because I cared. I care about saving you, I care about ensuring that there will be a future for everyone. I regret many things. Losing Thessia, that stung really bad. It wasn't until then I thought I could fail. Watching that, made me doubt myself, what if I fail? What if I cant stop this war when people are depending on me. I don't want to let any one down. Too many people have died and I take full responsibility for that. I should have fought harder, made people see the truth, prepare us for this. I wish I could save everyone, but I'm just one woman, a woman who is burning out, who can feel the fight draining out of her. I would have like to have had more time. I would have loved to have had children, a few mini mes running about, causing havoc."

People in the room, started to cry as Shepard cried, tears running down her face, looking so scared and vulnerable.

"Well I guess if you are watching this, I know I did it. If my life has been given, then so be it. What is one life, compared to billions? Am I scared? yes I am, very scared, but I wont stop and I wont give in until this is done. I'm ready to sleep, to be free. Do not ever forget what we have achieved together. We have united and become strong. In my memory, remember to respect each other. Remember, no matter where we come from, we are all on one big journey called life, so sit back with a drink and enjoy the ride."

After the recording stopped, the room was silent apart from gentle sobbing and deep sighs. Everyone in the room felt the same loss, as if the centre of the universe had gone and they were all left adrift, wondering where they go from here. Joker stood up, drink in his hand, "To Shepard!" He called out, "The legend, the woman, our friend."

Everyone stood up, raising their glasses to an extraordinary woman.